Re: Constantly avoiding being like nada...

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone for your support.

I tried to talk with him earlier....and it didn't turn out too well. He said he

was sorry in an exasperated way, but doesn't agree that his dishonesty was a

" big deal " .

I'm so angry with him that I don't even want to look at him, let alone speak to

him.

It's too much on me to go beyond the " silent treatment " . I just want to feel how

I feel and act however I act.

I'll worry about the consequences later.

You guys are right, I do not deserve this. Especially with everything else I've

got going on.

I've also caught myself feeling " victimized " as nadas like to do. I'm thinking

" well, first it's my mom, my sister, and now the last person I would expect to

betray me, my own husband " .

I see my therapist tomorrow night. Perhaps if I'm not too exhausted from

thinking about all this, I will discuss it with her.

~SJJ

>

> >

> >

> > I'm not sure how successful I've been at this lately.

> >

> > When I had my " ah ha! " moment a few years ago about things not being right

> > with my nada, I began to make a conscience effort not to be so difficult and

> > unreasonable in relationships.

> >

> > It's so exhausting trying to do that all the time...constantly being self

> > aware....constantly questioning my reactions, thoughts, feelings.

> >

> > Well, this weekend I had a true test of my abilities.

> >

> > I found out my husband lied about some financial stuff.

> >

> > I completely freaked out on him. He had obtained a new credit card and we

> > had agreed to only use it for emergencies.

> > I found out the other day that he's been using it the whole time. Without

> > the presence of an emergency.

> > I take care of most of the finances so when I was paying bills and

> > balancing the account the other day, he had no choice but to tell me about

> > it because he had to make a payment on it.

> >

> > He did lie to me...I kept asking him what the balance was on it, and he

> > kept saying he didn't know. You don't make a payment on a credit card

> > without knowing the balance.

> >

> > Anywho, We had a HUGE argument about it, and we've barely been talking all

> > weekend.

> >

> > I am still very angry, and I'm holding a grudge.

> > I'm not voluntarily speak to him.

> >

> > I feel like I'm doing what my nada used to do when she was angry. She would

> > withdraw her love from me. not speak to me....nothing. It was hurtful.

> >

> > Now I feel like I'm doing the same thing to my husband.

> >

> > I don't know how to handle stuff like this. What is the appropriate way to

> > act?

> >

> > I'm confused. Not only do I have a problem with my marriage, but I can't

> > even try to handle it without reminding myself of nada.

> >

> > I'm NC with nada, but I still feel like she is constantly around me. I

> > remind myself of her so much sometimes.

> > NC or not, she's always there.

> > I hate it.

> > ~SJJ

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sometimes you feel victimized because you really have been

victimized. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way as long

as you don't go too far with it. If he doesn't understand what

was wrong with what he did and won't discuss it, the two of you

have a big problem even if he doesn't want to admit it. Talking

to your therapist about this tomorrow night sounds like a really

good idea.

At 06:38 PM 08/08/2010 sara j wrote:

>Thanks everyone for your support.

>

>I tried to talk with him earlier....and it didn't turn out too

>well. He said he was sorry in an exasperated way, but doesn't

>agree that his dishonesty was a " big deal " .

>

>I'm so angry with him that I don't even want to look at him,

>let alone speak to him.

>

>It's too much on me to go beyond the " silent treatment " . I just

>want to feel how I feel and act however I act.

>

>I'll worry about the consequences later.

>

>You guys are right, I do not deserve this. Especially with

>everything else I've got going on.

>

>I've also caught myself feeling " victimized " as nadas like to

>do. I'm thinking " well, first it's my mom, my sister, and now

>the last person I would expect to betray me, my own husband " .

>

>I see my therapist tomorrow night. Perhaps if I'm not too

>exhausted from thinking about all this, I will discuss it with

>her.

>

>~SJJ

--

Katrina