Re: advice for what to expect with NC

[Guest guest]

I went NC for a few periods in the past. I found it to be a mix of things - a

devastating quiet settled over my life. And a newfound strength and confidence

rose up in me. I was in group therapy at the time and the group told me they

could see a huge positive change in me. I think going NC can lead to ripple

effects in your life of standing up and feeling like you actually are in charge

(for once) after a lifetime of being trapped. But there's loss, grief, doubts

of course. It also takes a lot of emotional energy to process the change so

it's best to minimize other stressors if you can. The dangerous part comes if

you ever choose to resume contact...the reasons why you went NC may get buried

inside yourself and certainly denied by your nada/FOO.

Good luck!

>

> I'm planning on going completely NC with nada in Aug and will cut off every

possible means of communication. I have never tried to do this before and I'm

expecting the worst (from her), and also some rough emotions. I've been trying

LC for several months and I anticipated that nada would fight it, but I never

imagined that she would flip into complete crazy mode for months because I only

wanted to talk once a week.

>

> I know many of you are either in a permanent NC situation or have done NC at

some point. What should I anticipate from nada, or challenges I'll face on my

own?

>

> Thanks!

>

>

[Guest guest]

I went NC for a few periods in the past. I found it to be a mix of things - a

devastating quiet settled over my life. And a newfound strength and confidence

rose up in me. I was in group therapy at the time and the group told me they

could see a huge positive change in me. I think going NC can lead to ripple

effects in your life of standing up and feeling like you actually are in charge

(for once) after a lifetime of being trapped. But there's loss, grief, doubts

of course. It also takes a lot of emotional energy to process the change so

it's best to minimize other stressors if you can. The dangerous part comes if

you ever choose to resume contact...the reasons why you went NC may get buried

inside yourself and certainly denied by your nada/FOO.

Good luck!

>

> I'm planning on going completely NC with nada in Aug and will cut off every

possible means of communication. I have never tried to do this before and I'm

expecting the worst (from her), and also some rough emotions. I've been trying

LC for several months and I anticipated that nada would fight it, but I never

imagined that she would flip into complete crazy mode for months because I only

wanted to talk once a week.

>

> I know many of you are either in a permanent NC situation or have done NC at

some point. What should I anticipate from nada, or challenges I'll face on my

own?

>

> Thanks!

>

>

[Guest guest]

I went NC for a few periods in the past. I found it to be a mix of things - a

devastating quiet settled over my life. And a newfound strength and confidence

rose up in me. I was in group therapy at the time and the group told me they

could see a huge positive change in me. I think going NC can lead to ripple

effects in your life of standing up and feeling like you actually are in charge

(for once) after a lifetime of being trapped. But there's loss, grief, doubts

of course. It also takes a lot of emotional energy to process the change so

it's best to minimize other stressors if you can. The dangerous part comes if

you ever choose to resume contact...the reasons why you went NC may get buried

inside yourself and certainly denied by your nada/FOO.

Good luck!

>

> I'm planning on going completely NC with nada in Aug and will cut off every

possible means of communication. I have never tried to do this before and I'm

expecting the worst (from her), and also some rough emotions. I've been trying

LC for several months and I anticipated that nada would fight it, but I never

imagined that she would flip into complete crazy mode for months because I only

wanted to talk once a week.

>

> I know many of you are either in a permanent NC situation or have done NC at

some point. What should I anticipate from nada, or challenges I'll face on my

own?

>

> Thanks!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you both (and everyone) for your thoughts and advice. I know it's

impossible to " prepare " for feelings, but that's just what I do. In

" preparation " I have been journaling with concrete examples of what nada does

and why it's unhealthy. Since I am currently numb, I wrote a letter to myself

that will hopefully give me strength when the numbness wears off.

I talked to nada and fada today since it's sunday...they were pretending to be

nice and normal again because I'm sure they can sense that I'm trying to

separate. I'm so glad that my nada (and fada) are so crazy they can't help but

let it out. Here are snippets of their " best behavior "

nada: fada wants to know what you look like

me: I'm healthy

nada: what?? are you fat??

me: no, but I'm healthy, that's all that should matter

nada: yeah whatever, but you're not fat right? have the building staff take a

picture of you and email it to us. are you at home right now?

she also asked when she could come to town so i can take her on a shopping trip.

two weeks ago she told me to f*ck off and get the h*ll out of her life.

Apparently she didn't need to apologize/acknowledge that but we are now best

friends

and then she started talking about the same boy she wants to set me up with. he

has a younger brother who his family wants to set me up with but my mom wants me

to marry the older brother (yeah, please note, " set up " means introduce and

marry).

nada: the older brother is a surgeon, the younger brother is interested in

research or teaching or something, he's at stanford. So I like the older one

better.

me: well, I don't know either of them but it sounds like I would get along

better with the younger one

nada: well I like the older one better, the younger one is *only a phd.

*her preference clearly trumps mine and I am expected to marry the *brother* she

likes better....I wouldn't even be allowed to marry the other brother. insane.

and of course she made me swear and promise that i won't tell him i left

residency. i can say i'm taking a two year break and then will go back

(incidentally, i really think this is what nada and fada think I'm doing). sigh.

and this is the absolute best they've behaved in a really long time. amazing.

> >

> > I'm planning on going completely NC with nada in Aug and will cut off every

possible means of communication. I have never tried to do this before and I'm

expecting the worst (from her), and also some rough emotions. I've been trying

LC for several months and I anticipated that nada would fight it, but I never

imagined that she would flip into complete crazy mode for months because I only

wanted to talk once a week.

> >

> > I know many of you are either in a permanent NC situation or have done NC at

some point. What should I anticipate from nada, or challenges I'll face on my

own?

> >

> > Thanks!

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Actually I mysteriously got a lot better, alot of my problems went away once I

went N/C, I could do a lot more.  I think I had already lost her when my dad

died because that's the last she was sane, after he died she really lost

control.  I enjoy the peace and quiet.  I found I was able to do more because

I had more energy and time to spend with the people I cared about.  Not long

after I met nada, I met the man who became DH and life got a whole bunch better.

prolfaf

>

>

> I'm planning on going completely NC with nada in Aug and will cut off every

> possible means of communication. I have never tried to do this before and

> I'm expecting the worst (from her), and also some rough emotions. I've been

> trying LC for several months and I anticipated that nada would fight it, but

> I never imagined that she would flip into complete crazy mode for months

> because I only wanted to talk once a week.

>

> I know many of you are either in a permanent NC situation or have done NC

> at some point. What should I anticipate from nada, or challenges I'll face

> on my own?

>

> Thanks!

>

>

> 

>

[Guest guest]

Actually I mysteriously got a lot better, alot of my problems went away once I

went N/C, I could do a lot more.  I think I had already lost her when my dad

died because that's the last she was sane, after he died she really lost

control.  I enjoy the peace and quiet.  I found I was able to do more because

I had more energy and time to spend with the people I cared about.  Not long

after I met nada, I met the man who became DH and life got a whole bunch better.

prolfaf

>

>

> I'm planning on going completely NC with nada in Aug and will cut off every

> possible means of communication. I have never tried to do this before and

> I'm expecting the worst (from her), and also some rough emotions. I've been

> trying LC for several months and I anticipated that nada would fight it, but

> I never imagined that she would flip into complete crazy mode for months

> because I only wanted to talk once a week.

>

> I know many of you are either in a permanent NC situation or have done NC

> at some point. What should I anticipate from nada, or challenges I'll face

> on my own?

>

> Thanks!

>

>

> 

>

[Guest guest]

Wow - so right on!

just had to say...exactly!

and I am coming out of going NC lately too - so I am living those ups and

downs. But worth it, as you say!

and working - always, and every day - toward the positive.

thanks for saying so honestly how hard this is even when you want it!

>

> >

> >

> > I'm planning on going completely NC with nada in Aug and will cut off every

> > possible means of communication. I have never tried to do this before and

> > I'm expecting the worst (from her), and also some rough emotions. I've been

> > trying LC for several months and I anticipated that nada would fight it, but

> > I never imagined that she would flip into complete crazy mode for months

> > because I only wanted to talk once a week.

> >

> > I know many of you are either in a permanent NC situation or have done NC

> > at some point. What should I anticipate from nada, or challenges I'll face

> > on my own?

> >

> > Thanks!

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow - so right on!

just had to say...exactly!

and I am coming out of going NC lately too - so I am living those ups and

downs. But worth it, as you say!

and working - always, and every day - toward the positive.

thanks for saying so honestly how hard this is even when you want it!

>

> >

> >

> > I'm planning on going completely NC with nada in Aug and will cut off every

> > possible means of communication. I have never tried to do this before and

> > I'm expecting the worst (from her), and also some rough emotions. I've been

> > trying LC for several months and I anticipated that nada would fight it, but

> > I never imagined that she would flip into complete crazy mode for months

> > because I only wanted to talk once a week.

> >

> > I know many of you are either in a permanent NC situation or have done NC

> > at some point. What should I anticipate from nada, or challenges I'll face

> > on my own?

> >

> > Thanks!

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow - so right on!

just had to say...exactly!

and I am coming out of going NC lately too - so I am living those ups and

downs. But worth it, as you say!

and working - always, and every day - toward the positive.

thanks for saying so honestly how hard this is even when you want it!

>

> >

> >

> > I'm planning on going completely NC with nada in Aug and will cut off every

> > possible means of communication. I have never tried to do this before and

> > I'm expecting the worst (from her), and also some rough emotions. I've been

> > trying LC for several months and I anticipated that nada would fight it, but

> > I never imagined that she would flip into complete crazy mode for months

> > because I only wanted to talk once a week.

> >

> > I know many of you are either in a permanent NC situation or have done NC

> > at some point. What should I anticipate from nada, or challenges I'll face

> > on my own?

> >

> > Thanks!

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>