When Is the Right Time to Tell Your Boyfriend about your Wacked Out BPD Nada?

[Guest guest]

I have been getting to know a man who has of his own accord told me about his

dysfunctional father (not BPD but a screamer who had anger management problems,

was always impatient and couldn't show his tender feelings for anything). This

man grew up hating those traits and is quite the opposite Thank God. Anyway he

doesn't get nosy about my family life growing up as a child, but it was only

natural for me to talk a tiny bit about my father in return (my father was

similar in that he had a difficult time expressing HIS tender feelings or

emotions at all but living with nada he couldn't get a word in edge-wise and she

didn't CARE what he or anyone else thought and did what she wanted so I guess he

felt why bother expressing anything and let her be The Queen). Anyway I did

tell him my parents divorced when I was 16 and that I grew close to my father

after that refusing to go with nada and her lover who my father caught her with

(I never told him that part - just that I didn't agree at all with my 'nada's

(MOTHER'S) choices in life but she taught me by example what NOT to do and she

would say to this day when she gets angry at me 'you're just like your FATHER' -

well I'm not - I am more than capable of expressing my thoughts and feelings and

do so openly to those I am close to or anyone who is interested, but anyway I

digress. Anyway we are going on an all day date tomorrow and I am 100% sure

that he will want to 'know all about me' as he said on the phone during our last

conversation which are always deep and on a wide variety of topics that he

'wants me to be totally open with him as he will be with me' and 'he wants to

REALLY get to know me'. We both feel as though we have known each other for a

very long time (even though that's not true) and this feels like a past life

connection for sure. We share soooo much in common and it isn't just the usual

run of the mill things that a lot of people share a love of, but weird, quirky

things that make us laugh. Anyway this could be 'the one' and I don't want to

lie to him or divulge so much I will scare him away, but how do I handle

questions about my childhood with my nada growing up? I am scared that if I

mention BPD at all, that even though it is not my fault certainly and he

wouldn't blame me for her having it, some psychiatrists think it is hereditary

and some do not. I know for a fact I don't have BPD because one of my closest

friends who has known me for years is a mental health therapist and told me I

don't at all, but I do have the scars of living with one in my formative years

as we all do but overcoming them - a work in progress as they say. Anyway how

do I deal with that issue tomorrow? I don't want to give him the psycho-babble

of " when we know each other well enough, I will tell you the whole story "

because that sounds suspicious as if I have something to hide that I did wrong.

I was a victim of a BPD as a child - not the perpetrator but I don't want him to

run away because I had a wack job mother either.