Re: my letter to my parents, your KO perspective?

[Guest guest]

Fiona, much gratitude to you for the way you cut out what was

unnecessary. I too am a writer. Sometimes in my efforts to

communicate with my family I overlook the fact that the first two

paragraphs of just about everything I write for publication... is

scaffolding. Yes, this time the first three paragraphs can easily hit

the floor.

Thanks everyone for helping me cut out the stuff that is just going to

give my nada ammunition. My guilt is for me to deal with on my own,

and not for nada to give me absolution on.

It is just so weird... I faced my worst case scenario on this visit.

That I would go all the way to the Emerald City and not get a blessing

from Oz.

I might sound wimpy in my letter, but I have felt SOOO good knowing

that I faced my fear and as a result of being open to not seeing nada

(but putting the choice in her hands), my son, husband and brother and

sister and law in their kids, had a great visit with no surprises from

nada. I am pretty sure that this visit, my nada would have dished out

some doozies, too. For one, she does not really like my gray hair and

wants me to let her buy me a wig. I can laugh about that, but she

can't. She is SERIOUS about it, but also does not want to look like

she is finding fault with mE! Had I laughed about it, she might have

just gotten mad!

My relationship with nada is about shot, and this way, neither of us

had to face our disappointment in each other, in person. I am terrible

at hiding my true feelings, whereas, my nada pretty much gets to say

whatever the f she wants.

While I sit there, either making the decision to stop trying (and

making wise cracks all over the place... that's why I say the old

) or slicing and dicing and mincing my words, more powerless

by the moment..... so as to avoid offense (the that tries too

hard to avoid acting out of anger).

I am so glad I got to just be ME on this visit, without having to

wonder what nada was going to make of it!

Thanks again. I have to say this. No contact feels really good. A

letter that shows the peace of mind I really have, is a more effective

one for me.