Re: New to this group, but I definitely need some coping strategies...

[Guest guest]

, here's my electronic hug to you: (((((())))))

This is a very sad situation but one that you can deal with. I too have a

narcisisst father who is a severe alcoholic, always has been, he's 70 now.

Please understand that although this is painful, you will be ok.

Firstly, detaching from him is oh so important. The other posters have written

in more detail about this so I won't reiteriate. I would like only to add that

you might feel different things throughout time as you begin detaching. I felt

immense waves of greif that would wash in and out randomly and unpredictably.

Perhaps you won't but just so you know this is perfectly normal and please allow

yourself to process your feelings without shame or dismissal.

Also there's anger. You might find yourself overwhelmed with regret and angry

feelings over the raw deal you're getting. You're right, you did get a raw deal

and your dad sucks. He just plain sucks and any normal person would feel anger

too. I still struggle to overcome some of my angry feelings about my nada and

fada but every year they become less and less.

Forgiveness, now that's a tough one. There are a lot of different

interpretations and feelings about this one. The best you can do is navigate

this later on down the road in your own personal way, in a way that is healing

for you. Please try not to feel guilty if you can't forgive, some of us never

will......... afterall some things are unforgivable. It's a bit early on to go

here yet but this is a topic that often rears its head among people here, and on

a personal note among my friends/family who don't understand my boundaries and

limited contact. Judgement from others is tough, and it hurts.

We're with you .

[Guest guest]

Something that helped me -

I'm really new to this group... but after going through the relationship

troubles I had (with a lot of guilt from the maternal-person mixed in) and then

coming to a very self-isolating point, I wrote a letter to myself. I forgave me

for everything I've ever done and not done - things that had been hard for me,

and I told myself I accepted all my choices (maybe I should do this again?). I

outlined every hurt memory I could and told myself it was okay. I sobbed my

eyes out writing it. I wrote, when I couldn't forgive, that I'd find a way to

accept in time. I left it posted to a mirror in my bedroom with the good bits

highlighted. I let me know I loved me. It helped me set the ball rolling on my

self esteem... Just a thought?

(Seriously, I think I might try this again).

>

> , here's my electronic hug to you: (((((())))))

>

> This is a very sad situation but one that you can deal with. I too have a

narcisisst father who is a severe alcoholic, always has been, he's 70 now.

Please understand that although this is painful, you will be ok.

>

> Firstly, detaching from him is oh so important. The other posters have written

in more detail about this so I won't reiteriate. I would like only to add that

you might feel different things throughout time as you begin detaching. I felt

immense waves of greif that would wash in and out randomly and unpredictably.

Perhaps you won't but just so you know this is perfectly normal and please allow

yourself to process your feelings without shame or dismissal.

>

> Also there's anger. You might find yourself overwhelmed with regret and angry

feelings over the raw deal you're getting. You're right, you did get a raw deal

and your dad sucks. He just plain sucks and any normal person would feel anger

too. I still struggle to overcome some of my angry feelings about my nada and

fada but every year they become less and less.

>

> Forgiveness, now that's a tough one. There are a lot of different

interpretations and feelings about this one. The best you can do is navigate

this later on down the road in your own personal way, in a way that is healing

for you. Please try not to feel guilty if you can't forgive, some of us never

will......... afterall some things are unforgivable. It's a bit early on to go

here yet but this is a topic that often rears its head among people here, and on

a personal note among my friends/family who don't understand my boundaries and

limited contact. Judgement from others is tough, and it hurts.

>

> We're with you .

>

[Guest guest]

Something that helped me -

I'm really new to this group... but after going through the relationship

troubles I had (with a lot of guilt from the maternal-person mixed in) and then

coming to a very self-isolating point, I wrote a letter to myself. I forgave me

for everything I've ever done and not done - things that had been hard for me,

and I told myself I accepted all my choices (maybe I should do this again?). I

outlined every hurt memory I could and told myself it was okay. I sobbed my

eyes out writing it. I wrote, when I couldn't forgive, that I'd find a way to

accept in time. I left it posted to a mirror in my bedroom with the good bits

highlighted. I let me know I loved me. It helped me set the ball rolling on my

self esteem... Just a thought?

(Seriously, I think I might try this again).

>

> , here's my electronic hug to you: (((((())))))

>

> This is a very sad situation but one that you can deal with. I too have a

narcisisst father who is a severe alcoholic, always has been, he's 70 now.

Please understand that although this is painful, you will be ok.

>

> Firstly, detaching from him is oh so important. The other posters have written

in more detail about this so I won't reiteriate. I would like only to add that

you might feel different things throughout time as you begin detaching. I felt

immense waves of greif that would wash in and out randomly and unpredictably.

Perhaps you won't but just so you know this is perfectly normal and please allow

yourself to process your feelings without shame or dismissal.

>

> Also there's anger. You might find yourself overwhelmed with regret and angry

feelings over the raw deal you're getting. You're right, you did get a raw deal

and your dad sucks. He just plain sucks and any normal person would feel anger

too. I still struggle to overcome some of my angry feelings about my nada and

fada but every year they become less and less.

>

> Forgiveness, now that's a tough one. There are a lot of different

interpretations and feelings about this one. The best you can do is navigate

this later on down the road in your own personal way, in a way that is healing

for you. Please try not to feel guilty if you can't forgive, some of us never

will......... afterall some things are unforgivable. It's a bit early on to go

here yet but this is a topic that often rears its head among people here, and on

a personal note among my friends/family who don't understand my boundaries and

limited contact. Judgement from others is tough, and it hurts.

>

> We're with you .

>

[Guest guest]

Something that helped me -

I'm really new to this group... but after going through the relationship

troubles I had (with a lot of guilt from the maternal-person mixed in) and then

coming to a very self-isolating point, I wrote a letter to myself. I forgave me

for everything I've ever done and not done - things that had been hard for me,

and I told myself I accepted all my choices (maybe I should do this again?). I

outlined every hurt memory I could and told myself it was okay. I sobbed my

eyes out writing it. I wrote, when I couldn't forgive, that I'd find a way to

accept in time. I left it posted to a mirror in my bedroom with the good bits

highlighted. I let me know I loved me. It helped me set the ball rolling on my

self esteem... Just a thought?

(Seriously, I think I might try this again).

>

> , here's my electronic hug to you: (((((())))))

>

> This is a very sad situation but one that you can deal with. I too have a

narcisisst father who is a severe alcoholic, always has been, he's 70 now.

Please understand that although this is painful, you will be ok.

>

> Firstly, detaching from him is oh so important. The other posters have written

in more detail about this so I won't reiteriate. I would like only to add that

you might feel different things throughout time as you begin detaching. I felt

immense waves of greif that would wash in and out randomly and unpredictably.

Perhaps you won't but just so you know this is perfectly normal and please allow

yourself to process your feelings without shame or dismissal.

>

> Also there's anger. You might find yourself overwhelmed with regret and angry

feelings over the raw deal you're getting. You're right, you did get a raw deal

and your dad sucks. He just plain sucks and any normal person would feel anger

too. I still struggle to overcome some of my angry feelings about my nada and

fada but every year they become less and less.

>

> Forgiveness, now that's a tough one. There are a lot of different

interpretations and feelings about this one. The best you can do is navigate

this later on down the road in your own personal way, in a way that is healing

for you. Please try not to feel guilty if you can't forgive, some of us never

will......... afterall some things are unforgivable. It's a bit early on to go

here yet but this is a topic that often rears its head among people here, and on

a personal note among my friends/family who don't understand my boundaries and

limited contact. Judgement from others is tough, and it hurts.

>

> We're with you .

>