Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 I dislike having my birthday acknowledged or celebrated. Maybe in part it has to do with drifting into middle age (ugh) but even before that, being taken out for my birthday or having a birthday party felt weird and uncomfortable for me. I was given birthday parties by nada when I was growing up, as was my younger Sister, but I just have too many uncomfortable, unpleasant memories surrounding these birthday events to really enjoy the idea of birthdays. Memories of stress before the birthday party, preparing for it involved stressful, hyper-cleaning frenzies. Memories of having to show extreme, prolonged gratitude for the party and for whatever present I was given by nada and dad, whether I liked the gift or not. Nada would usually give me things that she liked; I was supposed to like the same things she liked. To be fair, I do have a few memories of actually receiving something I'd asked for, as though my wishes mattered. Memories of being forced to buy things with any birthday money I'd been given, that nada wanted me to buy, whether I actually wanted to buy that item or not, and having to save half the money. (That part wasn't such a bad idea, the training to save some money instead of spending all of it all at once.) Memories about worrying if nada was going to embarrass me at my party by saying something mean and insulting to me, or to one of my friends, or worrying if nada would be triggered into irritability or rage at some point. I knew if nada became enraged, she'd wait until the party was over and then let me have it; she almost never, ever unleashed her rage in public. Thank heaven for that. But she wasn't above sliding in indirect, passive-aggressive " stealth " insults at any time, anywhere, to anyone. So, yes, I view birthdays as unpleasant and stressful. -Annie > > Hi All, > I am doing very well NC but I am noticing that as my birthday approaches there is the cloud coming over again and it is triggering thoughts and sadness. Nada was big on buying love and this is one of the times I felt special to her. I found out when I was 16 that my Fada wasn't my biological father and I think my birthday was over celebrated due to guilt from Nada who had me up for adoption at first when I was born. She eventually didn't go through with it and every birthday she would spoil me and be very emotional. > > I am hoping she doesn't send me anything or acknowledge it this year. If she does I will not respond. I have a wonderful husband and daughter and I will have a great time with them. I am just wondering if anyone else feels sad about birthdays? Other occassions have come and gone and it didn't feel as sad as this day. I suppose it is the actual day we were physically born from our Nada's being celebrated. > Would love anyone to share their feelings on Birthdays. Do birthdays get easier after years of NC? This is my first so hoping the rest get easier. > Kazam x > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 I dislike having my birthday acknowledged or celebrated. Maybe in part it has to do with drifting into middle age (ugh) but even before that, being taken out for my birthday or having a birthday party felt weird and uncomfortable for me. I was given birthday parties by nada when I was growing up, as was my younger Sister, but I just have too many uncomfortable, unpleasant memories surrounding these birthday events to really enjoy the idea of birthdays. Memories of stress before the birthday party, preparing for it involved stressful, hyper-cleaning frenzies. Memories of having to show extreme, prolonged gratitude for the party and for whatever present I was given by nada and dad, whether I liked the gift or not. Nada would usually give me things that she liked; I was supposed to like the same things she liked. To be fair, I do have a few memories of actually receiving something I'd asked for, as though my wishes mattered. Memories of being forced to buy things with any birthday money I'd been given, that nada wanted me to buy, whether I actually wanted to buy that item or not, and having to save half the money. (That part wasn't such a bad idea, the training to save some money instead of spending all of it all at once.) Memories about worrying if nada was going to embarrass me at my party by saying something mean and insulting to me, or to one of my friends, or worrying if nada would be triggered into irritability or rage at some point. I knew if nada became enraged, she'd wait until the party was over and then let me have it; she almost never, ever unleashed her rage in public. Thank heaven for that. But she wasn't above sliding in indirect, passive-aggressive " stealth " insults at any time, anywhere, to anyone. So, yes, I view birthdays as unpleasant and stressful. -Annie > > Hi All, > I am doing very well NC but I am noticing that as my birthday approaches there is the cloud coming over again and it is triggering thoughts and sadness. Nada was big on buying love and this is one of the times I felt special to her. I found out when I was 16 that my Fada wasn't my biological father and I think my birthday was over celebrated due to guilt from Nada who had me up for adoption at first when I was born. She eventually didn't go through with it and every birthday she would spoil me and be very emotional. > > I am hoping she doesn't send me anything or acknowledge it this year. If she does I will not respond. I have a wonderful husband and daughter and I will have a great time with them. I am just wondering if anyone else feels sad about birthdays? Other occassions have come and gone and it didn't feel as sad as this day. I suppose it is the actual day we were physically born from our Nada's being celebrated. > Would love anyone to share their feelings on Birthdays. Do birthdays get easier after years of NC? This is my first so hoping the rest get easier. > Kazam x > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 I dislike having my birthday acknowledged or celebrated. Maybe in part it has to do with drifting into middle age (ugh) but even before that, being taken out for my birthday or having a birthday party felt weird and uncomfortable for me. I was given birthday parties by nada when I was growing up, as was my younger Sister, but I just have too many uncomfortable, unpleasant memories surrounding these birthday events to really enjoy the idea of birthdays. Memories of stress before the birthday party, preparing for it involved stressful, hyper-cleaning frenzies. Memories of having to show extreme, prolonged gratitude for the party and for whatever present I was given by nada and dad, whether I liked the gift or not. Nada would usually give me things that she liked; I was supposed to like the same things she liked. To be fair, I do have a few memories of actually receiving something I'd asked for, as though my wishes mattered. Memories of being forced to buy things with any birthday money I'd been given, that nada wanted me to buy, whether I actually wanted to buy that item or not, and having to save half the money. (That part wasn't such a bad idea, the training to save some money instead of spending all of it all at once.) Memories about worrying if nada was going to embarrass me at my party by saying something mean and insulting to me, or to one of my friends, or worrying if nada would be triggered into irritability or rage at some point. I knew if nada became enraged, she'd wait until the party was over and then let me have it; she almost never, ever unleashed her rage in public. Thank heaven for that. But she wasn't above sliding in indirect, passive-aggressive " stealth " insults at any time, anywhere, to anyone. So, yes, I view birthdays as unpleasant and stressful. -Annie > > Hi All, > I am doing very well NC but I am noticing that as my birthday approaches there is the cloud coming over again and it is triggering thoughts and sadness. Nada was big on buying love and this is one of the times I felt special to her. I found out when I was 16 that my Fada wasn't my biological father and I think my birthday was over celebrated due to guilt from Nada who had me up for adoption at first when I was born. She eventually didn't go through with it and every birthday she would spoil me and be very emotional. > > I am hoping she doesn't send me anything or acknowledge it this year. If she does I will not respond. I have a wonderful husband and daughter and I will have a great time with them. I am just wondering if anyone else feels sad about birthdays? Other occassions have come and gone and it didn't feel as sad as this day. I suppose it is the actual day we were physically born from our Nada's being celebrated. > Would love anyone to share their feelings on Birthdays. Do birthdays get easier after years of NC? This is my first so hoping the rest get easier. > Kazam x > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 Hello, My nada was into buying love on birthdays and holidays but the gifts came with strings attached. The string was that since I was " spoiled " she was a good mother. Whenever someone says this to me I want to scream. Spending lots on gifts twice a year and treating me like shit the other 363 days does not make a good mother. Buying tons of gifts and not having money to buy school clothes and supplies does not make a good mother. As a child I did look forward to birthdays because it was one time I got to be treated slightly better. As an adult now though I hate receiving gifts. I am so conditioned to beleive that there will be strings, that I will be criticized for not expressing my appreciation correctly, or that the person is putting themselves into financial hardship by buying the gift. When people ask what I want for a gift I find myself unable to answer. My hubby actually has taken to watching what I take interest in when we go shopping or things I talk about and tells his mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 Hello, My nada was into buying love on birthdays and holidays but the gifts came with strings attached. The string was that since I was " spoiled " she was a good mother. Whenever someone says this to me I want to scream. Spending lots on gifts twice a year and treating me like shit the other 363 days does not make a good mother. Buying tons of gifts and not having money to buy school clothes and supplies does not make a good mother. As a child I did look forward to birthdays because it was one time I got to be treated slightly better. As an adult now though I hate receiving gifts. I am so conditioned to beleive that there will be strings, that I will be criticized for not expressing my appreciation correctly, or that the person is putting themselves into financial hardship by buying the gift. When people ask what I want for a gift I find myself unable to answer. My hubby actually has taken to watching what I take interest in when we go shopping or things I talk about and tells his mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 Hello, My nada was into buying love on birthdays and holidays but the gifts came with strings attached. The string was that since I was " spoiled " she was a good mother. Whenever someone says this to me I want to scream. Spending lots on gifts twice a year and treating me like shit the other 363 days does not make a good mother. Buying tons of gifts and not having money to buy school clothes and supplies does not make a good mother. As a child I did look forward to birthdays because it was one time I got to be treated slightly better. As an adult now though I hate receiving gifts. I am so conditioned to beleive that there will be strings, that I will be criticized for not expressing my appreciation correctly, or that the person is putting themselves into financial hardship by buying the gift. When people ask what I want for a gift I find myself unable to answer. My hubby actually has taken to watching what I take interest in when we go shopping or things I talk about and tells his mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 Yeah, I'm not a fan of birthdays - or even of times when I have accomplished a lot and then get attention for it. I just like to do my work and sneak away. I mean, I have to know that my effort was appreciated, but not with a big fanfare, you know. . . I have a tip though - Have hubbie watch the mail box for a gift. And he can get rid of it however he wants before you ever see it. Thats what we do at my house. And then after a few years the gifts stop. . . . In fact, I just bought boyfriend kind of an expensive gift and he feels very guilty - and he's not even a KO. And then he bought me a smaller gift and I feel very guilty. So we are going to have to figure this one out. Any tips? We love to give each other gifts, but the guilt isn't working for us. . . . Hugs, good luck. You'll make it, its just one day, right? On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 8:07 PM, Simpson wrote: > > > Hello, > > My nada was into buying love on birthdays and holidays but the gifts came > with strings attached. The string was that since I was " spoiled " she was a > good mother. Whenever someone says this to me I want to scream. Spending > lots on gifts twice a year and treating me like shit the other 363 days > does > not make a good mother. Buying tons of gifts and not having money to buy > school clothes and supplies does not make a good mother. As a child I did > look forward to birthdays because it was one time I got to be treated > slightly better. As an adult now though I hate receiving gifts. I am so > conditioned to beleive that there will be strings, that I will be > criticized > for not expressing my appreciation correctly, or that the person is putting > themselves into financial hardship by buying the gift. When people ask what > I want for a gift I find myself unable to answer. My hubby actually has > taken to watching what I take interest in when we go shopping or things I > talk about and tells his mother. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 Yeah, I'm not a fan of birthdays - or even of times when I have accomplished a lot and then get attention for it. I just like to do my work and sneak away. I mean, I have to know that my effort was appreciated, but not with a big fanfare, you know. . . I have a tip though - Have hubbie watch the mail box for a gift. And he can get rid of it however he wants before you ever see it. Thats what we do at my house. And then after a few years the gifts stop. . . . In fact, I just bought boyfriend kind of an expensive gift and he feels very guilty - and he's not even a KO. And then he bought me a smaller gift and I feel very guilty. So we are going to have to figure this one out. Any tips? We love to give each other gifts, but the guilt isn't working for us. . . . Hugs, good luck. You'll make it, its just one day, right? On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 8:07 PM, Simpson wrote: > > > Hello, > > My nada was into buying love on birthdays and holidays but the gifts came > with strings attached. The string was that since I was " spoiled " she was a > good mother. Whenever someone says this to me I want to scream. Spending > lots on gifts twice a year and treating me like shit the other 363 days > does > not make a good mother. Buying tons of gifts and not having money to buy > school clothes and supplies does not make a good mother. As a child I did > look forward to birthdays because it was one time I got to be treated > slightly better. As an adult now though I hate receiving gifts. I am so > conditioned to beleive that there will be strings, that I will be > criticized > for not expressing my appreciation correctly, or that the person is putting > themselves into financial hardship by buying the gift. When people ask what > I want for a gift I find myself unable to answer. My hubby actually has > taken to watching what I take interest in when we go shopping or things I > talk about and tells his mother. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 Yeah, I'm not a fan of birthdays - or even of times when I have accomplished a lot and then get attention for it. I just like to do my work and sneak away. I mean, I have to know that my effort was appreciated, but not with a big fanfare, you know. . . I have a tip though - Have hubbie watch the mail box for a gift. And he can get rid of it however he wants before you ever see it. Thats what we do at my house. And then after a few years the gifts stop. . . . In fact, I just bought boyfriend kind of an expensive gift and he feels very guilty - and he's not even a KO. And then he bought me a smaller gift and I feel very guilty. So we are going to have to figure this one out. Any tips? We love to give each other gifts, but the guilt isn't working for us. . . . Hugs, good luck. You'll make it, its just one day, right? On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 8:07 PM, Simpson wrote: > > > Hello, > > My nada was into buying love on birthdays and holidays but the gifts came > with strings attached. The string was that since I was " spoiled " she was a > good mother. Whenever someone says this to me I want to scream. Spending > lots on gifts twice a year and treating me like shit the other 363 days > does > not make a good mother. Buying tons of gifts and not having money to buy > school clothes and supplies does not make a good mother. As a child I did > look forward to birthdays because it was one time I got to be treated > slightly better. As an adult now though I hate receiving gifts. I am so > conditioned to beleive that there will be strings, that I will be > criticized > for not expressing my appreciation correctly, or that the person is putting > themselves into financial hardship by buying the gift. When people ask what > I want for a gift I find myself unable to answer. My hubby actually has > taken to watching what I take interest in when we go shopping or things I > talk about and tells his mother. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 I also can empathize with you. There are times of the year that are worse or better for me, and it has a lot to do with past memories, and I totally know what you mean about the dark cloud. I often feel that coming. Kazam if she sends you anything you don't have to take it or open it or anything! I have donated several items to the local food shelf; they don't just take food in most places. And there are many needy people right now. My nada was never home on my birthday Ever. She had a job ironically that revolved around Mother's day and also ironically my birthday is very near to mother's day. So when mother's day was around the corner I never saw nada for the weeks leading up to the dreaded mothers day, including my birthday. But then Bam mother's day she flew home on her broom and it was all about her. So no I really don't mind my birthday, but I can't stand mothers day even though I am a mother. Dh is nice about mothers day, buys me a present but he doesn't make a big deal about it, (Which is good because he lives to tell). And I never ever get him a gift for fathers day, I hate those holidays. Even though I know he is a good dad, I just cook him something difficult and special. Dh does not like to receive gifts, but strangely even though I am a KO and my mom regularly used to buy love, I like to get presents but only from people who I perceive as having good intentions. I guess for the Girlscout cowgirl my advice would be, just look in the heart of the giver. Gift giving is not meant to be a dirty thing, nadas make it that way. Not everybody has bad intentions; some people genuinely want to do something kind to us without a string attached just take baby steps thats what I do :)LB > > Hi All, > I am doing very well NC but I am noticing that as my birthday approaches there is the cloud coming over again and it is triggering thoughts and sadness. Nada was big on buying love and this is one of the times I felt special to her. I found out when I was 16 that my Fada wasn't my biological father and I think my birthday was over celebrated due to guilt from Nada who had me up for adoption at first when I was born. She eventually didn't go through with it and every birthday she would spoil me and be very emotional. > > I am hoping she doesn't send me anything or acknowledge it this year. If she does I will not respond. I have a wonderful husband and daughter and I will have a great time with them. I am just wondering if anyone else feels sad about birthdays? Other occassions have come and gone and it didn't feel as sad as this day. I suppose it is the actual day we were physically born from our Nada's being celebrated. > Would love anyone to share their feelings on Birthdays. Do birthdays get easier after years of NC? This is my first so hoping the rest get easier. > Kazam x > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 I also can empathize with you. There are times of the year that are worse or better for me, and it has a lot to do with past memories, and I totally know what you mean about the dark cloud. I often feel that coming. Kazam if she sends you anything you don't have to take it or open it or anything! I have donated several items to the local food shelf; they don't just take food in most places. And there are many needy people right now. My nada was never home on my birthday Ever. She had a job ironically that revolved around Mother's day and also ironically my birthday is very near to mother's day. So when mother's day was around the corner I never saw nada for the weeks leading up to the dreaded mothers day, including my birthday. But then Bam mother's day she flew home on her broom and it was all about her. So no I really don't mind my birthday, but I can't stand mothers day even though I am a mother. Dh is nice about mothers day, buys me a present but he doesn't make a big deal about it, (Which is good because he lives to tell). And I never ever get him a gift for fathers day, I hate those holidays. Even though I know he is a good dad, I just cook him something difficult and special. Dh does not like to receive gifts, but strangely even though I am a KO and my mom regularly used to buy love, I like to get presents but only from people who I perceive as having good intentions. I guess for the Girlscout cowgirl my advice would be, just look in the heart of the giver. Gift giving is not meant to be a dirty thing, nadas make it that way. Not everybody has bad intentions; some people genuinely want to do something kind to us without a string attached just take baby steps thats what I do :)LB > > Hi All, > I am doing very well NC but I am noticing that as my birthday approaches there is the cloud coming over again and it is triggering thoughts and sadness. Nada was big on buying love and this is one of the times I felt special to her. I found out when I was 16 that my Fada wasn't my biological father and I think my birthday was over celebrated due to guilt from Nada who had me up for adoption at first when I was born. She eventually didn't go through with it and every birthday she would spoil me and be very emotional. > > I am hoping she doesn't send me anything or acknowledge it this year. If she does I will not respond. I have a wonderful husband and daughter and I will have a great time with them. I am just wondering if anyone else feels sad about birthdays? Other occassions have come and gone and it didn't feel as sad as this day. I suppose it is the actual day we were physically born from our Nada's being celebrated. > Would love anyone to share their feelings on Birthdays. Do birthdays get easier after years of NC? This is my first so hoping the rest get easier. > Kazam x > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 I also can empathize with you. There are times of the year that are worse or better for me, and it has a lot to do with past memories, and I totally know what you mean about the dark cloud. I often feel that coming. Kazam if she sends you anything you don't have to take it or open it or anything! I have donated several items to the local food shelf; they don't just take food in most places. And there are many needy people right now. My nada was never home on my birthday Ever. She had a job ironically that revolved around Mother's day and also ironically my birthday is very near to mother's day. So when mother's day was around the corner I never saw nada for the weeks leading up to the dreaded mothers day, including my birthday. But then Bam mother's day she flew home on her broom and it was all about her. So no I really don't mind my birthday, but I can't stand mothers day even though I am a mother. Dh is nice about mothers day, buys me a present but he doesn't make a big deal about it, (Which is good because he lives to tell). And I never ever get him a gift for fathers day, I hate those holidays. Even though I know he is a good dad, I just cook him something difficult and special. Dh does not like to receive gifts, but strangely even though I am a KO and my mom regularly used to buy love, I like to get presents but only from people who I perceive as having good intentions. I guess for the Girlscout cowgirl my advice would be, just look in the heart of the giver. Gift giving is not meant to be a dirty thing, nadas make it that way. Not everybody has bad intentions; some people genuinely want to do something kind to us without a string attached just take baby steps thats what I do :)LB > > Hi All, > I am doing very well NC but I am noticing that as my birthday approaches there is the cloud coming over again and it is triggering thoughts and sadness. Nada was big on buying love and this is one of the times I felt special to her. I found out when I was 16 that my Fada wasn't my biological father and I think my birthday was over celebrated due to guilt from Nada who had me up for adoption at first when I was born. She eventually didn't go through with it and every birthday she would spoil me and be very emotional. > > I am hoping she doesn't send me anything or acknowledge it this year. If she does I will not respond. I have a wonderful husband and daughter and I will have a great time with them. I am just wondering if anyone else feels sad about birthdays? Other occassions have come and gone and it didn't feel as sad as this day. I suppose it is the actual day we were physically born from our Nada's being celebrated. > Would love anyone to share their feelings on Birthdays. Do birthdays get easier after years of NC? This is my first so hoping the rest get easier. > Kazam x > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 All kinds of holidays are like that to me, especially birthdays and Christmas, because every gift had a string. Every loan had a string. It was What are you going to do for me, or it was how can you be mad at her when she bought you such nice clothes? It was Dad's birthday two days ago and I couldn't make myself call him for fear of talking to her, so now of course I'm afraid she's on the warpath smearing my character to him even further. I like to think I don't care any more -- I care a LOT less than I used to -- but it will take time not to care at all. And that's the point -- we have all been conditioned. Gifts mean manipulation, pure and simple. So to receive a gift or to have a celebration always had a thick snot-casing of dread all over it. Dread for what she would say afterwards. Dread of not having the response she envisioned and wouldn't tell you about. Dread of just whatever nutball act she'd pull. I've been mostly NC for years now and I still avoid celebrations. Some of them make me cry, even though I've come miles, emotionally, from where I've been. But just the thought of that gives me --- HOPE !! --- that I will progress even further to the point where celebrations are what they are meant to be: sincere celebrations of your joy at others' company. Or even... dare I say it... their joy at your company. We will get there. We ARE getting there. May you be encouraged, Tina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 All kinds of holidays are like that to me, especially birthdays and Christmas, because every gift had a string. Every loan had a string. It was What are you going to do for me, or it was how can you be mad at her when she bought you such nice clothes? It was Dad's birthday two days ago and I couldn't make myself call him for fear of talking to her, so now of course I'm afraid she's on the warpath smearing my character to him even further. I like to think I don't care any more -- I care a LOT less than I used to -- but it will take time not to care at all. And that's the point -- we have all been conditioned. Gifts mean manipulation, pure and simple. So to receive a gift or to have a celebration always had a thick snot-casing of dread all over it. Dread for what she would say afterwards. Dread of not having the response she envisioned and wouldn't tell you about. Dread of just whatever nutball act she'd pull. I've been mostly NC for years now and I still avoid celebrations. Some of them make me cry, even though I've come miles, emotionally, from where I've been. But just the thought of that gives me --- HOPE !! --- that I will progress even further to the point where celebrations are what they are meant to be: sincere celebrations of your joy at others' company. Or even... dare I say it... their joy at your company. We will get there. We ARE getting there. May you be encouraged, Tina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 All kinds of holidays are like that to me, especially birthdays and Christmas, because every gift had a string. Every loan had a string. It was What are you going to do for me, or it was how can you be mad at her when she bought you such nice clothes? It was Dad's birthday two days ago and I couldn't make myself call him for fear of talking to her, so now of course I'm afraid she's on the warpath smearing my character to him even further. I like to think I don't care any more -- I care a LOT less than I used to -- but it will take time not to care at all. And that's the point -- we have all been conditioned. Gifts mean manipulation, pure and simple. So to receive a gift or to have a celebration always had a thick snot-casing of dread all over it. Dread for what she would say afterwards. Dread of not having the response she envisioned and wouldn't tell you about. Dread of just whatever nutball act she'd pull. I've been mostly NC for years now and I still avoid celebrations. Some of them make me cry, even though I've come miles, emotionally, from where I've been. But just the thought of that gives me --- HOPE !! --- that I will progress even further to the point where celebrations are what they are meant to be: sincere celebrations of your joy at others' company. Or even... dare I say it... their joy at your company. We will get there. We ARE getting there. May you be encouraged, Tina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 Birthdays and holidays are very stressful for me. I'm LC right now, and it was sooo tough to get through my birthday---which I did NOT want to celebrate with Nada, which hurt her feelings terribly---and it was equally as tough to get through this last Mother's Day, since, for the first time ever, I didn't acknowledge it at all where she was concerned. No call. No gift. No Mother's Day dinner at Red Lobster. Holidays and birthdays are a big deal for my Nada. She overblows and expects so much out of these occasions that it just becomes uncomfortable for everyone, since we're all walking on eggshells afraid that she'll be disapointed. (I was the worst, though; as the oldest child, I always felt as though her happiness was *my* responsibility.) Coming next is her birthday. She's always expected lots of presents and attention and it's going to make me feel extremely guilty, but I don't want to spend it with her. It makes me laugh now: when my brother and I were little, she would warn us when Mother's Day or her birthday were coming up and she'd remind us that we needed to save our allowances to buy her a gift. I would *never* say anything like that to my kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 Birthdays and holidays are very stressful for me. I'm LC right now, and it was sooo tough to get through my birthday---which I did NOT want to celebrate with Nada, which hurt her feelings terribly---and it was equally as tough to get through this last Mother's Day, since, for the first time ever, I didn't acknowledge it at all where she was concerned. No call. No gift. No Mother's Day dinner at Red Lobster. Holidays and birthdays are a big deal for my Nada. She overblows and expects so much out of these occasions that it just becomes uncomfortable for everyone, since we're all walking on eggshells afraid that she'll be disapointed. (I was the worst, though; as the oldest child, I always felt as though her happiness was *my* responsibility.) Coming next is her birthday. She's always expected lots of presents and attention and it's going to make me feel extremely guilty, but I don't want to spend it with her. It makes me laugh now: when my brother and I were little, she would warn us when Mother's Day or her birthday were coming up and she'd remind us that we needed to save our allowances to buy her a gift. I would *never* say anything like that to my kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 RE: Save our allowances - Yeah, we got that from her, through our dad (she'd tell him and he'd tell us). But she was well known for cancelling Christmas, etc when she felt we'd been out of line. Consequently, my family doesn't celebrate the holidays and it's depressing to one extent, and uncomfortable in another: I didn't understand how to celebrate when I spent my first Xmas at the Fiancé's family's place. > > Birthdays and holidays are very stressful for me. > > I'm LC right now, and it was sooo tough to get through my birthday---which I did NOT want to celebrate with Nada, which hurt her feelings terribly---and it was equally as tough to get through this last Mother's Day, since, for the first time ever, I didn't acknowledge it at all where she was concerned. No call. No gift. No Mother's Day dinner at Red Lobster. > > Holidays and birthdays are a big deal for my Nada. She overblows and expects so much out of these occasions that it just becomes uncomfortable for everyone, since we're all walking on eggshells afraid that she'll be disapointed. (I was the worst, though; as the oldest child, I always felt as though her happiness was *my* responsibility.) > > Coming next is her birthday. She's always expected lots of presents and attention and it's going to make me feel extremely guilty, but I don't want to spend it with her. > > It makes me laugh now: when my brother and I were little, she would warn us when Mother's Day or her birthday were coming up and she'd remind us that we needed to save our allowances to buy her a gift. I would *never* say anything like that to my kid. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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