Re: Dear friends, I need some advice..

[Guest guest]

Wow, hi Lynda,

That is freaky.

I would pursue the legal ave myself. You need to save every message and take

pictures of the damage. And then file a police report. And then the police

should talk to her. And from there, I think that you do have to expect her

to do it again, and once again, you document, call the police, etc. After a

while you build enough evidence that you can get that restraining order.

And I also think that you need to stop listening to the messages, hearing

the venom, etc. Have your partner or a trusted friend listen to them and

document every last horid word.

You might need to get a lawyer, or seek out an attorney with experience with

domestic violence matters.

As for me, I would take it as far as the law would allow me, I would push

it, prosecute. . . etc. . . because the fact is, they won't accept our

normal boundaries and they don't see us as separate individual human beings.

So we have to prove to them that we are serious.

As far as a mental health route, I'm not sure where you live, but I don't

think there is anything the mental health system has to offer for an abuser

who damages your property - that is for the legal system. Mental health

treatment is something your nada would need to seek out on her own, after

admitting and accepting that she has a problem. Which she won't.

I love the part about how she answers to a higher power - that sounds so

familiar, although with my nada, she would get angry even if you suggested

she had a higher power to answer to - a higher power than nada? no way.

Now I hate to add this, because I " m sure its not somethign you want to do,

and its not fair that you would need to, but do you think its time to change

your phoen number, and move to a place where you are harder to find? Thats

just one option. For me, I would be furious if I had to do that, but I have

seen it recommended by others.

I'm SO sorry! What a jerk she is, to put it mildly! WOW! Well, I'm here for

you. I wish I could do more.

On Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 4:00 AM, birdonawire77 wrote:

>

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

> telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

> messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky

> and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I

> went outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around

> and ripped out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

> She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it.

> She denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and

> left a few messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these-

> nasty, cutting, skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought

> up from the past. In short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the

> night. They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to

> herself or others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known

> me forever and has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack

> aimed at her was alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the

> same- the nasty phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her

> anger towards me with a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

> happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was

> also new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off

> to bed. At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to

> be contacted by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being

> looked after by someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried

> everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

> prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told

> me it would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to

> a local psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the

> situation has to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide

> attempt or a direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

> mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal "

> behaviour- I can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when

> they called her last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental

> health system as she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of

> psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I

> can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's

> boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

> intervention from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

> and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she

> will do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, hi Lynda,

That is freaky.

I would pursue the legal ave myself. You need to save every message and take

pictures of the damage. And then file a police report. And then the police

should talk to her. And from there, I think that you do have to expect her

to do it again, and once again, you document, call the police, etc. After a

while you build enough evidence that you can get that restraining order.

And I also think that you need to stop listening to the messages, hearing

the venom, etc. Have your partner or a trusted friend listen to them and

document every last horid word.

You might need to get a lawyer, or seek out an attorney with experience with

domestic violence matters.

As for me, I would take it as far as the law would allow me, I would push

it, prosecute. . . etc. . . because the fact is, they won't accept our

normal boundaries and they don't see us as separate individual human beings.

So we have to prove to them that we are serious.

As far as a mental health route, I'm not sure where you live, but I don't

think there is anything the mental health system has to offer for an abuser

who damages your property - that is for the legal system. Mental health

treatment is something your nada would need to seek out on her own, after

admitting and accepting that she has a problem. Which she won't.

I love the part about how she answers to a higher power - that sounds so

familiar, although with my nada, she would get angry even if you suggested

she had a higher power to answer to - a higher power than nada? no way.

Now I hate to add this, because I " m sure its not somethign you want to do,

and its not fair that you would need to, but do you think its time to change

your phoen number, and move to a place where you are harder to find? Thats

just one option. For me, I would be furious if I had to do that, but I have

seen it recommended by others.

I'm SO sorry! What a jerk she is, to put it mildly! WOW! Well, I'm here for

you. I wish I could do more.

On Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 4:00 AM, birdonawire77 wrote:

>

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

> telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

> messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky

> and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I

> went outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around

> and ripped out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

> She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it.

> She denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and

> left a few messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these-

> nasty, cutting, skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought

> up from the past. In short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the

> night. They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to

> herself or others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known

> me forever and has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack

> aimed at her was alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the

> same- the nasty phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her

> anger towards me with a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

> happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was

> also new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off

> to bed. At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to

> be contacted by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being

> looked after by someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried

> everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

> prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told

> me it would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to

> a local psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the

> situation has to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide

> attempt or a direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

> mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal "

> behaviour- I can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when

> they called her last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental

> health system as she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of

> psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I

> can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's

> boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

> intervention from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

> and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she

> will do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, hi Lynda,

That is freaky.

I would pursue the legal ave myself. You need to save every message and take

pictures of the damage. And then file a police report. And then the police

should talk to her. And from there, I think that you do have to expect her

to do it again, and once again, you document, call the police, etc. After a

while you build enough evidence that you can get that restraining order.

And I also think that you need to stop listening to the messages, hearing

the venom, etc. Have your partner or a trusted friend listen to them and

document every last horid word.

You might need to get a lawyer, or seek out an attorney with experience with

domestic violence matters.

As for me, I would take it as far as the law would allow me, I would push

it, prosecute. . . etc. . . because the fact is, they won't accept our

normal boundaries and they don't see us as separate individual human beings.

So we have to prove to them that we are serious.

As far as a mental health route, I'm not sure where you live, but I don't

think there is anything the mental health system has to offer for an abuser

who damages your property - that is for the legal system. Mental health

treatment is something your nada would need to seek out on her own, after

admitting and accepting that she has a problem. Which she won't.

I love the part about how she answers to a higher power - that sounds so

familiar, although with my nada, she would get angry even if you suggested

she had a higher power to answer to - a higher power than nada? no way.

Now I hate to add this, because I " m sure its not somethign you want to do,

and its not fair that you would need to, but do you think its time to change

your phoen number, and move to a place where you are harder to find? Thats

just one option. For me, I would be furious if I had to do that, but I have

seen it recommended by others.

I'm SO sorry! What a jerk she is, to put it mildly! WOW! Well, I'm here for

you. I wish I could do more.

On Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 4:00 AM, birdonawire77 wrote:

>

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

> telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

> messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky

> and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I

> went outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around

> and ripped out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

> She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it.

> She denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and

> left a few messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these-

> nasty, cutting, skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought

> up from the past. In short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the

> night. They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to

> herself or others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known

> me forever and has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack

> aimed at her was alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the

> same- the nasty phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her

> anger towards me with a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

> happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was

> also new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off

> to bed. At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to

> be contacted by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being

> looked after by someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried

> everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

> prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told

> me it would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to

> a local psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the

> situation has to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide

> attempt or a direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

> mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal "

> behaviour- I can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when

> they called her last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental

> health system as she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of

> psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I

> can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's

> boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

> intervention from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

> and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she

> will do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

One more thought - if you do have to go to court and face her, I would have

my doctor perscribe a sedative just for that day, to get you through it.

I've had to face another abuser in a setting like that before and thats what

I did. It was still hard, but it got me through.

On Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 4:36 AM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

> Wow, hi Lynda,

> That is freaky.

>

> I would pursue the legal ave myself. You need to save every message and

> take pictures of the damage. And then file a police report. And then the

> police should talk to her. And from there, I think that you do have to

> expect her to do it again, and once again, you document, call the police,

> etc. After a while you build enough evidence that you can get that

> restraining order.

>

> And I also think that you need to stop listening to the messages, hearing

> the venom, etc. Have your partner or a trusted friend listen to them and

> document every last horid word.

>

> You might need to get a lawyer, or seek out an attorney with experience

> with domestic violence matters.

>

> As for me, I would take it as far as the law would allow me, I would push

> it, prosecute. . . etc. . . because the fact is, they won't accept our

> normal boundaries and they don't see us as separate individual human beings.

> So we have to prove to them that we are serious.

>

> As far as a mental health route, I'm not sure where you live, but I don't

> think there is anything the mental health system has to offer for an abuser

> who damages your property - that is for the legal system. Mental health

> treatment is something your nada would need to seek out on her own, after

> admitting and accepting that she has a problem. Which she won't.

>

> I love the part about how she answers to a higher power - that sounds so

> familiar, although with my nada, she would get angry even if you suggested

> she had a higher power to answer to - a higher power than nada? no way.

>

> Now I hate to add this, because I " m sure its not somethign you want to do,

> and its not fair that you would need to, but do you think its time to change

> your phoen number, and move to a place where you are harder to find? Thats

> just one option. For me, I would be furious if I had to do that, but I have

> seen it recommended by others.

>

> I'm SO sorry! What a jerk she is, to put it mildly! WOW! Well, I'm here for

> you. I wish I could do more.

>

> On Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 4:00 AM, birdonawire77 wrote:

>

>>

>>

>> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

>> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

>> telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

>> messaged me out of the blue last night.

>> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky

>> and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I

>> went outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around

>> and ripped out plants strewn across my garden.

>> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got

>> involved) She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to

>> prove it. She denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms

>> messages and left a few messages on my home phone. You can imagine the

>> nature of these- nasty, cutting, skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated

>> things brought up from the past. In short, absolutely crazy!

>> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the

>> night. They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to

>> herself or others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known

>> me forever and has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack

>> aimed at her was alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the

>> same- the nasty phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her

>> anger towards me with a violent act.

>> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

>> happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was

>> also new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off

>> to bed. At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to

>> be contacted by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being

>> looked after by someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

>> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried

>> everything!

>> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

>> prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told

>> me it would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to

>> a local psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the

>> situation has to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide

>> attempt or a direct intention to harm me.

>> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or

>> the mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal "

>> behaviour- I can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when

>> they called her last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental

>> health system as she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of

>> psychosis.

>> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I

>> can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's

>> boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

>> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

>> intervention from the mental health system?

>> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new

>> benchmark and that it will escalate from here?

>> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she

>> will do next.

>> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

>> Any advice would be much appreciated.

>> Exhausted.

>> Lynda

>>

>>

>>

>

>

[Guest guest]

One more thought - if you do have to go to court and face her, I would have

my doctor perscribe a sedative just for that day, to get you through it.

I've had to face another abuser in a setting like that before and thats what

I did. It was still hard, but it got me through.

On Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 4:36 AM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

> Wow, hi Lynda,

> That is freaky.

>

> I would pursue the legal ave myself. You need to save every message and

> take pictures of the damage. And then file a police report. And then the

> police should talk to her. And from there, I think that you do have to

> expect her to do it again, and once again, you document, call the police,

> etc. After a while you build enough evidence that you can get that

> restraining order.

>

> And I also think that you need to stop listening to the messages, hearing

> the venom, etc. Have your partner or a trusted friend listen to them and

> document every last horid word.

>

> You might need to get a lawyer, or seek out an attorney with experience

> with domestic violence matters.

>

> As for me, I would take it as far as the law would allow me, I would push

> it, prosecute. . . etc. . . because the fact is, they won't accept our

> normal boundaries and they don't see us as separate individual human beings.

> So we have to prove to them that we are serious.

>

> As far as a mental health route, I'm not sure where you live, but I don't

> think there is anything the mental health system has to offer for an abuser

> who damages your property - that is for the legal system. Mental health

> treatment is something your nada would need to seek out on her own, after

> admitting and accepting that she has a problem. Which she won't.

>

> I love the part about how she answers to a higher power - that sounds so

> familiar, although with my nada, she would get angry even if you suggested

> she had a higher power to answer to - a higher power than nada? no way.

>

> Now I hate to add this, because I " m sure its not somethign you want to do,

> and its not fair that you would need to, but do you think its time to change

> your phoen number, and move to a place where you are harder to find? Thats

> just one option. For me, I would be furious if I had to do that, but I have

> seen it recommended by others.

>

> I'm SO sorry! What a jerk she is, to put it mildly! WOW! Well, I'm here for

> you. I wish I could do more.

>

> On Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 4:00 AM, birdonawire77 wrote:

>

>>

>>

>> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

>> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

>> telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

>> messaged me out of the blue last night.

>> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky

>> and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I

>> went outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around

>> and ripped out plants strewn across my garden.

>> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got

>> involved) She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to

>> prove it. She denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms

>> messages and left a few messages on my home phone. You can imagine the

>> nature of these- nasty, cutting, skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated

>> things brought up from the past. In short, absolutely crazy!

>> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the

>> night. They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to

>> herself or others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known

>> me forever and has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack

>> aimed at her was alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the

>> same- the nasty phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her

>> anger towards me with a violent act.

>> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

>> happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was

>> also new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off

>> to bed. At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to

>> be contacted by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being

>> looked after by someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

>> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried

>> everything!

>> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

>> prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told

>> me it would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to

>> a local psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the

>> situation has to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide

>> attempt or a direct intention to harm me.

>> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or

>> the mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal "

>> behaviour- I can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when

>> they called her last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental

>> health system as she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of

>> psychosis.

>> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I

>> can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's

>> boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

>> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

>> intervention from the mental health system?

>> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new

>> benchmark and that it will escalate from here?

>> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she

>> will do next.

>> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

>> Any advice would be much appreciated.

>> Exhausted.

>> Lynda

>>

>>

>>

>

>

[Guest guest]

One more thought - if you do have to go to court and face her, I would have

my doctor perscribe a sedative just for that day, to get you through it.

I've had to face another abuser in a setting like that before and thats what

I did. It was still hard, but it got me through.

On Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 4:36 AM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

> Wow, hi Lynda,

> That is freaky.

>

> I would pursue the legal ave myself. You need to save every message and

> take pictures of the damage. And then file a police report. And then the

> police should talk to her. And from there, I think that you do have to

> expect her to do it again, and once again, you document, call the police,

> etc. After a while you build enough evidence that you can get that

> restraining order.

>

> And I also think that you need to stop listening to the messages, hearing

> the venom, etc. Have your partner or a trusted friend listen to them and

> document every last horid word.

>

> You might need to get a lawyer, or seek out an attorney with experience

> with domestic violence matters.

>

> As for me, I would take it as far as the law would allow me, I would push

> it, prosecute. . . etc. . . because the fact is, they won't accept our

> normal boundaries and they don't see us as separate individual human beings.

> So we have to prove to them that we are serious.

>

> As far as a mental health route, I'm not sure where you live, but I don't

> think there is anything the mental health system has to offer for an abuser

> who damages your property - that is for the legal system. Mental health

> treatment is something your nada would need to seek out on her own, after

> admitting and accepting that she has a problem. Which she won't.

>

> I love the part about how she answers to a higher power - that sounds so

> familiar, although with my nada, she would get angry even if you suggested

> she had a higher power to answer to - a higher power than nada? no way.

>

> Now I hate to add this, because I " m sure its not somethign you want to do,

> and its not fair that you would need to, but do you think its time to change

> your phoen number, and move to a place where you are harder to find? Thats

> just one option. For me, I would be furious if I had to do that, but I have

> seen it recommended by others.

>

> I'm SO sorry! What a jerk she is, to put it mildly! WOW! Well, I'm here for

> you. I wish I could do more.

>

> On Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 4:00 AM, birdonawire77 wrote:

>

>>

>>

>> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

>> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

>> telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

>> messaged me out of the blue last night.

>> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky

>> and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I

>> went outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around

>> and ripped out plants strewn across my garden.

>> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got

>> involved) She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to

>> prove it. She denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms

>> messages and left a few messages on my home phone. You can imagine the

>> nature of these- nasty, cutting, skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated

>> things brought up from the past. In short, absolutely crazy!

>> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the

>> night. They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to

>> herself or others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known

>> me forever and has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack

>> aimed at her was alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the

>> same- the nasty phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her

>> anger towards me with a violent act.

>> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

>> happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was

>> also new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off

>> to bed. At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to

>> be contacted by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being

>> looked after by someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

>> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried

>> everything!

>> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

>> prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told

>> me it would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to

>> a local psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the

>> situation has to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide

>> attempt or a direct intention to harm me.

>> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or

>> the mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal "

>> behaviour- I can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when

>> they called her last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental

>> health system as she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of

>> psychosis.

>> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I

>> can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's

>> boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

>> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

>> intervention from the mental health system?

>> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new

>> benchmark and that it will escalate from here?

>> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she

>> will do next.

>> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

>> Any advice would be much appreciated.

>> Exhausted.

>> Lynda

>>

>>

>>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Legal would be the better route. Document as much evidence as you can.

Some ideas hubby has given me:

- We are purchasing wireless web cams(you can get wired ones but would be

harder to install) and placing them around the outside of the house. If she

shows up acting crazy or damages anything we will have it on video to

prosecute.

- If you call the police as soon as she arrives they may get there before

she leaves. If you make it clear that she is not welcome on your property

they can give her a no trespassing order. If she comes onto your property

again she can be arrested. Not as strong as a restraining order but still

good.

- Since she is family you can try to report any incidents as domestic

violence. Most places now have laws that someone always gets arrested, at

least for the night, in domestic violence situations.

- As stated before, if all else fails, you may have to consider moving.

I can only imagine how hard this is. It has been years since nada showed up

at my door uninvited and acted up. Now she is escalating and we are just

waiting...

[Guest guest]

Legal would be the better route. Document as much evidence as you can.

Some ideas hubby has given me:

- We are purchasing wireless web cams(you can get wired ones but would be

harder to install) and placing them around the outside of the house. If she

shows up acting crazy or damages anything we will have it on video to

prosecute.

- If you call the police as soon as she arrives they may get there before

she leaves. If you make it clear that she is not welcome on your property

they can give her a no trespassing order. If she comes onto your property

again she can be arrested. Not as strong as a restraining order but still

good.

- Since she is family you can try to report any incidents as domestic

violence. Most places now have laws that someone always gets arrested, at

least for the night, in domestic violence situations.

- As stated before, if all else fails, you may have to consider moving.

I can only imagine how hard this is. It has been years since nada showed up

at my door uninvited and acted up. Now she is escalating and we are just

waiting...

[Guest guest]

Legal would be the better route. Document as much evidence as you can.

Some ideas hubby has given me:

- We are purchasing wireless web cams(you can get wired ones but would be

harder to install) and placing them around the outside of the house. If she

shows up acting crazy or damages anything we will have it on video to

prosecute.

- If you call the police as soon as she arrives they may get there before

she leaves. If you make it clear that she is not welcome on your property

they can give her a no trespassing order. If she comes onto your property

again she can be arrested. Not as strong as a restraining order but still

good.

- Since she is family you can try to report any incidents as domestic

violence. Most places now have laws that someone always gets arrested, at

least for the night, in domestic violence situations.

- As stated before, if all else fails, you may have to consider moving.

I can only imagine how hard this is. It has been years since nada showed up

at my door uninvited and acted up. Now she is escalating and we are just

waiting...

[Guest guest]

If I were in your shoes, I think I'd consult a lawyer. A lawyer is your

advocate: sort of a paid " big brother " who will stand between you and the

bullies and uphold your rights. It wouldn't cost all that much to just go in

for an hour's consultation, explain your situation and get a lawyer's advice on

the matter.

I'm not a lawyer, but it seems kind of obvious to me that your mother has broken

some laws. She is (1) harassing you with unwanted, hostile messages (and

threats?) (2) she trespassed on your property and (3) she destroyed your

personal property.

I think that if you document and collect enough evidence (keep and copy any

hostile messages, find witnesses, etc.) a lawyer could make a case for reporting

your mother using the anti-stalking laws, and get you that restraining order.

Best of luck with this, I know you must feel very stressed and upset. I would

too.

-Annie

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky and

upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order- prospect

is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it would be

better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I can

see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's boundaries

and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or intervention

from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she will

do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

[Guest guest]

If I were in your shoes, I think I'd consult a lawyer. A lawyer is your

advocate: sort of a paid " big brother " who will stand between you and the

bullies and uphold your rights. It wouldn't cost all that much to just go in

for an hour's consultation, explain your situation and get a lawyer's advice on

the matter.

I'm not a lawyer, but it seems kind of obvious to me that your mother has broken

some laws. She is (1) harassing you with unwanted, hostile messages (and

threats?) (2) she trespassed on your property and (3) she destroyed your

personal property.

I think that if you document and collect enough evidence (keep and copy any

hostile messages, find witnesses, etc.) a lawyer could make a case for reporting

your mother using the anti-stalking laws, and get you that restraining order.

Best of luck with this, I know you must feel very stressed and upset. I would

too.

-Annie

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky and

upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order- prospect

is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it would be

better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I can

see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's boundaries

and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or intervention

from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she will

do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! Lynda! First of all, you have been through so much, how are you holding up?

Are you okay? Yo uwill make it, be strong. Let me tell you reading your letter

was like de ja vu. I went through nearly the same thing exactly. You are doing

the right thing to protect yourself and your baby; it is NOT easy but highly

necessary!

Nobody can believe it, and I know this is so hard for you because you are not

the liar she is. It really is a feeling of helplessness. Every avenue you turn

to for help it seems as though nobody is willing to help, but don't stop

looking, searching or demanding that people listen to you. Do everything in your

power to get somebody to listen, even if you get just one good cop on your side

it will help you!

I went through the whole ordeal of getting a restraining order after about 1+

years of nada acting out daily, and even then it was hard to get the order

granted WITH rock hard evidence, I even had a photo of dh after a violent attack

and several cd's of violent voicemails, and pages and pages of threatening

emails, + doctors and nurses vouching for me, even then it was hard to get the

order granted, but I didn't stop.

Once the order for protection was granted she violated it on MANY occasions, but

sadly out of guilt I only called to cops once. We ended up in court for a year

and half over it. The state vs her with me as a witness, it was a mess but I am

glad I stuck to my guns.

Don't give up! They will never stop so why should you? Should you stop trying to

help and protect yourself and your baby? Should you be a doormat? NO! If there

is a time to dig in your heals, it's now. I know it's hard and you may feel

alone, but every once in a while you will find a person in the messed up system

who will understand and don't stop till you find them!

I was able to find a cop who had an ex with BPD and he understood and went for

nada and her lawyers at the neck. Thank god for him. You can find somebody like

that too; just keep talking to the pros until you find your angel. They are out

there. Don't give up hope, and keep your baby and yourself safe at all costs,

even if it upsets nada. Stay safe, LB

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky and

upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order- prospect

is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it would be

better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I can

see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's boundaries

and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or intervention

from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she will

do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! Lynda! First of all, you have been through so much, how are you holding up?

Are you okay? Yo uwill make it, be strong. Let me tell you reading your letter

was like de ja vu. I went through nearly the same thing exactly. You are doing

the right thing to protect yourself and your baby; it is NOT easy but highly

necessary!

Nobody can believe it, and I know this is so hard for you because you are not

the liar she is. It really is a feeling of helplessness. Every avenue you turn

to for help it seems as though nobody is willing to help, but don't stop

looking, searching or demanding that people listen to you. Do everything in your

power to get somebody to listen, even if you get just one good cop on your side

it will help you!

I went through the whole ordeal of getting a restraining order after about 1+

years of nada acting out daily, and even then it was hard to get the order

granted WITH rock hard evidence, I even had a photo of dh after a violent attack

and several cd's of violent voicemails, and pages and pages of threatening

emails, + doctors and nurses vouching for me, even then it was hard to get the

order granted, but I didn't stop.

Once the order for protection was granted she violated it on MANY occasions, but

sadly out of guilt I only called to cops once. We ended up in court for a year

and half over it. The state vs her with me as a witness, it was a mess but I am

glad I stuck to my guns.

Don't give up! They will never stop so why should you? Should you stop trying to

help and protect yourself and your baby? Should you be a doormat? NO! If there

is a time to dig in your heals, it's now. I know it's hard and you may feel

alone, but every once in a while you will find a person in the messed up system

who will understand and don't stop till you find them!

I was able to find a cop who had an ex with BPD and he understood and went for

nada and her lawyers at the neck. Thank god for him. You can find somebody like

that too; just keep talking to the pros until you find your angel. They are out

there. Don't give up hope, and keep your baby and yourself safe at all costs,

even if it upsets nada. Stay safe, LB

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky and

upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order- prospect

is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it would be

better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I can

see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's boundaries

and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or intervention

from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she will

do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! Lynda! First of all, you have been through so much, how are you holding up?

Are you okay? Yo uwill make it, be strong. Let me tell you reading your letter

was like de ja vu. I went through nearly the same thing exactly. You are doing

the right thing to protect yourself and your baby; it is NOT easy but highly

necessary!

Nobody can believe it, and I know this is so hard for you because you are not

the liar she is. It really is a feeling of helplessness. Every avenue you turn

to for help it seems as though nobody is willing to help, but don't stop

looking, searching or demanding that people listen to you. Do everything in your

power to get somebody to listen, even if you get just one good cop on your side

it will help you!

I went through the whole ordeal of getting a restraining order after about 1+

years of nada acting out daily, and even then it was hard to get the order

granted WITH rock hard evidence, I even had a photo of dh after a violent attack

and several cd's of violent voicemails, and pages and pages of threatening

emails, + doctors and nurses vouching for me, even then it was hard to get the

order granted, but I didn't stop.

Once the order for protection was granted she violated it on MANY occasions, but

sadly out of guilt I only called to cops once. We ended up in court for a year

and half over it. The state vs her with me as a witness, it was a mess but I am

glad I stuck to my guns.

Don't give up! They will never stop so why should you? Should you stop trying to

help and protect yourself and your baby? Should you be a doormat? NO! If there

is a time to dig in your heals, it's now. I know it's hard and you may feel

alone, but every once in a while you will find a person in the messed up system

who will understand and don't stop till you find them!

I was able to find a cop who had an ex with BPD and he understood and went for

nada and her lawyers at the neck. Thank god for him. You can find somebody like

that too; just keep talking to the pros until you find your angel. They are out

there. Don't give up hope, and keep your baby and yourself safe at all costs,

even if it upsets nada. Stay safe, LB

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky and

upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order- prospect

is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it would be

better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I can

see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's boundaries

and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or intervention

from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she will

do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

[Guest guest]

Lynda,

Vandalism, trespassing, stalking, making threats - those sounds

like reasons for the police to be involved. Vandalism is a

definitely a crime. The other stuff may or may not be depending

on the wording of local laws. I'd pursue the restraining order.

She may ignore it, but if she does, then the police will have

more grounds to do something about the things she does. In most

places, forcing people to get mental health services is almost

in possible until they've actively harmed someone. I recommend

keeping copies of her messages and taking pictures of any damage

she does. You might also talk to your phone company about what

you can do to block her calls.

At 06:00 AM 08/18/2010 birdonawire77 wrote:

>I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

>After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her

>eventually telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be

>finally free of me, she messaged me out of the blue last night.

>It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I

>was shaky and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A

>while after she left I went outside expecting to find a letter.

>Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped out plants strewn

>across my garden.

>My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has

>got involved) She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone

>and told him to prove it. She denied it and told him to prove

>it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few messages on my

>home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty,

>cutting, skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things

>brought up from the past. In short, absolutely crazy!

>I phoned a mental health service three times across the course

>of the night. They told me they would intervene if she was an

>immediate threat to herself or others. I didn't know what to

>say. A close friend who has known me forever and has always

>been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

>alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the

>same- the nasty phone calls and messages, but she has never

>expressed her anger towards me with a violent act.

>I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages

>were still happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate

>threat. This behaviour was also new. Usually, she would have

>stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed. At 1.30, the

>house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be

>contacted by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am

>being looked after by someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

>I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have

>tried everything!

>Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining

>order- prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with

>her etc. They told me it would be better to pursue it through a

>mental health avenue. I went to a local psychiatrist who

>informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

>to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide

>attempt or a direct intention to harm me.

>The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the

>legal or the mental health systems to deal with. As she has

>periods of " normal " behaviour- I can just imagine how cool and

>calm she was on the phone when they called her last night-

>there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system

>as she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of

>psychosis.

>Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the

>contrary I can see it triggering her further as she clearly has

>no sense of other's boundaries and simply will not leave me

>alone after many requests.

>Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order

>or intervention from the mental health system?

>Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her

>new benchmark and that it will escalate from here?

>I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't

>know what she will do next.

>I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

>Any advice would be much appreciated.

>Exhausted.

>Lynda

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Lynda--

YIKES!! That story is scary, and it feels completely unsafe to me. If you need

validation that nada is really really psycho, here it is!!!

I would suggest calling the police. Say (tearfully, with a shaky voice, which

shouldn't be hard): " My mother has mental health issues. She just destroyed a

lot of my property and is calling me every 3 minutes, threatening me. I don't

know what to do! I'm really really scared. Could someone just drive by and

check out the perimeter of my house? What do I do? "

Hopefully, when the police come, they will catch her there. And she can be as

sweet as she wants. She can even convince the police officers that YOU'RE the

crazy one. Who cares. Your point will be made to your real audience: nada

will know you are serious.

Document, document, document. Overreact, don't try to justify or

rationalize--call 911 as soon you see her around.

A few more thoughts I gleaned from pushing a NP/BP ex-husband out of my life:

-in situations like this, KOs are their own worst enemy. We are SO used to

insanity, we reflect to the world: " this is okay, isn't it? is this behavior

bad? " and HOPE the lawyers, police officers, etc. will tell us it's bad and

validate us. YOU need to tell THEM how scary it is and how dangerous she is.

They will all want to minimize, etc., because they don't know how BP really

works. BP is crazier than their wildest imagination, so don't expect external

people to tell you how serious it is. Tell them, and don't take no for an

answer--you have to be seriously stubborn. " She's threatening me and she's

escalating her attacks. She's mentally ill. My family and I are not safe.

Something needs to be done. " Repeat it over and over again if you have to.

-again, we are used to it, and have the ability to be calm peaceful (externally)

when they are scary and threatening. The police officer/lawyer/mental health

worker looks at you, sees how calm you are, and intuitively decides nada's

behavior couldn't possibly be that bad. SHOW your fear. SHOW your tears. SHOW

how freaked out you are. SHOW them she is scary--even if you have to fake it!!!

If you feel like panicking (or even if you don't) panic in front of someone.

Don't be calm about this anymore. Folks listen more when you reflect to them

how unsafe you are.

-as much as you can, discontinue worrying about her as a person. You don't care

about her anymore--she's put herself in that category, not you. You only care

about your family and their safety. When a mental health worker calls her . . .

is that mental health worker going to be there, at your house, to fight nada

back when she's destroying your property? It sounds like much of this is still

centering around HER well being. And everyone is trying to make HER okay. Um,

not so much. That is not your job here. Your job is to do the opposite--make

her " unsafe, " exposed, and absolutely un-well. Your job is to make her

completely uncomfortable, as long as she's coming at you with this stuff. That

goes COMPLETELY against how we are hard-wired. We were taught to potect them at

any cost. Let that go. You are now doing the opposite--doing whatever you need

to expose her and get her in trouble for HER actions. Sadly, she has made you

her enemy. Don't protect your enemy. Protect yourself by letting her actions

harm her. Let her have as many consequences as the system will bear. That is

the only way you will find peace.

-Consider writing a letter or email to nada with the following: the boundaries

you already set. What she has done (document property destruction and phone

calls). What your expectations are in the future (go away). What will happen

if she doesn't respect your boundaries (call the police and research restraining

orders). Keep the tone calm and professional, send it certified, and cc people:

police department, lawyer's office, and mental health department. Your audience

isn't nada, it is future judges and law-enforcement officers. This will

accomplish two things: 1) Nada will know it isn't just you and her anymore.

Exposing them to others has real power over a BPD. She will start to take it

more seriously when there are consequences that hurt her precious external mask.

She has NO problems " battling " you, because she knows how powerful she can be

one-on-one. Once others get involved, it's a whole different thing. 2) You have

laid out your plan, and don't have to think about it when she pulls her stuff.

Just do what you said you were going to do in the letter. 3) That letter will

be a POWERFUL piece of documentation in your defense. Everyone can see how

reasonable and sane you are, and how you tried to settle this matter civily.

Show everyone that it is nada that escalates, and nada that is insane. 4) Once

you document it was her that destroyed your property, everyone will assume it is

true. (We know it is, but they don't--she will try to shift it off).

-Document, document, document. And consider playing just one of those messages

to a lawyer. See what reaction you get, then. Again, once they see what you

see, it will be a whole different world.

Finally, be prepared. Put on your internal battle gear. She has declared war

on you, and she may escalate. That's fine. Be calm in your strategy and

terrified in your communication with those who can help you. If it helps, I had

to realize: No one was going to win. I simply had to choose who was going to

lose the most. And then I looked at the list of people involved. Who did I

want to be the " biggest loser? " Me? My babies? My loved ones? OR . . . the

crazy b**** who was causing all of this? She has backed you into a corner, and

now you have to choose.

God bless. And by " God " I don't mean " pscyho-god, " protector of the hateful

nasty cruel mentally ill as they attempt to destroy others. You know that one?

The one nada calls out to? " Psycho-god " may be HER higher power, but

" psycho-god " doesn't rule over the sane. When I say " God bless " I'm talking

about the " God " that loves sanity and order and protection. I may only be a

first year Seminary Student, but I'm pretty sure there's a difference.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky and

upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order- prospect

is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it would be

better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I can

see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's boundaries

and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or intervention

from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she will

do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

[Guest guest]

Lynda--

YIKES!! That story is scary, and it feels completely unsafe to me. If you need

validation that nada is really really psycho, here it is!!!

I would suggest calling the police. Say (tearfully, with a shaky voice, which

shouldn't be hard): " My mother has mental health issues. She just destroyed a

lot of my property and is calling me every 3 minutes, threatening me. I don't

know what to do! I'm really really scared. Could someone just drive by and

check out the perimeter of my house? What do I do? "

Hopefully, when the police come, they will catch her there. And she can be as

sweet as she wants. She can even convince the police officers that YOU'RE the

crazy one. Who cares. Your point will be made to your real audience: nada

will know you are serious.

Document, document, document. Overreact, don't try to justify or

rationalize--call 911 as soon you see her around.

A few more thoughts I gleaned from pushing a NP/BP ex-husband out of my life:

-in situations like this, KOs are their own worst enemy. We are SO used to

insanity, we reflect to the world: " this is okay, isn't it? is this behavior

bad? " and HOPE the lawyers, police officers, etc. will tell us it's bad and

validate us. YOU need to tell THEM how scary it is and how dangerous she is.

They will all want to minimize, etc., because they don't know how BP really

works. BP is crazier than their wildest imagination, so don't expect external

people to tell you how serious it is. Tell them, and don't take no for an

answer--you have to be seriously stubborn. " She's threatening me and she's

escalating her attacks. She's mentally ill. My family and I are not safe.

Something needs to be done. " Repeat it over and over again if you have to.

-again, we are used to it, and have the ability to be calm peaceful (externally)

when they are scary and threatening. The police officer/lawyer/mental health

worker looks at you, sees how calm you are, and intuitively decides nada's

behavior couldn't possibly be that bad. SHOW your fear. SHOW your tears. SHOW

how freaked out you are. SHOW them she is scary--even if you have to fake it!!!

If you feel like panicking (or even if you don't) panic in front of someone.

Don't be calm about this anymore. Folks listen more when you reflect to them

how unsafe you are.

-as much as you can, discontinue worrying about her as a person. You don't care

about her anymore--she's put herself in that category, not you. You only care

about your family and their safety. When a mental health worker calls her . . .

is that mental health worker going to be there, at your house, to fight nada

back when she's destroying your property? It sounds like much of this is still

centering around HER well being. And everyone is trying to make HER okay. Um,

not so much. That is not your job here. Your job is to do the opposite--make

her " unsafe, " exposed, and absolutely un-well. Your job is to make her

completely uncomfortable, as long as she's coming at you with this stuff. That

goes COMPLETELY against how we are hard-wired. We were taught to potect them at

any cost. Let that go. You are now doing the opposite--doing whatever you need

to expose her and get her in trouble for HER actions. Sadly, she has made you

her enemy. Don't protect your enemy. Protect yourself by letting her actions

harm her. Let her have as many consequences as the system will bear. That is

the only way you will find peace.

-Consider writing a letter or email to nada with the following: the boundaries

you already set. What she has done (document property destruction and phone

calls). What your expectations are in the future (go away). What will happen

if she doesn't respect your boundaries (call the police and research restraining

orders). Keep the tone calm and professional, send it certified, and cc people:

police department, lawyer's office, and mental health department. Your audience

isn't nada, it is future judges and law-enforcement officers. This will

accomplish two things: 1) Nada will know it isn't just you and her anymore.

Exposing them to others has real power over a BPD. She will start to take it

more seriously when there are consequences that hurt her precious external mask.

She has NO problems " battling " you, because she knows how powerful she can be

one-on-one. Once others get involved, it's a whole different thing. 2) You have

laid out your plan, and don't have to think about it when she pulls her stuff.

Just do what you said you were going to do in the letter. 3) That letter will

be a POWERFUL piece of documentation in your defense. Everyone can see how

reasonable and sane you are, and how you tried to settle this matter civily.

Show everyone that it is nada that escalates, and nada that is insane. 4) Once

you document it was her that destroyed your property, everyone will assume it is

true. (We know it is, but they don't--she will try to shift it off).

-Document, document, document. And consider playing just one of those messages

to a lawyer. See what reaction you get, then. Again, once they see what you

see, it will be a whole different world.

Finally, be prepared. Put on your internal battle gear. She has declared war

on you, and she may escalate. That's fine. Be calm in your strategy and

terrified in your communication with those who can help you. If it helps, I had

to realize: No one was going to win. I simply had to choose who was going to

lose the most. And then I looked at the list of people involved. Who did I

want to be the " biggest loser? " Me? My babies? My loved ones? OR . . . the

crazy b**** who was causing all of this? She has backed you into a corner, and

now you have to choose.

God bless. And by " God " I don't mean " pscyho-god, " protector of the hateful

nasty cruel mentally ill as they attempt to destroy others. You know that one?

The one nada calls out to? " Psycho-god " may be HER higher power, but

" psycho-god " doesn't rule over the sane. When I say " God bless " I'm talking

about the " God " that loves sanity and order and protection. I may only be a

first year Seminary Student, but I'm pretty sure there's a difference.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky and

upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order- prospect

is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it would be

better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I can

see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's boundaries

and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or intervention

from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she will

do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

[Guest guest]

oh man, Lynda, this is terrible.

She's really losing it.

I second everything Girlscout said. I dont have experience with my mother but

with a neighbor. Document, document, document. Take pictures. Record. whatever

you have to do, so that you have evidence.

I'm so sorry for all this strain while you're caring for your little one.

At the very least the police should be involved for her destruction of your

property.

We're here for you, thinking about you and praying for you.

Fiona

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky and

upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order- prospect

is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it would be

better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I can

see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's boundaries

and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or intervention

from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she will

do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

[Guest guest]

oh man, Lynda, this is terrible.

She's really losing it.

I second everything Girlscout said. I dont have experience with my mother but

with a neighbor. Document, document, document. Take pictures. Record. whatever

you have to do, so that you have evidence.

I'm so sorry for all this strain while you're caring for your little one.

At the very least the police should be involved for her destruction of your

property.

We're here for you, thinking about you and praying for you.

Fiona

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky and

upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order- prospect

is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it would be

better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I can

see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's boundaries

and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or intervention

from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she will

do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

[Guest guest]

oh man, Lynda, this is terrible.

She's really losing it.

I second everything Girlscout said. I dont have experience with my mother but

with a neighbor. Document, document, document. Take pictures. Record. whatever

you have to do, so that you have evidence.

I'm so sorry for all this strain while you're caring for your little one.

At the very least the police should be involved for her destruction of your

property.

We're here for you, thinking about you and praying for you.

Fiona

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky and

upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order- prospect

is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it would be

better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I can

see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's boundaries

and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or intervention

from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she will

do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

[Guest guest]

Karla - Whoo-wee! I want you in my corner next time my mom pulls some stunt!

Your post is practically a textbook for dealing with the very worst Nada

behavior - and you're right, the hardest part is giving ourselves permission to

make it all about our own safety and sanity.

Lynda, are you listening? These are your marching orders!

> >

> > I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> > After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> > It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky

and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> > My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> > I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> > I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> > I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> > Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it

would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> > The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> > Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I

can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's

boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> > Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

intervention from the mental health system?

> > Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> > I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she

will do next.

> > I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> > Any advice would be much appreciated.

> > Exhausted.

> > Lynda

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Karla - Whoo-wee! I want you in my corner next time my mom pulls some stunt!

Your post is practically a textbook for dealing with the very worst Nada

behavior - and you're right, the hardest part is giving ourselves permission to

make it all about our own safety and sanity.

Lynda, are you listening? These are your marching orders!

> >

> > I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> > After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> > It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky

and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> > My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> > I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> > I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> > I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> > Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it

would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> > The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> > Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I

can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's

boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> > Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

intervention from the mental health system?

> > Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> > I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she

will do next.

> > I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> > Any advice would be much appreciated.

> > Exhausted.

> > Lynda

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Karla - Whoo-wee! I want you in my corner next time my mom pulls some stunt!

Your post is practically a textbook for dealing with the very worst Nada

behavior - and you're right, the hardest part is giving ourselves permission to

make it all about our own safety and sanity.

Lynda, are you listening? These are your marching orders!

> >

> > I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> > After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> > It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky

and upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> > My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> > I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> > I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> > I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> > Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order-

prospect is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it

would be better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> > The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> > Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I

can see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's

boundaries and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> > Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or

intervention from the mental health system?

> > Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> > I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she

will do next.

> > I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> > Any advice would be much appreciated.

> > Exhausted.

> > Lynda

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Lynda, so sorry this is going on for you - if you ever needed proof she's got

a mental illness this is it. I do have some experience with restraining orders

having gotten one. You must first have proof that you told the person in

question that you want zero contact with them. I'd suggest a registered letter

to prove they got it and the date. Next you have to document that they are

disregarding the letter - easy to do as your nada will be infuriated by the

letter and call you....you can even set up a cheap video camera that talks to

your computer at your front door to document she's coming to your house. See

how free she feels to destroy stuff then? Some states have something called an

anti-harrassment order which is what you get if there's no threat of harm but

repeated unwanted calls. So the cops might steer you away from the restraining

order but there may be another type of order that's appropriate. I'd say get a

lawyer who is knowledgable - a domestic violence support outfit can usually

recommend such a lawyer. You shouldn't have to leave with this type of

harassment from ANYBODY.

Oh another tip I've heard is get a new number but don't disconnect the old one.

That way she can keep calling that number and you choose when you deal with it,

and it serves as a storage of evidence if you need it.

Stay safe,

>

> I'll try and summarise this time! Here goes...

> After two months of attempted failed boundary setting and her eventually

telling me she was divorcing me and was glad to be finally free of me, she

messaged me out of the blue last night.

> It wasn't a nice message. Soon after, she knocked on my door. I was shaky and

upset from her message and I didn't answer. A while after she left I went

outside expecting to find a letter. Instead I saw pots thrown around and ripped

out plants strewn across my garden.

> My partner called her to say it wasn't on (first time her has got involved)

She told him to F off in an especially nasty tone and told him to prove it. She

denied it and told him to prove it.She sent about 30 sms messages and left a few

messages on my home phone. You can imagine the nature of these- nasty, cutting,

skewed sense of reality, bizarre, unrelated things brought up from the past. In

short, absolutely crazy!

> I phoned a mental health service three times across the course of the night.

They told me they would intervene if she was an immediate threat to herself or

others. I didn't know what to say. A close friend who has known me forever and

has always been an impartial observer with the odd attack aimed at her was

alarmed that her behaviour had changed. The pattern was the same- the nasty

phone calls and messages, but she has never expressed her anger towards me with

a violent act.

> I eventually decided at 1.00 in the morning when the messages were still

happening that perhaps she did pose an immediate threat. This behaviour was also

new. Usually, she would have stopped by that time and taken herself off to bed.

At 1.30, the house phone called and my mobile. She wasn't happy to be contacted

by a mental health service- " You have no right " " I am being looked after by

someone higher than you " ie. God etc.

> I need to do something about it. I have had enough. I have tried everything!

> Today I went to the police station about getting a restraining order- prospect

is very confronting- being in a courtroom with her etc. They told me it would be

better to pursue it through a mental health avenue. I went to a local

psychiatrist who informed me it was a legal matter!! It seems the situation has

to be more severe for them to intervene- an attempted suicide attempt or a

direct intention to harm me.

> The nature of the borderline deems it very hard for either the legal or the

mental health systems to deal with. As she has periods of " normal " behaviour- I

can just imagine how cool and calm she was on the phone when they called her

last night- there cannot be any intervention from the mental health system as

she more or less needs to be in a permanent state of psychosis.

> Similarly, I can't imagine a restraining order working. On the contrary I can

see it triggering her further as she clearly has no sense of other's boundaries

and simply will not leave me alone after many requests.

> Does anyone have an experience of getting a restraining order or intervention

from the mental health system?

> Does anyone think that this new violent behaviour will be her new benchmark

and that it will escalate from here?

> I have a baby to protect. I am scared and nervous and don't know what she will

do next.

> I really need to act on this to stop her from contacting me.

> Any advice would be much appreciated.

> Exhausted.

> Lynda

>

[Guest guest]

> -again, we are used to it, and have the ability to be calm peaceful

(externally) when they are scary and threatening. The police

officer/lawyer/mental health worker looks at you, sees how calm you are, and

intuitively decides nada's behavior couldn't possibly be that bad. SHOW your

fear. SHOW your tears. SHOW how freaked out you are. SHOW them she is

scary--even if you have to fake it!!! If you feel like panicking (or even if

you don't) panic in front of someone. Don't be calm about this anymore. Folks

listen more when you reflect to them how unsafe you are.

Karla, just this one paragraph above is gold to me. I can't begin to tell how

much of a problem my " calm and strong " demeanor has been in getting people to

take seriously that I need help when I do. Even therapists. I can be falling

to pieces, even wanting to die from depression, and yet I can seem calm even as

I tell people. It's very hard to *not* do that. You are right that people

respond to how you seem - much more than the words one says.