Re: Sister Getting Married

[Guest guest]

Hello,

This is a very tough situation to be in I'm so sorry. Do you and you sister

have a relationship or much contact?

If it were me I would also lean towards no. I don't know exactly what your

nada is like but if it were me and my nada I caould almost guarantee

disaster. At my wedding my brother put the wrong address in the GPS and

nada was getting a ride from him. Therefore, she was going to be late. She

called me on my wedding day crying and making it my responsibility (through

obligation and guilt) to get her there for the wedding. I ended up first

having a very angry reaction that she would treat me that way on my wedding

day and then giving into the guilt and begging to hold up the wedding 20

minutes so she could be there.(So my point is that a wedding or special

event does not curb the behavior).

The other facet is that with my nada I have noticed that the longer I have

NC the more out of control she is becoming. After having no contact for 4

months we spoke on the phone and she screeched at me in ways I never heard

before. NC began again when she screeched that I ruined her life and caused

her to be depressed. She has been blackening me horribly to anyone who will

listen. So, being that you have had NC for so long there is no telling how

she will react when seeing you for the first time and there is a good

possibility that she may not be the only one to be willing to attack

you...even if it is your sister's wedding. If your sister is really wanting

this to be her day/all about her then she also wouuld probably be terrible

upset when nada/foo focus on you.

Again I am sorry you have to go through this. I hope, whatever happens, it

all works out and you do what is best for YOU.

[Guest guest]

Hello,

This is a very tough situation to be in I'm so sorry. Do you and you sister

have a relationship or much contact?

If it were me I would also lean towards no. I don't know exactly what your

nada is like but if it were me and my nada I caould almost guarantee

disaster. At my wedding my brother put the wrong address in the GPS and

nada was getting a ride from him. Therefore, she was going to be late. She

called me on my wedding day crying and making it my responsibility (through

obligation and guilt) to get her there for the wedding. I ended up first

having a very angry reaction that she would treat me that way on my wedding

day and then giving into the guilt and begging to hold up the wedding 20

minutes so she could be there.(So my point is that a wedding or special

event does not curb the behavior).

The other facet is that with my nada I have noticed that the longer I have

NC the more out of control she is becoming. After having no contact for 4

months we spoke on the phone and she screeched at me in ways I never heard

before. NC began again when she screeched that I ruined her life and caused

her to be depressed. She has been blackening me horribly to anyone who will

listen. So, being that you have had NC for so long there is no telling how

she will react when seeing you for the first time and there is a good

possibility that she may not be the only one to be willing to attack

you...even if it is your sister's wedding. If your sister is really wanting

this to be her day/all about her then she also wouuld probably be terrible

upset when nada/foo focus on you.

Again I am sorry you have to go through this. I hope, whatever happens, it

all works out and you do what is best for YOU.

[Guest guest]

Thank you , , Annie and Hellfireblonde for your replies and

understanding.

I guess I should have added that my sister has already asked me once to be her

MOH before she was officially engaged (during a pregnancy scare a few weeks back

when she was kind of planning a wedding) and I have already turned her down

once.

I turned her down for all the exact reasons you all mentioned, especially using

the narcissism to my advantage using " the all eyes on you type of deal. " I knew

it would be nothing more than Months and Months of demanding bridzilla Drama

between her, nada and the aunts, and Gran-nada and I didn't want to deal with

it. Plus I genuinely want the day to be about her a) I don't want them to even

look my way and m wedding was not about me and dh and that sucked. I know

going would be toxic and unsafe for me which is why I have to stay away.

When I turned her down the first time I told her all the things you all

mentioned like " I want this to be a day just for you, it's your day! I want this

to be a fun day for you! I want Mom to pay all the attention to you. I will

still be there for you and help you with other things " blablabla…. But she came

back with the whole you're my only sister crap, and laid the guilt on thick.

The only thing is I don't think she is thinking clearly and I can't see how this

can be good for her, me, the foo, or my family. I know I will break her heart by

telling her no, but I have to. I just hope that we are able to keep our

relationship through it. It would be a real shame to tell her no and have this

be an unforgivable sin in our relationship which could happen. I know she will

use me not going as a ball and chain to guilt me for life.

I feel like I already walked out on her once when I left her alone to fend for

herself with nada and dishrag. I went n/c (to nada) when she was still a kid but

I had no way to contact my sister, I hardly escaped with my own life. I feel

like I am abandoning her again, but I know it is for her benefit this time, the

trouble is, I don't think she knows it. I hope she will understand it is for her

own good. She will have her husband, and I hope that someday we can develop a

true relationship instead of this artificial surface relationship that currently

exists. Anyway, I know what I need to do, but it's so hard

And to Hellfireblonde I wish you the best of luck with eloping. I eloped at

first and the foo was so mad I was forced into a wedding celebration that was a

HUGE mistake! I say if it makes you happy go for it. Its so sad that it has to

come to this at times that should be full of joy. But you can have a lot of fun

your own way, maybe a beach or ranch or snow wedding just the two of you or with

a close couple friends, it could turn out really great. I wish you the best in

your choice and all my support.

LB

>

> I have to agree with the other posters, unfortunately, I don't see any way to

circumvent the madness which is most certain to occur. There are a lot of other

ways to participate in your sister's wedding so that's probably a better

solution for everyone. If I know anything about NPD's it's that a little

ego-stroking goes a long, long way I am sure you can talk her into alternate

plans this way.

>

> It's so sad that happy occasions are *always* marred by the BPD dysfunction.

It's like a dark rain cloud that hovers above constantly. It's such a bummer.

>

> I am disappointed also, as I have started thinking about my own options for a

wedding. My bf and I have started talking about marriage and when we become

engaged I just know the anxiety over a potential wedding will escalate. I am NC

and LC with my foo and they *don't* like it. I hate to run off and elope because

there's many friends and family with whom I would love to celebrate; however it

seems impossible to disinvite the FOO. They would absolutely lose it, and I

mean lose it, big time. On the other hand, I can't see inviting them because of

the drama/dysfunction/alcohol abuse. They will surely ruin it, for sure, not

even a question. So sad.

>

> Look! Crazy BPD FOO's can ruin a wedding that hasn't even happened yet! LOL I

can't imagine how I will feel when I decide to have children. It never stops

does it?

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you , , Annie and Hellfireblonde for your replies and

understanding.

I guess I should have added that my sister has already asked me once to be her

MOH before she was officially engaged (during a pregnancy scare a few weeks back

when she was kind of planning a wedding) and I have already turned her down

once.

I turned her down for all the exact reasons you all mentioned, especially using

the narcissism to my advantage using " the all eyes on you type of deal. " I knew

it would be nothing more than Months and Months of demanding bridzilla Drama

between her, nada and the aunts, and Gran-nada and I didn't want to deal with

it. Plus I genuinely want the day to be about her a) I don't want them to even

look my way and m wedding was not about me and dh and that sucked. I know

going would be toxic and unsafe for me which is why I have to stay away.

When I turned her down the first time I told her all the things you all

mentioned like " I want this to be a day just for you, it's your day! I want this

to be a fun day for you! I want Mom to pay all the attention to you. I will

still be there for you and help you with other things " blablabla…. But she came

back with the whole you're my only sister crap, and laid the guilt on thick.

The only thing is I don't think she is thinking clearly and I can't see how this

can be good for her, me, the foo, or my family. I know I will break her heart by

telling her no, but I have to. I just hope that we are able to keep our

relationship through it. It would be a real shame to tell her no and have this

be an unforgivable sin in our relationship which could happen. I know she will

use me not going as a ball and chain to guilt me for life.

I feel like I already walked out on her once when I left her alone to fend for

herself with nada and dishrag. I went n/c (to nada) when she was still a kid but

I had no way to contact my sister, I hardly escaped with my own life. I feel

like I am abandoning her again, but I know it is for her benefit this time, the

trouble is, I don't think she knows it. I hope she will understand it is for her

own good. She will have her husband, and I hope that someday we can develop a

true relationship instead of this artificial surface relationship that currently

exists. Anyway, I know what I need to do, but it's so hard

And to Hellfireblonde I wish you the best of luck with eloping. I eloped at

first and the foo was so mad I was forced into a wedding celebration that was a

HUGE mistake! I say if it makes you happy go for it. Its so sad that it has to

come to this at times that should be full of joy. But you can have a lot of fun

your own way, maybe a beach or ranch or snow wedding just the two of you or with

a close couple friends, it could turn out really great. I wish you the best in

your choice and all my support.

LB

>

> I have to agree with the other posters, unfortunately, I don't see any way to

circumvent the madness which is most certain to occur. There are a lot of other

ways to participate in your sister's wedding so that's probably a better

solution for everyone. If I know anything about NPD's it's that a little

ego-stroking goes a long, long way I am sure you can talk her into alternate

plans this way.

>

> It's so sad that happy occasions are *always* marred by the BPD dysfunction.

It's like a dark rain cloud that hovers above constantly. It's such a bummer.

>

> I am disappointed also, as I have started thinking about my own options for a

wedding. My bf and I have started talking about marriage and when we become

engaged I just know the anxiety over a potential wedding will escalate. I am NC

and LC with my foo and they *don't* like it. I hate to run off and elope because

there's many friends and family with whom I would love to celebrate; however it

seems impossible to disinvite the FOO. They would absolutely lose it, and I

mean lose it, big time. On the other hand, I can't see inviting them because of

the drama/dysfunction/alcohol abuse. They will surely ruin it, for sure, not

even a question. So sad.

>

> Look! Crazy BPD FOO's can ruin a wedding that hasn't even happened yet! LOL I

can't imagine how I will feel when I decide to have children. It never stops

does it?

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you , , Annie and Hellfireblonde for your replies and

understanding.

I guess I should have added that my sister has already asked me once to be her

MOH before she was officially engaged (during a pregnancy scare a few weeks back

when she was kind of planning a wedding) and I have already turned her down

once.

I turned her down for all the exact reasons you all mentioned, especially using

the narcissism to my advantage using " the all eyes on you type of deal. " I knew

it would be nothing more than Months and Months of demanding bridzilla Drama

between her, nada and the aunts, and Gran-nada and I didn't want to deal with

it. Plus I genuinely want the day to be about her a) I don't want them to even

look my way and m wedding was not about me and dh and that sucked. I know

going would be toxic and unsafe for me which is why I have to stay away.

When I turned her down the first time I told her all the things you all

mentioned like " I want this to be a day just for you, it's your day! I want this

to be a fun day for you! I want Mom to pay all the attention to you. I will

still be there for you and help you with other things " blablabla…. But she came

back with the whole you're my only sister crap, and laid the guilt on thick.

The only thing is I don't think she is thinking clearly and I can't see how this

can be good for her, me, the foo, or my family. I know I will break her heart by

telling her no, but I have to. I just hope that we are able to keep our

relationship through it. It would be a real shame to tell her no and have this

be an unforgivable sin in our relationship which could happen. I know she will

use me not going as a ball and chain to guilt me for life.

I feel like I already walked out on her once when I left her alone to fend for

herself with nada and dishrag. I went n/c (to nada) when she was still a kid but

I had no way to contact my sister, I hardly escaped with my own life. I feel

like I am abandoning her again, but I know it is for her benefit this time, the

trouble is, I don't think she knows it. I hope she will understand it is for her

own good. She will have her husband, and I hope that someday we can develop a

true relationship instead of this artificial surface relationship that currently

exists. Anyway, I know what I need to do, but it's so hard

And to Hellfireblonde I wish you the best of luck with eloping. I eloped at

first and the foo was so mad I was forced into a wedding celebration that was a

HUGE mistake! I say if it makes you happy go for it. Its so sad that it has to

come to this at times that should be full of joy. But you can have a lot of fun

your own way, maybe a beach or ranch or snow wedding just the two of you or with

a close couple friends, it could turn out really great. I wish you the best in

your choice and all my support.

LB

>

> I have to agree with the other posters, unfortunately, I don't see any way to

circumvent the madness which is most certain to occur. There are a lot of other

ways to participate in your sister's wedding so that's probably a better

solution for everyone. If I know anything about NPD's it's that a little

ego-stroking goes a long, long way I am sure you can talk her into alternate

plans this way.

>

> It's so sad that happy occasions are *always* marred by the BPD dysfunction.

It's like a dark rain cloud that hovers above constantly. It's such a bummer.

>

> I am disappointed also, as I have started thinking about my own options for a

wedding. My bf and I have started talking about marriage and when we become

engaged I just know the anxiety over a potential wedding will escalate. I am NC

and LC with my foo and they *don't* like it. I hate to run off and elope because

there's many friends and family with whom I would love to celebrate; however it

seems impossible to disinvite the FOO. They would absolutely lose it, and I

mean lose it, big time. On the other hand, I can't see inviting them because of

the drama/dysfunction/alcohol abuse. They will surely ruin it, for sure, not

even a question. So sad.

>

> Look! Crazy BPD FOO's can ruin a wedding that hasn't even happened yet! LOL I

can't imagine how I will feel when I decide to have children. It never stops

does it?

>

[Guest guest]

Here's one possible option: have a small, private wedding with just a few close

friends as witnesses; no family. Then at some later date, hold a wedding

celebration dinner somewhere where NO alcohol is allowed and invite both sides

of the family and friends to attend. Like, a delayed wedding reception dinner.

On the other hand, why punish your future husband's side of the family by

denying them a public wedding and wine with dinner? If they're kind, normal,

loving, mentally healthy people, then it seems unfair to them to just have a

small private wedding without them.

OK. Its a dilemma. I can't think of a good solution.

....Maybe have the regular, large public wedding and the reception with alcohol,

but just hire *lots* of large, burly security guards to gently but firmly escort

personality-disordered, drunken foo members outside when they misbehave...?

-Annie

>

> I have to agree with the other posters, unfortunately, I don't see any way to

circumvent the madness which is most certain to occur. There are a lot of other

ways to participate in your sister's wedding so that's probably a better

solution for everyone. If I know anything about NPD's it's that a little

ego-stroking goes a long, long way I am sure you can talk her into alternate

plans this way.

>

> It's so sad that happy occasions are *always* marred by the BPD dysfunction.

It's like a dark rain cloud that hovers above constantly. It's such a bummer.

>

> I am disappointed also, as I have started thinking about my own options for a

wedding. My bf and I have started talking about marriage and when we become

engaged I just know the anxiety over a potential wedding will escalate. I am NC

and LC with my foo and they *don't* like it. I hate to run off and elope because

there's many friends and family with whom I would love to celebrate; however it

seems impossible to disinvite the FOO. They would absolutely lose it, and I

mean lose it, big time. On the other hand, I can't see inviting them because of

the drama/dysfunction/alcohol abuse. They will surely ruin it, for sure, not

even a question. So sad.

>

> Look! Crazy BPD FOO's can ruin a wedding that hasn't even happened yet! LOL I

can't imagine how I will feel when I decide to have children. It never stops

does it?

>

[Guest guest]

Here's one possible option: have a small, private wedding with just a few close

friends as witnesses; no family. Then at some later date, hold a wedding

celebration dinner somewhere where NO alcohol is allowed and invite both sides

of the family and friends to attend. Like, a delayed wedding reception dinner.

On the other hand, why punish your future husband's side of the family by

denying them a public wedding and wine with dinner? If they're kind, normal,

loving, mentally healthy people, then it seems unfair to them to just have a

small private wedding without them.

OK. Its a dilemma. I can't think of a good solution.

....Maybe have the regular, large public wedding and the reception with alcohol,

but just hire *lots* of large, burly security guards to gently but firmly escort

personality-disordered, drunken foo members outside when they misbehave...?

-Annie

>

> I have to agree with the other posters, unfortunately, I don't see any way to

circumvent the madness which is most certain to occur. There are a lot of other

ways to participate in your sister's wedding so that's probably a better

solution for everyone. If I know anything about NPD's it's that a little

ego-stroking goes a long, long way I am sure you can talk her into alternate

plans this way.

>

> It's so sad that happy occasions are *always* marred by the BPD dysfunction.

It's like a dark rain cloud that hovers above constantly. It's such a bummer.

>

> I am disappointed also, as I have started thinking about my own options for a

wedding. My bf and I have started talking about marriage and when we become

engaged I just know the anxiety over a potential wedding will escalate. I am NC

and LC with my foo and they *don't* like it. I hate to run off and elope because

there's many friends and family with whom I would love to celebrate; however it

seems impossible to disinvite the FOO. They would absolutely lose it, and I

mean lose it, big time. On the other hand, I can't see inviting them because of

the drama/dysfunction/alcohol abuse. They will surely ruin it, for sure, not

even a question. So sad.

>

> Look! Crazy BPD FOO's can ruin a wedding that hasn't even happened yet! LOL I

can't imagine how I will feel when I decide to have children. It never stops

does it?

>

[Guest guest]

Here's one possible option: have a small, private wedding with just a few close

friends as witnesses; no family. Then at some later date, hold a wedding

celebration dinner somewhere where NO alcohol is allowed and invite both sides

of the family and friends to attend. Like, a delayed wedding reception dinner.

On the other hand, why punish your future husband's side of the family by

denying them a public wedding and wine with dinner? If they're kind, normal,

loving, mentally healthy people, then it seems unfair to them to just have a

small private wedding without them.

OK. Its a dilemma. I can't think of a good solution.

....Maybe have the regular, large public wedding and the reception with alcohol,

but just hire *lots* of large, burly security guards to gently but firmly escort

personality-disordered, drunken foo members outside when they misbehave...?

-Annie

>

> I have to agree with the other posters, unfortunately, I don't see any way to

circumvent the madness which is most certain to occur. There are a lot of other

ways to participate in your sister's wedding so that's probably a better

solution for everyone. If I know anything about NPD's it's that a little

ego-stroking goes a long, long way I am sure you can talk her into alternate

plans this way.

>

> It's so sad that happy occasions are *always* marred by the BPD dysfunction.

It's like a dark rain cloud that hovers above constantly. It's such a bummer.

>

> I am disappointed also, as I have started thinking about my own options for a

wedding. My bf and I have started talking about marriage and when we become

engaged I just know the anxiety over a potential wedding will escalate. I am NC

and LC with my foo and they *don't* like it. I hate to run off and elope because

there's many friends and family with whom I would love to celebrate; however it

seems impossible to disinvite the FOO. They would absolutely lose it, and I

mean lose it, big time. On the other hand, I can't see inviting them because of

the drama/dysfunction/alcohol abuse. They will surely ruin it, for sure, not

even a question. So sad.

>

> Look! Crazy BPD FOO's can ruin a wedding that hasn't even happened yet! LOL I

can't imagine how I will feel when I decide to have children. It never stops

does it?

>

[Guest guest]

Or... elope someplace fabulous (instead of paying for a big wedding, spend the

money on plane fare to Hawaii or Peru) - and when you get back, bring a slide

show of pictures, and throw a cookout. Invite those friends and relatives you

like (excluding the FOO if you want - this is NOT a reception, so it doesn't

count), and in the course of the evening you can casually show the slides on a

laptop in the den. This probably means you don't get as many wedding presents,

but I'd rather have peace and quiet than duplicate toasters. The FOO will have

a fit, but you'll have plausible deniability!

> >

> > I have to agree with the other posters, unfortunately, I don't see any way

to circumvent the madness which is most certain to occur. There are a lot of

other ways to participate in your sister's wedding so that's probably a better

solution for everyone. If I know anything about NPD's it's that a little

ego-stroking goes a long, long way I am sure you can talk her into alternate

plans this way.

> >

> > It's so sad that happy occasions are *always* marred by the BPD dysfunction.

It's like a dark rain cloud that hovers above constantly. It's such a bummer.

> >

> > I am disappointed also, as I have started thinking about my own options for

a wedding. My bf and I have started talking about marriage and when we become

engaged I just know the anxiety over a potential wedding will escalate. I am NC

and LC with my foo and they *don't* like it. I hate to run off and elope because

there's many friends and family with whom I would love to celebrate; however it

seems impossible to disinvite the FOO. They would absolutely lose it, and I

mean lose it, big time. On the other hand, I can't see inviting them because of

the drama/dysfunction/alcohol abuse. They will surely ruin it, for sure, not

even a question. So sad.

> >

> > Look! Crazy BPD FOO's can ruin a wedding that hasn't even happened yet! LOL

I can't imagine how I will feel when I decide to have children. It never stops

does it?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Or... elope someplace fabulous (instead of paying for a big wedding, spend the

money on plane fare to Hawaii or Peru) - and when you get back, bring a slide

show of pictures, and throw a cookout. Invite those friends and relatives you

like (excluding the FOO if you want - this is NOT a reception, so it doesn't

count), and in the course of the evening you can casually show the slides on a

laptop in the den. This probably means you don't get as many wedding presents,

but I'd rather have peace and quiet than duplicate toasters. The FOO will have

a fit, but you'll have plausible deniability!

> >

> > I have to agree with the other posters, unfortunately, I don't see any way

to circumvent the madness which is most certain to occur. There are a lot of

other ways to participate in your sister's wedding so that's probably a better

solution for everyone. If I know anything about NPD's it's that a little

ego-stroking goes a long, long way I am sure you can talk her into alternate

plans this way.

> >

> > It's so sad that happy occasions are *always* marred by the BPD dysfunction.

It's like a dark rain cloud that hovers above constantly. It's such a bummer.

> >

> > I am disappointed also, as I have started thinking about my own options for

a wedding. My bf and I have started talking about marriage and when we become

engaged I just know the anxiety over a potential wedding will escalate. I am NC

and LC with my foo and they *don't* like it. I hate to run off and elope because

there's many friends and family with whom I would love to celebrate; however it

seems impossible to disinvite the FOO. They would absolutely lose it, and I

mean lose it, big time. On the other hand, I can't see inviting them because of

the drama/dysfunction/alcohol abuse. They will surely ruin it, for sure, not

even a question. So sad.

> >

> > Look! Crazy BPD FOO's can ruin a wedding that hasn't even happened yet! LOL

I can't imagine how I will feel when I decide to have children. It never stops

does it?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

wow, this sounds to me like it is such an ordeal for you to even parcel out and

it has put you under so much stress that it just seems wrong for your sis to

have even put you in this position in the first place. I get that she is

narcissistic, and that you are overly responsible. Because if she wasn't so

narcissistic she would understand the dilemna this poses for you, to even put

you in that position. She should have said something like 'in a perfect world, I

would love more than anything to have you as my maid of honor, but I know that

would be extremely awkward for you so I will understand if you decline'. That

way it would at least be considering you while at the same time giving you an

out.

It's very strange to me that she would reference the possibility of your mom

making a public admission of guilt in regards to the falling out the two of you

had, at HER OWN WEDDING. It sounds very dramatic and distracting from the bride

and groom. I'm perplexed by it.

I am sorry you have been put in such an awkward position but no one would blame

you for refusing for the sake of your own sanity. Narcissists really do, at

least in my experience with the ones in my own life, have a really strange lack

of empathy and ability to put themselves in other people's shoes and imagine

things from the perspective of other people. Heck, you could just tell her that

when you told DH the date he said he'd planned a surprise vacation for the two

of you on that date or something. and leave it at that.

>

> Hi All, Just another day in drama land. About 2 weeks ago my little sister

announced her engagement. Of course she acted like I was one of the first to

know, but she has no clue that I have secretly been talking to a cousin now for

about 2 years, and I know the whole family found out before me. I just faked my

OMG joy even thought this whole debacle has been going on for about 2 years now

and was very much planned/forced.

>

> Anyway little sis asked me to be her Maid of Honor, which is awkward to say

the least since I have been n/c w/ the foo for 8 1/2 years will be nearly 10 by

the time of her wedding. I sincerely want to be there for her, but I get the

feeling that she wants me there for the foo, and is using her wedding as tool of

manipulation. I know I mean nothing more than a scandalous photo op to the foo.

It will just be a " See we won we were right " moment; they don't care about my

sister getting married. I on the other hand care very much about my sister, and

I will not let her, or myself be hurt by them.

>

> My sister is a tad narcissistic to boot which makes thing a bit trickier. She

is worried they will talk to me or spend time with me, not her on the day of her

wedding, since I am something of a novelty in her mind as I have not been around

for about a decade. But the thing is I don't want their attention, I just want

to live my normal life and support my sister, 2 things that won't be possible

when they are around. Her other concern is that they will attack me and I will

feel uncomfortable. WELL DUH!

>

> I invited sis and her fiancé over on the weekend of their choice to talk about

this over dinner, but her excess was " the weekends are all about them now " which

was as vain of answer I ever heard. So I told her if she can't give me 2 hours

to talk and eat together than I didn't think I should be in her wedding. Of

course changed her mind, but I almost wish she didn't because it really showed

me how she feels. Basically this whole thing she has been a poop.

>

> She wants me to jump through hoops of fire for her, but she is unwilling to

compromise, and she keeps telling me " you have to be willing to compromise " well

that's the pot calling kettle black.

>

> I told her don't your remember Mom falsely accused me of stealing her money,

credit cards, gold, cell phones, don't you remember? She told me, Yeah mom

couldn't find them. I said So she blamed me? I never took them! But she told

everybody I did! I lost all my friends; they thought I was a thief! Then she

told everybody I joined a cult! My sister said, yeah because you stopped talking

to her. I said So she told people I joined a cult! Maybe I stopped talking to

her because of the way she was acting! Then I said to my sister Mom falsely

accused my husband In the Court of Law of beating me and my children! She said

yeah but she didn't know. EXACTLY I said, she didn't know! It was NOT true! But

she told everybody it was, we lost all our friends and family, almost lost our

children and none of it was true, she never said sorry, I am not going back!

>

> Now they blame me, they are mad at me for my mom's pain, but she caused the

pain for herself and for us and they say I do not compromise! WHAT?! Then my

sister said " what if mom stands in front of everybody at the wedding and tells

that it was all a lie " I just think to myself, too little too late, and she

would Never do that anyway. Plus I don't want my sisters wedding ruined the way

my life was ruined.

>

> I have to make up my mind if her wedding is something I can do or not. If I go

it will have to be with a screw the world protect my sister attitude. I will

only have 1 cousin there who will be on my side, but that has to be kept secret

or they will disown her too and I would never want that for her. I won't know

anybody and it will be like walking into a lions den and cuffed. I am not sure I

can do it, I am not sure my sister really wants me there. A week ago I would

have said yes I am going, but as events unfold, I am leaning towards no, because

of my sisters vain attitude. And she doesn't really care for me the way I care

for her. Maybe if my mom gets hit by a bus, then I will go, but otherwise, I

don't know if it is possible.

>

> DH told me, don't answer her right away, he said a lot can happen in 1 year he

said maybe they will have a blow up and my sister will need me. But I feel like

I need to make a choice. I can't be emotional over this and tear myself up over

a wedding. I need to know what my next step will be and stick to it one way or

another. Normally I am fairly emotional, but when it comes to my mom, I need to

use rational thoughts only; emotion gets me nowhere but trouble.

>

> I am sorry for my sister, even though I know she is naive and narcissistic. I

still want to be there for her. But I can't throw myself under the bus. I need

to help myself too. It's just so hard!! Why is it so hard to help yourself but

not somebody else? Thanks for listening. LB

>

[Guest guest]

wow, this sounds to me like it is such an ordeal for you to even parcel out and

it has put you under so much stress that it just seems wrong for your sis to

have even put you in this position in the first place. I get that she is

narcissistic, and that you are overly responsible. Because if she wasn't so

narcissistic she would understand the dilemna this poses for you, to even put

you in that position. She should have said something like 'in a perfect world, I

would love more than anything to have you as my maid of honor, but I know that

would be extremely awkward for you so I will understand if you decline'. That

way it would at least be considering you while at the same time giving you an

out.

It's very strange to me that she would reference the possibility of your mom

making a public admission of guilt in regards to the falling out the two of you

had, at HER OWN WEDDING. It sounds very dramatic and distracting from the bride

and groom. I'm perplexed by it.

I am sorry you have been put in such an awkward position but no one would blame

you for refusing for the sake of your own sanity. Narcissists really do, at

least in my experience with the ones in my own life, have a really strange lack

of empathy and ability to put themselves in other people's shoes and imagine

things from the perspective of other people. Heck, you could just tell her that

when you told DH the date he said he'd planned a surprise vacation for the two

of you on that date or something. and leave it at that.

>

> Hi All, Just another day in drama land. About 2 weeks ago my little sister

announced her engagement. Of course she acted like I was one of the first to

know, but she has no clue that I have secretly been talking to a cousin now for

about 2 years, and I know the whole family found out before me. I just faked my

OMG joy even thought this whole debacle has been going on for about 2 years now

and was very much planned/forced.

>

> Anyway little sis asked me to be her Maid of Honor, which is awkward to say

the least since I have been n/c w/ the foo for 8 1/2 years will be nearly 10 by

the time of her wedding. I sincerely want to be there for her, but I get the

feeling that she wants me there for the foo, and is using her wedding as tool of

manipulation. I know I mean nothing more than a scandalous photo op to the foo.

It will just be a " See we won we were right " moment; they don't care about my

sister getting married. I on the other hand care very much about my sister, and

I will not let her, or myself be hurt by them.

>

> My sister is a tad narcissistic to boot which makes thing a bit trickier. She

is worried they will talk to me or spend time with me, not her on the day of her

wedding, since I am something of a novelty in her mind as I have not been around

for about a decade. But the thing is I don't want their attention, I just want

to live my normal life and support my sister, 2 things that won't be possible

when they are around. Her other concern is that they will attack me and I will

feel uncomfortable. WELL DUH!

>

> I invited sis and her fiancé over on the weekend of their choice to talk about

this over dinner, but her excess was " the weekends are all about them now " which

was as vain of answer I ever heard. So I told her if she can't give me 2 hours

to talk and eat together than I didn't think I should be in her wedding. Of

course changed her mind, but I almost wish she didn't because it really showed

me how she feels. Basically this whole thing she has been a poop.

>

> She wants me to jump through hoops of fire for her, but she is unwilling to

compromise, and she keeps telling me " you have to be willing to compromise " well

that's the pot calling kettle black.

>

> I told her don't your remember Mom falsely accused me of stealing her money,

credit cards, gold, cell phones, don't you remember? She told me, Yeah mom

couldn't find them. I said So she blamed me? I never took them! But she told

everybody I did! I lost all my friends; they thought I was a thief! Then she

told everybody I joined a cult! My sister said, yeah because you stopped talking

to her. I said So she told people I joined a cult! Maybe I stopped talking to

her because of the way she was acting! Then I said to my sister Mom falsely

accused my husband In the Court of Law of beating me and my children! She said

yeah but she didn't know. EXACTLY I said, she didn't know! It was NOT true! But

she told everybody it was, we lost all our friends and family, almost lost our

children and none of it was true, she never said sorry, I am not going back!

>

> Now they blame me, they are mad at me for my mom's pain, but she caused the

pain for herself and for us and they say I do not compromise! WHAT?! Then my

sister said " what if mom stands in front of everybody at the wedding and tells

that it was all a lie " I just think to myself, too little too late, and she

would Never do that anyway. Plus I don't want my sisters wedding ruined the way

my life was ruined.

>

> I have to make up my mind if her wedding is something I can do or not. If I go

it will have to be with a screw the world protect my sister attitude. I will

only have 1 cousin there who will be on my side, but that has to be kept secret

or they will disown her too and I would never want that for her. I won't know

anybody and it will be like walking into a lions den and cuffed. I am not sure I

can do it, I am not sure my sister really wants me there. A week ago I would

have said yes I am going, but as events unfold, I am leaning towards no, because

of my sisters vain attitude. And she doesn't really care for me the way I care

for her. Maybe if my mom gets hit by a bus, then I will go, but otherwise, I

don't know if it is possible.

>

> DH told me, don't answer her right away, he said a lot can happen in 1 year he

said maybe they will have a blow up and my sister will need me. But I feel like

I need to make a choice. I can't be emotional over this and tear myself up over

a wedding. I need to know what my next step will be and stick to it one way or

another. Normally I am fairly emotional, but when it comes to my mom, I need to

use rational thoughts only; emotion gets me nowhere but trouble.

>

> I am sorry for my sister, even though I know she is naive and narcissistic. I

still want to be there for her. But I can't throw myself under the bus. I need

to help myself too. It's just so hard!! Why is it so hard to help yourself but

not somebody else? Thanks for listening. LB

>

[Guest guest]

Hey sweetie, this maid of honor thing sounds like a total guilt trip and

hoover maneuver to me. I woulnd't fall for it. If she won't celebrate with

you on terms you can agree to - then you just can't be part of it. I

wouldn't go for it.

I also think its unfair that she accuses you of abandoning her as a child,

I'm sure you didn't want to leave her behind, but that's just survivor's

guilt talking. And if you're the survivor. . . then maybe she needs some

help of her own.

I hope that makes sense. I'm sorry! Since going NC I've had to adopt a firm

policy - if I smell a guilt trip manipulation trap, I'm outta there!!!

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 6:11 PM, josephinebl67 wrote:

>

>

> wow, this sounds to me like it is such an ordeal for you to even parcel out

> and it has put you under so much stress that it just seems wrong for your

> sis to have even put you in this position in the first place. I get that she

> is narcissistic, and that you are overly responsible. Because if she wasn't

> so narcissistic she would understand the dilemna this poses for you, to even

> put you in that position. She should have said something like 'in a perfect

> world, I would love more than anything to have you as my maid of honor, but

> I know that would be extremely awkward for you so I will understand if you

> decline'. That way it would at least be considering you while at the same

> time giving you an out.

>

> It's very strange to me that she would reference the possibility of your

> mom making a public admission of guilt in regards to the falling out the two

> of you had, at HER OWN WEDDING. It sounds very dramatic and distracting from

> the bride and groom. I'm perplexed by it.

>

> I am sorry you have been put in such an awkward position but no one would

> blame you for refusing for the sake of your own sanity. Narcissists really

> do, at least in my experience with the ones in my own life, have a really

> strange lack of empathy and ability to put themselves in other people's

> shoes and imagine things from the perspective of other people. Heck, you

> could just tell her that when you told DH the date he said he'd planned a

> surprise vacation for the two of you on that date or something. and leave it

> at that.

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi All, Just another day in drama land. About 2 weeks ago my little

> sister announced her engagement. Of course she acted like I was one of the

> first to know, but she has no clue that I have secretly been talking to a

> cousin now for about 2 years, and I know the whole family found out before

> me. I just faked my OMG joy even thought this whole debacle has been going

> on for about 2 years now and was very much planned/forced.

> >

> > Anyway little sis asked me to be her Maid of Honor, which is awkward to

> say the least since I have been n/c w/ the foo for 8 1/2 years will be

> nearly 10 by the time of her wedding. I sincerely want to be there for her,

> but I get the feeling that she wants me there for the foo, and is using her

> wedding as tool of manipulation. I know I mean nothing more than a

> scandalous photo op to the foo. It will just be a " See we won we were right "

> moment; they don't care about my sister getting married. I on the other hand

> care very much about my sister, and I will not let her, or myself be hurt by

> them.

> >

> > My sister is a tad narcissistic to boot which makes thing a bit trickier.

> She is worried they will talk to me or spend time with me, not her on the

> day of her wedding, since I am something of a novelty in her mind as I have

> not been around for about a decade. But the thing is I don't want their

> attention, I just want to live my normal life and support my sister, 2

> things that won't be possible when they are around. Her other concern is

> that they will attack me and I will feel uncomfortable. WELL DUH!

> >

> > I invited sis and her fiancé over on the weekend of their choice to talk

> about this over dinner, but her excess was " the weekends are all about them

> now " which was as vain of answer I ever heard. So I told her if she can't

> give me 2 hours to talk and eat together than I didn't think I should be in

> her wedding. Of course changed her mind, but I almost wish she didn't

> because it really showed me how she feels. Basically this whole thing she

> has been a poop.

> >

> > She wants me to jump through hoops of fire for her, but she is unwilling

> to compromise, and she keeps telling me " you have to be willing to

> compromise " well that's the pot calling kettle black.

> >

> > I told her don't your remember Mom falsely accused me of stealing her

> money, credit cards, gold, cell phones, don't you remember? She told me,

> Yeah mom couldn't find them. I said So she blamed me? I never took them! But

> she told everybody I did! I lost all my friends; they thought I was a thief!

> Then she told everybody I joined a cult! My sister said, yeah because you

> stopped talking to her. I said So she told people I joined a cult! Maybe I

> stopped talking to her because of the way she was acting! Then I said to my

> sister Mom falsely accused my husband In the Court of Law of beating me and

> my children! She said yeah but she didn't know. EXACTLY I said, she didn't

> know! It was NOT true! But she told everybody it was, we lost all our

> friends and family, almost lost our children and none of it was true, she

> never said sorry, I am not going back!

> >

> > Now they blame me, they are mad at me for my mom's pain, but she caused

> the pain for herself and for us and they say I do not compromise! WHAT?!

> Then my sister said " what if mom stands in front of everybody at the wedding

> and tells that it was all a lie " I just think to myself, too little too

> late, and she would Never do that anyway. Plus I don't want my sisters

> wedding ruined the way my life was ruined.

> >

> > I have to make up my mind if her wedding is something I can do or not. If

> I go it will have to be with a screw the world protect my sister attitude. I

> will only have 1 cousin there who will be on my side, but that has to be

> kept secret or they will disown her too and I would never want that for her.

> I won't know anybody and it will be like walking into a lions den and

> cuffed. I am not sure I can do it, I am not sure my sister really wants me

> there. A week ago I would have said yes I am going, but as events unfold, I

> am leaning towards no, because of my sisters vain attitude. And she doesn't

> really care for me the way I care for her. Maybe if my mom gets hit by a

> bus, then I will go, but otherwise, I don't know if it is possible.

> >

> > DH told me, don't answer her right away, he said a lot can happen in 1

> year he said maybe they will have a blow up and my sister will need me. But

> I feel like I need to make a choice. I can't be emotional over this and tear

> myself up over a wedding. I need to know what my next step will be and stick

> to it one way or another. Normally I am fairly emotional, but when it comes

> to my mom, I need to use rational thoughts only; emotion gets me nowhere but

> trouble.

> >

> > I am sorry for my sister, even though I know she is naive and

> narcissistic. I still want to be there for her. But I can't throw myself

> under the bus. I need to help myself too. It's just so hard!! Why is it so

> hard to help yourself but not somebody else? Thanks for listening. LB

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey sweetie, this maid of honor thing sounds like a total guilt trip and

hoover maneuver to me. I woulnd't fall for it. If she won't celebrate with

you on terms you can agree to - then you just can't be part of it. I

wouldn't go for it.

I also think its unfair that she accuses you of abandoning her as a child,

I'm sure you didn't want to leave her behind, but that's just survivor's

guilt talking. And if you're the survivor. . . then maybe she needs some

help of her own.

I hope that makes sense. I'm sorry! Since going NC I've had to adopt a firm

policy - if I smell a guilt trip manipulation trap, I'm outta there!!!

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 6:11 PM, josephinebl67 wrote:

>

>

> wow, this sounds to me like it is such an ordeal for you to even parcel out

> and it has put you under so much stress that it just seems wrong for your

> sis to have even put you in this position in the first place. I get that she

> is narcissistic, and that you are overly responsible. Because if she wasn't

> so narcissistic she would understand the dilemna this poses for you, to even

> put you in that position. She should have said something like 'in a perfect

> world, I would love more than anything to have you as my maid of honor, but

> I know that would be extremely awkward for you so I will understand if you

> decline'. That way it would at least be considering you while at the same

> time giving you an out.

>

> It's very strange to me that she would reference the possibility of your

> mom making a public admission of guilt in regards to the falling out the two

> of you had, at HER OWN WEDDING. It sounds very dramatic and distracting from

> the bride and groom. I'm perplexed by it.

>

> I am sorry you have been put in such an awkward position but no one would

> blame you for refusing for the sake of your own sanity. Narcissists really

> do, at least in my experience with the ones in my own life, have a really

> strange lack of empathy and ability to put themselves in other people's

> shoes and imagine things from the perspective of other people. Heck, you

> could just tell her that when you told DH the date he said he'd planned a

> surprise vacation for the two of you on that date or something. and leave it

> at that.

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi All, Just another day in drama land. About 2 weeks ago my little

> sister announced her engagement. Of course she acted like I was one of the

> first to know, but she has no clue that I have secretly been talking to a

> cousin now for about 2 years, and I know the whole family found out before

> me. I just faked my OMG joy even thought this whole debacle has been going

> on for about 2 years now and was very much planned/forced.

> >

> > Anyway little sis asked me to be her Maid of Honor, which is awkward to

> say the least since I have been n/c w/ the foo for 8 1/2 years will be

> nearly 10 by the time of her wedding. I sincerely want to be there for her,

> but I get the feeling that she wants me there for the foo, and is using her

> wedding as tool of manipulation. I know I mean nothing more than a

> scandalous photo op to the foo. It will just be a " See we won we were right "

> moment; they don't care about my sister getting married. I on the other hand

> care very much about my sister, and I will not let her, or myself be hurt by

> them.

> >

> > My sister is a tad narcissistic to boot which makes thing a bit trickier.

> She is worried they will talk to me or spend time with me, not her on the

> day of her wedding, since I am something of a novelty in her mind as I have

> not been around for about a decade. But the thing is I don't want their

> attention, I just want to live my normal life and support my sister, 2

> things that won't be possible when they are around. Her other concern is

> that they will attack me and I will feel uncomfortable. WELL DUH!

> >

> > I invited sis and her fiancé over on the weekend of their choice to talk

> about this over dinner, but her excess was " the weekends are all about them

> now " which was as vain of answer I ever heard. So I told her if she can't

> give me 2 hours to talk and eat together than I didn't think I should be in

> her wedding. Of course changed her mind, but I almost wish she didn't

> because it really showed me how she feels. Basically this whole thing she

> has been a poop.

> >

> > She wants me to jump through hoops of fire for her, but she is unwilling

> to compromise, and she keeps telling me " you have to be willing to

> compromise " well that's the pot calling kettle black.

> >

> > I told her don't your remember Mom falsely accused me of stealing her

> money, credit cards, gold, cell phones, don't you remember? She told me,

> Yeah mom couldn't find them. I said So she blamed me? I never took them! But

> she told everybody I did! I lost all my friends; they thought I was a thief!

> Then she told everybody I joined a cult! My sister said, yeah because you

> stopped talking to her. I said So she told people I joined a cult! Maybe I

> stopped talking to her because of the way she was acting! Then I said to my

> sister Mom falsely accused my husband In the Court of Law of beating me and

> my children! She said yeah but she didn't know. EXACTLY I said, she didn't

> know! It was NOT true! But she told everybody it was, we lost all our

> friends and family, almost lost our children and none of it was true, she

> never said sorry, I am not going back!

> >

> > Now they blame me, they are mad at me for my mom's pain, but she caused

> the pain for herself and for us and they say I do not compromise! WHAT?!

> Then my sister said " what if mom stands in front of everybody at the wedding

> and tells that it was all a lie " I just think to myself, too little too

> late, and she would Never do that anyway. Plus I don't want my sisters

> wedding ruined the way my life was ruined.

> >

> > I have to make up my mind if her wedding is something I can do or not. If

> I go it will have to be with a screw the world protect my sister attitude. I

> will only have 1 cousin there who will be on my side, but that has to be

> kept secret or they will disown her too and I would never want that for her.

> I won't know anybody and it will be like walking into a lions den and

> cuffed. I am not sure I can do it, I am not sure my sister really wants me

> there. A week ago I would have said yes I am going, but as events unfold, I

> am leaning towards no, because of my sisters vain attitude. And she doesn't

> really care for me the way I care for her. Maybe if my mom gets hit by a

> bus, then I will go, but otherwise, I don't know if it is possible.

> >

> > DH told me, don't answer her right away, he said a lot can happen in 1

> year he said maybe they will have a blow up and my sister will need me. But

> I feel like I need to make a choice. I can't be emotional over this and tear

> myself up over a wedding. I need to know what my next step will be and stick

> to it one way or another. Normally I am fairly emotional, but when it comes

> to my mom, I need to use rational thoughts only; emotion gets me nowhere but

> trouble.

> >

> > I am sorry for my sister, even though I know she is naive and

> narcissistic. I still want to be there for her. But I can't throw myself

> under the bus. I need to help myself too. It's just so hard!! Why is it so

> hard to help yourself but not somebody else? Thanks for listening. LB

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey sweetie, this maid of honor thing sounds like a total guilt trip and

hoover maneuver to me. I woulnd't fall for it. If she won't celebrate with

you on terms you can agree to - then you just can't be part of it. I

wouldn't go for it.

I also think its unfair that she accuses you of abandoning her as a child,

I'm sure you didn't want to leave her behind, but that's just survivor's

guilt talking. And if you're the survivor. . . then maybe she needs some

help of her own.

I hope that makes sense. I'm sorry! Since going NC I've had to adopt a firm

policy - if I smell a guilt trip manipulation trap, I'm outta there!!!

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 6:11 PM, josephinebl67 wrote:

>

>

> wow, this sounds to me like it is such an ordeal for you to even parcel out

> and it has put you under so much stress that it just seems wrong for your

> sis to have even put you in this position in the first place. I get that she

> is narcissistic, and that you are overly responsible. Because if she wasn't

> so narcissistic she would understand the dilemna this poses for you, to even

> put you in that position. She should have said something like 'in a perfect

> world, I would love more than anything to have you as my maid of honor, but

> I know that would be extremely awkward for you so I will understand if you

> decline'. That way it would at least be considering you while at the same

> time giving you an out.

>

> It's very strange to me that she would reference the possibility of your

> mom making a public admission of guilt in regards to the falling out the two

> of you had, at HER OWN WEDDING. It sounds very dramatic and distracting from

> the bride and groom. I'm perplexed by it.

>

> I am sorry you have been put in such an awkward position but no one would

> blame you for refusing for the sake of your own sanity. Narcissists really

> do, at least in my experience with the ones in my own life, have a really

> strange lack of empathy and ability to put themselves in other people's

> shoes and imagine things from the perspective of other people. Heck, you

> could just tell her that when you told DH the date he said he'd planned a

> surprise vacation for the two of you on that date or something. and leave it

> at that.

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi All, Just another day in drama land. About 2 weeks ago my little

> sister announced her engagement. Of course she acted like I was one of the

> first to know, but she has no clue that I have secretly been talking to a

> cousin now for about 2 years, and I know the whole family found out before

> me. I just faked my OMG joy even thought this whole debacle has been going

> on for about 2 years now and was very much planned/forced.

> >

> > Anyway little sis asked me to be her Maid of Honor, which is awkward to

> say the least since I have been n/c w/ the foo for 8 1/2 years will be

> nearly 10 by the time of her wedding. I sincerely want to be there for her,

> but I get the feeling that she wants me there for the foo, and is using her

> wedding as tool of manipulation. I know I mean nothing more than a

> scandalous photo op to the foo. It will just be a " See we won we were right "

> moment; they don't care about my sister getting married. I on the other hand

> care very much about my sister, and I will not let her, or myself be hurt by

> them.

> >

> > My sister is a tad narcissistic to boot which makes thing a bit trickier.

> She is worried they will talk to me or spend time with me, not her on the

> day of her wedding, since I am something of a novelty in her mind as I have

> not been around for about a decade. But the thing is I don't want their

> attention, I just want to live my normal life and support my sister, 2

> things that won't be possible when they are around. Her other concern is

> that they will attack me and I will feel uncomfortable. WELL DUH!

> >

> > I invited sis and her fiancé over on the weekend of their choice to talk

> about this over dinner, but her excess was " the weekends are all about them

> now " which was as vain of answer I ever heard. So I told her if she can't

> give me 2 hours to talk and eat together than I didn't think I should be in

> her wedding. Of course changed her mind, but I almost wish she didn't

> because it really showed me how she feels. Basically this whole thing she

> has been a poop.

> >

> > She wants me to jump through hoops of fire for her, but she is unwilling

> to compromise, and she keeps telling me " you have to be willing to

> compromise " well that's the pot calling kettle black.

> >

> > I told her don't your remember Mom falsely accused me of stealing her

> money, credit cards, gold, cell phones, don't you remember? She told me,

> Yeah mom couldn't find them. I said So she blamed me? I never took them! But

> she told everybody I did! I lost all my friends; they thought I was a thief!

> Then she told everybody I joined a cult! My sister said, yeah because you

> stopped talking to her. I said So she told people I joined a cult! Maybe I

> stopped talking to her because of the way she was acting! Then I said to my

> sister Mom falsely accused my husband In the Court of Law of beating me and

> my children! She said yeah but she didn't know. EXACTLY I said, she didn't

> know! It was NOT true! But she told everybody it was, we lost all our

> friends and family, almost lost our children and none of it was true, she

> never said sorry, I am not going back!

> >

> > Now they blame me, they are mad at me for my mom's pain, but she caused

> the pain for herself and for us and they say I do not compromise! WHAT?!

> Then my sister said " what if mom stands in front of everybody at the wedding

> and tells that it was all a lie " I just think to myself, too little too

> late, and she would Never do that anyway. Plus I don't want my sisters

> wedding ruined the way my life was ruined.

> >

> > I have to make up my mind if her wedding is something I can do or not. If

> I go it will have to be with a screw the world protect my sister attitude. I

> will only have 1 cousin there who will be on my side, but that has to be

> kept secret or they will disown her too and I would never want that for her.

> I won't know anybody and it will be like walking into a lions den and

> cuffed. I am not sure I can do it, I am not sure my sister really wants me

> there. A week ago I would have said yes I am going, but as events unfold, I

> am leaning towards no, because of my sisters vain attitude. And she doesn't

> really care for me the way I care for her. Maybe if my mom gets hit by a

> bus, then I will go, but otherwise, I don't know if it is possible.

> >

> > DH told me, don't answer her right away, he said a lot can happen in 1

> year he said maybe they will have a blow up and my sister will need me. But

> I feel like I need to make a choice. I can't be emotional over this and tear

> myself up over a wedding. I need to know what my next step will be and stick

> to it one way or another. Normally I am fairly emotional, but when it comes

> to my mom, I need to use rational thoughts only; emotion gets me nowhere but

> trouble.

> >

> > I am sorry for my sister, even though I know she is naive and

> narcissistic. I still want to be there for her. But I can't throw myself

> under the bus. I need to help myself too. It's just so hard!! Why is it so

> hard to help yourself but not somebody else? Thanks for listening. LB

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for the replies. I was talking to Dh about some of the points

that you all have made and he said he supports our group Thank you so much

for helping me in this very difficult time. I tossed back and forth with myself

even though I know the right thing to do. I just needed to reaffirm that my

quiet voice was the voice I needed to listen to and I appreciate all of your

voices chiming louder so I can hear it again! I can't forget who I am and what I

stand for.

After I tell her no, I am going to call dishrags family and tell them that she

is engaged. I was leaving it to her to tell them, but as it turns out, only

nadas foo is invited, dishrag is not inviting his foo, which is all the more

reason for me not to go. Dishrags foo likes me, nadas foo hates me. And as of

now it has been nearly 3 weeks now and she has not told dishrags foo. I am not

holding my breath.

I am still debating the best way to go about telling her No. Face to face, email

or phone call. There are pros and cons to each method. If I do face to face I

think she will be the angriest, but I think face to face is respectable. We live

about 1 hour away and I invited her over, but I can't imagine she wants to come

see me only to hear No. I can't go see her because she lives with nada. She has

only been to my house once, usually I drive to see her at her work but for

something like this, that is inappropriate. Email I can say what I really feel

and think clearly, in fact I wrote an email about a week ago but I have not sent

it yet. The bad thing is I might say it a little too clear. Phone might be the

easiest, but I may not to say as clearly as I was hoping to say that may be good

or bad, I am not sure. And Phone I have the best chance of getting foggy minded.

I will give myself no more than the end of this week to make up my mind. I am

too stressed and I can feel it in my whole body. I went to the library and got a

yoga book maybe this will help me. Haha. Thanks again for all your help I will

keep you posted. LB

> >

> > Hi All, Just another day in drama land. About 2 weeks ago my little sister

announced her engagement. Of course she acted like I was one of the first to

know, but she has no clue that I have secretly been talking to a cousin now for

about 2 years, and I know the whole family found out before me. I just faked my

OMG joy even thought this whole debacle has been going on for about 2 years now

and was very much planned/forced.

> >

> > Anyway little sis asked me to be her Maid of Honor, which is awkward to say

the least since I have been n/c w/ the foo for 8 1/2 years will be nearly 10 by

the time of her wedding. I sincerely want to be there for her, but I get the

feeling that she wants me there for the foo, and is using her wedding as tool of

manipulation. I know I mean nothing more than a scandalous photo op to the foo.

It will just be a " See we won we were right " moment; they don't care about my

sister getting married. I on the other hand care very much about my sister, and

I will not let her, or myself be hurt by them.

> >

> > My sister is a tad narcissistic to boot which makes thing a bit trickier.

She is worried they will talk to me or spend time with me, not her on the day of

her wedding, since I am something of a novelty in her mind as I have not been

around for about a decade. But the thing is I don't want their attention, I just

want to live my normal life and support my sister, 2 things that won't be

possible when they are around. Her other concern is that they will attack me and

I will feel uncomfortable. WELL DUH!

> >

> > I invited sis and her fiancé over on the weekend of their choice to talk

about this over dinner, but her excess was " the weekends are all about them now "

which was as vain of answer I ever heard. So I told her if she can't give me 2

hours to talk and eat together than I didn't think I should be in her wedding.

Of course changed her mind, but I almost wish she didn't because it really

showed me how she feels. Basically this whole thing she has been a poop.

> >

> > She wants me to jump through hoops of fire for her, but she is unwilling to

compromise, and she keeps telling me " you have to be willing to compromise " well

that's the pot calling kettle black.

> >

> > I told her don't your remember Mom falsely accused me of stealing her money,

credit cards, gold, cell phones, don't you remember? She told me, Yeah mom

couldn't find them. I said So she blamed me? I never took them! But she told

everybody I did! I lost all my friends; they thought I was a thief! Then she

told everybody I joined a cult! My sister said, yeah because you stopped talking

to her. I said So she told people I joined a cult! Maybe I stopped talking to

her because of the way she was acting! Then I said to my sister Mom falsely

accused my husband In the Court of Law of beating me and my children! She said

yeah but she didn't know. EXACTLY I said, she didn't know! It was NOT true! But

she told everybody it was, we lost all our friends and family, almost lost our

children and none of it was true, she never said sorry, I am not going back!

> >

> > Now they blame me, they are mad at me for my mom's pain, but she caused the

pain for herself and for us and they say I do not compromise! WHAT?! Then my

sister said " what if mom stands in front of everybody at the wedding and tells

that it was all a lie " I just think to myself, too little too late, and she

would Never do that anyway. Plus I don't want my sisters wedding ruined the way

my life was ruined.

> >

> > I have to make up my mind if her wedding is something I can do or not. If I

go it will have to be with a screw the world protect my sister attitude. I will

only have 1 cousin there who will be on my side, but that has to be kept secret

or they will disown her too and I would never want that for her. I won't know

anybody and it will be like walking into a lions den and cuffed. I am not sure I

can do it, I am not sure my sister really wants me there. A week ago I would

have said yes I am going, but as events unfold, I am leaning towards no, because

of my sisters vain attitude. And she doesn't really care for me the way I care

for her. Maybe if my mom gets hit by a bus, then I will go, but otherwise, I

don't know if it is possible.

> >

> > DH told me, don't answer her right away, he said a lot can happen in 1 year

he said maybe they will have a blow up and my sister will need me. But I feel

like I need to make a choice. I can't be emotional over this and tear myself up

over a wedding. I need to know what my next step will be and stick to it one way

or another. Normally I am fairly emotional, but when it comes to my mom, I need

to use rational thoughts only; emotion gets me nowhere but trouble.

> >

> > I am sorry for my sister, even though I know she is naive and narcissistic.

I still want to be there for her. But I can't throw myself under the bus. I need

to help myself too. It's just so hard!! Why is it so hard to help yourself but

not somebody else? Thanks for listening. LB

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for the replies. I was talking to Dh about some of the points

that you all have made and he said he supports our group Thank you so much

for helping me in this very difficult time. I tossed back and forth with myself

even though I know the right thing to do. I just needed to reaffirm that my

quiet voice was the voice I needed to listen to and I appreciate all of your

voices chiming louder so I can hear it again! I can't forget who I am and what I

stand for.

After I tell her no, I am going to call dishrags family and tell them that she

is engaged. I was leaving it to her to tell them, but as it turns out, only

nadas foo is invited, dishrag is not inviting his foo, which is all the more

reason for me not to go. Dishrags foo likes me, nadas foo hates me. And as of

now it has been nearly 3 weeks now and she has not told dishrags foo. I am not

holding my breath.

I am still debating the best way to go about telling her No. Face to face, email

or phone call. There are pros and cons to each method. If I do face to face I

think she will be the angriest, but I think face to face is respectable. We live

about 1 hour away and I invited her over, but I can't imagine she wants to come

see me only to hear No. I can't go see her because she lives with nada. She has

only been to my house once, usually I drive to see her at her work but for

something like this, that is inappropriate. Email I can say what I really feel

and think clearly, in fact I wrote an email about a week ago but I have not sent

it yet. The bad thing is I might say it a little too clear. Phone might be the

easiest, but I may not to say as clearly as I was hoping to say that may be good

or bad, I am not sure. And Phone I have the best chance of getting foggy minded.

I will give myself no more than the end of this week to make up my mind. I am

too stressed and I can feel it in my whole body. I went to the library and got a

yoga book maybe this will help me. Haha. Thanks again for all your help I will

keep you posted. LB

> >

> > Hi All, Just another day in drama land. About 2 weeks ago my little sister

announced her engagement. Of course she acted like I was one of the first to

know, but she has no clue that I have secretly been talking to a cousin now for

about 2 years, and I know the whole family found out before me. I just faked my

OMG joy even thought this whole debacle has been going on for about 2 years now

and was very much planned/forced.

> >

> > Anyway little sis asked me to be her Maid of Honor, which is awkward to say

the least since I have been n/c w/ the foo for 8 1/2 years will be nearly 10 by

the time of her wedding. I sincerely want to be there for her, but I get the

feeling that she wants me there for the foo, and is using her wedding as tool of

manipulation. I know I mean nothing more than a scandalous photo op to the foo.

It will just be a " See we won we were right " moment; they don't care about my

sister getting married. I on the other hand care very much about my sister, and

I will not let her, or myself be hurt by them.

> >

> > My sister is a tad narcissistic to boot which makes thing a bit trickier.

She is worried they will talk to me or spend time with me, not her on the day of

her wedding, since I am something of a novelty in her mind as I have not been

around for about a decade. But the thing is I don't want their attention, I just

want to live my normal life and support my sister, 2 things that won't be

possible when they are around. Her other concern is that they will attack me and

I will feel uncomfortable. WELL DUH!

> >

> > I invited sis and her fiancé over on the weekend of their choice to talk

about this over dinner, but her excess was " the weekends are all about them now "

which was as vain of answer I ever heard. So I told her if she can't give me 2

hours to talk and eat together than I didn't think I should be in her wedding.

Of course changed her mind, but I almost wish she didn't because it really

showed me how she feels. Basically this whole thing she has been a poop.

> >

> > She wants me to jump through hoops of fire for her, but she is unwilling to

compromise, and she keeps telling me " you have to be willing to compromise " well

that's the pot calling kettle black.

> >

> > I told her don't your remember Mom falsely accused me of stealing her money,

credit cards, gold, cell phones, don't you remember? She told me, Yeah mom

couldn't find them. I said So she blamed me? I never took them! But she told

everybody I did! I lost all my friends; they thought I was a thief! Then she

told everybody I joined a cult! My sister said, yeah because you stopped talking

to her. I said So she told people I joined a cult! Maybe I stopped talking to

her because of the way she was acting! Then I said to my sister Mom falsely

accused my husband In the Court of Law of beating me and my children! She said

yeah but she didn't know. EXACTLY I said, she didn't know! It was NOT true! But

she told everybody it was, we lost all our friends and family, almost lost our

children and none of it was true, she never said sorry, I am not going back!

> >

> > Now they blame me, they are mad at me for my mom's pain, but she caused the

pain for herself and for us and they say I do not compromise! WHAT?! Then my

sister said " what if mom stands in front of everybody at the wedding and tells

that it was all a lie " I just think to myself, too little too late, and she

would Never do that anyway. Plus I don't want my sisters wedding ruined the way

my life was ruined.

> >

> > I have to make up my mind if her wedding is something I can do or not. If I

go it will have to be with a screw the world protect my sister attitude. I will

only have 1 cousin there who will be on my side, but that has to be kept secret

or they will disown her too and I would never want that for her. I won't know

anybody and it will be like walking into a lions den and cuffed. I am not sure I

can do it, I am not sure my sister really wants me there. A week ago I would

have said yes I am going, but as events unfold, I am leaning towards no, because

of my sisters vain attitude. And she doesn't really care for me the way I care

for her. Maybe if my mom gets hit by a bus, then I will go, but otherwise, I

don't know if it is possible.

> >

> > DH told me, don't answer her right away, he said a lot can happen in 1 year

he said maybe they will have a blow up and my sister will need me. But I feel

like I need to make a choice. I can't be emotional over this and tear myself up

over a wedding. I need to know what my next step will be and stick to it one way

or another. Normally I am fairly emotional, but when it comes to my mom, I need

to use rational thoughts only; emotion gets me nowhere but trouble.

> >

> > I am sorry for my sister, even though I know she is naive and narcissistic.

I still want to be there for her. But I can't throw myself under the bus. I need

to help myself too. It's just so hard!! Why is it so hard to help yourself but

not somebody else? Thanks for listening. LB

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for the replies. I was talking to Dh about some of the points

that you all have made and he said he supports our group Thank you so much

for helping me in this very difficult time. I tossed back and forth with myself

even though I know the right thing to do. I just needed to reaffirm that my

quiet voice was the voice I needed to listen to and I appreciate all of your

voices chiming louder so I can hear it again! I can't forget who I am and what I

stand for.

After I tell her no, I am going to call dishrags family and tell them that she

is engaged. I was leaving it to her to tell them, but as it turns out, only

nadas foo is invited, dishrag is not inviting his foo, which is all the more

reason for me not to go. Dishrags foo likes me, nadas foo hates me. And as of

now it has been nearly 3 weeks now and she has not told dishrags foo. I am not

holding my breath.

I am still debating the best way to go about telling her No. Face to face, email

or phone call. There are pros and cons to each method. If I do face to face I

think she will be the angriest, but I think face to face is respectable. We live

about 1 hour away and I invited her over, but I can't imagine she wants to come

see me only to hear No. I can't go see her because she lives with nada. She has

only been to my house once, usually I drive to see her at her work but for

something like this, that is inappropriate. Email I can say what I really feel

and think clearly, in fact I wrote an email about a week ago but I have not sent

it yet. The bad thing is I might say it a little too clear. Phone might be the

easiest, but I may not to say as clearly as I was hoping to say that may be good

or bad, I am not sure. And Phone I have the best chance of getting foggy minded.

I will give myself no more than the end of this week to make up my mind. I am

too stressed and I can feel it in my whole body. I went to the library and got a

yoga book maybe this will help me. Haha. Thanks again for all your help I will

keep you posted. LB

> >

> > Hi All, Just another day in drama land. About 2 weeks ago my little sister

announced her engagement. Of course she acted like I was one of the first to

know, but she has no clue that I have secretly been talking to a cousin now for

about 2 years, and I know the whole family found out before me. I just faked my

OMG joy even thought this whole debacle has been going on for about 2 years now

and was very much planned/forced.

> >

> > Anyway little sis asked me to be her Maid of Honor, which is awkward to say

the least since I have been n/c w/ the foo for 8 1/2 years will be nearly 10 by

the time of her wedding. I sincerely want to be there for her, but I get the

feeling that she wants me there for the foo, and is using her wedding as tool of

manipulation. I know I mean nothing more than a scandalous photo op to the foo.

It will just be a " See we won we were right " moment; they don't care about my

sister getting married. I on the other hand care very much about my sister, and

I will not let her, or myself be hurt by them.

> >

> > My sister is a tad narcissistic to boot which makes thing a bit trickier.

She is worried they will talk to me or spend time with me, not her on the day of

her wedding, since I am something of a novelty in her mind as I have not been

around for about a decade. But the thing is I don't want their attention, I just

want to live my normal life and support my sister, 2 things that won't be

possible when they are around. Her other concern is that they will attack me and

I will feel uncomfortable. WELL DUH!

> >

> > I invited sis and her fiancé over on the weekend of their choice to talk

about this over dinner, but her excess was " the weekends are all about them now "

which was as vain of answer I ever heard. So I told her if she can't give me 2

hours to talk and eat together than I didn't think I should be in her wedding.

Of course changed her mind, but I almost wish she didn't because it really

showed me how she feels. Basically this whole thing she has been a poop.

> >

> > She wants me to jump through hoops of fire for her, but she is unwilling to

compromise, and she keeps telling me " you have to be willing to compromise " well

that's the pot calling kettle black.

> >

> > I told her don't your remember Mom falsely accused me of stealing her money,

credit cards, gold, cell phones, don't you remember? She told me, Yeah mom

couldn't find them. I said So she blamed me? I never took them! But she told

everybody I did! I lost all my friends; they thought I was a thief! Then she

told everybody I joined a cult! My sister said, yeah because you stopped talking

to her. I said So she told people I joined a cult! Maybe I stopped talking to

her because of the way she was acting! Then I said to my sister Mom falsely

accused my husband In the Court of Law of beating me and my children! She said

yeah but she didn't know. EXACTLY I said, she didn't know! It was NOT true! But

she told everybody it was, we lost all our friends and family, almost lost our

children and none of it was true, she never said sorry, I am not going back!

> >

> > Now they blame me, they are mad at me for my mom's pain, but she caused the

pain for herself and for us and they say I do not compromise! WHAT?! Then my

sister said " what if mom stands in front of everybody at the wedding and tells

that it was all a lie " I just think to myself, too little too late, and she

would Never do that anyway. Plus I don't want my sisters wedding ruined the way

my life was ruined.

> >

> > I have to make up my mind if her wedding is something I can do or not. If I

go it will have to be with a screw the world protect my sister attitude. I will

only have 1 cousin there who will be on my side, but that has to be kept secret

or they will disown her too and I would never want that for her. I won't know

anybody and it will be like walking into a lions den and cuffed. I am not sure I

can do it, I am not sure my sister really wants me there. A week ago I would

have said yes I am going, but as events unfold, I am leaning towards no, because

of my sisters vain attitude. And she doesn't really care for me the way I care

for her. Maybe if my mom gets hit by a bus, then I will go, but otherwise, I

don't know if it is possible.

> >

> > DH told me, don't answer her right away, he said a lot can happen in 1 year

he said maybe they will have a blow up and my sister will need me. But I feel

like I need to make a choice. I can't be emotional over this and tear myself up

over a wedding. I need to know what my next step will be and stick to it one way

or another. Normally I am fairly emotional, but when it comes to my mom, I need

to use rational thoughts only; emotion gets me nowhere but trouble.

> >

> > I am sorry for my sister, even though I know she is naive and narcissistic.

I still want to be there for her. But I can't throw myself under the bus. I need

to help myself too. It's just so hard!! Why is it so hard to help yourself but

not somebody else? Thanks for listening. LB

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It's more like a mission statement. I had enough guilt the first 25 years of my

life, thank you very much!

I also have a finely tuned 'guilt trip' radar. It beeps loudly and with

increasing frequency as nada approaches me. It's quite an amazing tool and I

highly recommend it to anyone dealing with a nada, a bridezilla, a

mother-in-law, a begging puppy, or a religious zealot.

This might seem silly but does anybody on this board want to start a KO'no

guilt' mission statement or policy statement? I am not creatively gifted enough

for such a task. My no guilt policy is strictly dictated to me via the said

guilt radar tool.

>

> >

> >

> > LB, tell her no using the same method of communication in which she asked

> > you in the first place. Did she call you or was it face to face? That way if

> > she tries to use it against you, you have a rebuttal in the form of 'let's

> > not be hypocrits here' although that's a tough sell with a NPD.

> >

> > I also think you should adopt a 'no guilt' policy. I have one too as did

> > the other poster on this thread. It's a definite must when you have a FOO

> > like yours. Also, I must say I think you have handled all of this

> > beautifully with grace and tact. This is not easy to navigate so props to

> > you. It seems you have thoughtfully considered all possibilities so please

> > feel confident with your decision.

> >

> > Inevitably there will be more damage control, you are going to see a

> > nuclear fallout that is a NPD bridezilla being told 'no' Keep us posted!

> > Sincrely, good luck. " Tuck n Roll " as Lynnette says!

> >

> > As for me, I gotta get my guy to propose first!!! LOL But thanks for the

> > good ideas on how to celebrate when the time comes.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It's more like a mission statement. I had enough guilt the first 25 years of my

life, thank you very much!

I also have a finely tuned 'guilt trip' radar. It beeps loudly and with

increasing frequency as nada approaches me. It's quite an amazing tool and I

highly recommend it to anyone dealing with a nada, a bridezilla, a

mother-in-law, a begging puppy, or a religious zealot.

This might seem silly but does anybody on this board want to start a KO'no

guilt' mission statement or policy statement? I am not creatively gifted enough

for such a task. My no guilt policy is strictly dictated to me via the said

guilt radar tool.

>

> >

> >

> > LB, tell her no using the same method of communication in which she asked

> > you in the first place. Did she call you or was it face to face? That way if

> > she tries to use it against you, you have a rebuttal in the form of 'let's

> > not be hypocrits here' although that's a tough sell with a NPD.

> >

> > I also think you should adopt a 'no guilt' policy. I have one too as did

> > the other poster on this thread. It's a definite must when you have a FOO

> > like yours. Also, I must say I think you have handled all of this

> > beautifully with grace and tact. This is not easy to navigate so props to

> > you. It seems you have thoughtfully considered all possibilities so please

> > feel confident with your decision.

> >

> > Inevitably there will be more damage control, you are going to see a

> > nuclear fallout that is a NPD bridezilla being told 'no' Keep us posted!

> > Sincrely, good luck. " Tuck n Roll " as Lynnette says!

> >

> > As for me, I gotta get my guy to propose first!!! LOL But thanks for the

> > good ideas on how to celebrate when the time comes.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It's more like a mission statement. I had enough guilt the first 25 years of my

life, thank you very much!

I also have a finely tuned 'guilt trip' radar. It beeps loudly and with

increasing frequency as nada approaches me. It's quite an amazing tool and I

highly recommend it to anyone dealing with a nada, a bridezilla, a

mother-in-law, a begging puppy, or a religious zealot.

This might seem silly but does anybody on this board want to start a KO'no

guilt' mission statement or policy statement? I am not creatively gifted enough

for such a task. My no guilt policy is strictly dictated to me via the said

guilt radar tool.

>

> >

> >

> > LB, tell her no using the same method of communication in which she asked

> > you in the first place. Did she call you or was it face to face? That way if

> > she tries to use it against you, you have a rebuttal in the form of 'let's

> > not be hypocrits here' although that's a tough sell with a NPD.

> >

> > I also think you should adopt a 'no guilt' policy. I have one too as did

> > the other poster on this thread. It's a definite must when you have a FOO

> > like yours. Also, I must say I think you have handled all of this

> > beautifully with grace and tact. This is not easy to navigate so props to

> > you. It seems you have thoughtfully considered all possibilities so please

> > feel confident with your decision.

> >

> > Inevitably there will be more damage control, you are going to see a

> > nuclear fallout that is a NPD bridezilla being told 'no' Keep us posted!

> > Sincrely, good luck. " Tuck n Roll " as Lynnette says!

> >

> > As for me, I gotta get my guy to propose first!!! LOL But thanks for the

> > good ideas on how to celebrate when the time comes.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

LB - Not that you asked, but something you said in your last response kind of

bothered me -

You said you're going to call dishrag's family and tell them about the wedding.

My question is, why? I get that they're the ones who like you, but IMO this is

stirring a pot that doesn't belong to you. Really, you gotta watch some

episodes of " Bridezillas. " No good deed ever goes unpunished when there's a

lunatic in a wedding dress running amok.

You have EVERY right to decline your sister's " request " (ha! more like a

demand)that you be her maid of honor.

Your have EVERY right to decline the invitation to her wedding, and to give her

any excuse you like, or no excuse at all.

But that's where your rights end. This is her wedding. She gets to invite - or

exclude - whomever she wants, no matter who they are. The fact that she sounds

crazy is beside the point.

Any action you take is going to be viewed through the negative lens your FOO

already has about you. Telling your dad's FOO that she's getting married, they

aren't invited, etc. is just stirring up a very ugly pot - and eventually it

will become clear that you are the culprit who " dropped the dime " with the news.

At that point, your sister and your mom's family will have " evidence " against

you, and I don't think it will endear you to the dishrag's family, either -

you'll just be the person they associate with the information.

So I'd say erect your boundaries, stand your ground, be somewhere else on the

wedding day if you need to. But don't meddle. Let her make her own mess and be

hoist on her own petard. The farther away you stay from all this drama, the

less mud will get splattered on you.

Me, I'd join the Peace Corps or something.

>

[Guest guest]

LB - Not that you asked, but something you said in your last response kind of

bothered me -

You said you're going to call dishrag's family and tell them about the wedding.

My question is, why? I get that they're the ones who like you, but IMO this is

stirring a pot that doesn't belong to you. Really, you gotta watch some

episodes of " Bridezillas. " No good deed ever goes unpunished when there's a

lunatic in a wedding dress running amok.

You have EVERY right to decline your sister's " request " (ha! more like a

demand)that you be her maid of honor.

Your have EVERY right to decline the invitation to her wedding, and to give her

any excuse you like, or no excuse at all.

But that's where your rights end. This is her wedding. She gets to invite - or

exclude - whomever she wants, no matter who they are. The fact that she sounds

crazy is beside the point.

Any action you take is going to be viewed through the negative lens your FOO

already has about you. Telling your dad's FOO that she's getting married, they

aren't invited, etc. is just stirring up a very ugly pot - and eventually it

will become clear that you are the culprit who " dropped the dime " with the news.

At that point, your sister and your mom's family will have " evidence " against

you, and I don't think it will endear you to the dishrag's family, either -

you'll just be the person they associate with the information.

So I'd say erect your boundaries, stand your ground, be somewhere else on the

wedding day if you need to. But don't meddle. Let her make her own mess and be

hoist on her own petard. The farther away you stay from all this drama, the

less mud will get splattered on you.

Me, I'd join the Peace Corps or something.

>

[Guest guest]

LB - Not that you asked, but something you said in your last response kind of

bothered me -

You said you're going to call dishrag's family and tell them about the wedding.

My question is, why? I get that they're the ones who like you, but IMO this is

stirring a pot that doesn't belong to you. Really, you gotta watch some

episodes of " Bridezillas. " No good deed ever goes unpunished when there's a

lunatic in a wedding dress running amok.

You have EVERY right to decline your sister's " request " (ha! more like a

demand)that you be her maid of honor.

Your have EVERY right to decline the invitation to her wedding, and to give her

any excuse you like, or no excuse at all.

But that's where your rights end. This is her wedding. She gets to invite - or

exclude - whomever she wants, no matter who they are. The fact that she sounds

crazy is beside the point.

Any action you take is going to be viewed through the negative lens your FOO

already has about you. Telling your dad's FOO that she's getting married, they

aren't invited, etc. is just stirring up a very ugly pot - and eventually it

will become clear that you are the culprit who " dropped the dime " with the news.

At that point, your sister and your mom's family will have " evidence " against

you, and I don't think it will endear you to the dishrag's family, either -

you'll just be the person they associate with the information.

So I'd say erect your boundaries, stand your ground, be somewhere else on the

wedding day if you need to. But don't meddle. Let her make her own mess and be

hoist on her own petard. The farther away you stay from all this drama, the

less mud will get splattered on you.

Me, I'd join the Peace Corps or something.

>

[Guest guest]

Hellfireblonde and Thanks for the replies, sorry I am late to respond but

I have been trying to help out my grandma who is ill so I cant always get

on-line.

, I gave thought to what you said and you are very right. I feel bad

keeping this from them because it is their niece/cousin etcetera and I am close

to them but there is enough bad blood already. In fact even on the side who like

me, it could create jealousy, as a few of the aunts are irrationally jealous at

times. I think this is why dishrag finds his wife so normal, he grew up with

that kind of strange environment, but that is besides the point and a whole

nother post ha-ha. Anyway I think you are very correct and hit the nail on the

head. I will tell my little sis no and stay away from the rest of her mess. I

don't need any more witch hunts for my head.

Hellfireblonde I Love when you said ….

" I also have a finely tuned 'guilt trip' radar. It beeps loudly and with

increasing frequency as nada approaches me. It's quite an amazing tool and I

highly recommend it to anyone dealing with a nada, a bridezilla, a

mother-in-law, a begging puppy, or a religious zealot. "

You have already started a no guilt mission statement! You are very creative. I

also think any creature who looks like puss in boots from Shrek could be added

to the list! Ha!

Also it is a bit sticky with my sister how to tell her because I went to her

work to see her and then she asked me. So I drove for 1 hour to visit her and

bring her a piece of celebration cake for her engagement and flowers from my

garden. Then she asked me, I didn't want to say no then and there because I

didn't want to cause a scene so ever since then I have been thinking how can I

say no? AHH! Tricky! But I will find a way. I think today I will bit the bullet

and give her a call.

Thanks for all the support this has not been fun. I truly appreciate all the

honest feedback and advice.

LB

>

>

> LB - Not that you asked, but something you said in your last response kind of

bothered me -

>

> You said you're going to call dishrag's family and tell them about the

wedding. My question is, why? I get that they're the ones who like you, but

IMO this is stirring a pot that doesn't belong to you. Really, you gotta watch

some episodes of " Bridezillas. " No good deed ever goes unpunished when there's

a lunatic in a wedding dress running amok.

>

> You have EVERY right to decline your sister's " request " (ha! more like a

demand)that you be her maid of honor.

>

> Your have EVERY right to decline the invitation to her wedding, and to give

her any excuse you like, or no excuse at all.

>

> But that's where your rights end. This is her wedding. She gets to invite -

or exclude - whomever she wants, no matter who they are. The fact that she

sounds crazy is beside the point.

>

> Any action you take is going to be viewed through the negative lens your FOO

already has about you. Telling your dad's FOO that she's getting married, they

aren't invited, etc. is just stirring up a very ugly pot - and eventually it

will become clear that you are the culprit who " dropped the dime " with the news.

At that point, your sister and your mom's family will have " evidence " against

you, and I don't think it will endear you to the dishrag's family, either -

you'll just be the person they associate with the information.

>

> So I'd say erect your boundaries, stand your ground, be somewhere else on the

wedding day if you need to. But don't meddle. Let her make her own mess and be

hoist on her own petard. The farther away you stay from all this drama, the

less mud will get splattered on you.

>

> Me, I'd join the Peace Corps or something.

>

>

> >

>