Re: Depression, where the hell did this come from

[Guest guest]

hi doug, sorry to hear this about your depression, but admire your honesty and

sharing about how you are feeling and how your therapist is helping you.  i

know without mine i would be lost..

but there is life after 'fog' and moments of real happiness too, along with the

managing unhappiness and loss.. i am here to tell you it can happen, not that

life is ever a perfect 'bed of roses' for anyone, ko or not.

i still get triggered by the scars and fleas life with nada has left me, but

with my counselor's help , acceptance really i have learned to deal with the

pain and grief and with hard work, one day at a time begun to build truly

nourishing and loving relationships and life is really good sometimes.  and i

am grateful.

thanks for all the support and guidance you continue to give us on this board

and best wishes for a glimpse of sunshine behind that cloud.. this too shall

pass..

ann

Subject: Depression, where the hell did this come from

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, August 13, 2010, 5:20 PM

 

So I m tooling along, thinking, yea, I m doing ok. Not really happy, but

what the hell, is a KO ever happy. I m coping with nada s death, I m

writing my book about the life with her, .......

And in a 10 min conversation with my T, she says Holy Crap, you are very

depressed. After a few weeks of arguing, I agreed to take the Beck

Depression Inventory.

Holy Crap, I m profoundly depressed!

How the heck did that happen.

Care for yourselves. This shit can sneak up on us.

My T made a profound statement to me, as she was gently convincing me I

need to get back on anti depressants. ( She is wonderful, btw, not sure

how she tolerates my crap.)

" I think what you have learned is how to manage unhappiness and loss.

But you have never really learned to have and manage good

relationships. You have decided this is as good as it gets, and settled

for not being profoundly unhappy, just mostly unhappy. Is that the

bargain you really want to make? "

See why I love her! But wow, how profound, and maybe that is what each

of us KO s really do: Learn to manage unhappiness and loss.

What do you think, my brothers and sisters living in the FOG?

Doug

[Guest guest]

hi doug, sorry to hear this about your depression, but admire your honesty and

sharing about how you are feeling and how your therapist is helping you.  i

know without mine i would be lost..

but there is life after 'fog' and moments of real happiness too, along with the

managing unhappiness and loss.. i am here to tell you it can happen, not that

life is ever a perfect 'bed of roses' for anyone, ko or not.

i still get triggered by the scars and fleas life with nada has left me, but

with my counselor's help , acceptance really i have learned to deal with the

pain and grief and with hard work, one day at a time begun to build truly

nourishing and loving relationships and life is really good sometimes.  and i

am grateful.

thanks for all the support and guidance you continue to give us on this board

and best wishes for a glimpse of sunshine behind that cloud.. this too shall

pass..

ann

Subject: Depression, where the hell did this come from

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, August 13, 2010, 5:20 PM

 

So I m tooling along, thinking, yea, I m doing ok. Not really happy, but

what the hell, is a KO ever happy. I m coping with nada s death, I m

writing my book about the life with her, .......

And in a 10 min conversation with my T, she says Holy Crap, you are very

depressed. After a few weeks of arguing, I agreed to take the Beck

Depression Inventory.

Holy Crap, I m profoundly depressed!

How the heck did that happen.

Care for yourselves. This shit can sneak up on us.

My T made a profound statement to me, as she was gently convincing me I

need to get back on anti depressants. ( She is wonderful, btw, not sure

how she tolerates my crap.)

" I think what you have learned is how to manage unhappiness and loss.

But you have never really learned to have and manage good

relationships. You have decided this is as good as it gets, and settled

for not being profoundly unhappy, just mostly unhappy. Is that the

bargain you really want to make? "

See why I love her! But wow, how profound, and maybe that is what each

of us KO s really do: Learn to manage unhappiness and loss.

What do you think, my brothers and sisters living in the FOG?

Doug

[Guest guest]

Ugh - yeah, me too. I usually get the seasonal affective depression in winter

and I have learned to manage it but this year, despite essentially removing nada

from my life for the last 6 years, I have found myself pretty severely depressed

in the middle of summer.

I think, after removing the nada crap, we are left with ourselves. And we were

raised to be whatever our nadas needed, not pay attention to our

needs/desires/dreams. I have a really hard time taking care of myself because

to have a problem around nada and actually tell someone, just caused more nada

drama problems. So I learned to shut up and put up. I have to learn how to do

what nada didn't do for me as a child and I have no idea how to do that now as

an adult.

This part seems to make setting boundaries with nada easy. I didn't think I

would ever say that. I always had visions of my life through college and

getting my own apartment but my dreams went blank after that. Were those really

just nada's visions and mine were never created?

So here is my selfcare list. I am going to pledge to:

Find a therapist

See the doctor for the foot issues I have had for almost 3 years now.

Find a way to get myself a pair of skates that fit properly so I can do the

activity/exercise I love.

I could list a lot more but those are at the top of my list for now.

Thanks for sharing Doug. It is so nice to know I am not alone in this journey.

I wish you speed and insight in figuring this out and your are able to get

happier.

peace,

patinage