Re: Depression, where the hell did this come from

[Guest guest]

*You have decided this is as good as it gets, and settled

for not being profoundly unhappy, just mostly unhappy. Is that the

bargain you really want to make? " *

Your T hit the nail on the head. Many times I have been right there.

Having thoughts such as " well I am not happy in this relationship but at

least he doesn't put me down " .

[Guest guest]

*You have decided this is as good as it gets, and settled

for not being profoundly unhappy, just mostly unhappy. Is that the

bargain you really want to make? " *

Your T hit the nail on the head. Many times I have been right there.

Having thoughts such as " well I am not happy in this relationship but at

least he doesn't put me down " .

[Guest guest]

Whoa, your T totally hit it! She's brilliant.

Dude, please do take your meds. I personally have to take them, every day,

its a ritual. Its one of the most important and hardest things that I do for

myself and the people around me. Who knows what brain chemistry we have

inherited? it can't be good, but thank god for the drugs. And my primary

care doc INSISTS that I see a psychiatrist to manage my meds. i am doing

better since I began seeing him regularly than I have in years.

So, yes, I agree, take the meds. Just make sure you ask about side effects

like weight gain, and stick up for yourself if their is a side effect you

can't live with.

I million hugs! Get better!!!

On Fri, Aug 13, 2010 at 5:02 PM, Simpson wrote:

>

>

> *You have decided this is as good as it gets, and settled

>

> for not being profoundly unhappy, just mostly unhappy. Is that the

> bargain you really want to make? " *

>

> Your T hit the nail on the head. Many times I have been right there.

> Having thoughts such as " well I am not happy in this relationship but at

> least he doesn't put me down " .

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Doug,

I agree. I can't be sure because I've never been diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure

(self-diagnosing from all the material I've read) that I have always been

somewhat depressed.

I read that its common for those with PTSD to believe that they're not going to

live very long. That was a light-bulb moment for me!

As a teenager I became convinced that I would not live a long time, so, that's

something I've come to terms with a long time ago. I'm OK with not winding up

as one of those tiny little wrinkled-up raisin-like people in a wheelchair with

an oxygen tank. I'm not

upset about that.

I'm not profoundly, deeply, suicidally depressed, or staying-in-bed-all-weekend

depressed, just " mildly " depressed. I work, I function, I pay bills, I pay

taxes, I have friends and I go out and have fun sometimes, but I'm just... sort

of existing. The joy is missing.

I think that's also known as " existential angst " : the settling for " this

actually IS as good as it gets " kind of thinking. And yes, it is insidious;

when you're not paying attention its easy to settle into a kind of dull routine

that doesn't have any deep lows or exhilarating highs.

So, is that common for KOs?

-Annie

>

> So I m tooling along, thinking, yea, I m doing ok. Not really happy, but

> what the hell, is a KO ever happy. I m coping with nada s death, I m

> writing my book about the life with her, .......

>

> And in a 10 min conversation with my T, she says Holy Crap, you are very

> depressed. After a few weeks of arguing, I agreed to take the Beck

> Depression Inventory.

>

> Holy Crap, I m profoundly depressed!

>

> How the heck did that happen.

>

> Care for yourselves. This shit can sneak up on us.

>

> My T made a profound statement to me, as she was gently convincing me I

> need to get back on anti depressants. ( She is wonderful, btw, not sure

> how she tolerates my crap.)

>

> " I think what you have learned is how to manage unhappiness and loss.

> But you have never really learned to have and manage good

> relationships. You have decided this is as good as it gets, and settled

> for not being profoundly unhappy, just mostly unhappy. Is that the

> bargain you really want to make? "

>

> See why I love her! But wow, how profound, and maybe that is what each

> of us KO s really do: Learn to manage unhappiness and loss.

>

> What do you think, my brothers and sisters living in the FOG?

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

I will never forget that moment, as I sat in my office, looking at boxes of

mailings. I sell real estate, and used to send out monthly newsletters to my

contact list. I thought I was a few weeks behind on my last mailing. As I

stared at the boxes, I realized I had missed three months without even knowing

it.

For a Type A personality like me, this was earth-shattering. That stuff simply

never, ever happens. I was in major depression, and hadn't even noticed

anything had changed in me.

Yeah . . . depression sneaks up on you and can own your a** before you even know

it's arrived.

And I love what your T said. She's right. My brother, you deserve far better

than managing the bad. You deserve to enjoy the good.

We all do. We've freakin' worked hard enough for it!!!!!

I've been listening to some Zig Ziglar tapes (trying to get my good attitude

back) and always have a physical reaction when he says: " Life has so very much

to offer. " When did I stop believing that? Or, did I ever believe otherwise?

Life is certainly more than just waiting quietly to die . . . right?

Hope you feel better soon. I hate it that you were hit by the D word. It

sucks.

Blessings,

Karla

p.s. I gotta say: even when you're profoundly depressed, your freakin' funny.

How do you do it???

>

> So I m tooling along, thinking, yea, I m doing ok. Not really happy, but

> what the hell, is a KO ever happy. I m coping with nada s death, I m

> writing my book about the life with her, .......

>

> And in a 10 min conversation with my T, she says Holy Crap, you are very

> depressed. After a few weeks of arguing, I agreed to take the Beck

> Depression Inventory.

>

> Holy Crap, I m profoundly depressed!

>

> How the heck did that happen.

>

> Care for yourselves. This shit can sneak up on us.

>

> My T made a profound statement to me, as she was gently convincing me I

> need to get back on anti depressants. ( She is wonderful, btw, not sure

> how she tolerates my crap.)

>

> " I think what you have learned is how to manage unhappiness and loss.

> But you have never really learned to have and manage good

> relationships. You have decided this is as good as it gets, and settled

> for not being profoundly unhappy, just mostly unhappy. Is that the

> bargain you really want to make? "

>

> See why I love her! But wow, how profound, and maybe that is what each

> of us KO s really do: Learn to manage unhappiness and loss.

>

> What do you think, my brothers and sisters living in the FOG?

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

I will never forget that moment, as I sat in my office, looking at boxes of

mailings. I sell real estate, and used to send out monthly newsletters to my

contact list. I thought I was a few weeks behind on my last mailing. As I

stared at the boxes, I realized I had missed three months without even knowing

it.

For a Type A personality like me, this was earth-shattering. That stuff simply

never, ever happens. I was in major depression, and hadn't even noticed

anything had changed in me.

Yeah . . . depression sneaks up on you and can own your a** before you even know

it's arrived.

And I love what your T said. She's right. My brother, you deserve far better

than managing the bad. You deserve to enjoy the good.

We all do. We've freakin' worked hard enough for it!!!!!

I've been listening to some Zig Ziglar tapes (trying to get my good attitude

back) and always have a physical reaction when he says: " Life has so very much

to offer. " When did I stop believing that? Or, did I ever believe otherwise?

Life is certainly more than just waiting quietly to die . . . right?

Hope you feel better soon. I hate it that you were hit by the D word. It

sucks.

Blessings,

Karla

p.s. I gotta say: even when you're profoundly depressed, your freakin' funny.

How do you do it???

>

> So I m tooling along, thinking, yea, I m doing ok. Not really happy, but

> what the hell, is a KO ever happy. I m coping with nada s death, I m

> writing my book about the life with her, .......

>

> And in a 10 min conversation with my T, she says Holy Crap, you are very

> depressed. After a few weeks of arguing, I agreed to take the Beck

> Depression Inventory.

>

> Holy Crap, I m profoundly depressed!

>

> How the heck did that happen.

>

> Care for yourselves. This shit can sneak up on us.

>

> My T made a profound statement to me, as she was gently convincing me I

> need to get back on anti depressants. ( She is wonderful, btw, not sure

> how she tolerates my crap.)

>

> " I think what you have learned is how to manage unhappiness and loss.

> But you have never really learned to have and manage good

> relationships. You have decided this is as good as it gets, and settled

> for not being profoundly unhappy, just mostly unhappy. Is that the

> bargain you really want to make? "

>

> See why I love her! But wow, how profound, and maybe that is what each

> of us KO s really do: Learn to manage unhappiness and loss.

>

> What do you think, my brothers and sisters living in the FOG?

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

I will never forget that moment, as I sat in my office, looking at boxes of

mailings. I sell real estate, and used to send out monthly newsletters to my

contact list. I thought I was a few weeks behind on my last mailing. As I

stared at the boxes, I realized I had missed three months without even knowing

it.

For a Type A personality like me, this was earth-shattering. That stuff simply

never, ever happens. I was in major depression, and hadn't even noticed

anything had changed in me.

Yeah . . . depression sneaks up on you and can own your a** before you even know

it's arrived.

And I love what your T said. She's right. My brother, you deserve far better

than managing the bad. You deserve to enjoy the good.

We all do. We've freakin' worked hard enough for it!!!!!

I've been listening to some Zig Ziglar tapes (trying to get my good attitude

back) and always have a physical reaction when he says: " Life has so very much

to offer. " When did I stop believing that? Or, did I ever believe otherwise?

Life is certainly more than just waiting quietly to die . . . right?

Hope you feel better soon. I hate it that you were hit by the D word. It

sucks.

Blessings,

Karla

p.s. I gotta say: even when you're profoundly depressed, your freakin' funny.

How do you do it???

>

> So I m tooling along, thinking, yea, I m doing ok. Not really happy, but

> what the hell, is a KO ever happy. I m coping with nada s death, I m

> writing my book about the life with her, .......

>

> And in a 10 min conversation with my T, she says Holy Crap, you are very

> depressed. After a few weeks of arguing, I agreed to take the Beck

> Depression Inventory.

>

> Holy Crap, I m profoundly depressed!

>

> How the heck did that happen.

>

> Care for yourselves. This shit can sneak up on us.

>

> My T made a profound statement to me, as she was gently convincing me I

> need to get back on anti depressants. ( She is wonderful, btw, not sure

> how she tolerates my crap.)

>

> " I think what you have learned is how to manage unhappiness and loss.

> But you have never really learned to have and manage good

> relationships. You have decided this is as good as it gets, and settled

> for not being profoundly unhappy, just mostly unhappy. Is that the

> bargain you really want to make? "

>

> See why I love her! But wow, how profound, and maybe that is what each

> of us KO s really do: Learn to manage unhappiness and loss.

>

> What do you think, my brothers and sisters living in the FOG?

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

, I could just hug you! It seems to get harder for me to shake the

depression and anxiety as I get older. But, considering, and I need to hear it

200,000,000 times a day, that there is a reason and it started with my

upbringing and continuous interaction with my aging mother. You say this so

eloquently. Makes me breath better and know that I'm not alone. And knowing I'm

not alone makes me feel like I can conquer it. GROUP HUG!!!!

--T

> >

> >

> > Doug,

> >

> > As always your insights are very profound- and as I read what you wrote

and the insightful responses- I hear and feel what everyone is saying.

> >

> > Yes, of course I do have depression- and PTSD- and all the other stuff

that goes with being a KO. Yes- I too manage the ok relationship with my

husband- grateful everyday he is NOT nada- yet I know I have such moments of

unhappiness in this marriage.

> >

> > He though and the life we have built is my refuge from nada's intense

craziness. With that said my husband is a verbal abuser- he is ADD- on meds for

it and yes has anger issues, np issues- but never ever is as bad as what nada

can dish out to me. Dear God I have learned to manage what is almost happy- and

have traded in so much to maintain this almost happy- because I am very good at

settling and not asking for too much and being grateful for the boat not to rock

-so I can have this existence with him and have some moments of not feeling

terrorized by nada's attacks on me.

> >

> > Your therapist Doug is a darn good one- and keep working with them to

gain more peace and self love/ self care.

> >

> > This post has really helped me- you all will never know. I just shared

a really excellent week at the beach with my husband- and on the ride home I was

planning things to do with him in my head- thinking this isn't such a bad life-

like what is my problem with him. He only got angry 2 times on the vacation- and

one time I stepped in to make it right and one time though he confronted the

other driver- he waited to to the window was up to yell- " that she was a f---ing

bitch- several times. " In my mind- no one is perfect and alot better then nada.

> >

> > I sort felt like on vacation I had a real partner- though sharing

our time and making choices together. First day back he is still sleeping- and I

am as always left to clean up the mess of laundry and unpacking-life is slowly

returning to losing the partner I had on vacation- and I damn sure well know I

will be disappointed and yet again accepting of it- too depressed and tired too

again try and fight for more- been there done that- and though the verbal abuse

to me is so much better- some other things never change- and yet I still accept

that.

> >

> > Such food for thought for me- from this post and all the responses-

maybe it is just being a tired older KO- I thank you for letting me rant and get

things off my chest.....

> >

> > Malinda

> >

>

[Guest guest]

, I could just hug you! It seems to get harder for me to shake the

depression and anxiety as I get older. But, considering, and I need to hear it

200,000,000 times a day, that there is a reason and it started with my

upbringing and continuous interaction with my aging mother. You say this so

eloquently. Makes me breath better and know that I'm not alone. And knowing I'm

not alone makes me feel like I can conquer it. GROUP HUG!!!!

--T

> >

> >

> > Doug,

> >

> > As always your insights are very profound- and as I read what you wrote

and the insightful responses- I hear and feel what everyone is saying.

> >

> > Yes, of course I do have depression- and PTSD- and all the other stuff

that goes with being a KO. Yes- I too manage the ok relationship with my

husband- grateful everyday he is NOT nada- yet I know I have such moments of

unhappiness in this marriage.

> >

> > He though and the life we have built is my refuge from nada's intense

craziness. With that said my husband is a verbal abuser- he is ADD- on meds for

it and yes has anger issues, np issues- but never ever is as bad as what nada

can dish out to me. Dear God I have learned to manage what is almost happy- and

have traded in so much to maintain this almost happy- because I am very good at

settling and not asking for too much and being grateful for the boat not to rock

-so I can have this existence with him and have some moments of not feeling

terrorized by nada's attacks on me.

> >

> > Your therapist Doug is a darn good one- and keep working with them to

gain more peace and self love/ self care.

> >

> > This post has really helped me- you all will never know. I just shared

a really excellent week at the beach with my husband- and on the ride home I was

planning things to do with him in my head- thinking this isn't such a bad life-

like what is my problem with him. He only got angry 2 times on the vacation- and

one time I stepped in to make it right and one time though he confronted the

other driver- he waited to to the window was up to yell- " that she was a f---ing

bitch- several times. " In my mind- no one is perfect and alot better then nada.

> >

> > I sort felt like on vacation I had a real partner- though sharing

our time and making choices together. First day back he is still sleeping- and I

am as always left to clean up the mess of laundry and unpacking-life is slowly

returning to losing the partner I had on vacation- and I damn sure well know I

will be disappointed and yet again accepting of it- too depressed and tired too

again try and fight for more- been there done that- and though the verbal abuse

to me is so much better- some other things never change- and yet I still accept

that.

> >

> > Such food for thought for me- from this post and all the responses-

maybe it is just being a tired older KO- I thank you for letting me rant and get

things off my chest.....

> >

> > Malinda

> >

>

[Guest guest]

, I could just hug you! It seems to get harder for me to shake the

depression and anxiety as I get older. But, considering, and I need to hear it

200,000,000 times a day, that there is a reason and it started with my

upbringing and continuous interaction with my aging mother. You say this so

eloquently. Makes me breath better and know that I'm not alone. And knowing I'm

not alone makes me feel like I can conquer it. GROUP HUG!!!!

--T

> >

> >

> > Doug,

> >

> > As always your insights are very profound- and as I read what you wrote

and the insightful responses- I hear and feel what everyone is saying.

> >

> > Yes, of course I do have depression- and PTSD- and all the other stuff

that goes with being a KO. Yes- I too manage the ok relationship with my

husband- grateful everyday he is NOT nada- yet I know I have such moments of

unhappiness in this marriage.

> >

> > He though and the life we have built is my refuge from nada's intense

craziness. With that said my husband is a verbal abuser- he is ADD- on meds for

it and yes has anger issues, np issues- but never ever is as bad as what nada

can dish out to me. Dear God I have learned to manage what is almost happy- and

have traded in so much to maintain this almost happy- because I am very good at

settling and not asking for too much and being grateful for the boat not to rock

-so I can have this existence with him and have some moments of not feeling

terrorized by nada's attacks on me.

> >

> > Your therapist Doug is a darn good one- and keep working with them to

gain more peace and self love/ self care.

> >

> > This post has really helped me- you all will never know. I just shared

a really excellent week at the beach with my husband- and on the ride home I was

planning things to do with him in my head- thinking this isn't such a bad life-

like what is my problem with him. He only got angry 2 times on the vacation- and

one time I stepped in to make it right and one time though he confronted the

other driver- he waited to to the window was up to yell- " that she was a f---ing

bitch- several times. " In my mind- no one is perfect and alot better then nada.

> >

> > I sort felt like on vacation I had a real partner- though sharing

our time and making choices together. First day back he is still sleeping- and I

am as always left to clean up the mess of laundry and unpacking-life is slowly

returning to losing the partner I had on vacation- and I damn sure well know I

will be disappointed and yet again accepting of it- too depressed and tired too

again try and fight for more- been there done that- and though the verbal abuse

to me is so much better- some other things never change- and yet I still accept

that.

> >

> > Such food for thought for me- from this post and all the responses-

maybe it is just being a tired older KO- I thank you for letting me rant and get

things off my chest.....

> >

> > Malinda

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I don't try reach for the stars, I am fine with being average. I guess when you

spent so long at the bottom even a valley will feel like a mountain top.

And yes I do struggle with depression and PTSD, although it's been a long while

since I have seen a T or P for it or been medicated. You know how it can be….LB

> > >

> > >

> > > Doug,

> > >

> > > As always your insights are very profound- and as I read what you wrote

and the insightful responses- I hear and feel what everyone is saying.

> > >

> > > Yes, of course I do have depression- and PTSD- and all the other stuff

that goes with being a KO. Yes- I too manage the ok relationship with my

husband- grateful everyday he is NOT nada- yet I know I have such moments of

unhappiness in this marriage.

> > >

> > > He though and the life we have built is my refuge from nada's intense

craziness. With that said my husband is a verbal abuser- he is ADD- on meds for

it and yes has anger issues, np issues- but never ever is as bad as what nada

can dish out to me. Dear God I have learned to manage what is almost happy- and

have traded in so much to maintain this almost happy- because I am very good at

settling and not asking for too much and being grateful for the boat not to rock

-so I can have this existence with him and have some moments of not feeling

terrorized by nada's attacks on me.

> > >

> > > Your therapist Doug is a darn good one- and keep working with them to

gain more peace and self love/ self care.

> > >

> > > This post has really helped me- you all will never know. I just

shared a really excellent week at the beach with my husband- and on the ride

home I was planning things to do with him in my head- thinking this isn't such a

bad life- like what is my problem with him. He only got angry 2 times on the

vacation- and one time I stepped in to make it right and one time though he

confronted the other driver- he waited to to the window was up to yell- " that

she was a f---ing bitch- several times. " In my mind- no one is perfect and alot

better then nada.

> > >

> > > I sort felt like on vacation I had a real partner- though sharing

our time and making choices together. First day back he is still sleeping- and I

am as always left to clean up the mess of laundry and unpacking-life is slowly

returning to losing the partner I had on vacation- and I damn sure well know I

will be disappointed and yet again accepting of it- too depressed and tired too

again try and fight for more- been there done that- and though the verbal abuse

to me is so much better- some other things never change- and yet I still accept

that.

> > >

> > > Such food for thought for me- from this post and all the responses-

maybe it is just being a tired older KO- I thank you for letting me rant and get

things off my chest.....

> > >

> > > Malinda

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I don't try reach for the stars, I am fine with being average. I guess when you

spent so long at the bottom even a valley will feel like a mountain top.

And yes I do struggle with depression and PTSD, although it's been a long while

since I have seen a T or P for it or been medicated. You know how it can be….LB

> > >

> > >

> > > Doug,

> > >

> > > As always your insights are very profound- and as I read what you wrote

and the insightful responses- I hear and feel what everyone is saying.

> > >

> > > Yes, of course I do have depression- and PTSD- and all the other stuff

that goes with being a KO. Yes- I too manage the ok relationship with my

husband- grateful everyday he is NOT nada- yet I know I have such moments of

unhappiness in this marriage.

> > >

> > > He though and the life we have built is my refuge from nada's intense

craziness. With that said my husband is a verbal abuser- he is ADD- on meds for

it and yes has anger issues, np issues- but never ever is as bad as what nada

can dish out to me. Dear God I have learned to manage what is almost happy- and

have traded in so much to maintain this almost happy- because I am very good at

settling and not asking for too much and being grateful for the boat not to rock

-so I can have this existence with him and have some moments of not feeling

terrorized by nada's attacks on me.

> > >

> > > Your therapist Doug is a darn good one- and keep working with them to

gain more peace and self love/ self care.

> > >

> > > This post has really helped me- you all will never know. I just

shared a really excellent week at the beach with my husband- and on the ride

home I was planning things to do with him in my head- thinking this isn't such a

bad life- like what is my problem with him. He only got angry 2 times on the

vacation- and one time I stepped in to make it right and one time though he

confronted the other driver- he waited to to the window was up to yell- " that

she was a f---ing bitch- several times. " In my mind- no one is perfect and alot

better then nada.

> > >

> > > I sort felt like on vacation I had a real partner- though sharing

our time and making choices together. First day back he is still sleeping- and I

am as always left to clean up the mess of laundry and unpacking-life is slowly

returning to losing the partner I had on vacation- and I damn sure well know I

will be disappointed and yet again accepting of it- too depressed and tired too

again try and fight for more- been there done that- and though the verbal abuse

to me is so much better- some other things never change- and yet I still accept

that.

> > >

> > > Such food for thought for me- from this post and all the responses-

maybe it is just being a tired older KO- I thank you for letting me rant and get

things off my chest.....

> > >

> > > Malinda

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I don't try reach for the stars, I am fine with being average. I guess when you

spent so long at the bottom even a valley will feel like a mountain top.

And yes I do struggle with depression and PTSD, although it's been a long while

since I have seen a T or P for it or been medicated. You know how it can be….LB

> > >

> > >

> > > Doug,

> > >

> > > As always your insights are very profound- and as I read what you wrote

and the insightful responses- I hear and feel what everyone is saying.

> > >

> > > Yes, of course I do have depression- and PTSD- and all the other stuff

that goes with being a KO. Yes- I too manage the ok relationship with my

husband- grateful everyday he is NOT nada- yet I know I have such moments of

unhappiness in this marriage.

> > >

> > > He though and the life we have built is my refuge from nada's intense

craziness. With that said my husband is a verbal abuser- he is ADD- on meds for

it and yes has anger issues, np issues- but never ever is as bad as what nada

can dish out to me. Dear God I have learned to manage what is almost happy- and

have traded in so much to maintain this almost happy- because I am very good at

settling and not asking for too much and being grateful for the boat not to rock

-so I can have this existence with him and have some moments of not feeling

terrorized by nada's attacks on me.

> > >

> > > Your therapist Doug is a darn good one- and keep working with them to

gain more peace and self love/ self care.

> > >

> > > This post has really helped me- you all will never know. I just

shared a really excellent week at the beach with my husband- and on the ride

home I was planning things to do with him in my head- thinking this isn't such a

bad life- like what is my problem with him. He only got angry 2 times on the

vacation- and one time I stepped in to make it right and one time though he

confronted the other driver- he waited to to the window was up to yell- " that

she was a f---ing bitch- several times. " In my mind- no one is perfect and alot

better then nada.

> > >

> > > I sort felt like on vacation I had a real partner- though sharing

our time and making choices together. First day back he is still sleeping- and I

am as always left to clean up the mess of laundry and unpacking-life is slowly

returning to losing the partner I had on vacation- and I damn sure well know I

will be disappointed and yet again accepting of it- too depressed and tired too

again try and fight for more- been there done that- and though the verbal abuse

to me is so much better- some other things never change- and yet I still accept

that.

> > >

> > > Such food for thought for me- from this post and all the responses-

maybe it is just being a tired older KO- I thank you for letting me rant and get

things off my chest.....

> > >

> > > Malinda

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

hi doug, sorry to hear this about your depression, but admire your honesty and

sharing about how you are feeling and how your therapist is helping you.  i

know without mine i would be lost..

but there is life after 'fog' and moments of real happiness too, along with the

managing unhappiness and loss.. i am here to tell you it can happen, not that

life is ever a perfect 'bed of roses' for anyone, ko or not.

i still get triggered by the scars and fleas life with nada has left me, but

with my counselor's help , acceptance really i have learned to deal with the

pain and grief and with hard work, one day at a time begun to build truly

nourishing and loving relationships and life is really good sometimes.  and i

am grateful.

thanks for all the support and guidance you continue to give us on this board

and best wishes for a glimpse of sunshine behind that cloud.. this too shall

pass..

ann

Subject: Depression, where the hell did this come from

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, August 13, 2010, 5:20 PM

 

So I m tooling along, thinking, yea, I m doing ok. Not really happy, but

what the hell, is a KO ever happy. I m coping with nada s death, I m

writing my book about the life with her, .......

And in a 10 min conversation with my T, she says Holy Crap, you are very

depressed. After a few weeks of arguing, I agreed to take the Beck

Depression Inventory.

Holy Crap, I m profoundly depressed!

How the heck did that happen.

Care for yourselves. This shit can sneak up on us.

My T made a profound statement to me, as she was gently convincing me I

need to get back on anti depressants. ( She is wonderful, btw, not sure

how she tolerates my crap.)

" I think what you have learned is how to manage unhappiness and loss.

But you have never really learned to have and manage good

relationships. You have decided this is as good as it gets, and settled

for not being profoundly unhappy, just mostly unhappy. Is that the

bargain you really want to make? "

See why I love her! But wow, how profound, and maybe that is what each

of us KO s really do: Learn to manage unhappiness and loss.

What do you think, my brothers and sisters living in the FOG?

Doug

[Guest guest]

Ugh - yeah, me too. I usually get the seasonal affective depression in winter

and I have learned to manage it but this year, despite essentially removing nada

from my life for the last 6 years, I have found myself pretty severely depressed

in the middle of summer.

I think, after removing the nada crap, we are left with ourselves. And we were

raised to be whatever our nadas needed, not pay attention to our

needs/desires/dreams. I have a really hard time taking care of myself because

to have a problem around nada and actually tell someone, just caused more nada

drama problems. So I learned to shut up and put up. I have to learn how to do

what nada didn't do for me as a child and I have no idea how to do that now as

an adult.

This part seems to make setting boundaries with nada easy. I didn't think I

would ever say that. I always had visions of my life through college and

getting my own apartment but my dreams went blank after that. Were those really

just nada's visions and mine were never created?

So here is my selfcare list. I am going to pledge to:

Find a therapist

See the doctor for the foot issues I have had for almost 3 years now.

Find a way to get myself a pair of skates that fit properly so I can do the

activity/exercise I love.

I could list a lot more but those are at the top of my list for now.

Thanks for sharing Doug. It is so nice to know I am not alone in this journey.

I wish you speed and insight in figuring this out and your are able to get

happier.

peace,

patinage