Re: Re: Dear friends, I need some advice..

[Guest guest]

Psycho-god - I love that!!! But having just finished reading People of the

Lie again, I can tell you exactly who psycho god is - the devil, satan

lucifer.

You know that feeling of revulsion nada brings? And the confusion - you

don't know if you are good/bad/the other when she's around.

That's the lie. That's the devil.

I'm not even remotely slightly religious, but this I believe because I have

seen it so many damn times. read it, love that book!!!

On Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 4:08 PM, climberkayak wrote:

>

>

>

> > -again, we are used to it, and have the ability to be calm peaceful

> (externally) when they are scary and threatening. The police

> officer/lawyer/mental health worker looks at you, sees how calm you are, and

> intuitively decides nada's behavior couldn't possibly be that bad. SHOW your

> fear. SHOW your tears. SHOW how freaked out you are. SHOW them she is

> scary--even if you have to fake it!!! If you feel like panicking (or even if

> you don't) panic in front of someone. Don't be calm about this anymore.

> Folks listen more when you reflect to them how unsafe you are.

>

> Karla, just this one paragraph above is gold to me. I can't begin to tell

> how much of a problem my " calm and strong " demeanor has been in getting

> people to take seriously that I need help when I do. Even therapists. I can

> be falling to pieces, even wanting to die from depression, and yet I can

> seem calm even as I tell people. It's very hard to *not* do that. You are

> right that people respond to how you seem - much more than the words one

> says.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh sweetie, the flowers, the casserole, the cuddle - those are all abuser

tactics. Total domestic violence circle. And do you seriously want to cuddle

with her? My nada called me names my whole childhood because I didn't want

her to touch me, I was cold, spiney, porcupine, etc constantly. Now I know

I'm not cold, she is just revolting. And according to my favorite book, that

is how you know someone might just be evil. . .

>

>

> People tell you it is someone elses problem so they don t have to deal

> with it. Getting mental health to intervene is really tough.

> Her behavior is absolutely criminal and abusive. You do not need the

> police to get a restraining order. Go to whichever court, usually

> magistrate court, and file the papers. They will have a hearing.

>

> DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT each and every event. Call the police every

> time she comes to your home and does that kind of stuff. Have her

> arrested. Press charges. Eventually they will tell you to get a

> restraining order.

>

> I assure you, one incident like you described would get you a TRO for 90

> days here. Ask for the order. Consult an attorney, not a cop, on how

> to get it. When you get it , and she violates it, AND SHE WILL, call

> the police. Have her arrested for violating the TRO. Then the judge

> will be the one to impose consequences.

>

> Doug

>

>

>

> >

> > I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> > After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her

> eventually telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally

> free of me, she messaged me out of the blue last night.

> > It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was

> shaky and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she

> left I went outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots

> thrown around and ripped out plants strewn across my garden.

> > My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got

> involved) She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him

> to prove it. She denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30

> sms messages and left a few messages on my home phone. You can imagine

> the nature of these- nasty, cutting, skewed sense of reality, bizarre,

> unrelated things brought up from the past. In short, absolutely crazy!

> > I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the

> night. They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat

> to herself or others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has

> known me forever and has always been an impartial observer with the odd

> attack aimed at her was alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The

> pattern was the same- the nasty phone calls and messages, but she has

> never expressed her anger towards me with a violent act.

> > I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were

> still happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This

> behaviour was also new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and

> taken herself off to bed. At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile.

> She wasn't happy to be contacted by a mental health service- " You have

> no right " " I am being looked after by someone higher than you " ie. God

> etc.

> > I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried

> everything!

> > Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

> prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They

> told me it would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue.

> I went to a local psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!!

> It seems the situation has to be more severe for them to intervene- an

> attempted suicide attempt or a direct intention to harm me.

> > The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal

> or the mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of

> " normal " behaviour- I can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the

> phone when they called her last night- there cannot be any intervention

> from the mental health system as she more or less needs to be in a

> permanent state of psychosis.

> > Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the

> contrary I can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense

> of other's boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many

> requests.

> > Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

> intervention from the mental health system?

> > Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new

> benchmark and that it will escalate from here?

> > I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what

> she will do next.

> > I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> > Any advice would be much appreciated.

> > Exhausted.

> > Lynda

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh sweetie, the flowers, the casserole, the cuddle - those are all abuser

tactics. Total domestic violence circle. And do you seriously want to cuddle

with her? My nada called me names my whole childhood because I didn't want

her to touch me, I was cold, spiney, porcupine, etc constantly. Now I know

I'm not cold, she is just revolting. And according to my favorite book, that

is how you know someone might just be evil. . .

>

>

> People tell you it is someone elses problem so they don t have to deal

> with it. Getting mental health to intervene is really tough.

> Her behavior is absolutely criminal and abusive. You do not need the

> police to get a restraining order. Go to whichever court, usually

> magistrate court, and file the papers. They will have a hearing.

>

> DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT each and every event. Call the police every

> time she comes to your home and does that kind of stuff. Have her

> arrested. Press charges. Eventually they will tell you to get a

> restraining order.

>

> I assure you, one incident like you described would get you a TRO for 90

> days here. Ask for the order. Consult an attorney, not a cop, on how

> to get it. When you get it , and she violates it, AND SHE WILL, call

> the police. Have her arrested for violating the TRO. Then the judge

> will be the one to impose consequences.

>

> Doug

>

>

>

> >

> > I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> > After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her

> eventually telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally

> free of me, she messaged me out of the blue last night.

> > It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was

> shaky and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she

> left I went outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots

> thrown around and ripped out plants strewn across my garden.

> > My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got

> involved) She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him

> to prove it. She denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30

> sms messages and left a few messages on my home phone. You can imagine

> the nature of these- nasty, cutting, skewed sense of reality, bizarre,

> unrelated things brought up from the past. In short, absolutely crazy!

> > I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the

> night. They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat

> to herself or others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has

> known me forever and has always been an impartial observer with the odd

> attack aimed at her was alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The

> pattern was the same- the nasty phone calls and messages, but she has

> never expressed her anger towards me with a violent act.

> > I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were

> still happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This

> behaviour was also new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and

> taken herself off to bed. At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile.

> She wasn't happy to be contacted by a mental health service- " You have

> no right " " I am being looked after by someone higher than you " ie. God

> etc.

> > I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried

> everything!

> > Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

> prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They

> told me it would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue.

> I went to a local psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!!

> It seems the situation has to be more severe for them to intervene- an

> attempted suicide attempt or a direct intention to harm me.

> > The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal

> or the mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of

> " normal " behaviour- I can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the

> phone when they called her last night- there cannot be any intervention

> from the mental health system as she more or less needs to be in a

> permanent state of psychosis.

> > Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the

> contrary I can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense

> of other's boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many

> requests.

> > Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

> intervention from the mental health system?

> > Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new

> benchmark and that it will escalate from here?

> > I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what

> she will do next.

> > I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> > Any advice would be much appreciated.

> > Exhausted.

> > Lynda

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh sweetie, the flowers, the casserole, the cuddle - those are all abuser

tactics. Total domestic violence circle. And do you seriously want to cuddle

with her? My nada called me names my whole childhood because I didn't want

her to touch me, I was cold, spiney, porcupine, etc constantly. Now I know

I'm not cold, she is just revolting. And according to my favorite book, that

is how you know someone might just be evil. . .

>

>

> People tell you it is someone elses problem so they don t have to deal

> with it. Getting mental health to intervene is really tough.

> Her behavior is absolutely criminal and abusive. You do not need the

> police to get a restraining order. Go to whichever court, usually

> magistrate court, and file the papers. They will have a hearing.

>

> DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT each and every event. Call the police every

> time she comes to your home and does that kind of stuff. Have her

> arrested. Press charges. Eventually they will tell you to get a

> restraining order.

>

> I assure you, one incident like you described would get you a TRO for 90

> days here. Ask for the order. Consult an attorney, not a cop, on how

> to get it. When you get it , and she violates it, AND SHE WILL, call

> the police. Have her arrested for violating the TRO. Then the judge

> will be the one to impose consequences.

>

> Doug

>

>

>

> >

> > I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> > After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her

> eventually telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally

> free of me, she messaged me out of the blue last night.

> > It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was

> shaky and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she

> left I went outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots

> thrown around and ripped out plants strewn across my garden.

> > My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got

> involved) She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him

> to prove it. She denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30

> sms messages and left a few messages on my home phone. You can imagine

> the nature of these- nasty, cutting, skewed sense of reality, bizarre,

> unrelated things brought up from the past. In short, absolutely crazy!

> > I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the

> night. They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat

> to herself or others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has

> known me forever and has always been an impartial observer with the odd

> attack aimed at her was alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The

> pattern was the same- the nasty phone calls and messages, but she has

> never expressed her anger towards me with a violent act.

> > I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were

> still happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This

> behaviour was also new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and

> taken herself off to bed. At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile.

> She wasn't happy to be contacted by a mental health service- " You have

> no right " " I am being looked after by someone higher than you " ie. God

> etc.

> > I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried

> everything!

> > Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

> prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They

> told me it would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue.

> I went to a local psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!!

> It seems the situation has to be more severe for them to intervene- an

> attempted suicide attempt or a direct intention to harm me.

> > The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal

> or the mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of

> " normal " behaviour- I can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the

> phone when they called her last night- there cannot be any intervention

> from the mental health system as she more or less needs to be in a

> permanent state of psychosis.

> > Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the

> contrary I can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense

> of other's boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many

> requests.

> > Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

> intervention from the mental health system?

> > Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new

> benchmark and that it will escalate from here?

> > I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what

> she will do next.

> > I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> > Any advice would be much appreciated.

> > Exhausted.

> > Lynda

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

How did you respond to the abuse cycle? I wanted nothing of it - nothing of

her. She would try to touch me and I would freeze, trying to turn to wood or

stone. But did other people enjoy the attention? It just didn't work for me.

.. .

On Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 7:34 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> I agree about the " cycle of domestic violence " similarities. My nada would

> alternate (in a kind of " Jekyll and Hyde " way) between being normal and

> motherly to me, and then being cruel and abusive, and then nice again. So

> pretty early on I began to grasp the concept of what being a " whore " must

> mean: the idea of being paid to take abuse. Its as though I was being paid

> off to quietly accept it when she decided to tear into me and kick me around

> and call me vile, hurtful names. Then, she'd be nice again for a while; I'd

> get attention and sweetness from her, then she'd shame, humiliate and

> degrade me again. Mean/sweet, mean/sweet, mean/sweet, over and over.

>

> Good training for a child to teach her to take physical and emotional abuse

> from a husband, sez I. Maybe that's why I shied away so from the idea of

> ever marrying. I didn't want that kind of treatment to continue after I'd

> left home.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> > > > After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her

> > > eventually telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally

> > > free of me, she messaged me out of the blue last night.

> > > > It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was

> > > shaky and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she

> > > left I went outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots

> > > thrown around and ripped out plants strewn across my garden.

> > > > My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got

> > > involved) She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told

> him

> > > to prove it. She denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30

> > > sms messages and left a few messages on my home phone. You can imagine

> > > the nature of these- nasty, cutting, skewed sense of reality, bizarre,

> > > unrelated things brought up from the past. In short, absolutely crazy!

> > > > I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the

> > > night. They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat

> > > to herself or others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has

> > > known me forever and has always been an impartial observer with the odd

> > > attack aimed at her was alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The

> > > pattern was the same- the nasty phone calls and messages, but she has

> > > never expressed her anger towards me with a violent act.

> > > > I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were

> > > still happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This

> > > behaviour was also new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time

> and

> > > taken herself off to bed. At 1.30, the house phone called and my

> mobile.

> > > She wasn't happy to be contacted by a mental health service- " You have

> > > no right " " I am being looked after by someone higher than you " ie. God

> > > etc.

> > > > I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried

> > > everything!

> > > > Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

> > > prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They

> > > told me it would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue.

> > > I went to a local psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!!

> > > It seems the situation has to be more severe for them to intervene- an

> > > attempted suicide attempt or a direct intention to harm me.

> > > > The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal

> > > or the mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of

> > > " normal " behaviour- I can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the

> > > phone when they called her last night- there cannot be any intervention

> > > from the mental health system as she more or less needs to be in a

> > > permanent state of psychosis.

> > > > Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the

> > > contrary I can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no

> sense

> > > of other's boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many

> > > requests.

> > > > Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

> > > intervention from the mental health system?

> > > > Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new

> > > benchmark and that it will escalate from here?

> > > > I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what

> > > she will do next.

> > > > I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> > > > Any advice would be much appreciated.

> > > > Exhausted.

> > > > Lynda

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

How did you respond to the abuse cycle? I wanted nothing of it - nothing of

her. She would try to touch me and I would freeze, trying to turn to wood or

stone. But did other people enjoy the attention? It just didn't work for me.

.. .

On Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 7:34 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> I agree about the " cycle of domestic violence " similarities. My nada would

> alternate (in a kind of " Jekyll and Hyde " way) between being normal and

> motherly to me, and then being cruel and abusive, and then nice again. So

> pretty early on I began to grasp the concept of what being a " whore " must

> mean: the idea of being paid to take abuse. Its as though I was being paid

> off to quietly accept it when she decided to tear into me and kick me around

> and call me vile, hurtful names. Then, she'd be nice again for a while; I'd

> get attention and sweetness from her, then she'd shame, humiliate and

> degrade me again. Mean/sweet, mean/sweet, mean/sweet, over and over.

>

> Good training for a child to teach her to take physical and emotional abuse

> from a husband, sez I. Maybe that's why I shied away so from the idea of

> ever marrying. I didn't want that kind of treatment to continue after I'd

> left home.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> > > > After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her

> > > eventually telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally

> > > free of me, she messaged me out of the blue last night.

> > > > It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was

> > > shaky and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she

> > > left I went outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots

> > > thrown around and ripped out plants strewn across my garden.

> > > > My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got

> > > involved) She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told

> him

> > > to prove it. She denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30

> > > sms messages and left a few messages on my home phone. You can imagine

> > > the nature of these- nasty, cutting, skewed sense of reality, bizarre,

> > > unrelated things brought up from the past. In short, absolutely crazy!

> > > > I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the

> > > night. They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat

> > > to herself or others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has

> > > known me forever and has always been an impartial observer with the odd

> > > attack aimed at her was alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The

> > > pattern was the same- the nasty phone calls and messages, but she has

> > > never expressed her anger towards me with a violent act.

> > > > I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were

> > > still happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This

> > > behaviour was also new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time

> and

> > > taken herself off to bed. At 1.30, the house phone called and my

> mobile.

> > > She wasn't happy to be contacted by a mental health service- " You have

> > > no right " " I am being looked after by someone higher than you " ie. God

> > > etc.

> > > > I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried

> > > everything!

> > > > Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

> > > prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They

> > > told me it would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue.

> > > I went to a local psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!!

> > > It seems the situation has to be more severe for them to intervene- an

> > > attempted suicide attempt or a direct intention to harm me.

> > > > The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal

> > > or the mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of

> > > " normal " behaviour- I can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the

> > > phone when they called her last night- there cannot be any intervention

> > > from the mental health system as she more or less needs to be in a

> > > permanent state of psychosis.

> > > > Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the

> > > contrary I can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no

> sense

> > > of other's boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many

> > > requests.

> > > > Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

> > > intervention from the mental health system?

> > > > Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new

> > > benchmark and that it will escalate from here?

> > > > I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what

> > > she will do next.

> > > > I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> > > > Any advice would be much appreciated.

> > > > Exhausted.

> > > > Lynda

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >