Re: Has anyone gotten rid of their fear??

[Guest guest]

I'm soooo close I can almost feel the freedom! I should *officially* be NC by

friday/sat of next weekend (and moved and in the clear in two days, on tues!).

I think part of why I've been so fearful is I have been letting go of my anger

and viewing nada and fada as sad, pathetic people. I know this is a positive

step forward, but in my case, I don't think it's a good thing. It allowed me to

feel guilt again (how can I abandon such sick people?) and it let in the fear

because I didn't know how I wouldn't feel sorry for them if I saw them in

person.

Several recent events have brought me right back to angry, which is where I'd

like to stay for a little while. It definitely protects me and reminds me why

I'm going NC.

Here are the short versions of these recent events:

1. Had to talk to nada/fada today, told them I was at a wedding to try to keep

it short. Then, over the next 4 hrs, nada called 8 times and texted repeatedly,

continuously saying she " needed " to book a ticket for me to visit her. I've been

avoiding this so nada and fada don't waste the money but f*ck it, if she's going

to be like that it's not my problem. I gave her fake dates, so of course she

booked the ticket on other dates that worked for her schedule (i.e. when some

random boy from India-who she wants me to marry-is flying in). And I haven't

heard from her since, because she got her way.

2. I'm preparing bank statements to transfer funds and I was checking on

investment records from nada/fada. I set up online accounts to check their

balances and noticed...there is a huge amount of money in my name that hasn't

been accounted for- basically, nada/fada never told me I had that money.

Unfortunately I can't really access it bec I have to go through their financial

planner but still...ridiculous!

Sigh. Thank you all for your support, I don't know what I would do without you!!

>

> The time is finally here- I'm going NC next week and I'm really afraid: afraid

nada and fada will find me, afraid I won't be strong enough to keep NC, afraid

to get sucked back in, and afraid to have a family again that consists of nada

and fada. (I am not afraid of not having my given " family " ).

>

> *And* the thing that makes me most afraid is there is no moment at which I

will be able to not worry about these things, short of nada and fada dying.

There will always be a chance that they will find me, that I will get sucked

back in, that I won't keep NC. *That* is the thing that worries me the most, it

will never truly be *over*.

>

> Does anyone have words of wisdom for working on their fears??

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