Re: Really Tired of the Slams

[Guest guest]

Don't bother. You won't get out of it what you want.

She'll ignore it or get angry. She won't acknowledge the truth of it.

And that's only if you catch the subtlety in the moment, you know? What if you

start interacting with her more just so you can " catch " her at it and tell her,

but you don't realize the subtlety til later? Then you're stuck having been

around the toxicity with nothing to show for it. Not even a little satisfying

vengeance.

Nah, NC is so much better.

Both my cents,

Tina

>

>

> If I ever do have contact with my nada again in a situation where I am free to

leave if I want to I intend to " call " nada or point it out clearly each time she

slings some kind of passive-aggressive, indirect insult at me. She's really

good at it, too.

>

> -Annie

[Guest guest]

Good point. That advice is really similar to what I've advised others to do:

Don't explain, don't give her ammo, just immediately give the consequence by

saying, " I'm not going to listen to you when you say things like that to me.

I'm hanging up now. Talk to you later. "

You're right, she feels *entitled* to say really rude, inappropriate, hurtful

things to me. Its tempting to strike back with sarcasm (SO tempting!) but...

that's being just as mean as she is. Ugh.

Fortunately, I really have virtually no contact with her now. I recently had an

unwanted/forced two days of in-person contact because of a family event I

couldn't get out of, but otherwise I'm safely far, far away and I can just not

pick up the phone.

((((sigh))))

-Annie

> >Wow, that's like two diametrically opposed insults at the same

> >time! First, the message is (indirectly) that you are the baby

> >of your family which means you were spoiled, but at the same

> >time you know for a fact that the opposite was true in your

> >family and you received less than any of your siblings. So the

> >message is (indirectly) that even though you were the baby, you

> >didn't even deserve the *same* good things your siblings got.

> >

> >I got really tired of the stealth insults my nada dished/still

> >dishes out, too. Its one of the reasons I went virtually No

> >Contact with her.

> >

> >My Sister's therapist told her that whenever our nada says

> >insulting, demeaning, hostile, provocative things to us, we

> >have to learn to deal with it right in the moment and not let

> >the insult just slide past.

> >

> >Sister and I have to train ourselves to say something like,

> > " Wow, that really hurts my feelings when you say that. Was

> >that your intention? "

> >

> >But something that simple is actually hard to do in real life,

> >because both Sister and I were trained/conditioned/brainwashed

> >from babyhood to just take such verbal abuse

> >silently. Speaking up and telling nada that she hurt my

> >feelings would get me worse verbal abuse, or even slapped,

> >spanked or beaten. Sister too.

> >

> >If I ever do have contact with my nada again in a situation

> >where I am free to leave if I want to I intend to " call " nada

> >or point it out clearly each time she slings some kind of

> >passive-aggressive, indirect insult at me. She's really good

> >at it, too.

> >

> >-Annie

> >

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

Good point. That advice is really similar to what I've advised others to do:

Don't explain, don't give her ammo, just immediately give the consequence by

saying, " I'm not going to listen to you when you say things like that to me.

I'm hanging up now. Talk to you later. "

You're right, she feels *entitled* to say really rude, inappropriate, hurtful

things to me. Its tempting to strike back with sarcasm (SO tempting!) but...

that's being just as mean as she is. Ugh.

Fortunately, I really have virtually no contact with her now. I recently had an

unwanted/forced two days of in-person contact because of a family event I

couldn't get out of, but otherwise I'm safely far, far away and I can just not

pick up the phone.

((((sigh))))

-Annie

> >Wow, that's like two diametrically opposed insults at the same

> >time! First, the message is (indirectly) that you are the baby

> >of your family which means you were spoiled, but at the same

> >time you know for a fact that the opposite was true in your

> >family and you received less than any of your siblings. So the

> >message is (indirectly) that even though you were the baby, you

> >didn't even deserve the *same* good things your siblings got.

> >

> >I got really tired of the stealth insults my nada dished/still

> >dishes out, too. Its one of the reasons I went virtually No

> >Contact with her.

> >

> >My Sister's therapist told her that whenever our nada says

> >insulting, demeaning, hostile, provocative things to us, we

> >have to learn to deal with it right in the moment and not let

> >the insult just slide past.

> >

> >Sister and I have to train ourselves to say something like,

> > " Wow, that really hurts my feelings when you say that. Was

> >that your intention? "

> >

> >But something that simple is actually hard to do in real life,

> >because both Sister and I were trained/conditioned/brainwashed

> >from babyhood to just take such verbal abuse

> >silently. Speaking up and telling nada that she hurt my

> >feelings would get me worse verbal abuse, or even slapped,

> >spanked or beaten. Sister too.

> >

> >If I ever do have contact with my nada again in a situation

> >where I am free to leave if I want to I intend to " call " nada

> >or point it out clearly each time she slings some kind of

> >passive-aggressive, indirect insult at me. She's really good

> >at it, too.

> >

> >-Annie

> >

>

> --

> Katrina

>