Nada is going 6 feet under

[Guest guest]

Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now perhaps

I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped open again. 

(from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it again instead of

listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso signed away of dealing

with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral home asking about her

will, because I've been trying to make danged sure that I don't ahve any crap to

deal with since I would be considered next of kin.  Kinda sad if you look at her

obit, jst has when she died and 'arrangments by and funeral home.  No mention of

offical funeral arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who manipulate her the

most whatever you want to call them are planning a memorial for her.  I think

they also did it that way since they figured not realtives are rushing to step

forward and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way nobody can chase me for

her bs.  NOw

it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it and

ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

More later

Marie Coe

[Guest guest]

Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine that

you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the emotional

pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is good therapy

available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and meds that seem to

help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your mother chose instead to

relentlessly drive her family away from her with relentless negative,

destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be like that, but not getting

treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you well, and

I hope your road to healing will continue at a good pace.

-Annie

>

> Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped open

again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it again instead

of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso signed away of

dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral home asking about

her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure that I don't ahve any

crap to deal with since I would be considered next of kin.  Kinda sad if you

look at her obit, jst has when she died and 'arrangments by and funeral home. 

No mention of offical funeral arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who

manipulate her the most whatever you want to call them are planning a memorial

for her.  I think they also did it that way since they figured not realtives are

rushing to step forward and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way nobody

can chase me for her bs.  NOw

> it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it and

ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

> More later

> Marie Coe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine that

you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the emotional

pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is good therapy

available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and meds that seem to

help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your mother chose instead to

relentlessly drive her family away from her with relentless negative,

destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be like that, but not getting

treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you well, and

I hope your road to healing will continue at a good pace.

-Annie

>

> Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped open

again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it again instead

of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso signed away of

dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral home asking about

her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure that I don't ahve any

crap to deal with since I would be considered next of kin.  Kinda sad if you

look at her obit, jst has when she died and 'arrangments by and funeral home. 

No mention of offical funeral arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who

manipulate her the most whatever you want to call them are planning a memorial

for her.  I think they also did it that way since they figured not realtives are

rushing to step forward and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way nobody

can chase me for her bs.  NOw

> it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it and

ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

> More later

> Marie Coe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You're very right, now I no longer have to worry about her coming back to bite

me in the ass for anything.  Also that it was her choice not to get help. 

Even though she could have gotten help, she didn't refused...............

More later

Proflaf

Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, August 12, 2010, 7:17 PM

 

Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine that

you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the emotional

pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is good therapy

available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and meds that seem to

help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your mother chose instead to

relentlessly drive her family away from her with relentless negative,

destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be like that, but not getting

treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you well, and I

hope your road to healing will continue at a good pace.

-Annie

>

> Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped open

again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it again

instead of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso signed away

of dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral home asking

about her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure that I don't ahve

any crap to deal with since I would be considered next of kin.  Kinda sad if

you look at her obit, jst has when she died and 'arrangments by and funeral

home.  No mention of offical funeral arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who

manipulate her the most whatever you want to call them are planning a memorial

for her.  I think they also did it that way since they figured not realtives

are rushing to step forward and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way

nobody can chase me for her bs. 

NOw

> it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it and

ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

> More later

> Marie Coe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You're very right, now I no longer have to worry about her coming back to bite

me in the ass for anything.  Also that it was her choice not to get help. 

Even though she could have gotten help, she didn't refused...............

More later

Proflaf

Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, August 12, 2010, 7:17 PM

 

Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine that

you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the emotional

pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is good therapy

available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and meds that seem to

help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your mother chose instead to

relentlessly drive her family away from her with relentless negative,

destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be like that, but not getting

treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you well, and I

hope your road to healing will continue at a good pace.

-Annie

>

> Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped open

again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it again

instead of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso signed away

of dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral home asking

about her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure that I don't ahve

any crap to deal with since I would be considered next of kin.  Kinda sad if

you look at her obit, jst has when she died and 'arrangments by and funeral

home.  No mention of offical funeral arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who

manipulate her the most whatever you want to call them are planning a memorial

for her.  I think they also did it that way since they figured not realtives

are rushing to step forward and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way

nobody can chase me for her bs. 

NOw

> it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it and

ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

> More later

> Marie Coe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Doug,

> Thanks, my brain right now is going through some of the horrible

things she said to me over the years that I could never imagine telling

my son now in that manner, trying to deal with them, maybe you guys

can help. One of the most horrible things she said to me was that

she couldn't live without me, she said this after I told her that even

if dad and her got divorced that I would go with him. It's one

thing to say gee you make my life a lot better and I love you for

you. However to imply that she would physically die from the

lack of my physical presence or not having a relationship is pretty bad,

one should have more than just a child to live for.Â

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THIS MANIPULATION. IT IS FOG, FEAR OBLIGATION

GUILT, WHICH THEY USE EXPERTLY. ON ONE OCCASION, WHEN NADA AND DAD WERE

IN PROCESS OF ENDING THEIR MARRIAGE, SHE WAS HAVING A HISTRIONIC FIT,

THREW AN ASHTRAY AT HIM, AND SCREAMED. AS HE HEADED OUT THE DOOR, HE

SAID I DIDNT HAVE TO STAY, AND SHE MADE IT QUITE CLEAR IF I LEFT SHE

WOULD KILL HERSELF. OF COURSE, DAD SHOULD HAVE DRAGGED ME WITH HIM AND

SAID NO WAY AM I LEAVING A 13 YO BOY TO DEAL WITH THIS. I STAYED.

FOR YEARS THEREAFTER, SHE WOULD GIVE ME THE NO ONE LOVES ME , ITS NOT

WORTH LIVING, AND WAIT FOR ME TO COME IN FROM SCHOOL AND MAKE A FAKE

SUICIDE ATTEMPT WITH HER NERVE PILLS OR A KNIFE, THEN i WOULD TEAR THEM

FROM HER AND SHE WOULD COLLAPSE ON MY CHEST AND SOB YOU ARE ALL I HAVE I

JUST COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

ANY OF THIS SOUNDING FAMILIAR?

THE DAY BEFORE I GOT MARRIED, SHE TOOK ME ASIDE TO SAY NOW WHATEVER YOU

DO, JUST DON T EVER LET HER TAKE MY LITTLE BOY AWAY FROM ME. ( I WANTED

TO SAY, WOMAN SHE S ABOUT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR LITTLE BOY, SO THAT

PRETTY WELL TRUMPS THE GAME! ) INSTEAD I PLAYED THE GAME AS I ALWAYS

HAD, AND REASSURED HER.

IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO GET IT TO THE POINT OF REALIZING I WAS NOT PUT

HERE TO BE AN EMOTIONAL LIFE PRESERVER FOR HER.

I did have to go NC from her for my own sanity, she was smothering me

and I coudln't get through to the mental health community that she

needed their help, not my help, and that if she really needed my help to

that extreme degree she needed to be checked into a home with her

rights removed from

> her. I know I am not to blame for her death in any way shape or

form, however I wonder if they had her correctly medicated and

appropriately handled if she would have lasted longer. (They had her on

some pretty bad medications when I last dealt with her that were not

working, and the one that you could reason with her on they took off of

due to her diabetes.)

SPARING YOU ALL THE DETAILS, UNLESS YOU CAN CONVINCE 2 DOCTORS AND A

JUDGE THAT SHE IS A DIRECT DANGER TO SELF OR OTHERS, THEN , CRAZY BITCH

THAT SHE IS, SHE GETS TO MAKE HER OWN MEDICAL DECISIONS. NADA WAS ON

POWERFUL DRUGS, DEPAKOTE, TEGRATOL, XANIX, LORTAB, WELLBUTRIN, AND DID

NOT FOLLOW DR S INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT THEM, WHICH IMPACTED HER HEALTH. SHE

DIED FROM A TREATABLE ANEURYSM, FOR WHICH SHE DID NOT FOLLOW DR S

INSTRUCTIONS. SHE DENIED ME PERMISSION TO TALK TO HER DR S , OR HER

THERAPIST, OR FOR THEM TO DISCUSS HER TREATMENT WITH ME. SHE GASLIGHTED

WHAT THEY SAID TO MATCH WHAT SHE DECIDED TO DO. SHE WAS IN CHARGE. I AM

UTTERLY SURE THAT SHE DIED YEARS, PERHAPS DECADES EARLY, BECAUSE SHE

REFUSED TO TAKE HER MEDS CORRECTLY, GET HER ANUERYSM CHECKED, AND IT GOT

TOO BIG AND DISSECTED AND KILLED HER. SHE SPENT YEARS MISERABLE

BECAUSED SHE GAMED HER THERAPISTS AND DID NOT DEAL WITH HER ISSUES. IT

IS NEITHER MY FAULT, NOR THE THERAPISTS. NOR IS YOUR NADAS LIFE YOUR

FAULT. DON T BE TOO HARD THE HER T, BPD S ARE THE HARDEST PT S THEY

HAVE TO TREAT. AND THE BP WILL MANIPULATE AND LIE AND COLOR THE STORY

FOR YEARS. BOTTOM LINE, IF THE BP DOESNT DECIDE THEY WANT TO BE WELL

AND CO OPERATE WITH THE THERAPY, THEY WILL DIE THE CRAZY BITCH THEY HAVE

ALWAYS BEEN.

I VE WONDERED SOMETIMES, IF , AT THE MOMENT OF DEATH, THEY HAVE AN

EPIPHANY, AND ALL SAY, OH SHIT!

NAHHHHHH

BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF. YOU COULD HAVE DOUBLED YOUR EFFORTS, AND

UNLESS SHE DECIDED, NOT YOU, BUT HER, TO GET WELL, THERE WAS NOT A

BLOODY THING YOU COULD DO.

DOUG

One of those is it better to have to deal with the diabetes and a

person you can reason with or someone who is more like a grown up

toddler that you cannot get through to them at all. I also question

the therapists for listening to her lies. That's how my ndad was

improperly medicated was not the three year old mentality, more liek the

mentality of my near 2 year old son. On that medication that worked

you could deal with her like a 4 year old.

> Â

> I'm also relieved now though that for my own sanity I decided it was

best for me to get married and have my own family despite nada's wishes

for me not to because she wanted to isolate me because I have family and

friends who can support me though this time, without them I would have

been 31 and very alone in the world.

> Â

> I may deal with her creepy little friend who is responsible for the

will and see about the animals as that I never held a grudge against and

I if I could have taken them out of there and found them better homes I

would have. If she lets me have some of my items that nada greedily

kept away from me fine, if not I'll jsut steer clear.

> Â

> More later

> proflaf

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Doug,

> Thanks, my brain right now is going through some of the horrible

things she said to me over the years that I could never imagine telling

my son now in that manner, trying to deal with them, maybe you guys

can help. One of the most horrible things she said to me was that

she couldn't live without me, she said this after I told her that even

if dad and her got divorced that I would go with him. It's one

thing to say gee you make my life a lot better and I love you for

you. However to imply that she would physically die from the

lack of my physical presence or not having a relationship is pretty bad,

one should have more than just a child to live for.Â

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THIS MANIPULATION. IT IS FOG, FEAR OBLIGATION

GUILT, WHICH THEY USE EXPERTLY. ON ONE OCCASION, WHEN NADA AND DAD WERE

IN PROCESS OF ENDING THEIR MARRIAGE, SHE WAS HAVING A HISTRIONIC FIT,

THREW AN ASHTRAY AT HIM, AND SCREAMED. AS HE HEADED OUT THE DOOR, HE

SAID I DIDNT HAVE TO STAY, AND SHE MADE IT QUITE CLEAR IF I LEFT SHE

WOULD KILL HERSELF. OF COURSE, DAD SHOULD HAVE DRAGGED ME WITH HIM AND

SAID NO WAY AM I LEAVING A 13 YO BOY TO DEAL WITH THIS. I STAYED.

FOR YEARS THEREAFTER, SHE WOULD GIVE ME THE NO ONE LOVES ME , ITS NOT

WORTH LIVING, AND WAIT FOR ME TO COME IN FROM SCHOOL AND MAKE A FAKE

SUICIDE ATTEMPT WITH HER NERVE PILLS OR A KNIFE, THEN i WOULD TEAR THEM

FROM HER AND SHE WOULD COLLAPSE ON MY CHEST AND SOB YOU ARE ALL I HAVE I

JUST COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

ANY OF THIS SOUNDING FAMILIAR?

THE DAY BEFORE I GOT MARRIED, SHE TOOK ME ASIDE TO SAY NOW WHATEVER YOU

DO, JUST DON T EVER LET HER TAKE MY LITTLE BOY AWAY FROM ME. ( I WANTED

TO SAY, WOMAN SHE S ABOUT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR LITTLE BOY, SO THAT

PRETTY WELL TRUMPS THE GAME! ) INSTEAD I PLAYED THE GAME AS I ALWAYS

HAD, AND REASSURED HER.

IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO GET IT TO THE POINT OF REALIZING I WAS NOT PUT

HERE TO BE AN EMOTIONAL LIFE PRESERVER FOR HER.

I did have to go NC from her for my own sanity, she was smothering me

and I coudln't get through to the mental health community that she

needed their help, not my help, and that if she really needed my help to

that extreme degree she needed to be checked into a home with her

rights removed from

> her. I know I am not to blame for her death in any way shape or

form, however I wonder if they had her correctly medicated and

appropriately handled if she would have lasted longer. (They had her on

some pretty bad medications when I last dealt with her that were not

working, and the one that you could reason with her on they took off of

due to her diabetes.)

SPARING YOU ALL THE DETAILS, UNLESS YOU CAN CONVINCE 2 DOCTORS AND A

JUDGE THAT SHE IS A DIRECT DANGER TO SELF OR OTHERS, THEN , CRAZY BITCH

THAT SHE IS, SHE GETS TO MAKE HER OWN MEDICAL DECISIONS. NADA WAS ON

POWERFUL DRUGS, DEPAKOTE, TEGRATOL, XANIX, LORTAB, WELLBUTRIN, AND DID

NOT FOLLOW DR S INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT THEM, WHICH IMPACTED HER HEALTH. SHE

DIED FROM A TREATABLE ANEURYSM, FOR WHICH SHE DID NOT FOLLOW DR S

INSTRUCTIONS. SHE DENIED ME PERMISSION TO TALK TO HER DR S , OR HER

THERAPIST, OR FOR THEM TO DISCUSS HER TREATMENT WITH ME. SHE GASLIGHTED

WHAT THEY SAID TO MATCH WHAT SHE DECIDED TO DO. SHE WAS IN CHARGE. I AM

UTTERLY SURE THAT SHE DIED YEARS, PERHAPS DECADES EARLY, BECAUSE SHE

REFUSED TO TAKE HER MEDS CORRECTLY, GET HER ANUERYSM CHECKED, AND IT GOT

TOO BIG AND DISSECTED AND KILLED HER. SHE SPENT YEARS MISERABLE

BECAUSED SHE GAMED HER THERAPISTS AND DID NOT DEAL WITH HER ISSUES. IT

IS NEITHER MY FAULT, NOR THE THERAPISTS. NOR IS YOUR NADAS LIFE YOUR

FAULT. DON T BE TOO HARD THE HER T, BPD S ARE THE HARDEST PT S THEY

HAVE TO TREAT. AND THE BP WILL MANIPULATE AND LIE AND COLOR THE STORY

FOR YEARS. BOTTOM LINE, IF THE BP DOESNT DECIDE THEY WANT TO BE WELL

AND CO OPERATE WITH THE THERAPY, THEY WILL DIE THE CRAZY BITCH THEY HAVE

ALWAYS BEEN.

I VE WONDERED SOMETIMES, IF , AT THE MOMENT OF DEATH, THEY HAVE AN

EPIPHANY, AND ALL SAY, OH SHIT!

NAHHHHHH

BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF. YOU COULD HAVE DOUBLED YOUR EFFORTS, AND

UNLESS SHE DECIDED, NOT YOU, BUT HER, TO GET WELL, THERE WAS NOT A

BLOODY THING YOU COULD DO.

DOUG

One of those is it better to have to deal with the diabetes and a

person you can reason with or someone who is more like a grown up

toddler that you cannot get through to them at all. I also question

the therapists for listening to her lies. That's how my ndad was

improperly medicated was not the three year old mentality, more liek the

mentality of my near 2 year old son. On that medication that worked

you could deal with her like a 4 year old.

> Â

> I'm also relieved now though that for my own sanity I decided it was

best for me to get married and have my own family despite nada's wishes

for me not to because she wanted to isolate me because I have family and

friends who can support me though this time, without them I would have

been 31 and very alone in the world.

> Â

> I may deal with her creepy little friend who is responsible for the

will and see about the animals as that I never held a grudge against and

I if I could have taken them out of there and found them better homes I

would have. If she lets me have some of my items that nada greedily

kept away from me fine, if not I'll jsut steer clear.

> Â

> More later

> proflaf

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Doug,

> Thanks, my brain right now is going through some of the horrible

things she said to me over the years that I could never imagine telling

my son now in that manner, trying to deal with them, maybe you guys

can help. One of the most horrible things she said to me was that

she couldn't live without me, she said this after I told her that even

if dad and her got divorced that I would go with him. It's one

thing to say gee you make my life a lot better and I love you for

you. However to imply that she would physically die from the

lack of my physical presence or not having a relationship is pretty bad,

one should have more than just a child to live for.Â

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THIS MANIPULATION. IT IS FOG, FEAR OBLIGATION

GUILT, WHICH THEY USE EXPERTLY. ON ONE OCCASION, WHEN NADA AND DAD WERE

IN PROCESS OF ENDING THEIR MARRIAGE, SHE WAS HAVING A HISTRIONIC FIT,

THREW AN ASHTRAY AT HIM, AND SCREAMED. AS HE HEADED OUT THE DOOR, HE

SAID I DIDNT HAVE TO STAY, AND SHE MADE IT QUITE CLEAR IF I LEFT SHE

WOULD KILL HERSELF. OF COURSE, DAD SHOULD HAVE DRAGGED ME WITH HIM AND

SAID NO WAY AM I LEAVING A 13 YO BOY TO DEAL WITH THIS. I STAYED.

FOR YEARS THEREAFTER, SHE WOULD GIVE ME THE NO ONE LOVES ME , ITS NOT

WORTH LIVING, AND WAIT FOR ME TO COME IN FROM SCHOOL AND MAKE A FAKE

SUICIDE ATTEMPT WITH HER NERVE PILLS OR A KNIFE, THEN i WOULD TEAR THEM

FROM HER AND SHE WOULD COLLAPSE ON MY CHEST AND SOB YOU ARE ALL I HAVE I

JUST COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

ANY OF THIS SOUNDING FAMILIAR?

THE DAY BEFORE I GOT MARRIED, SHE TOOK ME ASIDE TO SAY NOW WHATEVER YOU

DO, JUST DON T EVER LET HER TAKE MY LITTLE BOY AWAY FROM ME. ( I WANTED

TO SAY, WOMAN SHE S ABOUT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR LITTLE BOY, SO THAT

PRETTY WELL TRUMPS THE GAME! ) INSTEAD I PLAYED THE GAME AS I ALWAYS

HAD, AND REASSURED HER.

IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO GET IT TO THE POINT OF REALIZING I WAS NOT PUT

HERE TO BE AN EMOTIONAL LIFE PRESERVER FOR HER.

I did have to go NC from her for my own sanity, she was smothering me

and I coudln't get through to the mental health community that she

needed their help, not my help, and that if she really needed my help to

that extreme degree she needed to be checked into a home with her

rights removed from

> her. I know I am not to blame for her death in any way shape or

form, however I wonder if they had her correctly medicated and

appropriately handled if she would have lasted longer. (They had her on

some pretty bad medications when I last dealt with her that were not

working, and the one that you could reason with her on they took off of

due to her diabetes.)

SPARING YOU ALL THE DETAILS, UNLESS YOU CAN CONVINCE 2 DOCTORS AND A

JUDGE THAT SHE IS A DIRECT DANGER TO SELF OR OTHERS, THEN , CRAZY BITCH

THAT SHE IS, SHE GETS TO MAKE HER OWN MEDICAL DECISIONS. NADA WAS ON

POWERFUL DRUGS, DEPAKOTE, TEGRATOL, XANIX, LORTAB, WELLBUTRIN, AND DID

NOT FOLLOW DR S INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT THEM, WHICH IMPACTED HER HEALTH. SHE

DIED FROM A TREATABLE ANEURYSM, FOR WHICH SHE DID NOT FOLLOW DR S

INSTRUCTIONS. SHE DENIED ME PERMISSION TO TALK TO HER DR S , OR HER

THERAPIST, OR FOR THEM TO DISCUSS HER TREATMENT WITH ME. SHE GASLIGHTED

WHAT THEY SAID TO MATCH WHAT SHE DECIDED TO DO. SHE WAS IN CHARGE. I AM

UTTERLY SURE THAT SHE DIED YEARS, PERHAPS DECADES EARLY, BECAUSE SHE

REFUSED TO TAKE HER MEDS CORRECTLY, GET HER ANUERYSM CHECKED, AND IT GOT

TOO BIG AND DISSECTED AND KILLED HER. SHE SPENT YEARS MISERABLE

BECAUSED SHE GAMED HER THERAPISTS AND DID NOT DEAL WITH HER ISSUES. IT

IS NEITHER MY FAULT, NOR THE THERAPISTS. NOR IS YOUR NADAS LIFE YOUR

FAULT. DON T BE TOO HARD THE HER T, BPD S ARE THE HARDEST PT S THEY

HAVE TO TREAT. AND THE BP WILL MANIPULATE AND LIE AND COLOR THE STORY

FOR YEARS. BOTTOM LINE, IF THE BP DOESNT DECIDE THEY WANT TO BE WELL

AND CO OPERATE WITH THE THERAPY, THEY WILL DIE THE CRAZY BITCH THEY HAVE

ALWAYS BEEN.

I VE WONDERED SOMETIMES, IF , AT THE MOMENT OF DEATH, THEY HAVE AN

EPIPHANY, AND ALL SAY, OH SHIT!

NAHHHHHH

BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF. YOU COULD HAVE DOUBLED YOUR EFFORTS, AND

UNLESS SHE DECIDED, NOT YOU, BUT HER, TO GET WELL, THERE WAS NOT A

BLOODY THING YOU COULD DO.

DOUG

One of those is it better to have to deal with the diabetes and a

person you can reason with or someone who is more like a grown up

toddler that you cannot get through to them at all. I also question

the therapists for listening to her lies. That's how my ndad was

improperly medicated was not the three year old mentality, more liek the

mentality of my near 2 year old son. On that medication that worked

you could deal with her like a 4 year old.

> Â

> I'm also relieved now though that for my own sanity I decided it was

best for me to get married and have my own family despite nada's wishes

for me not to because she wanted to isolate me because I have family and

friends who can support me though this time, without them I would have

been 31 and very alone in the world.

> Â

> I may deal with her creepy little friend who is responsible for the

will and see about the animals as that I never held a grudge against and

I if I could have taken them out of there and found them better homes I

would have. If she lets me have some of my items that nada greedily

kept away from me fine, if not I'll jsut steer clear.

> Â

> More later

> proflaf

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Doug,

All to familiar. My nada wasn't physically abusive, but she could lay it on

thick emotinally.  The way she berated my dad I personally felt like he should

have told her you ungrateful little brat, I do so much for you and all you do is

berate me and got up and walked away.  Like a pushover he always stayed and put

up with it, wanted to punch her lights out for treating him the way she did.

I made sure she didn't show up on my wedding day.  Let's say she told me one

time that she never wanted me to get married, that was second to last straw next

to the bs with her doctors as for making me go NC.  I knew that one day she

would die and did not want to be alone which is what I would have been if I had

given her her wish.

Good point with the therapists, however I think it was extremely inappropirate

of her therapists to tell dad and I to put up with her crap and oh she doesn't

mean to.  THey should have told her if you act like a jerk nobody will be

around you.  I think the other thing that should have been done which I do not

believe was ever done in her case was to sit her down and tell her her true

diagnosis, I think some say don't tell them but I think they should because then

they can really deal with their problems, if they dunno they have a problem,

they can't properly deal with it, nor can they get proper treatment if they have

the wrong diagnosis.  Where I live however there are very few quality

psyciatrists, only two really reputable ones and a bunch of idiots and good

therapists are few and far between.  Let alone for BPD.  I've only had one T

really help me and the rest of them were pretty much a waste of money.  PUlled

the let me tell you what to do

with your life instead of allowing me to do what was right for me and teach me

skills to deal with my feelings.  It took me a long time to overcome them and

the last therapist I went to agreed that sometimes it can do more damage than

good because some can loose that ablitiy and confidence in making their own

decisions.  THe other problem I had before I went NC and even after for awhile

was that they swore up and down that nada wouldn't play any more games with me

and usually were wrong, I just got better at sniffing out her traps and avoiding

them.

I wonder too if in the next life if they realize their illness and change, kinda

wonder though, my dad and I were very close, close enough that I could sense it

the moment he died, I got a sense from him the other day that he has told her

off whereever they are.  (He died 7 years almost to the day of nada)  Could be

my brain being wishful.

Thanks you've helped me a lot to remind myself there was nothing I could have

done only to been in worse shape myself.

proflaf

Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, August 13, 2010, 6:06 PM

 

>

> Doug,

> Thanks, my brain right now is going through some of the horrible

things she said to me over the years that I could never imagine telling

my son now in that manner, trying to deal with them, maybe you guys

can help. One of the most horrible things she said to me was that

she couldn't live without me, she said this after I told her that even

if dad and her got divorced that I would go with him. It's one

thing to say gee you make my life a lot better and I love you for

you. However to imply that she would physically die from the

lack of my physical presence or not having a relationship is pretty bad,

one should have more than just a child to live for.Â

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THIS MANIPULATION. IT IS FOG, FEAR OBLIGATION

GUILT, WHICH THEY USE EXPERTLY. ON ONE OCCASION, WHEN NADA AND DAD WERE

IN PROCESS OF ENDING THEIR MARRIAGE, SHE WAS HAVING A HISTRIONIC FIT,

THREW AN ASHTRAY AT HIM, AND SCREAMED. AS HE HEADED OUT THE DOOR, HE

SAID I DIDNT HAVE TO STAY, AND SHE MADE IT QUITE CLEAR IF I LEFT SHE

WOULD KILL HERSELF. OF COURSE, DAD SHOULD HAVE DRAGGED ME WITH HIM AND

SAID NO WAY AM I LEAVING A 13 YO BOY TO DEAL WITH THIS. I STAYED.

FOR YEARS THEREAFTER, SHE WOULD GIVE ME THE NO ONE LOVES ME , ITS NOT

WORTH LIVING, AND WAIT FOR ME TO COME IN FROM SCHOOL AND MAKE A FAKE

SUICIDE ATTEMPT WITH HER NERVE PILLS OR A KNIFE, THEN i WOULD TEAR THEM

FROM HER AND SHE WOULD COLLAPSE ON MY CHEST AND SOB YOU ARE ALL I HAVE I

JUST COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

ANY OF THIS SOUNDING FAMILIAR?

THE DAY BEFORE I GOT MARRIED, SHE TOOK ME ASIDE TO SAY NOW WHATEVER YOU

DO, JUST DON T EVER LET HER TAKE MY LITTLE BOY AWAY FROM ME. ( I WANTED

TO SAY, WOMAN SHE S ABOUT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR LITTLE BOY, SO THAT

PRETTY WELL TRUMPS THE GAME! ) INSTEAD I PLAYED THE GAME AS I ALWAYS

HAD, AND REASSURED HER.

IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO GET IT TO THE POINT OF REALIZING I WAS NOT PUT

HERE TO BE AN EMOTIONAL LIFE PRESERVER FOR HER.

I did have to go NC from her for my own sanity, she was smothering me

and I coudln't get through to the mental health community that she

needed their help, not my help, and that if she really needed my help to

that extreme degree she needed to be checked into a home with her

rights removed from

> her. I know I am not to blame for her death in any way shape or

form, however I wonder if they had her correctly medicated and

appropriately handled if she would have lasted longer. (They had her on

some pretty bad medications when I last dealt with her that were not

working, and the one that you could reason with her on they took off of

due to her diabetes.)

SPARING YOU ALL THE DETAILS, UNLESS YOU CAN CONVINCE 2 DOCTORS AND A

JUDGE THAT SHE IS A DIRECT DANGER TO SELF OR OTHERS, THEN , CRAZY BITCH

THAT SHE IS, SHE GETS TO MAKE HER OWN MEDICAL DECISIONS. NADA WAS ON

POWERFUL DRUGS, DEPAKOTE, TEGRATOL, XANIX, LORTAB, WELLBUTRIN, AND DID

NOT FOLLOW DR S INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT THEM, WHICH IMPACTED HER HEALTH. SHE

DIED FROM A TREATABLE ANEURYSM, FOR WHICH SHE DID NOT FOLLOW DR S

INSTRUCTIONS. SHE DENIED ME PERMISSION TO TALK TO HER DR S , OR HER

THERAPIST, OR FOR THEM TO DISCUSS HER TREATMENT WITH ME. SHE GASLIGHTED

WHAT THEY SAID TO MATCH WHAT SHE DECIDED TO DO. SHE WAS IN CHARGE. I AM

UTTERLY SURE THAT SHE DIED YEARS, PERHAPS DECADES EARLY, BECAUSE SHE

REFUSED TO TAKE HER MEDS CORRECTLY, GET HER ANUERYSM CHECKED, AND IT GOT

TOO BIG AND DISSECTED AND KILLED HER. SHE SPENT YEARS MISERABLE

BECAUSED SHE GAMED HER THERAPISTS AND DID NOT DEAL WITH HER ISSUES. IT

IS NEITHER MY FAULT, NOR THE THERAPISTS. NOR IS YOUR NADAS LIFE YOUR

FAULT. DON T BE TOO HARD THE HER T, BPD S ARE THE HARDEST PT S THEY

HAVE TO TREAT. AND THE BP WILL MANIPULATE AND LIE AND COLOR THE STORY

FOR YEARS. BOTTOM LINE, IF THE BP DOESNT DECIDE THEY WANT TO BE WELL

AND CO OPERATE WITH THE THERAPY, THEY WILL DIE THE CRAZY BITCH THEY HAVE

ALWAYS BEEN.

I VE WONDERED SOMETIMES, IF , AT THE MOMENT OF DEATH, THEY HAVE AN

EPIPHANY, AND ALL SAY, OH SHIT!

NAHHHHHH

BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF. YOU COULD HAVE DOUBLED YOUR EFFORTS, AND

UNLESS SHE DECIDED, NOT YOU, BUT HER, TO GET WELL, THERE WAS NOT A

BLOODY THING YOU COULD DO.

DOUG

One of those is it better to have to deal with the diabetes and a

person you can reason with or someone who is more like a grown up

toddler that you cannot get through to them at all. I also question

the therapists for listening to her lies. That's how my ndad was

improperly medicated was not the three year old mentality, more liek the

mentality of my near 2 year old son. On that medication that worked

you could deal with her like a 4 year old.

> Â

> I'm also relieved now though that for my own sanity I decided it was

best for me to get married and have my own family despite nada's wishes

for me not to because she wanted to isolate me because I have family and

friends who can support me though this time, without them I would have

been 31 and very alone in the world.

> Â

> I may deal with her creepy little friend who is responsible for the

will and see about the animals as that I never held a grudge against and

I if I could have taken them out of there and found them better homes I

would have. If she lets me have some of my items that nada greedily

kept away from me fine, if not I'll jsut steer clear.

> Â

> More later

> proflaf

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Doug,

All to familiar. My nada wasn't physically abusive, but she could lay it on

thick emotinally.  The way she berated my dad I personally felt like he should

have told her you ungrateful little brat, I do so much for you and all you do is

berate me and got up and walked away.  Like a pushover he always stayed and put

up with it, wanted to punch her lights out for treating him the way she did.

I made sure she didn't show up on my wedding day.  Let's say she told me one

time that she never wanted me to get married, that was second to last straw next

to the bs with her doctors as for making me go NC.  I knew that one day she

would die and did not want to be alone which is what I would have been if I had

given her her wish.

Good point with the therapists, however I think it was extremely inappropirate

of her therapists to tell dad and I to put up with her crap and oh she doesn't

mean to.  THey should have told her if you act like a jerk nobody will be

around you.  I think the other thing that should have been done which I do not

believe was ever done in her case was to sit her down and tell her her true

diagnosis, I think some say don't tell them but I think they should because then

they can really deal with their problems, if they dunno they have a problem,

they can't properly deal with it, nor can they get proper treatment if they have

the wrong diagnosis.  Where I live however there are very few quality

psyciatrists, only two really reputable ones and a bunch of idiots and good

therapists are few and far between.  Let alone for BPD.  I've only had one T

really help me and the rest of them were pretty much a waste of money.  PUlled

the let me tell you what to do

with your life instead of allowing me to do what was right for me and teach me

skills to deal with my feelings.  It took me a long time to overcome them and

the last therapist I went to agreed that sometimes it can do more damage than

good because some can loose that ablitiy and confidence in making their own

decisions.  THe other problem I had before I went NC and even after for awhile

was that they swore up and down that nada wouldn't play any more games with me

and usually were wrong, I just got better at sniffing out her traps and avoiding

them.

I wonder too if in the next life if they realize their illness and change, kinda

wonder though, my dad and I were very close, close enough that I could sense it

the moment he died, I got a sense from him the other day that he has told her

off whereever they are.  (He died 7 years almost to the day of nada)  Could be

my brain being wishful.

Thanks you've helped me a lot to remind myself there was nothing I could have

done only to been in worse shape myself.

proflaf

Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, August 13, 2010, 6:06 PM

 

>

> Doug,

> Thanks, my brain right now is going through some of the horrible

things she said to me over the years that I could never imagine telling

my son now in that manner, trying to deal with them, maybe you guys

can help. One of the most horrible things she said to me was that

she couldn't live without me, she said this after I told her that even

if dad and her got divorced that I would go with him. It's one

thing to say gee you make my life a lot better and I love you for

you. However to imply that she would physically die from the

lack of my physical presence or not having a relationship is pretty bad,

one should have more than just a child to live for.Â

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THIS MANIPULATION. IT IS FOG, FEAR OBLIGATION

GUILT, WHICH THEY USE EXPERTLY. ON ONE OCCASION, WHEN NADA AND DAD WERE

IN PROCESS OF ENDING THEIR MARRIAGE, SHE WAS HAVING A HISTRIONIC FIT,

THREW AN ASHTRAY AT HIM, AND SCREAMED. AS HE HEADED OUT THE DOOR, HE

SAID I DIDNT HAVE TO STAY, AND SHE MADE IT QUITE CLEAR IF I LEFT SHE

WOULD KILL HERSELF. OF COURSE, DAD SHOULD HAVE DRAGGED ME WITH HIM AND

SAID NO WAY AM I LEAVING A 13 YO BOY TO DEAL WITH THIS. I STAYED.

FOR YEARS THEREAFTER, SHE WOULD GIVE ME THE NO ONE LOVES ME , ITS NOT

WORTH LIVING, AND WAIT FOR ME TO COME IN FROM SCHOOL AND MAKE A FAKE

SUICIDE ATTEMPT WITH HER NERVE PILLS OR A KNIFE, THEN i WOULD TEAR THEM

FROM HER AND SHE WOULD COLLAPSE ON MY CHEST AND SOB YOU ARE ALL I HAVE I

JUST COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

ANY OF THIS SOUNDING FAMILIAR?

THE DAY BEFORE I GOT MARRIED, SHE TOOK ME ASIDE TO SAY NOW WHATEVER YOU

DO, JUST DON T EVER LET HER TAKE MY LITTLE BOY AWAY FROM ME. ( I WANTED

TO SAY, WOMAN SHE S ABOUT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR LITTLE BOY, SO THAT

PRETTY WELL TRUMPS THE GAME! ) INSTEAD I PLAYED THE GAME AS I ALWAYS

HAD, AND REASSURED HER.

IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO GET IT TO THE POINT OF REALIZING I WAS NOT PUT

HERE TO BE AN EMOTIONAL LIFE PRESERVER FOR HER.

I did have to go NC from her for my own sanity, she was smothering me

and I coudln't get through to the mental health community that she

needed their help, not my help, and that if she really needed my help to

that extreme degree she needed to be checked into a home with her

rights removed from

> her. I know I am not to blame for her death in any way shape or

form, however I wonder if they had her correctly medicated and

appropriately handled if she would have lasted longer. (They had her on

some pretty bad medications when I last dealt with her that were not

working, and the one that you could reason with her on they took off of

due to her diabetes.)

SPARING YOU ALL THE DETAILS, UNLESS YOU CAN CONVINCE 2 DOCTORS AND A

JUDGE THAT SHE IS A DIRECT DANGER TO SELF OR OTHERS, THEN , CRAZY BITCH

THAT SHE IS, SHE GETS TO MAKE HER OWN MEDICAL DECISIONS. NADA WAS ON

POWERFUL DRUGS, DEPAKOTE, TEGRATOL, XANIX, LORTAB, WELLBUTRIN, AND DID

NOT FOLLOW DR S INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT THEM, WHICH IMPACTED HER HEALTH. SHE

DIED FROM A TREATABLE ANEURYSM, FOR WHICH SHE DID NOT FOLLOW DR S

INSTRUCTIONS. SHE DENIED ME PERMISSION TO TALK TO HER DR S , OR HER

THERAPIST, OR FOR THEM TO DISCUSS HER TREATMENT WITH ME. SHE GASLIGHTED

WHAT THEY SAID TO MATCH WHAT SHE DECIDED TO DO. SHE WAS IN CHARGE. I AM

UTTERLY SURE THAT SHE DIED YEARS, PERHAPS DECADES EARLY, BECAUSE SHE

REFUSED TO TAKE HER MEDS CORRECTLY, GET HER ANUERYSM CHECKED, AND IT GOT

TOO BIG AND DISSECTED AND KILLED HER. SHE SPENT YEARS MISERABLE

BECAUSED SHE GAMED HER THERAPISTS AND DID NOT DEAL WITH HER ISSUES. IT

IS NEITHER MY FAULT, NOR THE THERAPISTS. NOR IS YOUR NADAS LIFE YOUR

FAULT. DON T BE TOO HARD THE HER T, BPD S ARE THE HARDEST PT S THEY

HAVE TO TREAT. AND THE BP WILL MANIPULATE AND LIE AND COLOR THE STORY

FOR YEARS. BOTTOM LINE, IF THE BP DOESNT DECIDE THEY WANT TO BE WELL

AND CO OPERATE WITH THE THERAPY, THEY WILL DIE THE CRAZY BITCH THEY HAVE

ALWAYS BEEN.

I VE WONDERED SOMETIMES, IF , AT THE MOMENT OF DEATH, THEY HAVE AN

EPIPHANY, AND ALL SAY, OH SHIT!

NAHHHHHH

BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF. YOU COULD HAVE DOUBLED YOUR EFFORTS, AND

UNLESS SHE DECIDED, NOT YOU, BUT HER, TO GET WELL, THERE WAS NOT A

BLOODY THING YOU COULD DO.

DOUG

One of those is it better to have to deal with the diabetes and a

person you can reason with or someone who is more like a grown up

toddler that you cannot get through to them at all. I also question

the therapists for listening to her lies. That's how my ndad was

improperly medicated was not the three year old mentality, more liek the

mentality of my near 2 year old son. On that medication that worked

you could deal with her like a 4 year old.

> Â

> I'm also relieved now though that for my own sanity I decided it was

best for me to get married and have my own family despite nada's wishes

for me not to because she wanted to isolate me because I have family and

friends who can support me though this time, without them I would have

been 31 and very alone in the world.

> Â

> I may deal with her creepy little friend who is responsible for the

will and see about the animals as that I never held a grudge against and

I if I could have taken them out of there and found them better homes I

would have. If she lets me have some of my items that nada greedily

kept away from me fine, if not I'll jsut steer clear.

> Â

> More later

> proflaf

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Although I might add that it is so unfortuante that my area has so few decent

psychatrists and therapists, there are only two reputaable psychatrists in the

area, the rest are rather marginal and the therapists have not much of a clue

either and the only place for appropirate therapy for BPD.   Although you are

right she made that choice, jsut wish atleast one of her doctors/therapists had

actually confronted her about her problem and said look it's you that is the

problem not everyone around you.  And after I went NC, remind her you can't

blame people who aren't around.

more later

proflaf

Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, August 12, 2010, 7:17 PM

 

Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine that

you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the emotional

pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is good therapy

available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and meds that seem to

help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your mother chose instead to

relentlessly drive her family away from her with relentless negative,

destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be like that, but not getting

treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you well, and I

hope your road to healing will continue at a good pace.

-Annie

>

> Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped open

again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it again

instead of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso signed away

of dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral home asking

about her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure that I don't ahve

any crap to deal with since I would be considered next of kin.  Kinda sad if

you look at her obit, jst has when she died and 'arrangments by and funeral

home.  No mention of offical funeral arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who

manipulate her the most whatever you want to call them are planning a memorial

for her.  I think they also did it that way since they figured not realtives

are rushing to step forward and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way

nobody can chase me for her bs. 

NOw

> it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it and

ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

> More later

> Marie Coe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Although I might add that it is so unfortuante that my area has so few decent

psychatrists and therapists, there are only two reputaable psychatrists in the

area, the rest are rather marginal and the therapists have not much of a clue

either and the only place for appropirate therapy for BPD.   Although you are

right she made that choice, jsut wish atleast one of her doctors/therapists had

actually confronted her about her problem and said look it's you that is the

problem not everyone around you.  And after I went NC, remind her you can't

blame people who aren't around.

more later

proflaf

Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, August 12, 2010, 7:17 PM

 

Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine that

you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the emotional

pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is good therapy

available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and meds that seem to

help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your mother chose instead to

relentlessly drive her family away from her with relentless negative,

destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be like that, but not getting

treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you well, and I

hope your road to healing will continue at a good pace.

-Annie

>

> Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped open

again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it again

instead of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso signed away

of dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral home asking

about her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure that I don't ahve

any crap to deal with since I would be considered next of kin.  Kinda sad if

you look at her obit, jst has when she died and 'arrangments by and funeral

home.  No mention of offical funeral arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who

manipulate her the most whatever you want to call them are planning a memorial

for her.  I think they also did it that way since they figured not realtives

are rushing to step forward and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way

nobody can chase me for her bs. 

NOw

> it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it and

ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

> More later

> Marie Coe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Although I might add that it is so unfortuante that my area has so few decent

psychatrists and therapists, there are only two reputaable psychatrists in the

area, the rest are rather marginal and the therapists have not much of a clue

either and the only place for appropirate therapy for BPD.   Although you are

right she made that choice, jsut wish atleast one of her doctors/therapists had

actually confronted her about her problem and said look it's you that is the

problem not everyone around you.  And after I went NC, remind her you can't

blame people who aren't around.

more later

proflaf

Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, August 12, 2010, 7:17 PM

 

Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine that

you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the emotional

pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is good therapy

available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and meds that seem to

help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your mother chose instead to

relentlessly drive her family away from her with relentless negative,

destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be like that, but not getting

treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you well, and I

hope your road to healing will continue at a good pace.

-Annie

>

> Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped open

again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it again

instead of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso signed away

of dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral home asking

about her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure that I don't ahve

any crap to deal with since I would be considered next of kin.  Kinda sad if

you look at her obit, jst has when she died and 'arrangments by and funeral

home.  No mention of offical funeral arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who

manipulate her the most whatever you want to call them are planning a memorial

for her.  I think they also did it that way since they figured not realtives

are rushing to step forward and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way

nobody can chase me for her bs. 

NOw

> it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it and

ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

> More later

> Marie Coe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Doug - just wondering - I have an interesting wedding story (my ex

husband's mother was even crazier than my own) and I wondered how that all

went for you. How did your wife deal with nada as a mother in law? did she

split her or you black as a result of the wedding? Just wondering? Thank you

>

>

> Although I might add that it is so unfortuante that my area has so few

> decent psychatrists and therapists, there are only two reputaable

> psychatrists in the area, the rest are rather marginal and the therapists

> have not much of a clue either and the only place for appropirate therapy

> for BPD. Although you are right she made that choice, jsut wish atleast

> one of her doctors/therapists had actually confronted her about her problem

> and said look it's you that is the problem not everyone around you. And

> after I went NC, remind her you can't blame people who aren't around.

> more later

> proflaf

>

>

>

> From: anuria67854 <anuria-67854@... <anuria-67854%40mypacks.net>>

>

> Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

>

> Date: Thursday, August 12, 2010, 7:17 PM

>

>

>

> Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine

> that you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the

> emotional pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is

> good therapy available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and

> meds that seem to help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your

> mother chose instead to relentlessly drive her family away from her with

> relentless negative, destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be

> like that, but not getting treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about

> you and wishing you well, and I hope your road to healing will continue at a

> good pace.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

>

> > Well it's official, nada is deceased. Can't do any more damage and now

> perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped

> open again. (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it

> again instead of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.) ALso

> signed away of dealing with her remains today. Basically called the funeral

> home asking about her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure

> that I don't ahve any crap to deal with since I would be considered next of

> kin. Kinda sad if you look at her obit, jst has when she died and

> 'arrangments by and funeral home. No mention of offical funeral

> arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who manipulate her the most whatever

> you want to call them are planning a memorial for her. I think they also

> did it that way since they figured not realtives are rushing to step forward

> and to keep her costs down. I figure that way nobody can chase me for her

> bs.

>

> NOw

>

> > it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it

> and ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

>

> > More later

>

> > Marie Coe

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

[Guest guest]

Hey Doug - just wondering - I have an interesting wedding story (my ex

husband's mother was even crazier than my own) and I wondered how that all

went for you. How did your wife deal with nada as a mother in law? did she

split her or you black as a result of the wedding? Just wondering? Thank you

>

>

> Although I might add that it is so unfortuante that my area has so few

> decent psychatrists and therapists, there are only two reputaable

> psychatrists in the area, the rest are rather marginal and the therapists

> have not much of a clue either and the only place for appropirate therapy

> for BPD. Although you are right she made that choice, jsut wish atleast

> one of her doctors/therapists had actually confronted her about her problem

> and said look it's you that is the problem not everyone around you. And

> after I went NC, remind her you can't blame people who aren't around.

> more later

> proflaf

>

>

>

> From: anuria67854 <anuria-67854@... <anuria-67854%40mypacks.net>>

>

> Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

>

> Date: Thursday, August 12, 2010, 7:17 PM

>

>

>

> Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine

> that you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the

> emotional pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is

> good therapy available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and

> meds that seem to help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your

> mother chose instead to relentlessly drive her family away from her with

> relentless negative, destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be

> like that, but not getting treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about

> you and wishing you well, and I hope your road to healing will continue at a

> good pace.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

>

> > Well it's official, nada is deceased. Can't do any more damage and now

> perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped

> open again. (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it

> again instead of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.) ALso

> signed away of dealing with her remains today. Basically called the funeral

> home asking about her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure

> that I don't ahve any crap to deal with since I would be considered next of

> kin. Kinda sad if you look at her obit, jst has when she died and

> 'arrangments by and funeral home. No mention of offical funeral

> arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who manipulate her the most whatever

> you want to call them are planning a memorial for her. I think they also

> did it that way since they figured not realtives are rushing to step forward

> and to keep her costs down. I figure that way nobody can chase me for her

> bs.

>

> NOw

>

> > it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it

> and ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

>

> > More later

>

> > Marie Coe

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

[Guest guest]

Hey Doug - just wondering - I have an interesting wedding story (my ex

husband's mother was even crazier than my own) and I wondered how that all

went for you. How did your wife deal with nada as a mother in law? did she

split her or you black as a result of the wedding? Just wondering? Thank you

>

>

> Although I might add that it is so unfortuante that my area has so few

> decent psychatrists and therapists, there are only two reputaable

> psychatrists in the area, the rest are rather marginal and the therapists

> have not much of a clue either and the only place for appropirate therapy

> for BPD. Although you are right she made that choice, jsut wish atleast

> one of her doctors/therapists had actually confronted her about her problem

> and said look it's you that is the problem not everyone around you. And

> after I went NC, remind her you can't blame people who aren't around.

> more later

> proflaf

>

>

>

> From: anuria67854 <anuria-67854@... <anuria-67854%40mypacks.net>>

>

> Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

>

> Date: Thursday, August 12, 2010, 7:17 PM

>

>

>

> Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine

> that you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the

> emotional pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is

> good therapy available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and

> meds that seem to help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your

> mother chose instead to relentlessly drive her family away from her with

> relentless negative, destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be

> like that, but not getting treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about

> you and wishing you well, and I hope your road to healing will continue at a

> good pace.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

>

> > Well it's official, nada is deceased. Can't do any more damage and now

> perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped

> open again. (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it

> again instead of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.) ALso

> signed away of dealing with her remains today. Basically called the funeral

> home asking about her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure

> that I don't ahve any crap to deal with since I would be considered next of

> kin. Kinda sad if you look at her obit, jst has when she died and

> 'arrangments by and funeral home. No mention of offical funeral

> arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who manipulate her the most whatever

> you want to call them are planning a memorial for her. I think they also

> did it that way since they figured not realtives are rushing to step forward

> and to keep her costs down. I figure that way nobody can chase me for her

> bs.

>

> NOw

>

> > it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it

> and ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

>

> > More later

>

> > Marie Coe

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

[Guest guest]

Marie--

I share your relief and offer my condolences.

I keep remembering a therapist's words to my friend when my friend lost her

father: Complicated in life, complicated in death.

May life normalize for you very quickly.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped open

again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it again instead

of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso signed away of

dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral home asking about

her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure that I don't ahve any

crap to deal with since I would be considered next of kin.  Kinda sad if you

look at her obit, jst has when she died and 'arrangments by and funeral home. 

No mention of offical funeral arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who

manipulate her the most whatever you want to call them are planning a memorial

for her.  I think they also did it that way since they figured not realtives are

rushing to step forward and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way nobody

can chase me for her bs.  NOw

> it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it and

ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

> More later

> Marie Coe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

luckdy for me DH never had to deal with nada.  Never let them meet.  He would

have been putty in her hands.  I think he knew to stay away from her when she

would try to contact me and I would have a horrible anxiety attack.

proflaf

>

> From: anuria67854 <anuria-67854@... <anuria-67854%40mypacks.net>>

>

> Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

>

> Date: Thursday, August 12, 2010, 7:17 PM

>

>

>

> Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine

> that you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the

> emotional pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is

> good therapy available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and

> meds that seem to help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your

> mother chose instead to relentlessly drive her family away from her with

> relentless negative, destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be

> like that, but not getting treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about

> you and wishing you well, and I hope your road to healing will continue at a

> good pace.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

>

> > Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

> perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped

> open again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it

> again instead of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso

> signed away of dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral

> home asking about her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure

> that I don't ahve any crap to deal with since I would be considered next of

> kin.  Kinda sad if you look at her obit, jst has when she died and

> 'arrangments by and funeral home.  No mention of offical funeral

> arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who manipulate her the most whatever

> you want to call them are planning a memorial for her.  I think they also

> did it that way since they figured not realtives are rushing to step forward

> and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way nobody can chase me for her

> bs.

>

> NOw

>

> > it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it

> and ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

>

> > More later

>

> > Marie Coe

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

[Guest guest]

luckdy for me DH never had to deal with nada.  Never let them meet.  He would

have been putty in her hands.  I think he knew to stay away from her when she

would try to contact me and I would have a horrible anxiety attack.

proflaf

>

> From: anuria67854 <anuria-67854@... <anuria-67854%40mypacks.net>>

>

> Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

>

> Date: Thursday, August 12, 2010, 7:17 PM

>

>

>

> Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine

> that you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the

> emotional pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is

> good therapy available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and

> meds that seem to help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your

> mother chose instead to relentlessly drive her family away from her with

> relentless negative, destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be

> like that, but not getting treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about

> you and wishing you well, and I hope your road to healing will continue at a

> good pace.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

>

> > Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

> perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped

> open again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it

> again instead of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso

> signed away of dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral

> home asking about her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure

> that I don't ahve any crap to deal with since I would be considered next of

> kin.  Kinda sad if you look at her obit, jst has when she died and

> 'arrangments by and funeral home.  No mention of offical funeral

> arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who manipulate her the most whatever

> you want to call them are planning a memorial for her.  I think they also

> did it that way since they figured not realtives are rushing to step forward

> and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way nobody can chase me for her

> bs.

>

> NOw

>

> > it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it

> and ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

>

> > More later

>

> > Marie Coe

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

[Guest guest]

luckdy for me DH never had to deal with nada.  Never let them meet.  He would

have been putty in her hands.  I think he knew to stay away from her when she

would try to contact me and I would have a horrible anxiety attack.

proflaf

>

> From: anuria67854 <anuria-67854@... <anuria-67854%40mypacks.net>>

>

> Subject: Re: Nada is going 6 feet under

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

>

> Date: Thursday, August 12, 2010, 7:17 PM

>

>

>

> Wow, so the rumors of her death turned out to be true after all. I imagine

> that you are feeling relief to know the truth at last, and relief that the

> emotional pain is all in the past, now. Its so sad that even though there is

> good therapy available for pwbpd (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and

> meds that seem to help with mood swings and other co-morbid symptoms, your

> mother chose instead to relentlessly drive her family away from her with

> relentless negative, destructive, hostile behaviors. It didn't have to be

> like that, but not getting treatment was her choice. I'll be thinking about

> you and wishing you well, and I hope your road to healing will continue at a

> good pace.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

>

> > Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

> perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped

> open again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it

> again instead of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso

> signed away of dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral

> home asking about her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure

> that I don't ahve any crap to deal with since I would be considered next of

> kin.  Kinda sad if you look at her obit, jst has when she died and

> 'arrangments by and funeral home.  No mention of offical funeral

> arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who manipulate her the most whatever

> you want to call them are planning a memorial for her.  I think they also

> did it that way since they figured not realtives are rushing to step forward

> and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way nobody can chase me for her

> bs.

>

> NOw

>

> > it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it

> and ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

>

> > More later

>

> > Marie Coe

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

[Guest guest]

I know exactly what you mean by wanting to heal instead of having the wounds

ripped open again. I believe both my parents chose denial about their childhood

trauma and the cost of that bargain is that all they are capable of is to wound

and wound and re-wound. I finally realize that is all there ever will be in my

relationships with them.

>

> Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped open

again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it again instead

of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso signed away of

dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral home asking about

her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure that I don't ahve any

crap to deal with since I would be considered next of kin.  Kinda sad if you

look at her obit, jst has when she died and 'arrangments by and funeral home. 

No mention of offical funeral arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who

manipulate her the most whatever you want to call them are planning a memorial

for her.  I think they also did it that way since they figured not realtives are

rushing to step forward and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way nobody

can chase me for her bs.  NOw

> it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it and

ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

> More later

> Marie Coe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I know exactly what you mean by wanting to heal instead of having the wounds

ripped open again. I believe both my parents chose denial about their childhood

trauma and the cost of that bargain is that all they are capable of is to wound

and wound and re-wound. I finally realize that is all there ever will be in my

relationships with them.

>

> Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped open

again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it again instead

of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso signed away of

dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral home asking about

her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure that I don't ahve any

crap to deal with since I would be considered next of kin.  Kinda sad if you

look at her obit, jst has when she died and 'arrangments by and funeral home. 

No mention of offical funeral arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who

manipulate her the most whatever you want to call them are planning a memorial

for her.  I think they also did it that way since they figured not realtives are

rushing to step forward and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way nobody

can chase me for her bs.  NOw

> it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it and

ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

> More later

> Marie Coe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I know exactly what you mean by wanting to heal instead of having the wounds

ripped open again. I believe both my parents chose denial about their childhood

trauma and the cost of that bargain is that all they are capable of is to wound

and wound and re-wound. I finally realize that is all there ever will be in my

relationships with them.

>

> Well it's official, nada is deceased.  Can't do any more damage and now

perhaps I can actually heal instead of wounds healing and getting ripped open

again.  (from previous counselors claiming that she woudln't do it again instead

of listening to me that you don't underestimate her.)  ALso signed away of

dealing with her remains today.  Basically called the funeral home asking about

her will, because I've been trying to make danged sure that I don't ahve any

crap to deal with since I would be considered next of kin.  Kinda sad if you

look at her obit, jst has when she died and 'arrangments by and funeral home. 

No mention of offical funeral arrangments, evidently her monkies/or who

manipulate her the most whatever you want to call them are planning a memorial

for her.  I think they also did it that way since they figured not realtives are

rushing to step forward and to keep her costs down.  I figure that way nobody

can chase me for her bs.  NOw

> it's a matter of making sure her will is legit making sure I'm not in it and

ensuring her animal safety where I can using the legal system.

> More later

> Marie Coe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It sounds like you have everything under control and that's good.

My nada is the energizer bunny and keeps going and going and going and going.

Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!! I want the healing to begin and the ripping apart to be

discontinued due to death.

Only those who have suffered and suffer with a nada understand the whole

situation. It's a shame but I don't think from the sounds of it most therapists

do either.

It is now time for YOU! Rejoice in it - heal and share with others whatever

help you can be to those who continue to suffer with nadas. To those who don't

get it, forget it. Let them live their naive existences.

Many blessings to you.

[Guest guest]

It sounds like you have everything under control and that's good.

My nada is the energizer bunny and keeps going and going and going and going.

Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!! I want the healing to begin and the ripping apart to be

discontinued due to death.

Only those who have suffered and suffer with a nada understand the whole

situation. It's a shame but I don't think from the sounds of it most therapists

do either.

It is now time for YOU! Rejoice in it - heal and share with others whatever

help you can be to those who continue to suffer with nadas. To those who don't

get it, forget it. Let them live their naive existences.

Many blessings to you.