Re: my letter to my parents, your KO perspective?

[Guest guest]

What is it exactly that you're wanting to communicate, would be my question.

This letter comes across as very apologetic, as though you'd done something

wrong. But from what I can gather, your parents have either blocked your phone

number or refused to return your phone calls / voice messages, so you had no way

to let them know you'd be in their area and available for a visit. (And is it

possible that they simply refused to accept your letter and marked it " return to

sender " ?)

This is just my own personal opinion, but if you're still feeling a need to

offer contact, I'd just write a brief postcard saying something like,

" Hi folks, Wish we could have seen you during our recent visit to your area, but

we couldn't reach you by phone or mail. Oh well. Maybe next time. We had a

wonderful vacation: the area is so lovely, and now we're back home cooling off

in the pool. Write when you can. Love, V. "

I hope that helps.

-Annie

>

> Do you have any reservations about the following letter to my folks?

> I've already felt the pressing need to communicate, but just about the

> time I was deciding it might be best not to call my mom.... I got my

> last letter to my parents back from being misaddressed! Maybe my

> letter was just part of the process of dealing with my feelings. NOT

> seeing my folks was actually my worst fear!

>

> Is this re-write strong and kind enough? Do I give too much

> information? My Nada told me long ago, when I was a kid, that I

> would become a stranger. I have fought this prophesy all of my adult

> life! The wonderful vacation we took, in which nada never

> appeared..... was a great lesson for me. I no longer feel so pressed

> to try to rescue our relationship with a letter, but I do want to

> COMMUNICATE, with good boundaries and less people-pleasing...

>

> Fellow travellers, I would appreciate your feedback/thoughts/

> constructive criticism....

>

> Dear Mom (aka Nada) and Dad,

>

> I wrote you at your post office address for the second time, just

> before school started. As you can see, I got the address wrong this

> time (just got the letter returned to me on Saturday. If at first you

> don't succeed, try try again! LOL) . I will have to check carefully to

> be sure I don't make this mistake again!

>

> Summer vacation sure went by quickly! And it has been unusually hot

> in Northeast Georgia; being able to come out west for a few days sure

> helped us cope.

>

> Thank goodness for the pool and swimming, since we got back. Spending

> late afternoons swimming, helped us to avoid cabin fever (staying too

> much indoors in air conditioning) on the short weeks remaining before

> school started last week. Tycho and I are both grateful, we were able

> to fit in two final swim dates the first week of school. The

> university pool closed this past Thursday.

>

> I am not sure how we missed seeing each other that first part of

> July. When I knew our itinerary for our trip to the Northwest, I sent

> a note to your PO Box, before we left Georgia. (It was the best I

> could do in giving you advance notice of the trip.)

>

> I did not know what to think when I did not get a call from you about

> the dates we would have open for a visit. Doug and I rang you many

> times, hoping to set up that visit before we flew back to Georgia.

> Neither of us could reach you, nor could we leave a message. Most

> unfortunate!

>

> I'd wanted to tell you what a pleasant surprise it was to find your

> birthday wishes in our mailbox when we got back from our time in the

> Northwest. Thank you.

>

> But making this big trip to the West without seeing you and Dad, still

> feels a bit disconcerting to me!

>

> Please let me know how you wish to proceed in our correspondence.

>

> Love,

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

What is it exactly that you're wanting to communicate, would be my question.

This letter comes across as very apologetic, as though you'd done something

wrong. But from what I can gather, your parents have either blocked your phone

number or refused to return your phone calls / voice messages, so you had no way

to let them know you'd be in their area and available for a visit. (And is it

possible that they simply refused to accept your letter and marked it " return to

sender " ?)

This is just my own personal opinion, but if you're still feeling a need to

offer contact, I'd just write a brief postcard saying something like,

" Hi folks, Wish we could have seen you during our recent visit to your area, but

we couldn't reach you by phone or mail. Oh well. Maybe next time. We had a

wonderful vacation: the area is so lovely, and now we're back home cooling off

in the pool. Write when you can. Love, V. "

I hope that helps.

-Annie

>

> Do you have any reservations about the following letter to my folks?

> I've already felt the pressing need to communicate, but just about the

> time I was deciding it might be best not to call my mom.... I got my

> last letter to my parents back from being misaddressed! Maybe my

> letter was just part of the process of dealing with my feelings. NOT

> seeing my folks was actually my worst fear!

>

> Is this re-write strong and kind enough? Do I give too much

> information? My Nada told me long ago, when I was a kid, that I

> would become a stranger. I have fought this prophesy all of my adult

> life! The wonderful vacation we took, in which nada never

> appeared..... was a great lesson for me. I no longer feel so pressed

> to try to rescue our relationship with a letter, but I do want to

> COMMUNICATE, with good boundaries and less people-pleasing...

>

> Fellow travellers, I would appreciate your feedback/thoughts/

> constructive criticism....

>

> Dear Mom (aka Nada) and Dad,

>

> I wrote you at your post office address for the second time, just

> before school started. As you can see, I got the address wrong this

> time (just got the letter returned to me on Saturday. If at first you

> don't succeed, try try again! LOL) . I will have to check carefully to

> be sure I don't make this mistake again!

>

> Summer vacation sure went by quickly! And it has been unusually hot

> in Northeast Georgia; being able to come out west for a few days sure

> helped us cope.

>

> Thank goodness for the pool and swimming, since we got back. Spending

> late afternoons swimming, helped us to avoid cabin fever (staying too

> much indoors in air conditioning) on the short weeks remaining before

> school started last week. Tycho and I are both grateful, we were able

> to fit in two final swim dates the first week of school. The

> university pool closed this past Thursday.

>

> I am not sure how we missed seeing each other that first part of

> July. When I knew our itinerary for our trip to the Northwest, I sent

> a note to your PO Box, before we left Georgia. (It was the best I

> could do in giving you advance notice of the trip.)

>

> I did not know what to think when I did not get a call from you about

> the dates we would have open for a visit. Doug and I rang you many

> times, hoping to set up that visit before we flew back to Georgia.

> Neither of us could reach you, nor could we leave a message. Most

> unfortunate!

>

> I'd wanted to tell you what a pleasant surprise it was to find your

> birthday wishes in our mailbox when we got back from our time in the

> Northwest. Thank you.

>

> But making this big trip to the West without seeing you and Dad, still

> feels a bit disconcerting to me!

>

> Please let me know how you wish to proceed in our correspondence.

>

> Love,

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

What is it exactly that you're wanting to communicate, would be my question.

This letter comes across as very apologetic, as though you'd done something

wrong. But from what I can gather, your parents have either blocked your phone

number or refused to return your phone calls / voice messages, so you had no way

to let them know you'd be in their area and available for a visit. (And is it

possible that they simply refused to accept your letter and marked it " return to

sender " ?)

This is just my own personal opinion, but if you're still feeling a need to

offer contact, I'd just write a brief postcard saying something like,

" Hi folks, Wish we could have seen you during our recent visit to your area, but

we couldn't reach you by phone or mail. Oh well. Maybe next time. We had a

wonderful vacation: the area is so lovely, and now we're back home cooling off

in the pool. Write when you can. Love, V. "

I hope that helps.

-Annie

>

> Do you have any reservations about the following letter to my folks?

> I've already felt the pressing need to communicate, but just about the

> time I was deciding it might be best not to call my mom.... I got my

> last letter to my parents back from being misaddressed! Maybe my

> letter was just part of the process of dealing with my feelings. NOT

> seeing my folks was actually my worst fear!

>

> Is this re-write strong and kind enough? Do I give too much

> information? My Nada told me long ago, when I was a kid, that I

> would become a stranger. I have fought this prophesy all of my adult

> life! The wonderful vacation we took, in which nada never

> appeared..... was a great lesson for me. I no longer feel so pressed

> to try to rescue our relationship with a letter, but I do want to

> COMMUNICATE, with good boundaries and less people-pleasing...

>

> Fellow travellers, I would appreciate your feedback/thoughts/

> constructive criticism....

>

> Dear Mom (aka Nada) and Dad,

>

> I wrote you at your post office address for the second time, just

> before school started. As you can see, I got the address wrong this

> time (just got the letter returned to me on Saturday. If at first you

> don't succeed, try try again! LOL) . I will have to check carefully to

> be sure I don't make this mistake again!

>

> Summer vacation sure went by quickly! And it has been unusually hot

> in Northeast Georgia; being able to come out west for a few days sure

> helped us cope.

>

> Thank goodness for the pool and swimming, since we got back. Spending

> late afternoons swimming, helped us to avoid cabin fever (staying too

> much indoors in air conditioning) on the short weeks remaining before

> school started last week. Tycho and I are both grateful, we were able

> to fit in two final swim dates the first week of school. The

> university pool closed this past Thursday.

>

> I am not sure how we missed seeing each other that first part of

> July. When I knew our itinerary for our trip to the Northwest, I sent

> a note to your PO Box, before we left Georgia. (It was the best I

> could do in giving you advance notice of the trip.)

>

> I did not know what to think when I did not get a call from you about

> the dates we would have open for a visit. Doug and I rang you many

> times, hoping to set up that visit before we flew back to Georgia.

> Neither of us could reach you, nor could we leave a message. Most

> unfortunate!

>

> I'd wanted to tell you what a pleasant surprise it was to find your

> birthday wishes in our mailbox when we got back from our time in the

> Northwest. Thank you.

>

> But making this big trip to the West without seeing you and Dad, still

> feels a bit disconcerting to me!

>

> Please let me know how you wish to proceed in our correspondence.

>

> Love,

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I wouldn't send this. I dont' mean to be blunt but you are giving her way too

much power, especially, 'please let me know how you wish to proceed' or

whatever. She will, one way or the other, without you having to ask. You could

send her a postcard from your vacation with a pretty picture of somewhere you

visited, that would probably say everything you are trying to say, i.e. 'i'm

writing you, you can write back if you want' without you having to actually say

it.

>

> Do you have any reservations about the following letter to my folks?

> I've already felt the pressing need to communicate, but just about the

> time I was deciding it might be best not to call my mom.... I got my

> last letter to my parents back from being misaddressed! Maybe my

> letter was just part of the process of dealing with my feelings. NOT

> seeing my folks was actually my worst fear!

>

> Is this re-write strong and kind enough? Do I give too much

> information? My Nada told me long ago, when I was a kid, that I

> would become a stranger. I have fought this prophesy all of my adult

> life! The wonderful vacation we took, in which nada never

> appeared..... was a great lesson for me. I no longer feel so pressed

> to try to rescue our relationship with a letter, but I do want to

> COMMUNICATE, with good boundaries and less people-pleasing...

>

> Fellow travellers, I would appreciate your feedback/thoughts/

> constructive criticism....

>

> Dear Mom (aka Nada) and Dad,

>

> I wrote you at your post office address for the second time, just

> before school started. As you can see, I got the address wrong this

> time (just got the letter returned to me on Saturday. If at first you

> don't succeed, try try again! LOL) . I will have to check carefully to

> be sure I don't make this mistake again!

>

> Summer vacation sure went by quickly! And it has been unusually hot

> in Northeast Georgia; being able to come out west for a few days sure

> helped us cope.

>

> Thank goodness for the pool and swimming, since we got back. Spending

> late afternoons swimming, helped us to avoid cabin fever (staying too

> much indoors in air conditioning) on the short weeks remaining before

> school started last week. Tycho and I are both grateful, we were able

> to fit in two final swim dates the first week of school. The

> university pool closed this past Thursday.

>

> I am not sure how we missed seeing each other that first part of

> July. When I knew our itinerary for our trip to the Northwest, I sent

> a note to your PO Box, before we left Georgia. (It was the best I

> could do in giving you advance notice of the trip.)

>

> I did not know what to think when I did not get a call from you about

> the dates we would have open for a visit. Doug and I rang you many

> times, hoping to set up that visit before we flew back to Georgia.

> Neither of us could reach you, nor could we leave a message. Most

> unfortunate!

>

> I'd wanted to tell you what a pleasant surprise it was to find your

> birthday wishes in our mailbox when we got back from our time in the

> Northwest. Thank you.

>

> But making this big trip to the West without seeing you and Dad, still

> feels a bit disconcerting to me!

>

> Please let me know how you wish to proceed in our correspondence.

>

> Love,

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I wouldn't send this. I dont' mean to be blunt but you are giving her way too

much power, especially, 'please let me know how you wish to proceed' or

whatever. She will, one way or the other, without you having to ask. You could

send her a postcard from your vacation with a pretty picture of somewhere you

visited, that would probably say everything you are trying to say, i.e. 'i'm

writing you, you can write back if you want' without you having to actually say

it.

>

> Do you have any reservations about the following letter to my folks?

> I've already felt the pressing need to communicate, but just about the

> time I was deciding it might be best not to call my mom.... I got my

> last letter to my parents back from being misaddressed! Maybe my

> letter was just part of the process of dealing with my feelings. NOT

> seeing my folks was actually my worst fear!

>

> Is this re-write strong and kind enough? Do I give too much

> information? My Nada told me long ago, when I was a kid, that I

> would become a stranger. I have fought this prophesy all of my adult

> life! The wonderful vacation we took, in which nada never

> appeared..... was a great lesson for me. I no longer feel so pressed

> to try to rescue our relationship with a letter, but I do want to

> COMMUNICATE, with good boundaries and less people-pleasing...

>

> Fellow travellers, I would appreciate your feedback/thoughts/

> constructive criticism....

>

> Dear Mom (aka Nada) and Dad,

>

> I wrote you at your post office address for the second time, just

> before school started. As you can see, I got the address wrong this

> time (just got the letter returned to me on Saturday. If at first you

> don't succeed, try try again! LOL) . I will have to check carefully to

> be sure I don't make this mistake again!

>

> Summer vacation sure went by quickly! And it has been unusually hot

> in Northeast Georgia; being able to come out west for a few days sure

> helped us cope.

>

> Thank goodness for the pool and swimming, since we got back. Spending

> late afternoons swimming, helped us to avoid cabin fever (staying too

> much indoors in air conditioning) on the short weeks remaining before

> school started last week. Tycho and I are both grateful, we were able

> to fit in two final swim dates the first week of school. The

> university pool closed this past Thursday.

>

> I am not sure how we missed seeing each other that first part of

> July. When I knew our itinerary for our trip to the Northwest, I sent

> a note to your PO Box, before we left Georgia. (It was the best I

> could do in giving you advance notice of the trip.)

>

> I did not know what to think when I did not get a call from you about

> the dates we would have open for a visit. Doug and I rang you many

> times, hoping to set up that visit before we flew back to Georgia.

> Neither of us could reach you, nor could we leave a message. Most

> unfortunate!

>

> I'd wanted to tell you what a pleasant surprise it was to find your

> birthday wishes in our mailbox when we got back from our time in the

> Northwest. Thank you.

>

> But making this big trip to the West without seeing you and Dad, still

> feels a bit disconcerting to me!

>

> Please let me know how you wish to proceed in our correspondence.

>

> Love,

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I wouldn't send this. I dont' mean to be blunt but you are giving her way too

much power, especially, 'please let me know how you wish to proceed' or

whatever. She will, one way or the other, without you having to ask. You could

send her a postcard from your vacation with a pretty picture of somewhere you

visited, that would probably say everything you are trying to say, i.e. 'i'm

writing you, you can write back if you want' without you having to actually say

it.

>

> Do you have any reservations about the following letter to my folks?

> I've already felt the pressing need to communicate, but just about the

> time I was deciding it might be best not to call my mom.... I got my

> last letter to my parents back from being misaddressed! Maybe my

> letter was just part of the process of dealing with my feelings. NOT

> seeing my folks was actually my worst fear!

>

> Is this re-write strong and kind enough? Do I give too much

> information? My Nada told me long ago, when I was a kid, that I

> would become a stranger. I have fought this prophesy all of my adult

> life! The wonderful vacation we took, in which nada never

> appeared..... was a great lesson for me. I no longer feel so pressed

> to try to rescue our relationship with a letter, but I do want to

> COMMUNICATE, with good boundaries and less people-pleasing...

>

> Fellow travellers, I would appreciate your feedback/thoughts/

> constructive criticism....

>

> Dear Mom (aka Nada) and Dad,

>

> I wrote you at your post office address for the second time, just

> before school started. As you can see, I got the address wrong this

> time (just got the letter returned to me on Saturday. If at first you

> don't succeed, try try again! LOL) . I will have to check carefully to

> be sure I don't make this mistake again!

>

> Summer vacation sure went by quickly! And it has been unusually hot

> in Northeast Georgia; being able to come out west for a few days sure

> helped us cope.

>

> Thank goodness for the pool and swimming, since we got back. Spending

> late afternoons swimming, helped us to avoid cabin fever (staying too

> much indoors in air conditioning) on the short weeks remaining before

> school started last week. Tycho and I are both grateful, we were able

> to fit in two final swim dates the first week of school. The

> university pool closed this past Thursday.

>

> I am not sure how we missed seeing each other that first part of

> July. When I knew our itinerary for our trip to the Northwest, I sent

> a note to your PO Box, before we left Georgia. (It was the best I

> could do in giving you advance notice of the trip.)

>

> I did not know what to think when I did not get a call from you about

> the dates we would have open for a visit. Doug and I rang you many

> times, hoping to set up that visit before we flew back to Georgia.

> Neither of us could reach you, nor could we leave a message. Most

> unfortunate!

>

> I'd wanted to tell you what a pleasant surprise it was to find your

> birthday wishes in our mailbox when we got back from our time in the

> Northwest. Thank you.

>

> But making this big trip to the West without seeing you and Dad, still

> feels a bit disconcerting to me!

>

> Please let me know how you wish to proceed in our correspondence.

>

> Love,

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hang on, I must have missed something... , weren't you the one who

planned the trip to the Northwest while trying NOT to see your parents? Or was

that somebody else? I know somebody here was traveling to the NW US and did not

want to spend vacation time with their parents - if that wasn't you, I

apologize.

But if it was you, why write them at all? And why try to make it sound as if

you really wanted to spend time with them? You had a vacation. You spent it

the way you liked. You're entitled to do that. No need to apologize or make

amends.

I completely understand " sneaking " into and out of a town to avoid unpleasant

acquaintances (FOO or otherwise - and I've done this myself) - but I wouldn't

write to alert them about it after the fact. If you must communicate with them

(your choice, for sure), then " we had a great summer, the kids had fun, and we

enjoyed the break. Now it's back to school. " - is enough information. It's all

true and it contains no incriminating details.

Even if you had planned to see them on your vacation, and it just didn't work

out, I wouldn't belabor the point. What's done is done. Now it's time to get

the kids back in school. Talk about that, and let the summer's failed plans

rest in peace. Don't hand Nada any ammunition!

> >

> > Do you have any reservations about the following letter to my folks?

> > I've already felt the pressing need to communicate, but just about the

> > time I was deciding it might be best not to call my mom.... I got my

> > last letter to my parents back from being misaddressed! Maybe my

> > letter was just part of the process of dealing with my feelings. NOT

> > seeing my folks was actually my worst fear!

> >

> > Is this re-write strong and kind enough? Do I give too much

> > information? My Nada told me long ago, when I was a kid, that I

> > would become a stranger. I have fought this prophesy all of my adult

> > life! The wonderful vacation we took, in which nada never

> > appeared..... was a great lesson for me. I no longer feel so pressed

> > to try to rescue our relationship with a letter, but I do want to

> > COMMUNICATE, with good boundaries and less people-pleasing...

> >

> > Fellow travellers, I would appreciate your feedback/thoughts/

> > constructive criticism....

> >

> > Dear Mom (aka Nada) and Dad,

> >

> > I wrote you at your post office address for the second time, just

> > before school started. As you can see, I got the address wrong this

> > time (just got the letter returned to me on Saturday. If at first you

> > don't succeed, try try again! LOL) . I will have to check carefully to

> > be sure I don't make this mistake again!

> >

> > Summer vacation sure went by quickly! And it has been unusually hot

> > in Northeast Georgia; being able to come out west for a few days sure

> > helped us cope.

> >

> > Thank goodness for the pool and swimming, since we got back. Spending

> > late afternoons swimming, helped us to avoid cabin fever (staying too

> > much indoors in air conditioning) on the short weeks remaining before

> > school started last week. Tycho and I are both grateful, we were able

> > to fit in two final swim dates the first week of school. The

> > university pool closed this past Thursday.

> >

> > I am not sure how we missed seeing each other that first part of

> > July. When I knew our itinerary for our trip to the Northwest, I sent

> > a note to your PO Box, before we left Georgia. (It was the best I

> > could do in giving you advance notice of the trip.)

> >

> > I did not know what to think when I did not get a call from you about

> > the dates we would have open for a visit. Doug and I rang you many

> > times, hoping to set up that visit before we flew back to Georgia.

> > Neither of us could reach you, nor could we leave a message. Most

> > unfortunate!

> >

> > I'd wanted to tell you what a pleasant surprise it was to find your

> > birthday wishes in our mailbox when we got back from our time in the

> > Northwest. Thank you.

> >

> > But making this big trip to the West without seeing you and Dad, still

> > feels a bit disconcerting to me!

> >

> > Please let me know how you wish to proceed in our correspondence.

> >

> > Love,

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hang on, I must have missed something... , weren't you the one who

planned the trip to the Northwest while trying NOT to see your parents? Or was

that somebody else? I know somebody here was traveling to the NW US and did not

want to spend vacation time with their parents - if that wasn't you, I

apologize.

But if it was you, why write them at all? And why try to make it sound as if

you really wanted to spend time with them? You had a vacation. You spent it

the way you liked. You're entitled to do that. No need to apologize or make

amends.

I completely understand " sneaking " into and out of a town to avoid unpleasant

acquaintances (FOO or otherwise - and I've done this myself) - but I wouldn't

write to alert them about it after the fact. If you must communicate with them

(your choice, for sure), then " we had a great summer, the kids had fun, and we

enjoyed the break. Now it's back to school. " - is enough information. It's all

true and it contains no incriminating details.

Even if you had planned to see them on your vacation, and it just didn't work

out, I wouldn't belabor the point. What's done is done. Now it's time to get

the kids back in school. Talk about that, and let the summer's failed plans

rest in peace. Don't hand Nada any ammunition!

> >

> > Do you have any reservations about the following letter to my folks?

> > I've already felt the pressing need to communicate, but just about the

> > time I was deciding it might be best not to call my mom.... I got my

> > last letter to my parents back from being misaddressed! Maybe my

> > letter was just part of the process of dealing with my feelings. NOT

> > seeing my folks was actually my worst fear!

> >

> > Is this re-write strong and kind enough? Do I give too much

> > information? My Nada told me long ago, when I was a kid, that I

> > would become a stranger. I have fought this prophesy all of my adult

> > life! The wonderful vacation we took, in which nada never

> > appeared..... was a great lesson for me. I no longer feel so pressed

> > to try to rescue our relationship with a letter, but I do want to

> > COMMUNICATE, with good boundaries and less people-pleasing...

> >

> > Fellow travellers, I would appreciate your feedback/thoughts/

> > constructive criticism....

> >

> > Dear Mom (aka Nada) and Dad,

> >

> > I wrote you at your post office address for the second time, just

> > before school started. As you can see, I got the address wrong this

> > time (just got the letter returned to me on Saturday. If at first you

> > don't succeed, try try again! LOL) . I will have to check carefully to

> > be sure I don't make this mistake again!

> >

> > Summer vacation sure went by quickly! And it has been unusually hot

> > in Northeast Georgia; being able to come out west for a few days sure

> > helped us cope.

> >

> > Thank goodness for the pool and swimming, since we got back. Spending

> > late afternoons swimming, helped us to avoid cabin fever (staying too

> > much indoors in air conditioning) on the short weeks remaining before

> > school started last week. Tycho and I are both grateful, we were able

> > to fit in two final swim dates the first week of school. The

> > university pool closed this past Thursday.

> >

> > I am not sure how we missed seeing each other that first part of

> > July. When I knew our itinerary for our trip to the Northwest, I sent

> > a note to your PO Box, before we left Georgia. (It was the best I

> > could do in giving you advance notice of the trip.)

> >

> > I did not know what to think when I did not get a call from you about

> > the dates we would have open for a visit. Doug and I rang you many

> > times, hoping to set up that visit before we flew back to Georgia.

> > Neither of us could reach you, nor could we leave a message. Most

> > unfortunate!

> >

> > I'd wanted to tell you what a pleasant surprise it was to find your

> > birthday wishes in our mailbox when we got back from our time in the

> > Northwest. Thank you.

> >

> > But making this big trip to the West without seeing you and Dad, still

> > feels a bit disconcerting to me!

> >

> > Please let me know how you wish to proceed in our correspondence.

> >

> > Love,

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hang on, I must have missed something... , weren't you the one who

planned the trip to the Northwest while trying NOT to see your parents? Or was

that somebody else? I know somebody here was traveling to the NW US and did not

want to spend vacation time with their parents - if that wasn't you, I

apologize.

But if it was you, why write them at all? And why try to make it sound as if

you really wanted to spend time with them? You had a vacation. You spent it

the way you liked. You're entitled to do that. No need to apologize or make

amends.

I completely understand " sneaking " into and out of a town to avoid unpleasant

acquaintances (FOO or otherwise - and I've done this myself) - but I wouldn't

write to alert them about it after the fact. If you must communicate with them

(your choice, for sure), then " we had a great summer, the kids had fun, and we

enjoyed the break. Now it's back to school. " - is enough information. It's all

true and it contains no incriminating details.

Even if you had planned to see them on your vacation, and it just didn't work

out, I wouldn't belabor the point. What's done is done. Now it's time to get

the kids back in school. Talk about that, and let the summer's failed plans

rest in peace. Don't hand Nada any ammunition!

> >

> > Do you have any reservations about the following letter to my folks?

> > I've already felt the pressing need to communicate, but just about the

> > time I was deciding it might be best not to call my mom.... I got my

> > last letter to my parents back from being misaddressed! Maybe my

> > letter was just part of the process of dealing with my feelings. NOT

> > seeing my folks was actually my worst fear!

> >

> > Is this re-write strong and kind enough? Do I give too much

> > information? My Nada told me long ago, when I was a kid, that I

> > would become a stranger. I have fought this prophesy all of my adult

> > life! The wonderful vacation we took, in which nada never

> > appeared..... was a great lesson for me. I no longer feel so pressed

> > to try to rescue our relationship with a letter, but I do want to

> > COMMUNICATE, with good boundaries and less people-pleasing...

> >

> > Fellow travellers, I would appreciate your feedback/thoughts/

> > constructive criticism....

> >

> > Dear Mom (aka Nada) and Dad,

> >

> > I wrote you at your post office address for the second time, just

> > before school started. As you can see, I got the address wrong this

> > time (just got the letter returned to me on Saturday. If at first you

> > don't succeed, try try again! LOL) . I will have to check carefully to

> > be sure I don't make this mistake again!

> >

> > Summer vacation sure went by quickly! And it has been unusually hot

> > in Northeast Georgia; being able to come out west for a few days sure

> > helped us cope.

> >

> > Thank goodness for the pool and swimming, since we got back. Spending

> > late afternoons swimming, helped us to avoid cabin fever (staying too

> > much indoors in air conditioning) on the short weeks remaining before

> > school started last week. Tycho and I are both grateful, we were able

> > to fit in two final swim dates the first week of school. The

> > university pool closed this past Thursday.

> >

> > I am not sure how we missed seeing each other that first part of

> > July. When I knew our itinerary for our trip to the Northwest, I sent

> > a note to your PO Box, before we left Georgia. (It was the best I

> > could do in giving you advance notice of the trip.)

> >

> > I did not know what to think when I did not get a call from you about

> > the dates we would have open for a visit. Doug and I rang you many

> > times, hoping to set up that visit before we flew back to Georgia.

> > Neither of us could reach you, nor could we leave a message. Most

> > unfortunate!

> >

> > I'd wanted to tell you what a pleasant surprise it was to find your

> > birthday wishes in our mailbox when we got back from our time in the

> > Northwest. Thank you.

> >

> > But making this big trip to the West without seeing you and Dad, still

> > feels a bit disconcerting to me!

> >

> > Please let me know how you wish to proceed in our correspondence.

> >

> > Love,

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Appreciating the input so far. I had this feeling that KO would be

very frank with me.

I guess my tone is apologetic. It is weak, and it gives too much

information, too.

I wanted to apologize, because as it turns out, my mom was apparently

out of town when we visited! (Of course, I don't know that she is

being fully honest, even with my brother). And I really should not

take all the responsibility. I see that this letter does that, trying

to avoid what might appear to be " blaming " to her. Bending myself

into a pretzel a bit.....

I still feel a bit apologetic, but to be fair to me...I was simply

unable emotionally to give my mom advance notice of our trip. I did

let her know by mail at the post office address the week before we

were in driving distance of her home. (To clear up the confusion,

that card was successfully delivered; the second card really was

misaddressed by me. An innocent error that was not caught/corrected by

the deliverer).

The old loves the idea of a post card written just as you

suggested Annie...But don't you think I should have done that a month

ago, when we first got home? Sending it a month later might be

misinterpreted. My mom hates post cards, because everyone knows there

ARE occasional mailmen who do read them. LOL. The old victoria would

have said what the hell, and sent her a post card anyways. Right

now, it would be rubbing egg in her face to send her one.

I am still open to other perspectives and likely will significantly

edit the letter....

Thank you!

[Guest guest]

Wait, there are two 's? And it sounds like the old one stood up for

herself while the new one is on a hoover-guilt trip? What about the trip

made you feel guilty?

You didn't do anything wrong! And if you don't want to see Nada, you don't

have to!

That's my 2 cents.

Girlscout

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 6:56 PM, S. wrote:

>

>

>

> Appreciating the input so far. I had this feeling that KO would be

> very frank with me.

>

> I guess my tone is apologetic. It is weak, and it gives too much

> information, too.

>

> I wanted to apologize, because as it turns out, my mom was apparently

> out of town when we visited! (Of course, I don't know that she is

> being fully honest, even with my brother). And I really should not

> take all the responsibility. I see that this letter does that, trying

> to avoid what might appear to be " blaming " to her. Bending myself

> into a pretzel a bit.....

>

> I still feel a bit apologetic, but to be fair to me...I was simply

> unable emotionally to give my mom advance notice of our trip. I did

> let her know by mail at the post office address the week before we

> were in driving distance of her home. (To clear up the confusion,

> that card was successfully delivered; the second card really was

> misaddressed by me. An innocent error that was not caught/corrected by

> the deliverer).

>

> The old loves the idea of a post card written just as you

> suggested Annie...But don't you think I should have done that a month

> ago, when we first got home? Sending it a month later might be

> misinterpreted. My mom hates post cards, because everyone knows there

> ARE occasional mailmen who do read them. LOL. The old victoria would

> have said what the hell, and sent her a post card anyways. Right

> now, it would be rubbing egg in her face to send her one.

>

> I am still open to other perspectives and likely will significantly

> edit the letter....

>

> Thank you!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wait, there are two 's? And it sounds like the old one stood up for

herself while the new one is on a hoover-guilt trip? What about the trip

made you feel guilty?

You didn't do anything wrong! And if you don't want to see Nada, you don't

have to!

That's my 2 cents.

Girlscout

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 6:56 PM, S. wrote:

>

>

>

> Appreciating the input so far. I had this feeling that KO would be

> very frank with me.

>

> I guess my tone is apologetic. It is weak, and it gives too much

> information, too.

>

> I wanted to apologize, because as it turns out, my mom was apparently

> out of town when we visited! (Of course, I don't know that she is

> being fully honest, even with my brother). And I really should not

> take all the responsibility. I see that this letter does that, trying

> to avoid what might appear to be " blaming " to her. Bending myself

> into a pretzel a bit.....

>

> I still feel a bit apologetic, but to be fair to me...I was simply

> unable emotionally to give my mom advance notice of our trip. I did

> let her know by mail at the post office address the week before we

> were in driving distance of her home. (To clear up the confusion,

> that card was successfully delivered; the second card really was

> misaddressed by me. An innocent error that was not caught/corrected by

> the deliverer).

>

> The old loves the idea of a post card written just as you

> suggested Annie...But don't you think I should have done that a month

> ago, when we first got home? Sending it a month later might be

> misinterpreted. My mom hates post cards, because everyone knows there

> ARE occasional mailmen who do read them. LOL. The old victoria would

> have said what the hell, and sent her a post card anyways. Right

> now, it would be rubbing egg in her face to send her one.

>

> I am still open to other perspectives and likely will significantly

> edit the letter....

>

> Thank you!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wait, there are two 's? And it sounds like the old one stood up for

herself while the new one is on a hoover-guilt trip? What about the trip

made you feel guilty?

You didn't do anything wrong! And if you don't want to see Nada, you don't

have to!

That's my 2 cents.

Girlscout

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 6:56 PM, S. wrote:

>

>

>

> Appreciating the input so far. I had this feeling that KO would be

> very frank with me.

>

> I guess my tone is apologetic. It is weak, and it gives too much

> information, too.

>

> I wanted to apologize, because as it turns out, my mom was apparently

> out of town when we visited! (Of course, I don't know that she is

> being fully honest, even with my brother). And I really should not

> take all the responsibility. I see that this letter does that, trying

> to avoid what might appear to be " blaming " to her. Bending myself

> into a pretzel a bit.....

>

> I still feel a bit apologetic, but to be fair to me...I was simply

> unable emotionally to give my mom advance notice of our trip. I did

> let her know by mail at the post office address the week before we

> were in driving distance of her home. (To clear up the confusion,

> that card was successfully delivered; the second card really was

> misaddressed by me. An innocent error that was not caught/corrected by

> the deliverer).

>

> The old loves the idea of a post card written just as you

> suggested Annie...But don't you think I should have done that a month

> ago, when we first got home? Sending it a month later might be

> misinterpreted. My mom hates post cards, because everyone knows there

> ARE occasional mailmen who do read them. LOL. The old victoria would

> have said what the hell, and sent her a post card anyways. Right

> now, it would be rubbing egg in her face to send her one.

>

> I am still open to other perspectives and likely will significantly

> edit the letter....

>

> Thank you!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Please don't feel like I'm telling you what to do; we've all had enuf of that!!

Just my suggestions (I write for a living, so I'm used to slicing and dicing

others' material...).

Your letter is very cordial but I felt like you took a while to get to your

point...which seemed to be why they didn't return your call?

I would make it shorter, not too many details. It almost sounds like you're a

bit nervous, making small talk in the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs.

I would leave in just the 4th, 6th and 7th paragraphs. Keep it short. Leave out

" please let me know how to proceed... " Maybe just end with something vague, like

" have a great summer. "

Good luck!

Fiona

>

> Do you have any reservations about the following letter to my folks?

> I've already felt the pressing need to communicate, but just about the

> time I was deciding it might be best not to call my mom.... I got my

> last letter to my parents back from being misaddressed! Maybe my

> letter was just part of the process of dealing with my feelings. NOT

> seeing my folks was actually my worst fear!

>

> Is this re-write strong and kind enough? Do I give too much

> information? My Nada told me long ago, when I was a kid, that I

> would become a stranger. I have fought this prophesy all of my adult

> life! The wonderful vacation we took, in which nada never

> appeared..... was a great lesson for me. I no longer feel so pressed

> to try to rescue our relationship with a letter, but I do want to

> COMMUNICATE, with good boundaries and less people-pleasing...

>

> Fellow travellers, I would appreciate your feedback/thoughts/

> constructive criticism....

>

> Dear Mom (aka Nada) and Dad,

>

> I wrote you at your post office address for the second time, just

> before school started. As you can see, I got the address wrong this

> time (just got the letter returned to me on Saturday. If at first you

> don't succeed, try try again! LOL) . I will have to check carefully to

> be sure I don't make this mistake again!

>

> Summer vacation sure went by quickly! And it has been unusually hot

> in Northeast Georgia; being able to come out west for a few days sure

> helped us cope.

>

> Thank goodness for the pool and swimming, since we got back. Spending

> late afternoons swimming, helped us to avoid cabin fever (staying too

> much indoors in air conditioning) on the short weeks remaining before

> school started last week. Tycho and I are both grateful, we were able

> to fit in two final swim dates the first week of school. The

> university pool closed this past Thursday.

>

> I am not sure how we missed seeing each other that first part of

> July. When I knew our itinerary for our trip to the Northwest, I sent

> a note to your PO Box, before we left Georgia. (It was the best I

> could do in giving you advance notice of the trip.)

>

> I did not know what to think when I did not get a call from you about

> the dates we would have open for a visit. Doug and I rang you many

> times, hoping to set up that visit before we flew back to Georgia.

> Neither of us could reach you, nor could we leave a message. Most

> unfortunate!

>

> I'd wanted to tell you what a pleasant surprise it was to find your

> birthday wishes in our mailbox when we got back from our time in the

> Northwest. Thank you.

>

> But making this big trip to the West without seeing you and Dad, still

> feels a bit disconcerting to me!

>

> Please let me know how you wish to proceed in our correspondence.

>

> Love,

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Please don't feel like I'm telling you what to do; we've all had enuf of that!!

Just my suggestions (I write for a living, so I'm used to slicing and dicing

others' material...).

Your letter is very cordial but I felt like you took a while to get to your

point...which seemed to be why they didn't return your call?

I would make it shorter, not too many details. It almost sounds like you're a

bit nervous, making small talk in the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs.

I would leave in just the 4th, 6th and 7th paragraphs. Keep it short. Leave out

" please let me know how to proceed... " Maybe just end with something vague, like

" have a great summer. "

Good luck!

Fiona

>

> Do you have any reservations about the following letter to my folks?

> I've already felt the pressing need to communicate, but just about the

> time I was deciding it might be best not to call my mom.... I got my

> last letter to my parents back from being misaddressed! Maybe my

> letter was just part of the process of dealing with my feelings. NOT

> seeing my folks was actually my worst fear!

>

> Is this re-write strong and kind enough? Do I give too much

> information? My Nada told me long ago, when I was a kid, that I

> would become a stranger. I have fought this prophesy all of my adult

> life! The wonderful vacation we took, in which nada never

> appeared..... was a great lesson for me. I no longer feel so pressed

> to try to rescue our relationship with a letter, but I do want to

> COMMUNICATE, with good boundaries and less people-pleasing...

>

> Fellow travellers, I would appreciate your feedback/thoughts/

> constructive criticism....

>

> Dear Mom (aka Nada) and Dad,

>

> I wrote you at your post office address for the second time, just

> before school started. As you can see, I got the address wrong this

> time (just got the letter returned to me on Saturday. If at first you

> don't succeed, try try again! LOL) . I will have to check carefully to

> be sure I don't make this mistake again!

>

> Summer vacation sure went by quickly! And it has been unusually hot

> in Northeast Georgia; being able to come out west for a few days sure

> helped us cope.

>

> Thank goodness for the pool and swimming, since we got back. Spending

> late afternoons swimming, helped us to avoid cabin fever (staying too

> much indoors in air conditioning) on the short weeks remaining before

> school started last week. Tycho and I are both grateful, we were able

> to fit in two final swim dates the first week of school. The

> university pool closed this past Thursday.

>

> I am not sure how we missed seeing each other that first part of

> July. When I knew our itinerary for our trip to the Northwest, I sent

> a note to your PO Box, before we left Georgia. (It was the best I

> could do in giving you advance notice of the trip.)

>

> I did not know what to think when I did not get a call from you about

> the dates we would have open for a visit. Doug and I rang you many

> times, hoping to set up that visit before we flew back to Georgia.

> Neither of us could reach you, nor could we leave a message. Most

> unfortunate!

>

> I'd wanted to tell you what a pleasant surprise it was to find your

> birthday wishes in our mailbox when we got back from our time in the

> Northwest. Thank you.

>

> But making this big trip to the West without seeing you and Dad, still

> feels a bit disconcerting to me!

>

> Please let me know how you wish to proceed in our correspondence.

>

> Love,

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Please don't feel like I'm telling you what to do; we've all had enuf of that!!

Just my suggestions (I write for a living, so I'm used to slicing and dicing

others' material...).

Your letter is very cordial but I felt like you took a while to get to your

point...which seemed to be why they didn't return your call?

I would make it shorter, not too many details. It almost sounds like you're a

bit nervous, making small talk in the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs.

I would leave in just the 4th, 6th and 7th paragraphs. Keep it short. Leave out

" please let me know how to proceed... " Maybe just end with something vague, like

" have a great summer. "

Good luck!

Fiona

>

> Do you have any reservations about the following letter to my folks?

> I've already felt the pressing need to communicate, but just about the

> time I was deciding it might be best not to call my mom.... I got my

> last letter to my parents back from being misaddressed! Maybe my

> letter was just part of the process of dealing with my feelings. NOT

> seeing my folks was actually my worst fear!

>

> Is this re-write strong and kind enough? Do I give too much

> information? My Nada told me long ago, when I was a kid, that I

> would become a stranger. I have fought this prophesy all of my adult

> life! The wonderful vacation we took, in which nada never

> appeared..... was a great lesson for me. I no longer feel so pressed

> to try to rescue our relationship with a letter, but I do want to

> COMMUNICATE, with good boundaries and less people-pleasing...

>

> Fellow travellers, I would appreciate your feedback/thoughts/

> constructive criticism....

>

> Dear Mom (aka Nada) and Dad,

>

> I wrote you at your post office address for the second time, just

> before school started. As you can see, I got the address wrong this

> time (just got the letter returned to me on Saturday. If at first you

> don't succeed, try try again! LOL) . I will have to check carefully to

> be sure I don't make this mistake again!

>

> Summer vacation sure went by quickly! And it has been unusually hot

> in Northeast Georgia; being able to come out west for a few days sure

> helped us cope.

>

> Thank goodness for the pool and swimming, since we got back. Spending

> late afternoons swimming, helped us to avoid cabin fever (staying too

> much indoors in air conditioning) on the short weeks remaining before

> school started last week. Tycho and I are both grateful, we were able

> to fit in two final swim dates the first week of school. The

> university pool closed this past Thursday.

>

> I am not sure how we missed seeing each other that first part of

> July. When I knew our itinerary for our trip to the Northwest, I sent

> a note to your PO Box, before we left Georgia. (It was the best I

> could do in giving you advance notice of the trip.)

>

> I did not know what to think when I did not get a call from you about

> the dates we would have open for a visit. Doug and I rang you many

> times, hoping to set up that visit before we flew back to Georgia.

> Neither of us could reach you, nor could we leave a message. Most

> unfortunate!

>

> I'd wanted to tell you what a pleasant surprise it was to find your

> birthday wishes in our mailbox when we got back from our time in the

> Northwest. Thank you.

>

> But making this big trip to the West without seeing you and Dad, still

> feels a bit disconcerting to me!

>

> Please let me know how you wish to proceed in our correspondence.

>

> Love,

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Fiona, much gratitude to you for the way you cut out what was

unnecessary. I too am a writer. Sometimes in my efforts to

communicate with my family I overlook the fact that the first two

paragraphs of just about everything I write for publication... is

scaffolding. Yes, this time the first three paragraphs can easily hit

the floor.

Thanks everyone for helping me cut out the stuff that is just going to

give my nada ammunition. My guilt is for me to deal with on my own,

and not for nada to give me absolution on.

It is just so weird... I faced my worst case scenario on this visit.

That I would go all the way to the Emerald City and not get a blessing

from Oz.

I might sound wimpy in my letter, but I have felt SOOO good knowing

that I faced my fear and as a result of being open to not seeing nada

(but putting the choice in her hands), my son, husband and brother and

sister and law in their kids, had a great visit with no surprises from

nada. I am pretty sure that this visit, my nada would have dished out

some doozies, too. For one, she does not really like my gray hair and

wants me to let her buy me a wig. I can laugh about that, but she

can't. She is SERIOUS about it, but also does not want to look like

she is finding fault with mE! Had I laughed about it, she might have

just gotten mad!

My relationship with nada is about shot, and this way, neither of us

had to face our disappointment in each other, in person. I am terrible

at hiding my true feelings, whereas, my nada pretty much gets to say

whatever the f she wants.

While I sit there, either making the decision to stop trying (and

making wise cracks all over the place... that's why I say the old

) or slicing and dicing and mincing my words, more powerless

by the moment..... so as to avoid offense (the that tries too

hard to avoid acting out of anger).

I am so glad I got to just be ME on this visit, without having to

wonder what nada was going to make of it!

Thanks again. I have to say this. No contact feels really good. A

letter that shows the peace of mind I really have, is a more effective

one for me.