Re: URGENT.....Advice Needed Please

[Guest guest]

Clair, I know this is so hard for you, and yes that was a very awkward and

terrible conversation to say the least. But your mom will not ask you about

yourself because she just cares about her own little world and herself and

that's it. She may be angry with you if she no longer views you as a piece of

herself. So she won't give a crap about you because you are no longer " a piece

of her " or a pawn in her little game. It's so hard to imagine this, I know.

I could never imagine not caring for my children, or husband or friends or

viewing them as extensions of myself, but I am not wack-o and neither are you.

You are capable of loving. And it is totally normal to ask how is the wedding

going? How is the little one? It is totally un-normal to act like she has no

clue who you are and not care.

Feel better Clair we are all in this together and there are people here who

understand what you are going through and care about you. LB

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very very

> guilty.

>

> I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I have

> spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was getting

> married etc.

>

> I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on my

> wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the conversation.......

>

> Me - Hi Mum

> Nada - Is that you

> Me - Yes, how are you?

> Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to work

so

> busy etc.

> Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me etc)

> Me - Even longer pause

> Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

> Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today, Jack

> (my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little bugger.

> Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is the

> perfect time for her to ask about my son )

> Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

> Me - Ok then I best go

> Nada - Ok bye

>

> So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe it,

I

> think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

>

> Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I feel

> like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are you ok

> etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she wants.

>

> Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me

calling

> totally abnormal behaviour??

>

> I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

>

> Thanks

> xxx

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Clair, I know this is so hard for you, and yes that was a very awkward and

terrible conversation to say the least. But your mom will not ask you about

yourself because she just cares about her own little world and herself and

that's it. She may be angry with you if she no longer views you as a piece of

herself. So she won't give a crap about you because you are no longer " a piece

of her " or a pawn in her little game. It's so hard to imagine this, I know.

I could never imagine not caring for my children, or husband or friends or

viewing them as extensions of myself, but I am not wack-o and neither are you.

You are capable of loving. And it is totally normal to ask how is the wedding

going? How is the little one? It is totally un-normal to act like she has no

clue who you are and not care.

Feel better Clair we are all in this together and there are people here who

understand what you are going through and care about you. LB

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very very

> guilty.

>

> I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I have

> spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was getting

> married etc.

>

> I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on my

> wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the conversation.......

>

> Me - Hi Mum

> Nada - Is that you

> Me - Yes, how are you?

> Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to work

so

> busy etc.

> Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me etc)

> Me - Even longer pause

> Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

> Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today, Jack

> (my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little bugger.

> Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is the

> perfect time for her to ask about my son )

> Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

> Me - Ok then I best go

> Nada - Ok bye

>

> So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe it,

I

> think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

>

> Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I feel

> like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are you ok

> etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she wants.

>

> Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me

calling

> totally abnormal behaviour??

>

> I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

>

> Thanks

> xxx

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Clair, I know this is so hard for you, and yes that was a very awkward and

terrible conversation to say the least. But your mom will not ask you about

yourself because she just cares about her own little world and herself and

that's it. She may be angry with you if she no longer views you as a piece of

herself. So she won't give a crap about you because you are no longer " a piece

of her " or a pawn in her little game. It's so hard to imagine this, I know.

I could never imagine not caring for my children, or husband or friends or

viewing them as extensions of myself, but I am not wack-o and neither are you.

You are capable of loving. And it is totally normal to ask how is the wedding

going? How is the little one? It is totally un-normal to act like she has no

clue who you are and not care.

Feel better Clair we are all in this together and there are people here who

understand what you are going through and care about you. LB

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very very

> guilty.

>

> I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I have

> spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was getting

> married etc.

>

> I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on my

> wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the conversation.......

>

> Me - Hi Mum

> Nada - Is that you

> Me - Yes, how are you?

> Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to work

so

> busy etc.

> Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me etc)

> Me - Even longer pause

> Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

> Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today, Jack

> (my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little bugger.

> Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is the

> perfect time for her to ask about my son )

> Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

> Me - Ok then I best go

> Nada - Ok bye

>

> So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe it,

I

> think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

>

> Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I feel

> like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are you ok

> etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she wants.

>

> Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me

calling

> totally abnormal behaviour??

>

> I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

>

> Thanks

> xxx

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It hurts, sweetie. My nada has done similar to me. Its not your fault your

mom is BPD. And you deserve much much much better.

Just don't call her again, okay? You wanted to check and see if she is still

a " douche " and she is. NC NC NC forever - right? That's my personal slogan.

Tell us about your wedding!!! We are the ones who want to know!!! And how is

your little boy. I bet he is just great without Nada. He's better off and so

are you.

I'm sorry. Your nada sucks - there are little things you can do to help -

like make a sculpture, write a poem, write a song. . . or best of all show

her how its done as you raise your own child.

I'm sorry, I wish I could make it not hurt. I'll tell you what, I remember

when I was still poking at the wounds to see if nada would be a mother to me

if I tried this or if I tried that. . . - she wouldn't, and it broke my

heart!!!

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 2:54 PM, faerydancing96 wrote:

>

>

> Clair, I know this is so hard for you, and yes that was a very awkward and

> terrible conversation to say the least. But your mom will not ask you about

> yourself because she just cares about her own little world and herself and

> that's it. She may be angry with you if she no longer views you as a piece

> of herself. So she won't give a crap about you because you are no longer " a

> piece of her " or a pawn in her little game. It's so hard to imagine this, I

> know.

>

> I could never imagine not caring for my children, or husband or friends or

> viewing them as extensions of myself, but I am not wack-o and neither are

> you. You are capable of loving. And it is totally normal to ask how is the

> wedding going? How is the little one? It is totally un-normal to act like

> she has no clue who you are and not care.

>

> Feel better Clair we are all in this together and there are people here who

> understand what you are going through and care about you. LB

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi All,

> >

> > I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very

> very

> > guilty.

> >

> > I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I

> have

> > spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was

> getting

> > married etc.

> >

> > I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on

> my

> > wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the

> conversation.......

> >

> > Me - Hi Mum

> > Nada - Is that you

> > Me - Yes, how are you?

> > Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to

> work so

> > busy etc.

> > Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me

> etc)

> > Me - Even longer pause

> > Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

> > Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today,

> Jack

> > (my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little

> bugger.

> > Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is

> the

> > perfect time for her to ask about my son )

> > Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

> > Me - Ok then I best go

> > Nada - Ok bye

> >

> > So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe

> it, I

> > think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

> >

> > Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I

> feel

> > like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are

> you ok

> > etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she

> wants.

> >

> > Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me

> calling

> > totally abnormal behaviour??

> >

> > I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

> >

> > Thanks

> > xxx

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

It hurts, sweetie. My nada has done similar to me. Its not your fault your

mom is BPD. And you deserve much much much better.

Just don't call her again, okay? You wanted to check and see if she is still

a " douche " and she is. NC NC NC forever - right? That's my personal slogan.

Tell us about your wedding!!! We are the ones who want to know!!! And how is

your little boy. I bet he is just great without Nada. He's better off and so

are you.

I'm sorry. Your nada sucks - there are little things you can do to help -

like make a sculpture, write a poem, write a song. . . or best of all show

her how its done as you raise your own child.

I'm sorry, I wish I could make it not hurt. I'll tell you what, I remember

when I was still poking at the wounds to see if nada would be a mother to me

if I tried this or if I tried that. . . - she wouldn't, and it broke my

heart!!!

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 2:54 PM, faerydancing96 wrote:

>

>

> Clair, I know this is so hard for you, and yes that was a very awkward and

> terrible conversation to say the least. But your mom will not ask you about

> yourself because she just cares about her own little world and herself and

> that's it. She may be angry with you if she no longer views you as a piece

> of herself. So she won't give a crap about you because you are no longer " a

> piece of her " or a pawn in her little game. It's so hard to imagine this, I

> know.

>

> I could never imagine not caring for my children, or husband or friends or

> viewing them as extensions of myself, but I am not wack-o and neither are

> you. You are capable of loving. And it is totally normal to ask how is the

> wedding going? How is the little one? It is totally un-normal to act like

> she has no clue who you are and not care.

>

> Feel better Clair we are all in this together and there are people here who

> understand what you are going through and care about you. LB

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi All,

> >

> > I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very

> very

> > guilty.

> >

> > I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I

> have

> > spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was

> getting

> > married etc.

> >

> > I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on

> my

> > wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the

> conversation.......

> >

> > Me - Hi Mum

> > Nada - Is that you

> > Me - Yes, how are you?

> > Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to

> work so

> > busy etc.

> > Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me

> etc)

> > Me - Even longer pause

> > Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

> > Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today,

> Jack

> > (my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little

> bugger.

> > Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is

> the

> > perfect time for her to ask about my son )

> > Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

> > Me - Ok then I best go

> > Nada - Ok bye

> >

> > So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe

> it, I

> > think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

> >

> > Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I

> feel

> > like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are

> you ok

> > etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she

> wants.

> >

> > Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me

> calling

> > totally abnormal behaviour??

> >

> > I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

> >

> > Thanks

> > xxx

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

It hurts, sweetie. My nada has done similar to me. Its not your fault your

mom is BPD. And you deserve much much much better.

Just don't call her again, okay? You wanted to check and see if she is still

a " douche " and she is. NC NC NC forever - right? That's my personal slogan.

Tell us about your wedding!!! We are the ones who want to know!!! And how is

your little boy. I bet he is just great without Nada. He's better off and so

are you.

I'm sorry. Your nada sucks - there are little things you can do to help -

like make a sculpture, write a poem, write a song. . . or best of all show

her how its done as you raise your own child.

I'm sorry, I wish I could make it not hurt. I'll tell you what, I remember

when I was still poking at the wounds to see if nada would be a mother to me

if I tried this or if I tried that. . . - she wouldn't, and it broke my

heart!!!

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 2:54 PM, faerydancing96 wrote:

>

>

> Clair, I know this is so hard for you, and yes that was a very awkward and

> terrible conversation to say the least. But your mom will not ask you about

> yourself because she just cares about her own little world and herself and

> that's it. She may be angry with you if she no longer views you as a piece

> of herself. So she won't give a crap about you because you are no longer " a

> piece of her " or a pawn in her little game. It's so hard to imagine this, I

> know.

>

> I could never imagine not caring for my children, or husband or friends or

> viewing them as extensions of myself, but I am not wack-o and neither are

> you. You are capable of loving. And it is totally normal to ask how is the

> wedding going? How is the little one? It is totally un-normal to act like

> she has no clue who you are and not care.

>

> Feel better Clair we are all in this together and there are people here who

> understand what you are going through and care about you. LB

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi All,

> >

> > I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very

> very

> > guilty.

> >

> > I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I

> have

> > spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was

> getting

> > married etc.

> >

> > I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on

> my

> > wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the

> conversation.......

> >

> > Me - Hi Mum

> > Nada - Is that you

> > Me - Yes, how are you?

> > Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to

> work so

> > busy etc.

> > Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me

> etc)

> > Me - Even longer pause

> > Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

> > Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today,

> Jack

> > (my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little

> bugger.

> > Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is

> the

> > perfect time for her to ask about my son )

> > Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

> > Me - Ok then I best go

> > Nada - Ok bye

> >

> > So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe

> it, I

> > think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

> >

> > Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I

> feel

> > like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are

> you ok

> > etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she

> wants.

> >

> > Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me

> calling

> > totally abnormal behaviour??

> >

> > I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

> >

> > Thanks

> > xxx

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

So sorry for all the pain.

It sounds like your mother was punishing you, in a way, by not asking about your

life or her grandson's. Very petty of her. It's all her way or there'll be

nothing from her for you or your family.

I know how you feel; I know my mother is self-absorbed, manipulative, and

childish, but I'm still floored sometimes by it.

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very very

> guilty.

>

> I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I have

> spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was getting

> married etc.

>

> I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on my

> wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the conversation.......

>

> Me - Hi Mum

> Nada - Is that you

> Me - Yes, how are you?

> Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to work

so

> busy etc.

> Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me etc)

> Me - Even longer pause

> Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

> Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today, Jack

> (my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little bugger.

> Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is the

> perfect time for her to ask about my son )

> Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

> Me - Ok then I best go

> Nada - Ok bye

>

> So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe it,

I

> think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

>

> Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I feel

> like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are you ok

> etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she wants.

>

> Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me

calling

> totally abnormal behaviour??

>

> I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

>

> Thanks

> xxx

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So sorry for all the pain.

It sounds like your mother was punishing you, in a way, by not asking about your

life or her grandson's. Very petty of her. It's all her way or there'll be

nothing from her for you or your family.

I know how you feel; I know my mother is self-absorbed, manipulative, and

childish, but I'm still floored sometimes by it.

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very very

> guilty.

>

> I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I have

> spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was getting

> married etc.

>

> I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on my

> wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the conversation.......

>

> Me - Hi Mum

> Nada - Is that you

> Me - Yes, how are you?

> Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to work

so

> busy etc.

> Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me etc)

> Me - Even longer pause

> Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

> Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today, Jack

> (my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little bugger.

> Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is the

> perfect time for her to ask about my son )

> Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

> Me - Ok then I best go

> Nada - Ok bye

>

> So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe it,

I

> think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

>

> Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I feel

> like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are you ok

> etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she wants.

>

> Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me

calling

> totally abnormal behaviour??

>

> I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

>

> Thanks

> xxx

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So sorry for all the pain.

It sounds like your mother was punishing you, in a way, by not asking about your

life or her grandson's. Very petty of her. It's all her way or there'll be

nothing from her for you or your family.

I know how you feel; I know my mother is self-absorbed, manipulative, and

childish, but I'm still floored sometimes by it.

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very very

> guilty.

>

> I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I have

> spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was getting

> married etc.

>

> I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on my

> wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the conversation.......

>

> Me - Hi Mum

> Nada - Is that you

> Me - Yes, how are you?

> Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to work

so

> busy etc.

> Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me etc)

> Me - Even longer pause

> Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

> Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today, Jack

> (my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little bugger.

> Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is the

> perfect time for her to ask about my son )

> Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

> Me - Ok then I best go

> Nada - Ok bye

>

> So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe it,

I

> think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

>

> Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I feel

> like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are you ok

> etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she wants.

>

> Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me

calling

> totally abnormal behaviour??

>

> I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

>

> Thanks

> xxx

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I do understand your frustration and hurt. Many people, if not all, have gone

through this same scenario over and over again. That's why we're here.

I'll give you my most recent example. My daughter had a child in March, our

first grandchild, my nada's first great grandchild. I know she doesn't like kids

but I thought this might be a little interesting for her. To make a long story

short we were finally able to surprise my nada by having our daughter and her (4

month old) son meet us at a restaurant. My nada didn't even recognize my

daughter and showed little interest in the baby. Even when we did point it out

who they were, she got snippy and said, " See, I didn't even recognize her; what

does that tell you? She never comes to visit. " Hmmmm, Let's see: daughter was

very sick in beginning of pregnancy, almost lost the baby, had to be on bed rest

the whole time with 2 months in the hospital. Baby was born 2-3 weeks early, had

stomach problems and cried a lot which I know nada hates noisy kids. So yes,

it's been awhile. During the whole lunch the baby was extremely quiet, my nada

talked non-stop about herself and her trials and illnesses. That was the big

moment of seeing her great grandchild. Asked no questions, didn't want to hold

him or anything. She won't be seeing him again. Screw her!

I think it sucks that our own parent can't care about us even the least bit.

Mine will tell me not to die because she says " what will I do!? " Again, thinking

of herself. I don't have any great advice. As you can see, I'm not happy with my

own nada. All I can do is live my own life and expect nothing from her. Even a

birthday card is too much to ask from her. So I just don't. I have my husband

and kids and lots of normal friends. I'll spend time with them. At least they

care.

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very very

> guilty.

>

> I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I have

> spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was getting

> married etc.

>

> I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on my

> wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the conversation.......

>

> Me - Hi Mum

> Nada - Is that you

> Me - Yes, how are you?

> Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to work

so

> busy etc.

> Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me etc)

> Me - Even longer pause

> Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

> Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today, Jack

> (my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little bugger.

> Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is the

> perfect time for her to ask about my son )

> Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

> Me - Ok then I best go

> Nada - Ok bye

>

> So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe it,

I

> think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

>

> Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I feel

> like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are you ok

> etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she wants.

>

> Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me

calling

> totally abnormal behaviour??

>

> I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

>

> Thanks

> xxx

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I do understand your frustration and hurt. Many people, if not all, have gone

through this same scenario over and over again. That's why we're here.

I'll give you my most recent example. My daughter had a child in March, our

first grandchild, my nada's first great grandchild. I know she doesn't like kids

but I thought this might be a little interesting for her. To make a long story

short we were finally able to surprise my nada by having our daughter and her (4

month old) son meet us at a restaurant. My nada didn't even recognize my

daughter and showed little interest in the baby. Even when we did point it out

who they were, she got snippy and said, " See, I didn't even recognize her; what

does that tell you? She never comes to visit. " Hmmmm, Let's see: daughter was

very sick in beginning of pregnancy, almost lost the baby, had to be on bed rest

the whole time with 2 months in the hospital. Baby was born 2-3 weeks early, had

stomach problems and cried a lot which I know nada hates noisy kids. So yes,

it's been awhile. During the whole lunch the baby was extremely quiet, my nada

talked non-stop about herself and her trials and illnesses. That was the big

moment of seeing her great grandchild. Asked no questions, didn't want to hold

him or anything. She won't be seeing him again. Screw her!

I think it sucks that our own parent can't care about us even the least bit.

Mine will tell me not to die because she says " what will I do!? " Again, thinking

of herself. I don't have any great advice. As you can see, I'm not happy with my

own nada. All I can do is live my own life and expect nothing from her. Even a

birthday card is too much to ask from her. So I just don't. I have my husband

and kids and lots of normal friends. I'll spend time with them. At least they

care.

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very very

> guilty.

>

> I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I have

> spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was getting

> married etc.

>

> I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on my

> wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the conversation.......

>

> Me - Hi Mum

> Nada - Is that you

> Me - Yes, how are you?

> Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to work

so

> busy etc.

> Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me etc)

> Me - Even longer pause

> Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

> Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today, Jack

> (my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little bugger.

> Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is the

> perfect time for her to ask about my son )

> Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

> Me - Ok then I best go

> Nada - Ok bye

>

> So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe it,

I

> think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

>

> Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I feel

> like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are you ok

> etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she wants.

>

> Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me

calling

> totally abnormal behaviour??

>

> I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

>

> Thanks

> xxx

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I agree, your nada's stance was very neutral and detached, as though you are an

acquaintance. It does feel like she's taken the position that if you want a

relationship with her and with your sister, it has to be on nada's terms only.

No compromises, its either all her way or nothing, and sister is on board with

that.

That is very sad and frustrating, to be cut out of the family for standing up

for yourself. It is hard; I too feel for your pain.

-Annie

>

> So sorry for all the pain.

>

> It sounds like your mother was punishing you, in a way, by not asking about

your life or her grandson's. Very petty of her. It's all her way or there'll be

nothing from her for you or your family.

>

> I know how you feel; I know my mother is self-absorbed, manipulative, and

childish, but I'm still floored sometimes by it.

>