Re: Need help with family issue...

[Guest guest]

Think about what would it be like for you to tell them that it sometimes hurts your feelings when you feel like they are not listening to you (ie. talking over you)?  what would you want to tell them?  (PS-usually " mad " feelings are hurt feelings!)

 

How do you handle it when you need to tell people that you love very much (and you know they love you back the same way) that the way they are treating you and talking to you is hurtful? I am positive they are not doing it deliberately and it's not really big stuff but it still gets to me. Examples would be constantly " talking over " me; I can hardly ever finish a sentence or thought, or being told I'm way too sensitive, to mention just a couple. The end result is that when we visit I usually keep quiet… this is not a good thing as I am usually a strong spirited woman, but, they are family… and I love 'em.

Is it enough to realize that this treatment is the cause of some of my eating problems or do I have to confront them about it in order to solve the problem? This is the first time I have actually acknowledged that this is one of the things bothering me. It came up after my first binge since starting IE. I " sat " with my feelings and for the first time in my life, realized I was mad … at my family!

What are your thoughts?

-- Sue on FritzCheck out my blogs at: http://alifeofbooks.blogspot.com/http://suesresearch.blogspot.com

http://suesretirementmusings.blogspot.com/Check out my books on Goodreads: <

[Guest guest]

Think about what would it be like for you to tell them that it sometimes hurts your feelings when you feel like they are not listening to you (ie. talking over you)?  what would you want to tell them?  (PS-usually " mad " feelings are hurt feelings!)

 

How do you handle it when you need to tell people that you love very much (and you know they love you back the same way) that the way they are treating you and talking to you is hurtful? I am positive they are not doing it deliberately and it's not really big stuff but it still gets to me. Examples would be constantly " talking over " me; I can hardly ever finish a sentence or thought, or being told I'm way too sensitive, to mention just a couple. The end result is that when we visit I usually keep quiet… this is not a good thing as I am usually a strong spirited woman, but, they are family… and I love 'em.

Is it enough to realize that this treatment is the cause of some of my eating problems or do I have to confront them about it in order to solve the problem? This is the first time I have actually acknowledged that this is one of the things bothering me. It came up after my first binge since starting IE. I " sat " with my feelings and for the first time in my life, realized I was mad … at my family!

What are your thoughts?

-- Sue on FritzCheck out my blogs at: http://alifeofbooks.blogspot.com/http://suesresearch.blogspot.com

http://suesretirementmusings.blogspot.com/Check out my books on Goodreads: <

[Guest guest]

For me, it depends on a lot of factors including who's doing it, what I think

their motivation is, and my mood.

For example, I was at a party once with several women who were the type that

just always had to be the center of attention. That evening, I felt fine and

didn't particularly feel the need to compete with them for conversation space,

so I just let them go at it. After what must have been hours of these two

dominating the conversation, one of them looked at me and said they didn't feel

like they knew me very well because I was so quiet. I felt like going " Well, if

you'd just shut up so someone else could talk, maybe you'd get to know me! " LOL.

But honestly, I didn't care that much. They weren't important to me and so I

was fine to just sit back with my wine and let them go at it. It was sort of

like an interesting social experiment to just observe these two women suck up

all the attention in the room like a black hole.

Now, I have a co-worker who also does this. She's the kind who, when you're

explaining a problem, she's giving you suggestions to " solve " the problem before

you've even finished the sentence. She doesn't even know what the problem is

because you can't get it out before she's going! Or you can't even finish a

story because she's interrupting you and taking the conversation off on a

different tangent before you're done. She doesn't do this out of malice, it's

really just the way she is. I watch her do it with her partner, too. They do

it to each other! And she comes from a large family. Maybe it was just what

you had to do to get noticed in her family. Who knows?

Again, how I deal with her sort of depends on my mood. If the subject isn't

particularly important to me or I just don't feel like battling it, I'll let it

slide. But there are definitely times when I pipe up and go " I'm not done!

Will you let me finish! " And she definitely backs down. She doesn't take

offense, I think she just considers it being straight forward. And in those

instances, I feel better because I'm able to say whatever it is that's important

to me.

Don't know about you, but I find that when I want to speak up but don't, it's

usually because I'm afraid of what someone will think of me if I take a stand.

In most instances, if they're not interrupting on purpose, they're not aware of

what they're doing and are not going to be offended if you politely, but firmly,

just make yourself heard. If they are doing it on purpose, then it's that much

more important that you stand your ground. Not only so people aren't allowed to

walk all over you (I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Phil, but I do believe that his

saying " You teach people how to treat you " is accurate), but also because if

you're anything like me, it's the times when I feel like I've allowed people to

walk all over me that just eat at me endlessly and erode my self-esteem. So

it's as important that I show *myself* that I can stand up for myself as it is

that I show others.

It gets easier the more you do it. And, all the awful scenarios you imagine in

your head about hurt feelings or tears or anger (or whatever your particular

doomsday scenario may be), are guaranteed to be far worse in your head than they

will be in reality. That's if, in fact, anything bad at all happens. For me,

nine times out of ten, it ends up being a non-issue. And the tenth time, when

it is an issue, I still feel better about having expressed myself than I do when

I feel I've allowed people to take me for granted.

Josie

New posts up @ www.artofintuitiveliving.blogspot.com

>

>

> How do you handle it when you need to tell people that you love very

> much (and you know they love you back the same way) that the way they

> are treating you and talking to you is hurtful? I am positive they are

> not doing it deliberately and it's not really big stuff but it still

> gets to me. Examples would be constantly " talking over " me; I

> can hardly ever finish a sentence or thought, or being told I'm way

> too sensitive, to mention just a couple. The end result is that when we

> visit I usually keep quiet… this is not a good thing as I am usually

> a strong spirited woman, but, they are family… and I love 'em.

>

>

>

> Is it enough to realize that this treatment is the cause of some of my

> eating problems or do I have to confront them about it in order to solve

> the problem? This is the first time I have actually acknowledged that

> this is one of the things bothering me. It came up after my first binge

> since starting IE. I " sat " with my feelings and for the first

> time in my life, realized I was mad … at my family!

>

>

>

> What are your thoughts?

>

[Guest guest]

For me, it depends on a lot of factors including who's doing it, what I think

their motivation is, and my mood.

For example, I was at a party once with several women who were the type that

just always had to be the center of attention. That evening, I felt fine and

didn't particularly feel the need to compete with them for conversation space,

so I just let them go at it. After what must have been hours of these two

dominating the conversation, one of them looked at me and said they didn't feel

like they knew me very well because I was so quiet. I felt like going " Well, if

you'd just shut up so someone else could talk, maybe you'd get to know me! " LOL.

But honestly, I didn't care that much. They weren't important to me and so I

was fine to just sit back with my wine and let them go at it. It was sort of

like an interesting social experiment to just observe these two women suck up

all the attention in the room like a black hole.

Now, I have a co-worker who also does this. She's the kind who, when you're

explaining a problem, she's giving you suggestions to " solve " the problem before

you've even finished the sentence. She doesn't even know what the problem is

because you can't get it out before she's going! Or you can't even finish a

story because she's interrupting you and taking the conversation off on a

different tangent before you're done. She doesn't do this out of malice, it's

really just the way she is. I watch her do it with her partner, too. They do

it to each other! And she comes from a large family. Maybe it was just what

you had to do to get noticed in her family. Who knows?

Again, how I deal with her sort of depends on my mood. If the subject isn't

particularly important to me or I just don't feel like battling it, I'll let it

slide. But there are definitely times when I pipe up and go " I'm not done!

Will you let me finish! " And she definitely backs down. She doesn't take

offense, I think she just considers it being straight forward. And in those

instances, I feel better because I'm able to say whatever it is that's important

to me.

Don't know about you, but I find that when I want to speak up but don't, it's

usually because I'm afraid of what someone will think of me if I take a stand.

In most instances, if they're not interrupting on purpose, they're not aware of

what they're doing and are not going to be offended if you politely, but firmly,

just make yourself heard. If they are doing it on purpose, then it's that much

more important that you stand your ground. Not only so people aren't allowed to

walk all over you (I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Phil, but I do believe that his

saying " You teach people how to treat you " is accurate), but also because if

you're anything like me, it's the times when I feel like I've allowed people to

walk all over me that just eat at me endlessly and erode my self-esteem. So

it's as important that I show *myself* that I can stand up for myself as it is

that I show others.

It gets easier the more you do it. And, all the awful scenarios you imagine in

your head about hurt feelings or tears or anger (or whatever your particular

doomsday scenario may be), are guaranteed to be far worse in your head than they

will be in reality. That's if, in fact, anything bad at all happens. For me,

nine times out of ten, it ends up being a non-issue. And the tenth time, when

it is an issue, I still feel better about having expressed myself than I do when

I feel I've allowed people to take me for granted.

Josie

New posts up @ www.artofintuitiveliving.blogspot.com

>

>

> How do you handle it when you need to tell people that you love very

> much (and you know they love you back the same way) that the way they

> are treating you and talking to you is hurtful? I am positive they are

> not doing it deliberately and it's not really big stuff but it still

> gets to me. Examples would be constantly " talking over " me; I

> can hardly ever finish a sentence or thought, or being told I'm way

> too sensitive, to mention just a couple. The end result is that when we

> visit I usually keep quiet… this is not a good thing as I am usually

> a strong spirited woman, but, they are family… and I love 'em.

>

>

>

> Is it enough to realize that this treatment is the cause of some of my

> eating problems or do I have to confront them about it in order to solve

> the problem? This is the first time I have actually acknowledged that

> this is one of the things bothering me. It came up after my first binge

> since starting IE. I " sat " with my feelings and for the first

> time in my life, realized I was mad … at my family!

>

>

>

> What are your thoughts?

>

[Guest guest]

For me, it depends on a lot of factors including who's doing it, what I think

their motivation is, and my mood.

For example, I was at a party once with several women who were the type that

just always had to be the center of attention. That evening, I felt fine and

didn't particularly feel the need to compete with them for conversation space,

so I just let them go at it. After what must have been hours of these two

dominating the conversation, one of them looked at me and said they didn't feel

like they knew me very well because I was so quiet. I felt like going " Well, if

you'd just shut up so someone else could talk, maybe you'd get to know me! " LOL.

But honestly, I didn't care that much. They weren't important to me and so I

was fine to just sit back with my wine and let them go at it. It was sort of

like an interesting social experiment to just observe these two women suck up

all the attention in the room like a black hole.

Now, I have a co-worker who also does this. She's the kind who, when you're

explaining a problem, she's giving you suggestions to " solve " the problem before

you've even finished the sentence. She doesn't even know what the problem is

because you can't get it out before she's going! Or you can't even finish a

story because she's interrupting you and taking the conversation off on a

different tangent before you're done. She doesn't do this out of malice, it's

really just the way she is. I watch her do it with her partner, too. They do

it to each other! And she comes from a large family. Maybe it was just what

you had to do to get noticed in her family. Who knows?

Again, how I deal with her sort of depends on my mood. If the subject isn't

particularly important to me or I just don't feel like battling it, I'll let it

slide. But there are definitely times when I pipe up and go " I'm not done!

Will you let me finish! " And she definitely backs down. She doesn't take

offense, I think she just considers it being straight forward. And in those

instances, I feel better because I'm able to say whatever it is that's important

to me.

Don't know about you, but I find that when I want to speak up but don't, it's

usually because I'm afraid of what someone will think of me if I take a stand.

In most instances, if they're not interrupting on purpose, they're not aware of

what they're doing and are not going to be offended if you politely, but firmly,

just make yourself heard. If they are doing it on purpose, then it's that much

more important that you stand your ground. Not only so people aren't allowed to

walk all over you (I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Phil, but I do believe that his

saying " You teach people how to treat you " is accurate), but also because if

you're anything like me, it's the times when I feel like I've allowed people to

walk all over me that just eat at me endlessly and erode my self-esteem. So

it's as important that I show *myself* that I can stand up for myself as it is

that I show others.

It gets easier the more you do it. And, all the awful scenarios you imagine in

your head about hurt feelings or tears or anger (or whatever your particular

doomsday scenario may be), are guaranteed to be far worse in your head than they

will be in reality. That's if, in fact, anything bad at all happens. For me,

nine times out of ten, it ends up being a non-issue. And the tenth time, when

it is an issue, I still feel better about having expressed myself than I do when

I feel I've allowed people to take me for granted.

Josie

New posts up @ www.artofintuitiveliving.blogspot.com

>

>

> How do you handle it when you need to tell people that you love very

> much (and you know they love you back the same way) that the way they

> are treating you and talking to you is hurtful? I am positive they are

> not doing it deliberately and it's not really big stuff but it still

> gets to me. Examples would be constantly " talking over " me; I

> can hardly ever finish a sentence or thought, or being told I'm way

> too sensitive, to mention just a couple. The end result is that when we

> visit I usually keep quiet… this is not a good thing as I am usually

> a strong spirited woman, but, they are family… and I love 'em.

>

>

>

> Is it enough to realize that this treatment is the cause of some of my

> eating problems or do I have to confront them about it in order to solve

> the problem? This is the first time I have actually acknowledged that

> this is one of the things bothering me. It came up after my first binge

> since starting IE. I " sat " with my feelings and for the first

> time in my life, realized I was mad … at my family!

>

>

>

> What are your thoughts?

>