A storm is on the way…..

[Guest guest]

Nada sent me a 6 page text yesterday. It was all the same old bull she always

says, but it was the first time she has attempted any contact in a pretty long

time. She works in waves and with my sister wedding on the way I have a feeling

of impending doom for the next year.

The context of the message was the usual, she wants to get together and work

this out once and for all, forgive and forget, she avoided all blame, and

instead blamed my dh and grandma, but never me directly blamed me because in

her mind I am a victim of brainwashing because I don't grovel anymore. I don't

really know what else she said, I don't really want to read it again.

Maybe I am way off, but she is like a bad addiction or something it leaves a

person weak. Yesterday I wanted to reply SO badly it was like a need (but I

didn't do it). I felt like I was relapsing or something. I have not felt a need

to say anything to her for years, but I think I felt this charge because of the

whole thing with my sister. I wanted to write a message back to Nada and

dishrag I was so mad. And even to my sister for repeating everything I said. It

took every ounce of physical and emotional strength I had to just not let it

bother me, not even respond. I felt like somebody came and sucked all my energy

from my body. I was physically weak and could hardly raise my arms to iron

clothes and sheets. I felt so drained.

It's a struggle to deal with her, or not deal with her. I know this is going to

be " the year " I know she is coming to my house soon, I can feel it. I don't want

to get another restraining order, that whole business is such a pain, but I am

dreading that if she starts again I will have no choice. I guess I will just

wait it out and see how bad it gets. I am so thankful that I have this group and

a few other KO's in my life, plus my DH and grandma. I really need the support

and there are so few who so deeply understand and can help. Thank you so much.

LB