Guest guest Posted August 22, 2010 Report Share Posted August 22, 2010 I found this article on BPD: http://www.biologicalunhappiness.com/office/htm/bpd.htm The writer has some valid points, but goes on to say that people with BPD don't " want " their disorder. I have a hard time with this. People with BPD don't want to ADMIT they have the disorder is much more believable. If I was diagnosed with cancer, I'd have treatment. If I had diabetes, I'd go to the doctor. If I had BPD, I'd get help. So why didn't my mother get help? Because a) she wouldn't admit she needed help and she obviously didn't love her children enough to protect them from her own problems. It's that last one that really bothers me most. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2010 Report Share Posted August 22, 2010 Hmm, okay, after reading this, it sounds like it was written by a doc who treats BPDs. Which is great. We need more of them. And I'll tell you, I never wanted migraines or fibromyalgia or premenstral dysphoric disorder, but when I got them, I went to the doctor when I knew I had it and got help. So should the BPD. Whoa, I actually get very angry with people I meet who don't take care of their health or mental health problems. Could this be a nada issue? After all, its probably not my business. But if their anxiety or headaches or other sickness interfere with my ability to do my job, then I think they should get off their ass and go to a damn doctor. . . ha ha ha. Issues. So many. On Sun, Aug 22, 2010 at 3:57 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > I also think they don't love their children because they lack a core > identity. And in my nada's case, she wanted to be mentally ill. She owned it > and claimed it. When something came up that she didn't want to deal with, > she would play the " mental illness card. " I can't meet that deadline because > I'm mentally ill. I can't tell you how many times I heard her say that. > > And when I would confront her about her issues, she let me know very > clearly that she loved her issues, she loved the way she had miswired her > brain so that she didn't have to accept responsibility. She loved being > sick. She knew she was sick, and sought treatment to generate sympathy from > others, not to get well. If a doctor gave her pills or even a diagnosis, she > would go back to them. But if they told her she was messed up and needed > counseling, she blackened their name, hated them, and never returned. She > doctor shopped so she could stay sick. Its' her choice to make. And she has > flat out told me many times that she never loved me. And i " m kind of okay > with it now. I'm NC and that really helps. > > Okay, I'll read the article now. > > > >> >> >> Admitting that you have a problem and need treatment requires >> being able to understand that you have a problem. I don't think >> they can do that. I think that most of them really believe that >> there's nothing wrong with them. That's part of what BPD is. As >> far as I can tell, my nada really and truly believes there is >> nothing wrong with her and that other people have all sorts of >> things wrong with them that explain why she has trouble getting >> along with them. I don't think she's acting when she says these >> things. She's too consistent. In general, they're very good at >> believing things that aren't true because they just don't >> experience the world in the same way we do and their brains seem >> good at re-writing their experiences to fit their own version of >> reality. Nada has repeatedly told me that the explanation for my >> sister going NC must be that my sister is bipolar, which she is >> certainly not. No matter how many times I explain the real >> reasons to her, she can't seem to keep them in her head for >> longer than a day or two. Her false version of events just >> creeps right back in. >> >> As for not loving their children their children enough to >> protect them from their own problems I think there are two >> issues there. I don't believe they're capable of love in the way >> the rest of us are. Real love requires caring at least as much >> about someone else as you do about yourself. They just can't do >> that. The whole concept just doesn't make sense to them. Their >> level of emotional maturity is so retarded that they're like a >> very young child who " loves " the people who provide her with the >> things she needs. Combine that with not believing there's >> anything wrong with them, and the idea that their children need >> protecting from them is just not a concept they can understand. >> >> All that being said, I think the article goes too far in >> removing blame from people with BPD. Yes, they're sick and no, >> they didn't ask to be sick, but they still make their own >> choices and some of those choices have terrible results for the >> rest of us. I can't bring myself to believe that they're totally >> blameless. Besides that, some of them are just plain nasty >> people and would almost certainly be nasty with or without BPD. >> BPD just makes it easier for them to act on that nastyness. >> >> >> At 03:49 PM 08/22/2010 Hummingbird1298@...<Hummingbird1298%40aol.com>wrote: >> >I found this article on BPD: >> >http://www.biologicalunhappiness.com/office/htm/bpd.htm >> > >> >The writer has some valid points, but goes on to say that >> >people with BPD don't " want " their disorder. >> > >> >I have a hard time with this. People with BPD don't want to >> >ADMIT they have the disorder is much more believable. >> > >> >If I was diagnosed with cancer, I'd have treatment. If I had >> >diabetes, I'd go to the doctor. If I had BPD, I'd get >> >help. So why didn't my mother get help? Because a) she >> >wouldn't admit she needed help and she obviously didn't love >> >her children enough to protect them from her own problems. >> > >> >It's that last one that really bothers me most. >> > >> > >> >> -- >> Katrina >> >> >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2010 Report Share Posted August 22, 2010 Hmm, okay, after reading this, it sounds like it was written by a doc who treats BPDs. Which is great. We need more of them. And I'll tell you, I never wanted migraines or fibromyalgia or premenstral dysphoric disorder, but when I got them, I went to the doctor when I knew I had it and got help. So should the BPD. Whoa, I actually get very angry with people I meet who don't take care of their health or mental health problems. Could this be a nada issue? After all, its probably not my business. But if their anxiety or headaches or other sickness interfere with my ability to do my job, then I think they should get off their ass and go to a damn doctor. . . ha ha ha. Issues. So many. On Sun, Aug 22, 2010 at 3:57 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > I also think they don't love their children because they lack a core > identity. And in my nada's case, she wanted to be mentally ill. She owned it > and claimed it. When something came up that she didn't want to deal with, > she would play the " mental illness card. " I can't meet that deadline because > I'm mentally ill. I can't tell you how many times I heard her say that. > > And when I would confront her about her issues, she let me know very > clearly that she loved her issues, she loved the way she had miswired her > brain so that she didn't have to accept responsibility. She loved being > sick. She knew she was sick, and sought treatment to generate sympathy from > others, not to get well. If a doctor gave her pills or even a diagnosis, she > would go back to them. But if they told her she was messed up and needed > counseling, she blackened their name, hated them, and never returned. She > doctor shopped so she could stay sick. Its' her choice to make. And she has > flat out told me many times that she never loved me. And i " m kind of okay > with it now. I'm NC and that really helps. > > Okay, I'll read the article now. > > > >> >> >> Admitting that you have a problem and need treatment requires >> being able to understand that you have a problem. I don't think >> they can do that. I think that most of them really believe that >> there's nothing wrong with them. That's part of what BPD is. As >> far as I can tell, my nada really and truly believes there is >> nothing wrong with her and that other people have all sorts of >> things wrong with them that explain why she has trouble getting >> along with them. I don't think she's acting when she says these >> things. She's too consistent. In general, they're very good at >> believing things that aren't true because they just don't >> experience the world in the same way we do and their brains seem >> good at re-writing their experiences to fit their own version of >> reality. Nada has repeatedly told me that the explanation for my >> sister going NC must be that my sister is bipolar, which she is >> certainly not. No matter how many times I explain the real >> reasons to her, she can't seem to keep them in her head for >> longer than a day or two. Her false version of events just >> creeps right back in. >> >> As for not loving their children their children enough to >> protect them from their own problems I think there are two >> issues there. I don't believe they're capable of love in the way >> the rest of us are. Real love requires caring at least as much >> about someone else as you do about yourself. They just can't do >> that. The whole concept just doesn't make sense to them. Their >> level of emotional maturity is so retarded that they're like a >> very young child who " loves " the people who provide her with the >> things she needs. Combine that with not believing there's >> anything wrong with them, and the idea that their children need >> protecting from them is just not a concept they can understand. >> >> All that being said, I think the article goes too far in >> removing blame from people with BPD. Yes, they're sick and no, >> they didn't ask to be sick, but they still make their own >> choices and some of those choices have terrible results for the >> rest of us. I can't bring myself to believe that they're totally >> blameless. Besides that, some of them are just plain nasty >> people and would almost certainly be nasty with or without BPD. >> BPD just makes it easier for them to act on that nastyness. >> >> >> At 03:49 PM 08/22/2010 Hummingbird1298@...<Hummingbird1298%40aol.com>wrote: >> >I found this article on BPD: >> >http://www.biologicalunhappiness.com/office/htm/bpd.htm >> > >> >The writer has some valid points, but goes on to say that >> >people with BPD don't " want " their disorder. >> > >> >I have a hard time with this. People with BPD don't want to >> >ADMIT they have the disorder is much more believable. >> > >> >If I was diagnosed with cancer, I'd have treatment. If I had >> >diabetes, I'd go to the doctor. If I had BPD, I'd get >> >help. So why didn't my mother get help? Because a) she >> >wouldn't admit she needed help and she obviously didn't love >> >her children enough to protect them from her own problems. >> > >> >It's that last one that really bothers me most. >> > >> > >> >> -- >> Katrina >> >> >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2010 Report Share Posted August 22, 2010 Hmm, okay, after reading this, it sounds like it was written by a doc who treats BPDs. Which is great. We need more of them. And I'll tell you, I never wanted migraines or fibromyalgia or premenstral dysphoric disorder, but when I got them, I went to the doctor when I knew I had it and got help. So should the BPD. Whoa, I actually get very angry with people I meet who don't take care of their health or mental health problems. Could this be a nada issue? After all, its probably not my business. But if their anxiety or headaches or other sickness interfere with my ability to do my job, then I think they should get off their ass and go to a damn doctor. . . ha ha ha. Issues. So many. On Sun, Aug 22, 2010 at 3:57 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > I also think they don't love their children because they lack a core > identity. And in my nada's case, she wanted to be mentally ill. She owned it > and claimed it. When something came up that she didn't want to deal with, > she would play the " mental illness card. " I can't meet that deadline because > I'm mentally ill. I can't tell you how many times I heard her say that. > > And when I would confront her about her issues, she let me know very > clearly that she loved her issues, she loved the way she had miswired her > brain so that she didn't have to accept responsibility. She loved being > sick. She knew she was sick, and sought treatment to generate sympathy from > others, not to get well. If a doctor gave her pills or even a diagnosis, she > would go back to them. But if they told her she was messed up and needed > counseling, she blackened their name, hated them, and never returned. She > doctor shopped so she could stay sick. Its' her choice to make. And she has > flat out told me many times that she never loved me. And i " m kind of okay > with it now. I'm NC and that really helps. > > Okay, I'll read the article now. > > > >> >> >> Admitting that you have a problem and need treatment requires >> being able to understand that you have a problem. I don't think >> they can do that. I think that most of them really believe that >> there's nothing wrong with them. That's part of what BPD is. As >> far as I can tell, my nada really and truly believes there is >> nothing wrong with her and that other people have all sorts of >> things wrong with them that explain why she has trouble getting >> along with them. I don't think she's acting when she says these >> things. She's too consistent. In general, they're very good at >> believing things that aren't true because they just don't >> experience the world in the same way we do and their brains seem >> good at re-writing their experiences to fit their own version of >> reality. Nada has repeatedly told me that the explanation for my >> sister going NC must be that my sister is bipolar, which she is >> certainly not. No matter how many times I explain the real >> reasons to her, she can't seem to keep them in her head for >> longer than a day or two. Her false version of events just >> creeps right back in. >> >> As for not loving their children their children enough to >> protect them from their own problems I think there are two >> issues there. I don't believe they're capable of love in the way >> the rest of us are. Real love requires caring at least as much >> about someone else as you do about yourself. They just can't do >> that. The whole concept just doesn't make sense to them. Their >> level of emotional maturity is so retarded that they're like a >> very young child who " loves " the people who provide her with the >> things she needs. Combine that with not believing there's >> anything wrong with them, and the idea that their children need >> protecting from them is just not a concept they can understand. >> >> All that being said, I think the article goes too far in >> removing blame from people with BPD. Yes, they're sick and no, >> they didn't ask to be sick, but they still make their own >> choices and some of those choices have terrible results for the >> rest of us. I can't bring myself to believe that they're totally >> blameless. Besides that, some of them are just plain nasty >> people and would almost certainly be nasty with or without BPD. >> BPD just makes it easier for them to act on that nastyness. >> >> >> At 03:49 PM 08/22/2010 Hummingbird1298@...<Hummingbird1298%40aol.com>wrote: >> >I found this article on BPD: >> >http://www.biologicalunhappiness.com/office/htm/bpd.htm >> > >> >The writer has some valid points, but goes on to say that >> >people with BPD don't " want " their disorder. >> > >> >I have a hard time with this. People with BPD don't want to >> >ADMIT they have the disorder is much more believable. >> > >> >If I was diagnosed with cancer, I'd have treatment. If I had >> >diabetes, I'd go to the doctor. If I had BPD, I'd get >> >help. So why didn't my mother get help? Because a) she >> >wouldn't admit she needed help and she obviously didn't love >> >her children enough to protect them from her own problems. >> > >> >It's that last one that really bothers me most. >> > >> > >> >> -- >> Katrina >> >> >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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