Re: Nada reverses facts..... Infuriating!

[Guest guest]

Mine does (well, did--NC here) this all the time. Totally took whatever I said

or did to mean whatever she wanted it to mean. My noncommittal " uh-huh " could

mean over-the-top enthusiasm or a slap in the face. If I glanced at another

person I could get chided not to stare or teased for flirting. My t-shirt that

happened to have a flag of a communist country (along with several other

countries' flags) on it meant I didn't believe in God. Exercising at 5:30 in

the morning meant I was doing drugs. Not letting my kids have unrestricted

access to candy meant I had my kids on a " low-carb " diet. Owning one figurine

meant I was " collecting " them, while things I actually was collecting were

conveniently overlooked.

Really, really infuriating.

>

> I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

>

> I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

>

> Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. " Um

excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

>

> Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

>

> I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like the

jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

>

> Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

>

[Guest guest]

Mine does (well, did--NC here) this all the time. Totally took whatever I said

or did to mean whatever she wanted it to mean. My noncommittal " uh-huh " could

mean over-the-top enthusiasm or a slap in the face. If I glanced at another

person I could get chided not to stare or teased for flirting. My t-shirt that

happened to have a flag of a communist country (along with several other

countries' flags) on it meant I didn't believe in God. Exercising at 5:30 in

the morning meant I was doing drugs. Not letting my kids have unrestricted

access to candy meant I had my kids on a " low-carb " diet. Owning one figurine

meant I was " collecting " them, while things I actually was collecting were

conveniently overlooked.

Really, really infuriating.

>

> I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

>

> I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

>

> Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. " Um

excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

>

> Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

>

> I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like the

jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

>

> Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

>

[Guest guest]

Mine does (well, did--NC here) this all the time. Totally took whatever I said

or did to mean whatever she wanted it to mean. My noncommittal " uh-huh " could

mean over-the-top enthusiasm or a slap in the face. If I glanced at another

person I could get chided not to stare or teased for flirting. My t-shirt that

happened to have a flag of a communist country (along with several other

countries' flags) on it meant I didn't believe in God. Exercising at 5:30 in

the morning meant I was doing drugs. Not letting my kids have unrestricted

access to candy meant I had my kids on a " low-carb " diet. Owning one figurine

meant I was " collecting " them, while things I actually was collecting were

conveniently overlooked.

Really, really infuriating.

>

> I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

>

> I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

>

> Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. " Um

excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

>

> Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

>

> I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like the

jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

>

> Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

>

[Guest guest]

god yes, my mother is like this. I would bet your mother is identifying in some

way with your boss and wanted you to have negative self-esteem for a few moments

just to gratify herself in some way. they seem to instinctively know how to

knock us off balance, and low self-esteem means less threat that we will abandon

them.

my mother literally drives me insane when she does this. freaking, stinking,

swearing, insane. She has really pulled an amazing fast one on me with this

situation with my sister in law. Whining to me for months about it til I finally

confronted SIL about my mother's grievances then twisting everything around to

make it look like SIL and I have issues that are personal between us and not

related to her. Then claiming that all she wants is 'peace' and that I disrupted

the 'peace' in her house, when I acted on her behalf and not out of any personal

issues because I don't have any relationship with SIL. It was unbelievably

disillusioning and painful and I hope the last time that I allow her to do this

to me. It never fails that when I most believe I will be supported or approved

of by my parents is when they punch me in the stomach. It's like they can sense

it...'she's getting a big head, time to knock her down to size'.

>

> I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

>

> I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

>

> Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. " Um

excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

>

> Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

>

> I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like the

jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

>

> Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

>

[Guest guest]

god yes, my mother is like this. I would bet your mother is identifying in some

way with your boss and wanted you to have negative self-esteem for a few moments

just to gratify herself in some way. they seem to instinctively know how to

knock us off balance, and low self-esteem means less threat that we will abandon

them.

my mother literally drives me insane when she does this. freaking, stinking,

swearing, insane. She has really pulled an amazing fast one on me with this

situation with my sister in law. Whining to me for months about it til I finally

confronted SIL about my mother's grievances then twisting everything around to

make it look like SIL and I have issues that are personal between us and not

related to her. Then claiming that all she wants is 'peace' and that I disrupted

the 'peace' in her house, when I acted on her behalf and not out of any personal

issues because I don't have any relationship with SIL. It was unbelievably

disillusioning and painful and I hope the last time that I allow her to do this

to me. It never fails that when I most believe I will be supported or approved

of by my parents is when they punch me in the stomach. It's like they can sense

it...'she's getting a big head, time to knock her down to size'.

>

> I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

>

> I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

>

> Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. " Um

excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

>

> Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

>

> I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like the

jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

>

> Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

>

[Guest guest]

god yes, my mother is like this. I would bet your mother is identifying in some

way with your boss and wanted you to have negative self-esteem for a few moments

just to gratify herself in some way. they seem to instinctively know how to

knock us off balance, and low self-esteem means less threat that we will abandon

them.

my mother literally drives me insane when she does this. freaking, stinking,

swearing, insane. She has really pulled an amazing fast one on me with this

situation with my sister in law. Whining to me for months about it til I finally

confronted SIL about my mother's grievances then twisting everything around to

make it look like SIL and I have issues that are personal between us and not

related to her. Then claiming that all she wants is 'peace' and that I disrupted

the 'peace' in her house, when I acted on her behalf and not out of any personal

issues because I don't have any relationship with SIL. It was unbelievably

disillusioning and painful and I hope the last time that I allow her to do this

to me. It never fails that when I most believe I will be supported or approved

of by my parents is when they punch me in the stomach. It's like they can sense

it...'she's getting a big head, time to knock her down to size'.

>

> I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

>

> I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

>

> Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. " Um

excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

>

> Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

>

> I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like the

jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

>

> Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

>

[Guest guest]

Yes my nada does this as well. Her biggest one is " knowing " something that

is a completely twisted piece of information or what I call " playing dumb " .

She will insist that something is true because " someone " told her. For

example, when I went into labor with DD my water broke at home very early in

labor. I was waiting for the doctor to call back with instructions to go to

the hospital. Nada called 3 times in those 15 minutes and had my brother

call a 4th when I would not listen to her. She insisted that when your

water breaks t baby is coming very soon and I must ignore the doctor's

instructions to wait for a call and go to the ER. My contractions were

still 10 minutes apart! (DD was born almost 30 hours later).I really think

she believes she is the expert in all things medical. She also remembers

things differently than I do. Also with my first birth I told her that

night that I would not be having the baby until sometime tomorrow(she was

there for the birth). She left work and showed up that night. When the

baby didn't arrive in the next few hours she chastised me for " making her "

call of work when it was taking so long.

[Guest guest]

Yes my nada does this as well. Her biggest one is " knowing " something that

is a completely twisted piece of information or what I call " playing dumb " .

She will insist that something is true because " someone " told her. For

example, when I went into labor with DD my water broke at home very early in

labor. I was waiting for the doctor to call back with instructions to go to

the hospital. Nada called 3 times in those 15 minutes and had my brother

call a 4th when I would not listen to her. She insisted that when your

water breaks t baby is coming very soon and I must ignore the doctor's

instructions to wait for a call and go to the ER. My contractions were

still 10 minutes apart! (DD was born almost 30 hours later).I really think

she believes she is the expert in all things medical. She also remembers

things differently than I do. Also with my first birth I told her that

night that I would not be having the baby until sometime tomorrow(she was

there for the birth). She left work and showed up that night. When the

baby didn't arrive in the next few hours she chastised me for " making her "

call of work when it was taking so long.

[Guest guest]

Yes my nada does this as well. Her biggest one is " knowing " something that

is a completely twisted piece of information or what I call " playing dumb " .

She will insist that something is true because " someone " told her. For

example, when I went into labor with DD my water broke at home very early in

labor. I was waiting for the doctor to call back with instructions to go to

the hospital. Nada called 3 times in those 15 minutes and had my brother

call a 4th when I would not listen to her. She insisted that when your

water breaks t baby is coming very soon and I must ignore the doctor's

instructions to wait for a call and go to the ER. My contractions were

still 10 minutes apart! (DD was born almost 30 hours later).I really think

she believes she is the expert in all things medical. She also remembers

things differently than I do. Also with my first birth I told her that

night that I would not be having the baby until sometime tomorrow(she was

there for the birth). She left work and showed up that night. When the

baby didn't arrive in the next few hours she chastised me for " making her "

call of work when it was taking so long.

[Guest guest]

With my nada it is not quite the same " playing dumb " . Nada rarely denies a

specific comment or behavior and relies instead on insisting that she is

right and justified. " playing dumb " for my nada is her " knowing nothing

about " some subject or spouting some ridiculous " fact " that she learned

somewhere and because she " knows " this crazyness it must be true. She uses

the " I don't know " to absolve herself of responsibility and the fake facts

to convince someone to do what she wants.

[Guest guest]

With my nada it is not quite the same " playing dumb " . Nada rarely denies a

specific comment or behavior and relies instead on insisting that she is

right and justified. " playing dumb " for my nada is her " knowing nothing

about " some subject or spouting some ridiculous " fact " that she learned

somewhere and because she " knows " this crazyness it must be true. She uses

the " I don't know " to absolve herself of responsibility and the fake facts

to convince someone to do what she wants.

[Guest guest]

OMG I DID TOO!! Stepnada used to tell me that people could see the mattress

attached to my back from miles away. I used to wonder what it was I did that let

off that impression, because I was (and still am) quite reserved and repressed.

But it wasn't me, it was her, mirroring because she couldn't stand that aspect

of herself.

> At one point in my life (I was about 20) I overheard my nada and my golden

child older brother talking. I thought I was having hallucinations but it's

true. I was working as a waitress in a restaurant that was attached to a motel,

and I got along really well with my boss. My nada and bada were discussing how

they thought my boss might be 'pimping me out' Yes Cowgirl, you're not the only

one who gets the slut treatment for being normal. OMFG

>

[Guest guest]

OMG I DID TOO!! Stepnada used to tell me that people could see the mattress

attached to my back from miles away. I used to wonder what it was I did that let

off that impression, because I was (and still am) quite reserved and repressed.

But it wasn't me, it was her, mirroring because she couldn't stand that aspect

of herself.

> At one point in my life (I was about 20) I overheard my nada and my golden

child older brother talking. I thought I was having hallucinations but it's

true. I was working as a waitress in a restaurant that was attached to a motel,

and I got along really well with my boss. My nada and bada were discussing how

they thought my boss might be 'pimping me out' Yes Cowgirl, you're not the only

one who gets the slut treatment for being normal. OMFG

>

[Guest guest]

OMG I DID TOO!! Stepnada used to tell me that people could see the mattress

attached to my back from miles away. I used to wonder what it was I did that let

off that impression, because I was (and still am) quite reserved and repressed.

But it wasn't me, it was her, mirroring because she couldn't stand that aspect

of herself.

> At one point in my life (I was about 20) I overheard my nada and my golden

child older brother talking. I thought I was having hallucinations but it's

true. I was working as a waitress in a restaurant that was attached to a motel,

and I got along really well with my boss. My nada and bada were discussing how

they thought my boss might be 'pimping me out' Yes Cowgirl, you're not the only

one who gets the slut treatment for being normal. OMFG

>

[Guest guest]

Its especially difficult for a vulnerable child, teen or young adult to cope

with and defend herself from these horrifically negative and false accusations

of being sexually promiscuous, coming from her own mother! Its shocking in its

devastating hurtfulness. Its a cruel thing to do to one's child.

A child really has no defenses at all against such toxic bilge coming from her

own mother, the person who is supposed to help her child discover who she is as

a unique individual in this world.

And I think you're right, a nada who does that is projecting her own inner

negative feelings and thoughts outward onto her child. I myself was frequently

accused of thinking, saying, or doing things that I never thought, said or did

at all. It was my mother, projecting her own vile self-loathing and negativity

onto me.

Its very damaging and crazy-making behavior and its definitely emotional abuse.

-Annie

> > At one point in my life (I was about 20) I overheard my nada and my golden

child older brother talking. I thought I was having hallucinations but it's

true. I was working as a waitress in a restaurant that was attached to a motel,

and I got along really well with my boss. My nada and bada were discussing how

they thought my boss might be 'pimping me out' Yes Cowgirl, you're not the only

one who gets the slut treatment for being normal. OMFG

> >

>