Re: How do I explain bp to my kid?

July 31, 2010

I've got two kids. And a BP/NP ex-husband and a BPD mother. I'm pretty

familiar with this one.

I just talk about how we love grandma. I say her brain doesn't always work

right. Because of this, grandma sometimes hurts me. So, I have to be careful

around her. But the good news is, she can still be a fun grandma and I'm really

happy she can have time with them.

I think it's important to affirm the fact that you support your child's

relationship with her. That way, your child doesn't have to feel like he/she

has to choose sides.

Overall, I make these points (over and over again):

-Grandma's brain is kind of broken.

-We love and accept her, brokenness and all.

-I have to make choices because her broken brain hurts me.

-We all need to learn how to protect ourselves, because her broken brain makes

everything cloudy and hard. We can get hurt.

-It's not you, its not you, its not you.

-Later, if something comes up, I allow them to be angry, sad, hurt, whatever.

Emotions around it are encouraged and honored.

All in all, I think learning personal boundaries and self-protection are very

good skills. And, if we can teach our kids that another's crazy isn't our

fault, we've done a good thing!!

Hope this helps.

Also, just a thought for your consideration: have you considered how you will

handle it your mother starts to use your kid to get at you? Once you go NC,

there will be no holds barred. Just be aware of smear campaigns, subtle

attacks, and using your kid as a messenger. From my experience, they aren't

above any of these w/ a 4 year old if they are being abandoned. Just a heads

up, in case it's relevant.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> My 4 year old likes it when my nada visits him. They only spend a couple of

hours together at a time because she's local so my kid doesn't experience the

volatility/rage that my nada is capable of. I want to end my relationship with

her while letting them have their relationship (so long as it's not abusive).

>

> I'm sure my kid will pick up on the fact that nada and I aren't friendly. I

don't want to tell my kid the truth (that nada is crazy) b/c i don't want to

interfere in their relationship which might cause my kid to resent me down the

road. How do I handle this? Your advice/thoughts welcome.

>

July 31, 2010

I've got two kids. And a BP/NP ex-husband and a BPD mother. I'm pretty

familiar with this one.

I just talk about how we love grandma. I say her brain doesn't always work

right. Because of this, grandma sometimes hurts me. So, I have to be careful

around her. But the good news is, she can still be a fun grandma and I'm really

happy she can have time with them.

I think it's important to affirm the fact that you support your child's

relationship with her. That way, your child doesn't have to feel like he/she

has to choose sides.

Overall, I make these points (over and over again):

-Grandma's brain is kind of broken.

-We love and accept her, brokenness and all.

-I have to make choices because her broken brain hurts me.

-We all need to learn how to protect ourselves, because her broken brain makes

everything cloudy and hard. We can get hurt.

-It's not you, its not you, its not you.

-Later, if something comes up, I allow them to be angry, sad, hurt, whatever.

Emotions around it are encouraged and honored.

All in all, I think learning personal boundaries and self-protection are very

good skills. And, if we can teach our kids that another's crazy isn't our

fault, we've done a good thing!!

Hope this helps.

Also, just a thought for your consideration: have you considered how you will

handle it your mother starts to use your kid to get at you? Once you go NC,

there will be no holds barred. Just be aware of smear campaigns, subtle

attacks, and using your kid as a messenger. From my experience, they aren't

above any of these w/ a 4 year old if they are being abandoned. Just a heads

up, in case it's relevant.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> My 4 year old likes it when my nada visits him. They only spend a couple of

hours together at a time because she's local so my kid doesn't experience the

volatility/rage that my nada is capable of. I want to end my relationship with

her while letting them have their relationship (so long as it's not abusive).

>

> I'm sure my kid will pick up on the fact that nada and I aren't friendly. I

don't want to tell my kid the truth (that nada is crazy) b/c i don't want to

interfere in their relationship which might cause my kid to resent me down the

road. How do I handle this? Your advice/thoughts welcome.

>

July 31, 2010

I've got two kids. And a BP/NP ex-husband and a BPD mother. I'm pretty

familiar with this one.

I just talk about how we love grandma. I say her brain doesn't always work

right. Because of this, grandma sometimes hurts me. So, I have to be careful

around her. But the good news is, she can still be a fun grandma and I'm really

happy she can have time with them.

I think it's important to affirm the fact that you support your child's

relationship with her. That way, your child doesn't have to feel like he/she

has to choose sides.

Overall, I make these points (over and over again):

-Grandma's brain is kind of broken.

-We love and accept her, brokenness and all.

-I have to make choices because her broken brain hurts me.

-We all need to learn how to protect ourselves, because her broken brain makes

everything cloudy and hard. We can get hurt.

-It's not you, its not you, its not you.

-Later, if something comes up, I allow them to be angry, sad, hurt, whatever.

Emotions around it are encouraged and honored.

All in all, I think learning personal boundaries and self-protection are very

good skills. And, if we can teach our kids that another's crazy isn't our

fault, we've done a good thing!!

Hope this helps.

Also, just a thought for your consideration: have you considered how you will

handle it your mother starts to use your kid to get at you? Once you go NC,

there will be no holds barred. Just be aware of smear campaigns, subtle

attacks, and using your kid as a messenger. From my experience, they aren't

above any of these w/ a 4 year old if they are being abandoned. Just a heads

up, in case it's relevant.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> My 4 year old likes it when my nada visits him. They only spend a couple of

hours together at a time because she's local so my kid doesn't experience the

volatility/rage that my nada is capable of. I want to end my relationship with

her while letting them have their relationship (so long as it's not abusive).

>

> I'm sure my kid will pick up on the fact that nada and I aren't friendly. I

don't want to tell my kid the truth (that nada is crazy) b/c i don't want to

interfere in their relationship which might cause my kid to resent me down the

road. How do I handle this? Your advice/thoughts welcome.

>

July 31, 2010

I just have to say be very very careful. One ohe of big reasons I chose not

to have kids earlier in my life was because of the nada/bada etc situation,

not having any family support etc. You have to put your kids needs first and

protect them. You are the only one who really knows what nada is like. If

your kid is branded as " all good " you might be okay, but if something about

the kid makes them fit into the " all bad " category, like I was, look out.

Nada doesn't whip out her full blown BPD for just anyone to see. She tries

to keep a good image with certain people. . . So just be very careful. And

you know her best so you'll have to decide. For me though, there is no way

in hell I would ever let my mom see a kid of mine. She can't even take care

of a dog!!! And she sure as hell didn't take care of me.

On Sat, Jul 31, 2010 at 8:45 AM, kyjohnson40days

wrote:

>

> I've got two kids. And a BP/NP ex-husband and a BPD mother. I'm pretty

> familiar with this one.

>

> I just talk about how we love grandma. I say her brain doesn't always work

> right. Because of this, grandma sometimes hurts me. So, I have to be careful

> around her. But the good news is, she can still be a fun grandma and I'm

> really happy she can have time with them.I jus

>

> I think it's important to affirm the fact that you support your child's

> relationship with her. That way, your child doesn't have to feel like he/she

> has to choose sides.

>

> Overall, I make these points (over and over again):

>

> -Grandma's brain is kind of broken.

> -We love and accept her, brokenness and all.

> -I have to make choices because her broken brain hurts me.

> -We all need to learn how to protect ourselves, because her broken brain

> makes everything cloudy and hard. We can get hurt.

> -It's not you, its not you, its not you.

> -Later, if something comes up, I allow them to be angry, sad, hurt,

> whatever. Emotions around it are encouraged and honored.

>

> All in all, I think learning personal boundaries and self-protection are

> very good skills. And, if we can teach our kids that another's crazy isn't

> our fault, we've done a good thing!!

>

> Hope this helps.

>

> Also, just a thought for your consideration: have you considered how you

> will handle it your mother starts to use your kid to get at you? Once you go

> NC, there will be no holds barred. Just be aware of smear campaigns, subtle

> attacks, and using your kid as a messenger. From my experience, they aren't

> above any of these w/ a 4 year old if they are being abandoned. Just a heads

> up, in case it's relevant.

>

> Blessings,

> Karla

>

> >

> > My 4 year old likes it when my nada visits him. They only spend a couple

> of hours together at a time because she's local so my kid doesn't experience

> the volatility/rage that my nada is capable of. I want to end my

> relationship with her while letting them have their relationship (so long as

> it's not abusive).

> >

> > I'm sure my kid will pick up on the fact that nada and I aren't friendly.

> I don't want to tell my kid the truth (that nada is crazy) b/c i don't want

> to interfere in their relationship which might cause my kid to resent me

> down the road. How do I handle this? Your advice/thoughts welcome.

> >

>

July 31, 2010