Re: Update on NC

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for your replies. The craziness has started...I just got back from

a friend's wedding and my best friend from college said my mom called her

several times from different phone numbers and finally left a voicemail saying

she couldn't get a hold of me and to call her back. I've instructed all my

friends to not pick up the phone and not return her calls. I knew it wouldn't be

as simple as moving states etc but it still sucks . I really hope I'm ready

for the next few weeks, because it sounds like they're going to be crazy! Ugh, I

would appreciate any words of wisdom!!

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for your replies. The craziness has started...I just got back from

a friend's wedding and my best friend from college said my mom called her

several times from different phone numbers and finally left a voicemail saying

she couldn't get a hold of me and to call her back. I've instructed all my

friends to not pick up the phone and not return her calls. I knew it wouldn't be

as simple as moving states etc but it still sucks . I really hope I'm ready

for the next few weeks, because it sounds like they're going to be crazy! Ugh, I

would appreciate any words of wisdom!!

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for your replies. The craziness has started...I just got back from

a friend's wedding and my best friend from college said my mom called her

several times from different phone numbers and finally left a voicemail saying

she couldn't get a hold of me and to call her back. I've instructed all my

friends to not pick up the phone and not return her calls. I knew it wouldn't be

as simple as moving states etc but it still sucks . I really hope I'm ready

for the next few weeks, because it sounds like they're going to be crazy! Ugh, I

would appreciate any words of wisdom!!

[Guest guest]

That list of the 21 rules of No Contact is really good. In your case, numbers

14-17 seem particularly relevant:

" 14. No discussing your abuser(s) with anybody who has contact with them.

15. No speaking at all to anyone who might be pumping you for information or

spying on you, and reporting back to them. Cut off anyone who is not loyal to

you.

16. No listening to any news about them. If you are absolutely dying of

curiosity, listen, but do not show any undue interest, do not get baited into

responding, and do not reveal any information about yourself in return.

17. No giving other people information about you or your family that they could

carry back to your abuser(s). "

Some well-meaning but ignorant or thoughtless acquaintance could give your

parents your new information without realizing the implications, or your parents

could coerce your extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles) into trying to ferret

out your new ID and location. Your parents sound obsessive enough to hire a

private detective to try and locate you, also.

Just be extra cautious for a while, so all the work you've done to create a new

ID in a new location won't be for naught.

Best of luck to you.

-Annie

>

> Thank you all for your replies. The craziness has started...I just got back

from a friend's wedding and my best friend from college said my mom called her

several times from different phone numbers and finally left a voicemail saying

she couldn't get a hold of me and to call her back. I've instructed all my

friends to not pick up the phone and not return her calls. I knew it wouldn't be

as simple as moving states etc but it still sucks . I really hope I'm ready

for the next few weeks, because it sounds like they're going to be crazy! Ugh, I

would appreciate any words of wisdom!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That list of the 21 rules of No Contact is really good. In your case, numbers

14-17 seem particularly relevant:

" 14. No discussing your abuser(s) with anybody who has contact with them.

15. No speaking at all to anyone who might be pumping you for information or

spying on you, and reporting back to them. Cut off anyone who is not loyal to

you.

16. No listening to any news about them. If you are absolutely dying of

curiosity, listen, but do not show any undue interest, do not get baited into

responding, and do not reveal any information about yourself in return.

17. No giving other people information about you or your family that they could

carry back to your abuser(s). "

Some well-meaning but ignorant or thoughtless acquaintance could give your

parents your new information without realizing the implications, or your parents

could coerce your extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles) into trying to ferret

out your new ID and location. Your parents sound obsessive enough to hire a

private detective to try and locate you, also.

Just be extra cautious for a while, so all the work you've done to create a new

ID in a new location won't be for naught.

Best of luck to you.

-Annie

>

> Thank you all for your replies. The craziness has started...I just got back

from a friend's wedding and my best friend from college said my mom called her

several times from different phone numbers and finally left a voicemail saying

she couldn't get a hold of me and to call her back. I've instructed all my

friends to not pick up the phone and not return her calls. I knew it wouldn't be

as simple as moving states etc but it still sucks . I really hope I'm ready

for the next few weeks, because it sounds like they're going to be crazy! Ugh, I

would appreciate any words of wisdom!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That list of the 21 rules of No Contact is really good. In your case, numbers

14-17 seem particularly relevant:

" 14. No discussing your abuser(s) with anybody who has contact with them.

15. No speaking at all to anyone who might be pumping you for information or

spying on you, and reporting back to them. Cut off anyone who is not loyal to

you.

16. No listening to any news about them. If you are absolutely dying of

curiosity, listen, but do not show any undue interest, do not get baited into

responding, and do not reveal any information about yourself in return.

17. No giving other people information about you or your family that they could

carry back to your abuser(s). "

Some well-meaning but ignorant or thoughtless acquaintance could give your

parents your new information without realizing the implications, or your parents

could coerce your extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles) into trying to ferret

out your new ID and location. Your parents sound obsessive enough to hire a

private detective to try and locate you, also.

Just be extra cautious for a while, so all the work you've done to create a new

ID in a new location won't be for naught.

Best of luck to you.

-Annie

>

> Thank you all for your replies. The craziness has started...I just got back

from a friend's wedding and my best friend from college said my mom called her

several times from different phone numbers and finally left a voicemail saying

she couldn't get a hold of me and to call her back. I've instructed all my

friends to not pick up the phone and not return her calls. I knew it wouldn't be

as simple as moving states etc but it still sucks . I really hope I'm ready

for the next few weeks, because it sounds like they're going to be crazy! Ugh, I

would appreciate any words of wisdom!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

, you did it, good for you! Did you ever decided to send the letter

announcing to them you were going NC or not? Without some kind of notification

they might try to file a missing persons report. Each person is different, but I

found the numbness often covers very strong emotions that just are waiting for a

safe time to be processed. Right now you need all your wits about you and it

may be your brain has packaging all that stuff to process later. Or maybe not.

Be extra good to yourself and safe.

Take care,

>

> Thank you all for your replies. The craziness has started...I just got back

from a friend's wedding and my best friend from college said my mom called her

several times from different phone numbers and finally left a voicemail saying

she couldn't get a hold of me and to call her back. I've instructed all my

friends to not pick up the phone and not return her calls. I knew it wouldn't be

as simple as moving states etc but it still sucks . I really hope I'm ready

for the next few weeks, because it sounds like they're going to be crazy! Ugh, I

would appreciate any words of wisdom!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

, you did it, good for you! Did you ever decided to send the letter

announcing to them you were going NC or not? Without some kind of notification

they might try to file a missing persons report. Each person is different, but I

found the numbness often covers very strong emotions that just are waiting for a

safe time to be processed. Right now you need all your wits about you and it

may be your brain has packaging all that stuff to process later. Or maybe not.

Be extra good to yourself and safe.

Take care,

>

> Thank you all for your replies. The craziness has started...I just got back

from a friend's wedding and my best friend from college said my mom called her

several times from different phone numbers and finally left a voicemail saying

she couldn't get a hold of me and to call her back. I've instructed all my

friends to not pick up the phone and not return her calls. I knew it wouldn't be

as simple as moving states etc but it still sucks . I really hope I'm ready

for the next few weeks, because it sounds like they're going to be crazy! Ugh, I

would appreciate any words of wisdom!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

, you did it, good for you! Did you ever decided to send the letter

announcing to them you were going NC or not? Without some kind of notification

they might try to file a missing persons report. Each person is different, but I

found the numbness often covers very strong emotions that just are waiting for a

safe time to be processed. Right now you need all your wits about you and it

may be your brain has packaging all that stuff to process later. Or maybe not.

Be extra good to yourself and safe.

Take care,

>

> Thank you all for your replies. The craziness has started...I just got back

from a friend's wedding and my best friend from college said my mom called her

several times from different phone numbers and finally left a voicemail saying

she couldn't get a hold of me and to call her back. I've instructed all my

friends to not pick up the phone and not return her calls. I knew it wouldn't be

as simple as moving states etc but it still sucks . I really hope I'm ready

for the next few weeks, because it sounds like they're going to be crazy! Ugh, I

would appreciate any words of wisdom!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Annie, thanks for the well wishes. I have been ridiculously careful (i.e.

paranoid), which unfortunately has meant I have cut many many people out of my

life. I cut off contact with all family members and all family friends. It sucks

but I agree with you that being extra careful, especially at first, is really

worth it. I love the friends I've kept in my life, but I have also given them

very limited information so they won't even be able to offer it if nada tries to

coerce them. I agree with you that my parents are crazy enough to hire a PI but

there's nothing I'm going to be able to do about him/her finding me so I'm not

going to worry about that possibility.

, thanks for the warm wishes as well! My friend is sending a letter from

Paris on Tuesday (expedited). Nada and fada will probably receive it at the end

of this week or early the following week. That makes me a little nervous- that

it's going to take so long, but I couldn't come up with a better solution. I

wouldn't be surprised if nada and fada file a missing persons' report, but the

first people the police would contact would be my building manager and my campus

police, both of whom would inform them that my FOO is abusive and should not be

aided in looking for me (this is all according to my detective on campus, who

I'm meeting with tomorrow morning to make sure there's nothing more I can do).

And I think you might be right- that I'm numb in order to deal with the chaos.

I'm not really complaining, I'm more worried about any future emotional

breakdown I may have.

Thanks everyone for your support, I'll keep you updated this week, unfortunately

I think it's going to be pretty eventful.

[Guest guest]

Annie, thanks for the well wishes. I have been ridiculously careful (i.e.

paranoid), which unfortunately has meant I have cut many many people out of my

life. I cut off contact with all family members and all family friends. It sucks

but I agree with you that being extra careful, especially at first, is really

worth it. I love the friends I've kept in my life, but I have also given them

very limited information so they won't even be able to offer it if nada tries to

coerce them. I agree with you that my parents are crazy enough to hire a PI but

there's nothing I'm going to be able to do about him/her finding me so I'm not

going to worry about that possibility.

, thanks for the warm wishes as well! My friend is sending a letter from

Paris on Tuesday (expedited). Nada and fada will probably receive it at the end

of this week or early the following week. That makes me a little nervous- that

it's going to take so long, but I couldn't come up with a better solution. I

wouldn't be surprised if nada and fada file a missing persons' report, but the

first people the police would contact would be my building manager and my campus

police, both of whom would inform them that my FOO is abusive and should not be

aided in looking for me (this is all according to my detective on campus, who

I'm meeting with tomorrow morning to make sure there's nothing more I can do).

And I think you might be right- that I'm numb in order to deal with the chaos.

I'm not really complaining, I'm more worried about any future emotional

breakdown I may have.

Thanks everyone for your support, I'll keep you updated this week, unfortunately

I think it's going to be pretty eventful.

[Guest guest]

Annie, thanks for the well wishes. I have been ridiculously careful (i.e.

paranoid), which unfortunately has meant I have cut many many people out of my

life. I cut off contact with all family members and all family friends. It sucks

but I agree with you that being extra careful, especially at first, is really

worth it. I love the friends I've kept in my life, but I have also given them

very limited information so they won't even be able to offer it if nada tries to

coerce them. I agree with you that my parents are crazy enough to hire a PI but

there's nothing I'm going to be able to do about him/her finding me so I'm not

going to worry about that possibility.

, thanks for the warm wishes as well! My friend is sending a letter from

Paris on Tuesday (expedited). Nada and fada will probably receive it at the end

of this week or early the following week. That makes me a little nervous- that

it's going to take so long, but I couldn't come up with a better solution. I

wouldn't be surprised if nada and fada file a missing persons' report, but the

first people the police would contact would be my building manager and my campus

police, both of whom would inform them that my FOO is abusive and should not be

aided in looking for me (this is all according to my detective on campus, who

I'm meeting with tomorrow morning to make sure there's nothing more I can do).

And I think you might be right- that I'm numb in order to deal with the chaos.

I'm not really complaining, I'm more worried about any future emotional

breakdown I may have.

Thanks everyone for your support, I'll keep you updated this week, unfortunately

I think it's going to be pretty eventful.

[Guest guest]

- Deep breaths! You KNEW they would pursue you. You have made

arrangements for your own safety. Legally, there is NOTHING they can do to you.

You have the precious right to be left alone.

You have told us here before that you're not scared of them doing something

illegal (like kidnapping you and shipping you out of the country). If that

changes, please tell us, and please tell the police immediately.

If you're not scared of them physically interfering with your life, there is

NOTHING left to be scared of - it's all just nagging and hassling you. You

don't care what they think, you aren't in legal or financial thrall to them,

you've make the appropriate arrangements.

Keep in touch, OK?

>

> Forget the numbness, I'm completely terrified now. I've had to call my old

apartment building for various things (blocked cell number), and they said nada

and fada have called them yesterday and today. I know they're not going to just

give up and it makes me so scared! I can't think of any way they could find me

but it still makes me really afraid to leave my apartment. Sigh.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

- Deep breaths! You KNEW they would pursue you. You have made

arrangements for your own safety. Legally, there is NOTHING they can do to you.

You have the precious right to be left alone.

You have told us here before that you're not scared of them doing something

illegal (like kidnapping you and shipping you out of the country). If that

changes, please tell us, and please tell the police immediately.

If you're not scared of them physically interfering with your life, there is

NOTHING left to be scared of - it's all just nagging and hassling you. You

don't care what they think, you aren't in legal or financial thrall to them,

you've make the appropriate arrangements.

Keep in touch, OK?

>

> Forget the numbness, I'm completely terrified now. I've had to call my old

apartment building for various things (blocked cell number), and they said nada

and fada have called them yesterday and today. I know they're not going to just

give up and it makes me so scared! I can't think of any way they could find me

but it still makes me really afraid to leave my apartment. Sigh.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Maybe for your own peace of mind, you could try (if you haven't already) (1.)

getting a restraining order taken out against them so that they're not allowed

to approach within a certain number of yards of you, and (2.) hiring a bodyguard

for events where you're pretty sure they will show up. If they approach you,

your bodyguard will intercept them, remind them about the restraining order, and

call the police to come pick them up if they try to violate the restraining

order.

So, having plans and backup plans in place ahead of time is all I can think of.

You're up against relentless, obsessive, mentally ill, stalker-type individuals,

so you need to play hard-ball and not just hope that they'll behave themselves.

Best of luck to you!

-Annie

>

> Thanks for the response, . I'm sorry (to everyone) that I'm so needy

right now, but it's a scary time. My old building manager just told me she spoke

to nada today. When nada kept pestering her for information, the manager told

her I was no longer a resident at the building. Then nada said, " oh of course, I

know, I spoke to her yesterday, I know she's moving to xxx(correct city). She's

visiting me next weekend " . The manager did not confirm any information and just

said she couldn't give nada any information and couldn't confirm if she had the

correct phone number/email address. Nada asked the bmanager if she could give me

a message, and when she said she could, nada asked for contact information (but

did not actually provide a message, she was clearly trying to trick her into

giving her info). Luckily, bmanager is 30years NC with her family and is not

providing anything.

>

> My T warned me that nada would still think I was coming home next weekend as

planned, but I didn't believe her because that is just so absurd. That message

really triggered me because: 1. it shows how ridiculously mentally ill nada is,

and 2. that nada knows which city I'm in. I'm keeping the campus police updated

but there is only one graduate school building for my program so nada and fada

could easily camp out there.

>

> I *know* intellectually that I'm in the legal right but it sure doesn't feel

that way. I really really am not looking forward to this week. I'm worried

there's going to be a scene during orientation when I'm trying to meet people

and make friends. If I ever doubted I had PTSD, I certainly don't doubt it

anymore. I really want to enjoy this next stage in my life but clearly nada has

other plans. Sigh.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Maybe for your own peace of mind, you could try (if you haven't already) (1.)

getting a restraining order taken out against them so that they're not allowed

to approach within a certain number of yards of you, and (2.) hiring a bodyguard

for events where you're pretty sure they will show up. If they approach you,

your bodyguard will intercept them, remind them about the restraining order, and

call the police to come pick them up if they try to violate the restraining

order.

So, having plans and backup plans in place ahead of time is all I can think of.

You're up against relentless, obsessive, mentally ill, stalker-type individuals,

so you need to play hard-ball and not just hope that they'll behave themselves.

Best of luck to you!

-Annie

>

> Thanks for the response, . I'm sorry (to everyone) that I'm so needy

right now, but it's a scary time. My old building manager just told me she spoke

to nada today. When nada kept pestering her for information, the manager told

her I was no longer a resident at the building. Then nada said, " oh of course, I

know, I spoke to her yesterday, I know she's moving to xxx(correct city). She's

visiting me next weekend " . The manager did not confirm any information and just

said she couldn't give nada any information and couldn't confirm if she had the

correct phone number/email address. Nada asked the bmanager if she could give me

a message, and when she said she could, nada asked for contact information (but

did not actually provide a message, she was clearly trying to trick her into

giving her info). Luckily, bmanager is 30years NC with her family and is not

providing anything.

>

> My T warned me that nada would still think I was coming home next weekend as

planned, but I didn't believe her because that is just so absurd. That message

really triggered me because: 1. it shows how ridiculously mentally ill nada is,

and 2. that nada knows which city I'm in. I'm keeping the campus police updated

but there is only one graduate school building for my program so nada and fada

could easily camp out there.

>

> I *know* intellectually that I'm in the legal right but it sure doesn't feel

that way. I really really am not looking forward to this week. I'm worried

there's going to be a scene during orientation when I'm trying to meet people

and make friends. If I ever doubted I had PTSD, I certainly don't doubt it

anymore. I really want to enjoy this next stage in my life but clearly nada has

other plans. Sigh.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Maybe for your own peace of mind, you could try (if you haven't already) (1.)

getting a restraining order taken out against them so that they're not allowed

to approach within a certain number of yards of you, and (2.) hiring a bodyguard

for events where you're pretty sure they will show up. If they approach you,

your bodyguard will intercept them, remind them about the restraining order, and

call the police to come pick them up if they try to violate the restraining

order.

So, having plans and backup plans in place ahead of time is all I can think of.

You're up against relentless, obsessive, mentally ill, stalker-type individuals,

so you need to play hard-ball and not just hope that they'll behave themselves.

Best of luck to you!

-Annie

>

> Thanks for the response, . I'm sorry (to everyone) that I'm so needy

right now, but it's a scary time. My old building manager just told me she spoke

to nada today. When nada kept pestering her for information, the manager told

her I was no longer a resident at the building. Then nada said, " oh of course, I

know, I spoke to her yesterday, I know she's moving to xxx(correct city). She's

visiting me next weekend " . The manager did not confirm any information and just

said she couldn't give nada any information and couldn't confirm if she had the

correct phone number/email address. Nada asked the bmanager if she could give me

a message, and when she said she could, nada asked for contact information (but

did not actually provide a message, she was clearly trying to trick her into

giving her info). Luckily, bmanager is 30years NC with her family and is not

providing anything.

>

> My T warned me that nada would still think I was coming home next weekend as

planned, but I didn't believe her because that is just so absurd. That message

really triggered me because: 1. it shows how ridiculously mentally ill nada is,

and 2. that nada knows which city I'm in. I'm keeping the campus police updated

but there is only one graduate school building for my program so nada and fada

could easily camp out there.

>

> I *know* intellectually that I'm in the legal right but it sure doesn't feel

that way. I really really am not looking forward to this week. I'm worried

there's going to be a scene during orientation when I'm trying to meet people

and make friends. If I ever doubted I had PTSD, I certainly don't doubt it

anymore. I really want to enjoy this next stage in my life but clearly nada has

other plans. Sigh.

>

>

[Guest guest]

You know what, that's an EXCELLENT idea, Annie. , do you have a big

friend, or a friend who's fearless, who could walk you to and from orientation

and class this first week? That would give the letter from Paris time to get to

them. Of course, that is likely to turn their " concern " into fury, but that is

THEIR problem. Either getting a friend to stay with you for a few days, or

actually hiring somebody who can step between you and them if they show up -

would make you feel a lot safer. Eventually they HAVE to accept that you're not

interested in contact with them, but they have a long learning curve on this one

- they've walked all over you for a long time!

> >

> > Thanks for the response, . I'm sorry (to everyone) that I'm so needy

right now, but it's a scary time. My old building manager just told me she spoke

to nada today. When nada kept pestering her for information, the manager told

her I was no longer a resident at the building. Then nada said, " oh of course, I

know, I spoke to her yesterday, I know she's moving to xxx(correct city). She's

visiting me next weekend " . The manager did not confirm any information and just

said she couldn't give nada any information and couldn't confirm if she had the

correct phone number/email address. Nada asked the bmanager if she could give me

a message, and when she said she could, nada asked for contact information (but

did not actually provide a message, she was clearly trying to trick her into

giving her info). Luckily, bmanager is 30years NC with her family and is not

providing anything.

> >

> > My T warned me that nada would still think I was coming home next weekend as

planned, but I didn't believe her because that is just so absurd. That message

really triggered me because: 1. it shows how ridiculously mentally ill nada is,

and 2. that nada knows which city I'm in. I'm keeping the campus police updated

but there is only one graduate school building for my program so nada and fada

could easily camp out there.

> >

> > I *know* intellectually that I'm in the legal right but it sure doesn't feel

that way. I really really am not looking forward to this week. I'm worried

there's going to be a scene during orientation when I'm trying to meet people

and make friends. If I ever doubted I had PTSD, I certainly don't doubt it

anymore. I really want to enjoy this next stage in my life but clearly nada has

other plans. Sigh.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You know what, that's an EXCELLENT idea, Annie. , do you have a big

friend, or a friend who's fearless, who could walk you to and from orientation

and class this first week? That would give the letter from Paris time to get to

them. Of course, that is likely to turn their " concern " into fury, but that is

THEIR problem. Either getting a friend to stay with you for a few days, or

actually hiring somebody who can step between you and them if they show up -

would make you feel a lot safer. Eventually they HAVE to accept that you're not

interested in contact with them, but they have a long learning curve on this one

- they've walked all over you for a long time!

> >

> > Thanks for the response, . I'm sorry (to everyone) that I'm so needy

right now, but it's a scary time. My old building manager just told me she spoke

to nada today. When nada kept pestering her for information, the manager told

her I was no longer a resident at the building. Then nada said, " oh of course, I

know, I spoke to her yesterday, I know she's moving to xxx(correct city). She's

visiting me next weekend " . The manager did not confirm any information and just

said she couldn't give nada any information and couldn't confirm if she had the

correct phone number/email address. Nada asked the bmanager if she could give me

a message, and when she said she could, nada asked for contact information (but

did not actually provide a message, she was clearly trying to trick her into

giving her info). Luckily, bmanager is 30years NC with her family and is not

providing anything.

> >

> > My T warned me that nada would still think I was coming home next weekend as

planned, but I didn't believe her because that is just so absurd. That message

really triggered me because: 1. it shows how ridiculously mentally ill nada is,

and 2. that nada knows which city I'm in. I'm keeping the campus police updated

but there is only one graduate school building for my program so nada and fada

could easily camp out there.

> >

> > I *know* intellectually that I'm in the legal right but it sure doesn't feel

that way. I really really am not looking forward to this week. I'm worried

there's going to be a scene during orientation when I'm trying to meet people

and make friends. If I ever doubted I had PTSD, I certainly don't doubt it

anymore. I really want to enjoy this next stage in my life but clearly nada has

other plans. Sigh.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You know what, that's an EXCELLENT idea, Annie. , do you have a big

friend, or a friend who's fearless, who could walk you to and from orientation

and class this first week? That would give the letter from Paris time to get to

them. Of course, that is likely to turn their " concern " into fury, but that is

THEIR problem. Either getting a friend to stay with you for a few days, or

actually hiring somebody who can step between you and them if they show up -

would make you feel a lot safer. Eventually they HAVE to accept that you're not

interested in contact with them, but they have a long learning curve on this one

- they've walked all over you for a long time!

> >

> > Thanks for the response, . I'm sorry (to everyone) that I'm so needy

right now, but it's a scary time. My old building manager just told me she spoke

to nada today. When nada kept pestering her for information, the manager told

her I was no longer a resident at the building. Then nada said, " oh of course, I

know, I spoke to her yesterday, I know she's moving to xxx(correct city). She's

visiting me next weekend " . The manager did not confirm any information and just

said she couldn't give nada any information and couldn't confirm if she had the

correct phone number/email address. Nada asked the bmanager if she could give me

a message, and when she said she could, nada asked for contact information (but

did not actually provide a message, she was clearly trying to trick her into

giving her info). Luckily, bmanager is 30years NC with her family and is not

providing anything.

> >

> > My T warned me that nada would still think I was coming home next weekend as

planned, but I didn't believe her because that is just so absurd. That message

really triggered me because: 1. it shows how ridiculously mentally ill nada is,

and 2. that nada knows which city I'm in. I'm keeping the campus police updated

but there is only one graduate school building for my program so nada and fada

could easily camp out there.

> >

> > I *know* intellectually that I'm in the legal right but it sure doesn't feel

that way. I really really am not looking forward to this week. I'm worried

there's going to be a scene during orientation when I'm trying to meet people

and make friends. If I ever doubted I had PTSD, I certainly don't doubt it

anymore. I really want to enjoy this next stage in my life but clearly nada has

other plans. Sigh.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh Sweetie, I'm sorry. I know its scary. I know for me the thought of facing

my family terrifies me. But that's the little girl who was helpless and

needed their approval and love. Really, all they can do is cause a scene

right? And what's a scene? Some words, feeling embarassed for a moment. A

chance to reinforce the NC boundary maybe. Might feel kind of good to very

quietly and peacefully turn your back on Nada and walk away, wordlessly (is

that one of my fantasies, or what?) But a scene isn't life threatening

right?

I know where you are coming from. I'm always afraid someone in my FOO will

show up at my work or at an event I put together and promote. It scares

me to death, even though I know there isn't much they can actually do. I

even hesitate every time I have an article in the paper or a soundbite on TV

- knowing that they will see it and know what I did that day. But whatever,

they can't hurt me anymore. . right? Right! I'm trying to convince myself as

much as you. But really, they can't hurt us anymore!

And you know the steps right? Document, police record etc.

Can I make one very strong suggestion though? Very very very strong

suggestion! *Stop listening to news about what they do!!!* So nada stopped

by your old apartment - who cares? you don't even live there any more. Just

shut the door and move on.

Good luck sweetie! And I do like the idea of having someone stay with you or

help out - even just so you have a witness.

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 6:07 PM, shirleyspawn wrote:

>

>

>

> You know what, that's an EXCELLENT idea, Annie. , do you have a big

> friend, or a friend who's fearless, who could walk you to and from

> orientation and class this first week? That would give the letter from Paris

> time to get to them. Of course, that is likely to turn their " concern " into

> fury, but that is THEIR problem. Either getting a friend to stay with you

> for a few days, or actually hiring somebody who can step between you and

> them if they show up - would make you feel a lot safer. Eventually they HAVE

> to accept that you're not interested in contact with them, but they have a

> long learning curve on this one - they've walked all over you for a long

> time!

>

>

>

>

>

> > >

> > > Thanks for the response, . I'm sorry (to everyone) that I'm so

> needy right now, but it's a scary time. My old building manager just told me

> she spoke to nada today. When nada kept pestering her for information, the

> manager told her I was no longer a resident at the building. Then nada said,

> " oh of course, I know, I spoke to her yesterday, I know she's moving to

> xxx(correct city). She's visiting me next weekend " . The manager did not

> confirm any information and just said she couldn't give nada any information

> and couldn't confirm if she had the correct phone number/email address. Nada

> asked the bmanager if she could give me a message, and when she said she

> could, nada asked for contact information (but did not actually provide a

> message, she was clearly trying to trick her into giving her info). Luckily,

> bmanager is 30years NC with her family and is not providing anything.

> > >

> > > My T warned me that nada would still think I was coming home next

> weekend as planned, but I didn't believe her because that is just so absurd.

> That message really triggered me because: 1. it shows how ridiculously

> mentally ill nada is, and 2. that nada knows which city I'm in. I'm keeping

> the campus police updated but there is only one graduate school building for

> my program so nada and fada could easily camp out there.

> > >

> > > I *know* intellectually that I'm in the legal right but it sure doesn't

> feel that way. I really really am not looking forward to this week. I'm

> worried there's going to be a scene during orientation when I'm trying to

> meet people and make friends. If I ever doubted I had PTSD, I certainly

> don't doubt it anymore. I really want to enjoy this next stage in my life

> but clearly nada has other plans. Sigh.

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh Sweetie, I'm sorry. I know its scary. I know for me the thought of facing

my family terrifies me. But that's the little girl who was helpless and

needed their approval and love. Really, all they can do is cause a scene

right? And what's a scene? Some words, feeling embarassed for a moment. A

chance to reinforce the NC boundary maybe. Might feel kind of good to very

quietly and peacefully turn your back on Nada and walk away, wordlessly (is

that one of my fantasies, or what?) But a scene isn't life threatening

right?

I know where you are coming from. I'm always afraid someone in my FOO will

show up at my work or at an event I put together and promote. It scares

me to death, even though I know there isn't much they can actually do. I

even hesitate every time I have an article in the paper or a soundbite on TV

- knowing that they will see it and know what I did that day. But whatever,

they can't hurt me anymore. . right? Right! I'm trying to convince myself as

much as you. But really, they can't hurt us anymore!

And you know the steps right? Document, police record etc.

Can I make one very strong suggestion though? Very very very strong

suggestion! *Stop listening to news about what they do!!!* So nada stopped

by your old apartment - who cares? you don't even live there any more. Just

shut the door and move on.

Good luck sweetie! And I do like the idea of having someone stay with you or

help out - even just so you have a witness.

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 6:07 PM, shirleyspawn wrote:

>

>

>

> You know what, that's an EXCELLENT idea, Annie. , do you have a big

> friend, or a friend who's fearless, who could walk you to and from

> orientation and class this first week? That would give the letter from Paris

> time to get to them. Of course, that is likely to turn their " concern " into

> fury, but that is THEIR problem. Either getting a friend to stay with you

> for a few days, or actually hiring somebody who can step between you and

> them if they show up - would make you feel a lot safer. Eventually they HAVE

> to accept that you're not interested in contact with them, but they have a

> long learning curve on this one - they've walked all over you for a long

> time!

>

>

>

>

>

> > >

> > > Thanks for the response, . I'm sorry (to everyone) that I'm so

> needy right now, but it's a scary time. My old building manager just told me

> she spoke to nada today. When nada kept pestering her for information, the

> manager told her I was no longer a resident at the building. Then nada said,

> " oh of course, I know, I spoke to her yesterday, I know she's moving to

> xxx(correct city). She's visiting me next weekend " . The manager did not

> confirm any information and just said she couldn't give nada any information

> and couldn't confirm if she had the correct phone number/email address. Nada

> asked the bmanager if she could give me a message, and when she said she

> could, nada asked for contact information (but did not actually provide a

> message, she was clearly trying to trick her into giving her info). Luckily,

> bmanager is 30years NC with her family and is not providing anything.

> > >

> > > My T warned me that nada would still think I was coming home next

> weekend as planned, but I didn't believe her because that is just so absurd.

> That message really triggered me because: 1. it shows how ridiculously

> mentally ill nada is, and 2. that nada knows which city I'm in. I'm keeping

> the campus police updated but there is only one graduate school building for

> my program so nada and fada could easily camp out there.

> > >

> > > I *know* intellectually that I'm in the legal right but it sure doesn't

> feel that way. I really really am not looking forward to this week. I'm

> worried there's going to be a scene during orientation when I'm trying to

> meet people and make friends. If I ever doubted I had PTSD, I certainly

> don't doubt it anymore. I really want to enjoy this next stage in my life

> but clearly nada has other plans. Sigh.

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh my goodness, nada is spiraling into crazy faster than I had expected. I think

part of me wanted to believe I was exaggerating how crazy nada is, and now I can

see she's far, far worse. She has already started on texting my friends saying

fada is deathly Ill so she needs to get in touch w me. (they are still not

calling back). Now that she's moved on to texting, I'm worried she's going to

pull out the " I'll kill myself if you don't give me her info " . I'm esp worried

about my best friend from college who she's comfortable with and has

relentlessly been harassing. I offered to pay for call blocking for her and I

hope she accepts. Nada has been trying FOG w her and said she had excellent

family values and nada knew shed be understanding and compassionate. Sigh. I

know I expected all of this but it just *feels* different in the moment. I just

got back from my T and I feel comfortable enough to finally take a shower but

I'm pretty petrified to do anything

To the people who suggested bodyguards, I think I'll def do that if things get

out of control. I want to wait for right now because I don't want to call

attention to myself at orientation.

Thank you all for your support, you make me feel a lot less alone in a new city

where I don't know anyone!

Ahelly

[Guest guest]

Oh my goodness, nada is spiraling into crazy faster than I had expected. I think

part of me wanted to believe I was exaggerating how crazy nada is, and now I can

see she's far, far worse. She has already started on texting my friends saying

fada is deathly Ill so she needs to get in touch w me. (they are still not

calling back). Now that she's moved on to texting, I'm worried she's going to

pull out the " I'll kill myself if you don't give me her info " . I'm esp worried

about my best friend from college who she's comfortable with and has

relentlessly been harassing. I offered to pay for call blocking for her and I

hope she accepts. Nada has been trying FOG w her and said she had excellent

family values and nada knew shed be understanding and compassionate. Sigh. I

know I expected all of this but it just *feels* different in the moment. I just

got back from my T and I feel comfortable enough to finally take a shower but

I'm pretty petrified to do anything

To the people who suggested bodyguards, I think I'll def do that if things get

out of control. I want to wait for right now because I don't want to call

attention to myself at orientation.

Thank you all for your support, you make me feel a lot less alone in a new city

where I don't know anyone!

Ahelly

[Guest guest]

Wow. You poor kid. There's a term I read at another group that describes the

escalation in negative, controlling, abusive, manipulative behaviors that those

with personality disorder engage in when they're finally stood up to and given

boundaries: " the extinction burst. " Their regular methods and tools of

manipulation aren't working any more, so they escalate in intensity and

frequency and try new methods and tools.

Hopefully, if you can just hold on and just endure through this " extinction

burst " , it will eventually peter out. Like, you're going into your storm cellar

until the tornado passes.

I'm no expert in this at all, but from what I've read a good bodyguard/personal

protection service will be very discrete and will not call attention to the fact

that you have a bodyguard if that's what you want. Your bodyguard could even be

a woman. Others at your ceremony will just think you've brought a friend with

you.

Keep us posted, we're here for you.

-Annie

>

> Oh my goodness, nada is spiraling into crazy faster than I had expected. I

think part of me wanted to believe I was exaggerating how crazy nada is, and now

I can see she's far, far worse. She has already started on texting my friends

saying fada is deathly Ill so she needs to get in touch w me. (they are still

not calling back). Now that she's moved on to texting, I'm worried she's going

to pull out the " I'll kill myself if you don't give me her info " . I'm esp

worried about my best friend from college who she's comfortable with and has

relentlessly been harassing. I offered to pay for call blocking for her and I

hope she accepts. Nada has been trying FOG w her and said she had excellent

family values and nada knew shed be understanding and compassionate. Sigh. I

know I expected all of this but it just *feels* different in the moment. I just

got back from my T and I feel comfortable enough to finally take a shower but

I'm pretty petrified to do anything

>

> To the people who suggested bodyguards, I think I'll def do that if things get

out of control. I want to wait for right now because I don't want to call

attention to myself at orientation.

>

> Thank you all for your support, you make me feel a lot less alone in a new

city where I don't know anyone!

>

> Ahelly

>