Guest guest Posted August 18, 2010 Report Share Posted August 18, 2010 Those kinds of legal questions and issues can really only be addressed by a lawyer in your state, as some laws vary from state to state. If you can't afford a lawyer, make some inquiries about free legal consultations that may be available in your area. I think its really important to find out the answers to such questions if you have a parent who is severely in debt and wanting to unfairly and inappropriately saddle you with her financial responsibilities. Wow, how conniving and amazingly selfish of your nada to try and rip off her own child like that! (Re giving the utility company your SS number!) As far as how to go No Contact, that depends on what feels comfortable to you. I personally recommend the attrition tactic: stop initiating calls to your foo members and delay returning any calls they make to you. Keep extending the time that it takes for you to return a call. If a foo member becomes abusive to you when you return a call, you say something like, " I won't listen to you when you talk to me like that. I'm hanging up now. Talk to you later. " and then don't return any calls for a couple of weeks, if you choose to continue low contact at that point. From my experience, explaining to my nada why I'm doing something that she won't like just results in her becoming either enraged or hysterical. Its pointless. No rational, logical reason I offer is ever satisfactory or acceptable, so instead I just do what I need to do and she can accept it or not. My intention is not to harm her, provoke her, shame her or disrespect her, I'm just doing what I need to do as an adult to take care of my own needs, to protect my own mental and physical health from the stress of trying to have a relationship with her. Bottom line: she's mean. Its as simple as that, and I'm tired of repeatedly exposing myself to her meanness. I've had enough of it. -Annie > > Hello, > > I am leaning more and more towards going NC officially with nada. I still > have some things to work out and on another board a new concern has > emerged. I still do not know how to handle FOO members when going NC with > nada. I am having a hard time deciding if I want to notify nada and/or FOO > about the decision. I have also realized that there are things I cannot > stop that nada can do and I don't know if or how much responsibility I > have. If nada lists me as next of kin and is hospitalized, what if anything > am I responsible for when the hospital calls? Legally do I have to make > decisions, go to the hospital, pay the bills? Nada is severely in debt if > she passes do I become responsible for her debt? For medical or nursing home > expenses? Can my brother sue me to have me help with medical or final > expenses? If my mother leaves something to me or instructions to me in her > will do I have to accept or comply? > > Nada once before gave my SSN to a utility company she owed money to and they > came after me for the debt. Even though I was 17 when the debt was accrued > and she provided my SSN after the fact when I was 19 I cannot get it > removed. I am told that if they have my SSN then I must have agreed to the > debt, even though they know and have on record that nada provided the SSN. > Can she do this again? Put me down on her debts without my knowledge or > consent? I am now afraid that whatever I do to go NC that there will be > times that I have no choice but to help. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 she can do it again but it's a crime and she can be prosecuted. if they have on record she did this for a debt accrued by her when you were a minor I don't see why you can't file charges or take her to court and have those record subpoena'd for the case. I am really confused about how they can keep this on record if she lied by putting down a false ssn number...it seems to me that this should be removed from your credit. it might take an attorney to do so though, I am surprised they didn't remove it when you disputed it with the credit reporting agency. > > Hello, > > I am leaning more and more towards going NC officially with nada. I still > have some things to work out and on another board a new concern has > emerged. I still do not know how to handle FOO members when going NC with > nada. I am having a hard time deciding if I want to notify nada and/or FOO > about the decision. I have also realized that there are things I cannot > stop that nada can do and I don't know if or how much responsibility I > have. If nada lists me as next of kin and is hospitalized, what if anything > am I responsible for when the hospital calls? Legally do I have to make > decisions, go to the hospital, pay the bills? Nada is severely in debt if > she passes do I become responsible for her debt? For medical or nursing home > expenses? Can my brother sue me to have me help with medical or final > expenses? If my mother leaves something to me or instructions to me in her > will do I have to accept or comply? > > Nada once before gave my SSN to a utility company she owed money to and they > came after me for the debt. Even though I was 17 when the debt was accrued > and she provided my SSN after the fact when I was 19 I cannot get it > removed. I am told that if they have my SSN then I must have agreed to the > debt, even though they know and have on record that nada provided the SSN. > Can she do this again? Put me down on her debts without my knowledge or > consent? I am now afraid that whatever I do to go NC that there will be > times that I have no choice but to help. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 I am very surprised too. I fought both the collections agency and the utility company tooth and nail. My nada went into waif mode crying when the collections company called threatening to sue her. She told them that I (when I was 18) had agreed to pay for the debt and did not. I did agree to help her and gave her three hundred dollars fifty dollars at a time. Since nada told them I agreed to pay it they took my SSN from her and added me to the debt 2 years after it was accrued. I truly beleive htese actions are illegal as they had no proof I agreed to anything and never spoke to me until they started calling trying to get their money. They hold firm that since I had an agreement with nada that the debt is legally mine. The credit bureau won't take the dispute because they consider it proof that I agreed since the company has my SSN> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 I am grateful that that is at least one area where my nada and dad were/are rational, well-functioning and even talented: finances. While my parents were never by any stretch of the imagination wealthy, nada is good with managing her money and financial assets and is even rather obsessive about maintaining her excellent credit rating by paying bills promptly, etc. Dad gladly let her handle the family finances and be the bookkeeper since she is so good at it. She maintains insurance for herself and she has enough money to not have to worry about eventually needing assisted living arrangements. I am quite grateful for all that, its one burden my Sister and I won't have to shoulder. -Annie > > Yeah, does everybody's nada have trouble with money? mine had major > debt/budget problems chronically. She stole money out of my brother's > savings account when he was a little kid. Who steals from a little kid? > > Yeah, its a super crappy thing for a parent to do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 I am grateful that that is at least one area where my nada and dad were/are rational, well-functioning and even talented: finances. While my parents were never by any stretch of the imagination wealthy, nada is good with managing her money and financial assets and is even rather obsessive about maintaining her excellent credit rating by paying bills promptly, etc. Dad gladly let her handle the family finances and be the bookkeeper since she is so good at it. She maintains insurance for herself and she has enough money to not have to worry about eventually needing assisted living arrangements. I am quite grateful for all that, its one burden my Sister and I won't have to shoulder. -Annie > > Yeah, does everybody's nada have trouble with money? mine had major > debt/budget problems chronically. She stole money out of my brother's > savings account when he was a little kid. Who steals from a little kid? > > Yeah, its a super crappy thing for a parent to do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 The correct way to describe this is " fraud " and " identity theft " . If you don't report it to the police when you find out about it, no credit bureau is likely to just take your word for it and even if they did, that would just affect your credit rating not stop the collectors from coming after you. Debt collectors commonly lie to people, so don't take anything they say as the truth. Telling you that the debt is legally yours because you agreed to help her by giving her money sounds like a lie to me. If this money is still owed, I think you need a lawyer to tell you how to deal with this so that it doesn't cost you a lot of money and destroy your credit for a long time to come. At 04:27 PM 08/19/2010 Simpson wrote: >I am very surprised too. I fought both the collections agency >and the >utility company tooth and nail. My nada went into waif mode >crying when the >collections company called threatening to sue her. She told >them that I >(when I was 18) had agreed to pay for the debt and did not. I >did agree to >help her and gave her three hundred dollars fifty dollars at a >time. Since >nada told them I agreed to pay it they took my SSN from her and >added me to >the debt 2 years after it was accrued. I truly beleive htese >actions are >illegal as they had no proof I agreed to anything and never >spoke to me >until they started calling trying to get their money. They >hold firm that >since I had an agreement with nada that the debt is legally >mine. The >credit bureau won't take the dispute because they consider it >proof that I >agreed since the company has my SSN> > > -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 I just realized 2 weeks ago that my mom is BP, she tried to have me take out a $54,000 loan to pay for her divorce after I said no I found out it was for her internet boyfriend who was a fraud. The only thing that stopped me was my husband saying no. Thank god for him! Joyce jc Re: Re: Going NC? The correct way to describe this is " fraud " and " identity theft " . If you don't report it to the police when you find out about it, no credit bureau is likely to just take your word for it and even if they did, that would just affect your credit rating not stop the collectors from coming after you. Debt collectors commonly lie to people, so don't take anything they say as the truth. Telling you that the debt is legally yours because you agreed to help her by giving her money sounds like a lie to me. If this money is still owed, I think you need a lawyer to tell you how to deal with this so that it doesn't cost you a lot of money and destroy your credit for a long time to come. At 04:27 PM 08/19/2010 Simpson wrote: >I am very surprised too. I fought both the collections agency >and the >utility company tooth and nail. My nada went into waif mode >crying when the >collections company called threatening to sue her. She told >them that I >(when I was 18) had agreed to pay for the debt and did not. I >did agree to >help her and gave her three hundred dollars fifty dollars at a >time. Since >nada told them I agreed to pay it they took my SSN from her and >added me to >the debt 2 years after it was accrued. I truly beleive htese >actions are >illegal as they had no proof I agreed to anything and never >spoke to me >until they started calling trying to get their money. They >hold firm that >since I had an agreement with nada that the debt is legally >mine. The >credit bureau won't take the dispute because they consider it >proof that I >agreed since the company has my SSN> > > -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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