Guest guest Posted August 9, 2010 Report Share Posted August 9, 2010 From my own experience it takes a while to absorb the reality that our parent or parents are dysfunctional and toxic to us and that its OK to distance ourselves from them and protect ourselves from further abuse. It is a huge change, and it can take time to adapt to big changes. I understand your situation RE not being able to afford therapy just now, I'm in the same boat. It is frustrating. However, there are free/nearly-free resources out there for some face-to-face group support if you think that will help you. See if there is a chapter of " NAMI " in your area: http://www.nami.org/ or a chapter of " Co-dependents Anonymous " http://www.coda.org/ I hope that helps. -Annie > > Hi, > > As some of you may remember I'm still faily new to this board and just dicovered the concept of BPD less then a month ago. Though I have to say it has been such a pivital point in my life....It also sucks. > Becouse now I know for sure there is a problem. Now I know for sure my childhood was denied from me. Now I know I have been mistreated and lied to and used and totaly screwed up in the head. All of a sudden that past few weeks I am remembering and seeing things I never realized before. I guess the best was to discribe how I feel right now is like in the movie Matrix when they take the pill that lets them see the truth and they dicover that the life they lived is just a big lie..nothing was real..it was just information fed into there brain. > > Not that I want to go back..but what do I do now? I have not spoken to my Mother in almost 3 weeks. I can't stop thinking about stuff...I have wicked bad anxiety and I keep taking clonazapan to relax..I hate doing that..I don't want to numb myself but the anxiety is so bad..even when I'm not thinking about stuff when I'm out with friends having a great time I'm really in my head trying to calm myself down. > > I want so badly to go to therepy but I am currently unemployed and have been working contract jobs the past 2 years so I don't have health insurance. I called the place I use do therepy at and it's $70 per appointment at a discount rate. > > I don't qualify for any government run stuff they say I make to much money :/ > > I'm reading surveing the borderline parent which is great but I wish I could stop thinking about it...I'm not feeling angry or anything like that or depressed..just my mind is in anylical mode. How can I stop thinking about this..and shut myself up. > > I don't want to costanly drive people around me crazy talking about my mother! I just want to forget it and make it go away..is that possible..is this normal? > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2010 Report Share Posted August 9, 2010 From my own experience it takes a while to absorb the reality that our parent or parents are dysfunctional and toxic to us and that its OK to distance ourselves from them and protect ourselves from further abuse. It is a huge change, and it can take time to adapt to big changes. I understand your situation RE not being able to afford therapy just now, I'm in the same boat. It is frustrating. However, there are free/nearly-free resources out there for some face-to-face group support if you think that will help you. See if there is a chapter of " NAMI " in your area: http://www.nami.org/ or a chapter of " Co-dependents Anonymous " http://www.coda.org/ I hope that helps. -Annie > > Hi, > > As some of you may remember I'm still faily new to this board and just dicovered the concept of BPD less then a month ago. Though I have to say it has been such a pivital point in my life....It also sucks. > Becouse now I know for sure there is a problem. Now I know for sure my childhood was denied from me. Now I know I have been mistreated and lied to and used and totaly screwed up in the head. All of a sudden that past few weeks I am remembering and seeing things I never realized before. I guess the best was to discribe how I feel right now is like in the movie Matrix when they take the pill that lets them see the truth and they dicover that the life they lived is just a big lie..nothing was real..it was just information fed into there brain. > > Not that I want to go back..but what do I do now? I have not spoken to my Mother in almost 3 weeks. I can't stop thinking about stuff...I have wicked bad anxiety and I keep taking clonazapan to relax..I hate doing that..I don't want to numb myself but the anxiety is so bad..even when I'm not thinking about stuff when I'm out with friends having a great time I'm really in my head trying to calm myself down. > > I want so badly to go to therepy but I am currently unemployed and have been working contract jobs the past 2 years so I don't have health insurance. I called the place I use do therepy at and it's $70 per appointment at a discount rate. > > I don't qualify for any government run stuff they say I make to much money :/ > > I'm reading surveing the borderline parent which is great but I wish I could stop thinking about it...I'm not feeling angry or anything like that or depressed..just my mind is in anylical mode. How can I stop thinking about this..and shut myself up. > > I don't want to costanly drive people around me crazy talking about my mother! I just want to forget it and make it go away..is that possible..is this normal? > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2010 Report Share Posted August 9, 2010 From my own experience it takes a while to absorb the reality that our parent or parents are dysfunctional and toxic to us and that its OK to distance ourselves from them and protect ourselves from further abuse. It is a huge change, and it can take time to adapt to big changes. I understand your situation RE not being able to afford therapy just now, I'm in the same boat. It is frustrating. However, there are free/nearly-free resources out there for some face-to-face group support if you think that will help you. See if there is a chapter of " NAMI " in your area: http://www.nami.org/ or a chapter of " Co-dependents Anonymous " http://www.coda.org/ I hope that helps. -Annie > > Hi, > > As some of you may remember I'm still faily new to this board and just dicovered the concept of BPD less then a month ago. Though I have to say it has been such a pivital point in my life....It also sucks. > Becouse now I know for sure there is a problem. Now I know for sure my childhood was denied from me. Now I know I have been mistreated and lied to and used and totaly screwed up in the head. All of a sudden that past few weeks I am remembering and seeing things I never realized before. I guess the best was to discribe how I feel right now is like in the movie Matrix when they take the pill that lets them see the truth and they dicover that the life they lived is just a big lie..nothing was real..it was just information fed into there brain. > > Not that I want to go back..but what do I do now? I have not spoken to my Mother in almost 3 weeks. I can't stop thinking about stuff...I have wicked bad anxiety and I keep taking clonazapan to relax..I hate doing that..I don't want to numb myself but the anxiety is so bad..even when I'm not thinking about stuff when I'm out with friends having a great time I'm really in my head trying to calm myself down. > > I want so badly to go to therepy but I am currently unemployed and have been working contract jobs the past 2 years so I don't have health insurance. I called the place I use do therepy at and it's $70 per appointment at a discount rate. > > I don't qualify for any government run stuff they say I make to much money :/ > > I'm reading surveing the borderline parent which is great but I wish I could stop thinking about it...I'm not feeling angry or anything like that or depressed..just my mind is in anylical mode. How can I stop thinking about this..and shut myself up. > > I don't want to costanly drive people around me crazy talking about my mother! I just want to forget it and make it go away..is that possible..is this normal? > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2010 Report Share Posted August 9, 2010 Oh yeah, hon, you'll have it on your mind non stop for a while. And then you'll set it aside and something will set you off and then you'll come back to it. i'm there right now, rereading all the books, rethinking all my memories. . . totally normal. We are here for you. On Mon, Aug 9, 2010 at 11:12 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > From my own experience it takes a while to absorb the reality that our > parent or parents are dysfunctional and toxic to us and that its OK to > distance ourselves from them and protect ourselves from further abuse. It is > a huge change, and it can take time to adapt to big changes. > > I understand your situation RE not being able to afford therapy just now, > I'm in the same boat. It is frustrating. > > However, there are free/nearly-free resources out there for some > face-to-face group support if you think that will help you. > > See if there is a chapter of " NAMI " in your area: > http://www.nami.org/ > > or a chapter of " Co-dependents Anonymous " > http://www.coda.org/ > > I hope that helps. > > -Annie > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > As some of you may remember I'm still faily new to this board and just > dicovered the concept of BPD less then a month ago. Though I have to say it > has been such a pivital point in my life....It also sucks. > > Becouse now I know for sure there is a problem. Now I know for sure my > childhood was denied from me. Now I know I have been mistreated and lied to > and used and totaly screwed up in the head. All of a sudden that past few > weeks I am remembering and seeing things I never realized before. I guess > the best was to discribe how I feel right now is like in the movie Matrix > when they take the pill that lets them see the truth and they dicover that > the life they lived is just a big lie..nothing was real..it was just > information fed into there brain. > > > > Not that I want to go back..but what do I do now? I have not spoken to my > Mother in almost 3 weeks. I can't stop thinking about stuff...I have wicked > bad anxiety and I keep taking clonazapan to relax..I hate doing that..I > don't want to numb myself but the anxiety is so bad..even when I'm not > thinking about stuff when I'm out with friends having a great time I'm > really in my head trying to calm myself down. > > > > I want so badly to go to therepy but I am currently unemployed and have > been working contract jobs the past 2 years so I don't have health > insurance. I called the place I use do therepy at and it's $70 per > appointment at a discount rate. > > > > I don't qualify for any government run stuff they say I make to much > money :/ > > > > I'm reading surveing the borderline parent which is great but I wish I > could stop thinking about it...I'm not feeling angry or anything like that > or depressed..just my mind is in anylical mode. How can I stop thinking > about this..and shut myself up. > > > > I don't want to costanly drive people around me crazy talking about my > mother! I just want to forget it and make it go away..is that possible..is > this normal? > > > > Stefanie > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2010 Report Share Posted August 9, 2010 Oh yeah, hon, you'll have it on your mind non stop for a while. And then you'll set it aside and something will set you off and then you'll come back to it. i'm there right now, rereading all the books, rethinking all my memories. . . totally normal. We are here for you. On Mon, Aug 9, 2010 at 11:12 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > From my own experience it takes a while to absorb the reality that our > parent or parents are dysfunctional and toxic to us and that its OK to > distance ourselves from them and protect ourselves from further abuse. It is > a huge change, and it can take time to adapt to big changes. > > I understand your situation RE not being able to afford therapy just now, > I'm in the same boat. It is frustrating. > > However, there are free/nearly-free resources out there for some > face-to-face group support if you think that will help you. > > See if there is a chapter of " NAMI " in your area: > http://www.nami.org/ > > or a chapter of " Co-dependents Anonymous " > http://www.coda.org/ > > I hope that helps. > > -Annie > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > As some of you may remember I'm still faily new to this board and just > dicovered the concept of BPD less then a month ago. Though I have to say it > has been such a pivital point in my life....It also sucks. > > Becouse now I know for sure there is a problem. Now I know for sure my > childhood was denied from me. Now I know I have been mistreated and lied to > and used and totaly screwed up in the head. All of a sudden that past few > weeks I am remembering and seeing things I never realized before. I guess > the best was to discribe how I feel right now is like in the movie Matrix > when they take the pill that lets them see the truth and they dicover that > the life they lived is just a big lie..nothing was real..it was just > information fed into there brain. > > > > Not that I want to go back..but what do I do now? I have not spoken to my > Mother in almost 3 weeks. I can't stop thinking about stuff...I have wicked > bad anxiety and I keep taking clonazapan to relax..I hate doing that..I > don't want to numb myself but the anxiety is so bad..even when I'm not > thinking about stuff when I'm out with friends having a great time I'm > really in my head trying to calm myself down. > > > > I want so badly to go to therepy but I am currently unemployed and have > been working contract jobs the past 2 years so I don't have health > insurance. I called the place I use do therepy at and it's $70 per > appointment at a discount rate. > > > > I don't qualify for any government run stuff they say I make to much > money :/ > > > > I'm reading surveing the borderline parent which is great but I wish I > could stop thinking about it...I'm not feeling angry or anything like that > or depressed..just my mind is in anylical mode. How can I stop thinking > about this..and shut myself up. > > > > I don't want to costanly drive people around me crazy talking about my > mother! I just want to forget it and make it go away..is that possible..is > this normal? > > > > Stefanie > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2010 Report Share Posted August 9, 2010 Oh yeah, hon, you'll have it on your mind non stop for a while. And then you'll set it aside and something will set you off and then you'll come back to it. i'm there right now, rereading all the books, rethinking all my memories. . . totally normal. We are here for you. On Mon, Aug 9, 2010 at 11:12 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > From my own experience it takes a while to absorb the reality that our > parent or parents are dysfunctional and toxic to us and that its OK to > distance ourselves from them and protect ourselves from further abuse. It is > a huge change, and it can take time to adapt to big changes. > > I understand your situation RE not being able to afford therapy just now, > I'm in the same boat. It is frustrating. > > However, there are free/nearly-free resources out there for some > face-to-face group support if you think that will help you. > > See if there is a chapter of " NAMI " in your area: > http://www.nami.org/ > > or a chapter of " Co-dependents Anonymous " > http://www.coda.org/ > > I hope that helps. > > -Annie > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > As some of you may remember I'm still faily new to this board and just > dicovered the concept of BPD less then a month ago. Though I have to say it > has been such a pivital point in my life....It also sucks. > > Becouse now I know for sure there is a problem. Now I know for sure my > childhood was denied from me. Now I know I have been mistreated and lied to > and used and totaly screwed up in the head. All of a sudden that past few > weeks I am remembering and seeing things I never realized before. I guess > the best was to discribe how I feel right now is like in the movie Matrix > when they take the pill that lets them see the truth and they dicover that > the life they lived is just a big lie..nothing was real..it was just > information fed into there brain. > > > > Not that I want to go back..but what do I do now? I have not spoken to my > Mother in almost 3 weeks. I can't stop thinking about stuff...I have wicked > bad anxiety and I keep taking clonazapan to relax..I hate doing that..I > don't want to numb myself but the anxiety is so bad..even when I'm not > thinking about stuff when I'm out with friends having a great time I'm > really in my head trying to calm myself down. > > > > I want so badly to go to therepy but I am currently unemployed and have > been working contract jobs the past 2 years so I don't have health > insurance. I called the place I use do therepy at and it's $70 per > appointment at a discount rate. > > > > I don't qualify for any government run stuff they say I make to much > money :/ > > > > I'm reading surveing the borderline parent which is great but I wish I > could stop thinking about it...I'm not feeling angry or anything like that > or depressed..just my mind is in anylical mode. How can I stop thinking > about this..and shut myself up. > > > > I don't want to costanly drive people around me crazy talking about my > mother! I just want to forget it and make it go away..is that possible..is > this normal? > > > > Stefanie > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2010 Report Share Posted August 9, 2010 I can certaily relate to worrying you'll drive people crazy because you talk about it. I do too. I try not to around my friends so much and leave it for here and my therapist. It's hard sometimes. Sometimes your PCP doctor will give you meds for anxiety since you can't afford therapy. I know that some states offer free therapy and I do know a lot of churches offer free counseling too. I need advice Hi, As some of you may remember I'm still faily new to this board and just dicovered the concept of BPD less then a month ago. Though I have to say it has been such a pivital point in my life....It also sucks. Becouse now I know for sure there is a problem. Now I know for sure my childhood was denied from me. Now I know I have been mistreated and lied to and used and totaly screwed up in the head. All of a sudden that past few weeks I am remembering and seeing things I never realized before. I guess the best was to discribe how I feel right now is like in the movie Matrix when they take the pill that lets them see the truth and they dicover that the life they lived is just a big lie..nothing was real..it was just information fed into there brain. Not that I want to go back..but what do I do now? I have not spoken to my Mother in almost 3 weeks. I can't stop thinking about stuff...I have wicked bad anxiety and I keep taking clonazapan to relax..I hate doing that..I don't want to numb myself but the anxiety is so bad..even when I'm not thinking about stuff when I'm out with friends having a great time I'm really in my head trying to calm myself down. I want so badly to go to therepy but I am currently unemployed and have been working contract jobs the past 2 years so I don't have health insurance. I called the place I use do therepy at and it's $70 per appointment at a discount rate. I don't qualify for any government run stuff they say I make to much money :/ I'm reading surveing the borderline parent which is great but I wish I could stop thinking about it...I'm not feeling angry or anything like that or depressed..just my mind is in anylical mode. How can I stop thinking about this..and shut myself up. I don't want to costanly drive people around me crazy talking about my mother! I just want to forget it and make it go away..is that possible..is this normal? Stefanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 Hang in there. It is just like a big wound has been opened up and all the toxins and badness need to be released. I just let it happen as painfull as it was. I needed to feel the pain and I can relate to how your mind is constantly thinking about things. It was even happening in my dreams. It has been over a year for me since I learnt of BPD and went LC. I am now NC and have been for 6 months. Just the other day I caught myself thinking how I haven't been thinking of all the hurt and pain and was finally free of the monkey chatter of Nada. I am living my life and feeling enormous FREEDOM. To get to this stage it has been painfull and alot of hard work. Being here, reading and finding someone to talk to that is trained in BPD awareness helped me. Self Love goes along way and getting lots of rest, good food and exercise worked for me too. It is a process and sometimes I thought it would never feel any better but it is sooooo much better. I still get a little anxious around special occassions and wonder if Nada will contact me but I just keep reminding myself to take one day at a time and cross that bridge when it comes. I know you said that money is limited to go to therapy. I agree it is very expensive. I live in Australia and not sure about where you are but we have many organisations that are free like Mental Health Support for family members and Women's Health places where they have professional people there to help and lots of reference material. I have read so many books I can't count now. Otherwise churches have spiritual directors that are also great to talk to. Other than that I found this group here the most amazing support and there is nothing like being with people that understand the feelings you might be going through. Hang in there. It is tough but don't give up hope that you can get through the process. Believe me it feels wonderful on the other side of the pain. We all deserve the best life possible. Take Care, Kazam x > > Hi, > > As some of you may remember I'm still faily new to this board and just dicovered the concept of BPD less then a month ago. Though I have to say it has been such a pivital point in my life....It also sucks. > Becouse now I know for sure there is a problem. Now I know for sure my childhood was denied from me. Now I know I have been mistreated and lied to and used and totaly screwed up in the head. All of a sudden that past few weeks I am remembering and seeing things I never realized before. I guess the best was to discribe how I feel right now is like in the movie Matrix when they take the pill that lets them see the truth and they dicover that the life they lived is just a big lie..nothing was real..it was just information fed into there brain. > > Not that I want to go back..but what do I do now? I have not spoken to my Mother in almost 3 weeks. I can't stop thinking about stuff...I have wicked bad anxiety and I keep taking clonazapan to relax..I hate doing that..I don't want to numb myself but the anxiety is so bad..even when I'm not thinking about stuff when I'm out with friends having a great time I'm really in my head trying to calm myself down. > > I want so badly to go to therepy but I am currently unemployed and have been working contract jobs the past 2 years so I don't have health insurance. I called the place I use do therepy at and it's $70 per appointment at a discount rate. > > I don't qualify for any government run stuff they say I make to much money :/ > > I'm reading surveing the borderline parent which is great but I wish I could stop thinking about it...I'm not feeling angry or anything like that or depressed..just my mind is in anylical mode. How can I stop thinking about this..and shut myself up. > > I don't want to costanly drive people around me crazy talking about my mother! I just want to forget it and make it go away..is that possible..is this normal? > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 Hang in there. It is just like a big wound has been opened up and all the toxins and badness need to be released. I just let it happen as painfull as it was. I needed to feel the pain and I can relate to how your mind is constantly thinking about things. It was even happening in my dreams. It has been over a year for me since I learnt of BPD and went LC. I am now NC and have been for 6 months. Just the other day I caught myself thinking how I haven't been thinking of all the hurt and pain and was finally free of the monkey chatter of Nada. I am living my life and feeling enormous FREEDOM. To get to this stage it has been painfull and alot of hard work. Being here, reading and finding someone to talk to that is trained in BPD awareness helped me. Self Love goes along way and getting lots of rest, good food and exercise worked for me too. It is a process and sometimes I thought it would never feel any better but it is sooooo much better. I still get a little anxious around special occassions and wonder if Nada will contact me but I just keep reminding myself to take one day at a time and cross that bridge when it comes. I know you said that money is limited to go to therapy. I agree it is very expensive. I live in Australia and not sure about where you are but we have many organisations that are free like Mental Health Support for family members and Women's Health places where they have professional people there to help and lots of reference material. I have read so many books I can't count now. Otherwise churches have spiritual directors that are also great to talk to. Other than that I found this group here the most amazing support and there is nothing like being with people that understand the feelings you might be going through. Hang in there. It is tough but don't give up hope that you can get through the process. Believe me it feels wonderful on the other side of the pain. We all deserve the best life possible. Take Care, Kazam x > > Hi, > > As some of you may remember I'm still faily new to this board and just dicovered the concept of BPD less then a month ago. Though I have to say it has been such a pivital point in my life....It also sucks. > Becouse now I know for sure there is a problem. Now I know for sure my childhood was denied from me. Now I know I have been mistreated and lied to and used and totaly screwed up in the head. All of a sudden that past few weeks I am remembering and seeing things I never realized before. I guess the best was to discribe how I feel right now is like in the movie Matrix when they take the pill that lets them see the truth and they dicover that the life they lived is just a big lie..nothing was real..it was just information fed into there brain. > > Not that I want to go back..but what do I do now? I have not spoken to my Mother in almost 3 weeks. I can't stop thinking about stuff...I have wicked bad anxiety and I keep taking clonazapan to relax..I hate doing that..I don't want to numb myself but the anxiety is so bad..even when I'm not thinking about stuff when I'm out with friends having a great time I'm really in my head trying to calm myself down. > > I want so badly to go to therepy but I am currently unemployed and have been working contract jobs the past 2 years so I don't have health insurance. I called the place I use do therepy at and it's $70 per appointment at a discount rate. > > I don't qualify for any government run stuff they say I make to much money :/ > > I'm reading surveing the borderline parent which is great but I wish I could stop thinking about it...I'm not feeling angry or anything like that or depressed..just my mind is in anylical mode. How can I stop thinking about this..and shut myself up. > > I don't want to costanly drive people around me crazy talking about my mother! I just want to forget it and make it go away..is that possible..is this normal? > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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