Guest guest Posted August 21, 2010 Report Share Posted August 21, 2010 I am probably not much help because I feel terrified too at times lately. But supposing for a moment she does show up, you have the right to make her leave. Odds are she won't come since she already sent the card/check, but the thing with nadas is they like to keep us on our toes and always surprised. So stay alert but don't let the fear control you. If she comes and is acting all fake calm and nice, you still have the right to make her go. Don't worry what other people think of you, ultimately you know how she really is and why you don't want her there and you don't have to justify that to anybody. And being a grandparent is not a right, it is a privilege, one she has obviously not earned. Good luck. LB > > Hello, > > I am panicking and probably need talked some sense into. Tomorrow is my DDs > birthday as well as her party. I have an increasing feeling of > dread/anxiety that nada will show up sometime tomorrow. Her behavior always > gets more out of control around birthdays/holidays. She is also already out > of control due to the boundaries and NC. I am well prepared to ask her to > leave and call the police. I fear still that she will do something > outrageous. I am also afraid that if she pulls the crying or being calm at > first stuff that I am going to have an argument with others at the party > telling me to let her stay. Nada truly feels that she has a right to " her > grandbabies " as she calls them and therefore has rights to > birthdays/holidays. Hubby thinks that since she mailed the card that is a > good indication she will not show and he may be right but I am still > terrified. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 21, 2010 Report Share Posted August 21, 2010 I am probably not much help because I feel terrified too at times lately. But supposing for a moment she does show up, you have the right to make her leave. Odds are she won't come since she already sent the card/check, but the thing with nadas is they like to keep us on our toes and always surprised. So stay alert but don't let the fear control you. If she comes and is acting all fake calm and nice, you still have the right to make her go. Don't worry what other people think of you, ultimately you know how she really is and why you don't want her there and you don't have to justify that to anybody. And being a grandparent is not a right, it is a privilege, one she has obviously not earned. Good luck. LB > > Hello, > > I am panicking and probably need talked some sense into. Tomorrow is my DDs > birthday as well as her party. I have an increasing feeling of > dread/anxiety that nada will show up sometime tomorrow. Her behavior always > gets more out of control around birthdays/holidays. She is also already out > of control due to the boundaries and NC. I am well prepared to ask her to > leave and call the police. I fear still that she will do something > outrageous. I am also afraid that if she pulls the crying or being calm at > first stuff that I am going to have an argument with others at the party > telling me to let her stay. Nada truly feels that she has a right to " her > grandbabies " as she calls them and therefore has rights to > birthdays/holidays. Hubby thinks that since she mailed the card that is a > good indication she will not show and he may be right but I am still > terrified. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 21, 2010 Report Share Posted August 21, 2010 I am probably not much help because I feel terrified too at times lately. But supposing for a moment she does show up, you have the right to make her leave. Odds are she won't come since she already sent the card/check, but the thing with nadas is they like to keep us on our toes and always surprised. So stay alert but don't let the fear control you. If she comes and is acting all fake calm and nice, you still have the right to make her go. Don't worry what other people think of you, ultimately you know how she really is and why you don't want her there and you don't have to justify that to anybody. And being a grandparent is not a right, it is a privilege, one she has obviously not earned. Good luck. LB > > Hello, > > I am panicking and probably need talked some sense into. Tomorrow is my DDs > birthday as well as her party. I have an increasing feeling of > dread/anxiety that nada will show up sometime tomorrow. Her behavior always > gets more out of control around birthdays/holidays. She is also already out > of control due to the boundaries and NC. I am well prepared to ask her to > leave and call the police. I fear still that she will do something > outrageous. I am also afraid that if she pulls the crying or being calm at > first stuff that I am going to have an argument with others at the party > telling me to let her stay. Nada truly feels that she has a right to " her > grandbabies " as she calls them and therefore has rights to > birthdays/holidays. Hubby thinks that since she mailed the card that is a > good indication she will not show and he may be right but I am still > terrified. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 21, 2010 Report Share Posted August 21, 2010 I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that she doesn't show. The kind of nadas with a lot of histrionic and narcissistic traits (who feel entitled to get what they want when they want it) seem to thrive on public scenes won't shy away from making an ugly and distressing drama out of a child's birthday party. Ugh. -Annie > > Hello, > > I am panicking and probably need talked some sense into. Tomorrow is my DDs > birthday as well as her party. I have an increasing feeling of > dread/anxiety that nada will show up sometime tomorrow. Her behavior always > gets more out of control around birthdays/holidays. She is also already out > of control due to the boundaries and NC. I am well prepared to ask her to > leave and call the police. I fear still that she will do something > outrageous. I am also afraid that if she pulls the crying or being calm at > first stuff that I am going to have an argument with others at the party > telling me to let her stay. Nada truly feels that she has a right to " her > grandbabies " as she calls them and therefore has rights to > birthdays/holidays. Hubby thinks that since she mailed the card that is a > good indication she will not show and he may be right but I am still > terrified. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 21, 2010 Report Share Posted August 21, 2010 I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that she doesn't show. The kind of nadas with a lot of histrionic and narcissistic traits (who feel entitled to get what they want when they want it) seem to thrive on public scenes won't shy away from making an ugly and distressing drama out of a child's birthday party. Ugh. -Annie > > Hello, > > I am panicking and probably need talked some sense into. Tomorrow is my DDs > birthday as well as her party. I have an increasing feeling of > dread/anxiety that nada will show up sometime tomorrow. Her behavior always > gets more out of control around birthdays/holidays. She is also already out > of control due to the boundaries and NC. I am well prepared to ask her to > leave and call the police. I fear still that she will do something > outrageous. I am also afraid that if she pulls the crying or being calm at > first stuff that I am going to have an argument with others at the party > telling me to let her stay. Nada truly feels that she has a right to " her > grandbabies " as she calls them and therefore has rights to > birthdays/holidays. Hubby thinks that since she mailed the card that is a > good indication she will not show and he may be right but I am still > terrified. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 21, 2010 Report Share Posted August 21, 2010 I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that she doesn't show. The kind of nadas with a lot of histrionic and narcissistic traits (who feel entitled to get what they want when they want it) seem to thrive on public scenes won't shy away from making an ugly and distressing drama out of a child's birthday party. Ugh. -Annie > > Hello, > > I am panicking and probably need talked some sense into. Tomorrow is my DDs > birthday as well as her party. I have an increasing feeling of > dread/anxiety that nada will show up sometime tomorrow. Her behavior always > gets more out of control around birthdays/holidays. She is also already out > of control due to the boundaries and NC. I am well prepared to ask her to > leave and call the police. I fear still that she will do something > outrageous. I am also afraid that if she pulls the crying or being calm at > first stuff that I am going to have an argument with others at the party > telling me to let her stay. Nada truly feels that she has a right to " her > grandbabies " as she calls them and therefore has rights to > birthdays/holidays. Hubby thinks that since she mailed the card that is a > good indication she will not show and he may be right but I am still > terrified. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 21, 2010 Report Share Posted August 21, 2010 Kim, I know how you feel. I have those feelings too at times..I hate it. If she comes you send her away immediately. Do it while she is at the door ..close the door behind you so your guest don't see. Be firm..Be a wall! She can not get past you no matter what. be prepared to call the cops if you have to..And remember YOU didn't cause a scene..she did. A normal person would not show up at a house she was told she is not welcomed at. If guest do and say aw let her stay ..be firm and say ... " it's difficult to explain " but I need to put my food down with her and follow thru with what I say to her otherwise she will walk all over me. Most people even if they don't understand BPD with understand that part. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you too..I hope your babies' Birthday is wonderful and full of fun and wonderful things..Picture her pretty little face opening gifts:) Stefanie On Sat, Aug 21, 2010 at 6:28 PM, Simpson wrote: > > > Hello, > > I am panicking and probably need talked some sense into. Tomorrow is my DDs > birthday as well as her party. I have an increasing feeling of > dread/anxiety that nada will show up sometime tomorrow. Her behavior always > gets more out of control around birthdays/holidays. She is also already out > of control due to the boundaries and NC. I am well prepared to ask her to > leave and call the police. I fear still that she will do something > outrageous. I am also afraid that if she pulls the crying or being calm at > first stuff that I am going to have an argument with others at the party > telling me to let her stay. Nada truly feels that she has a right to " her > grandbabies " as she calls them and therefore has rights to > birthdays/holidays. Hubby thinks that since she mailed the card that is a > good indication she will not show and he may be right but I am still > terrified. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 21, 2010 Report Share Posted August 21, 2010 Kim, I know how you feel. I have those feelings too at times..I hate it. If she comes you send her away immediately. Do it while she is at the door ..close the door behind you so your guest don't see. Be firm..Be a wall! She can not get past you no matter what. be prepared to call the cops if you have to..And remember YOU didn't cause a scene..she did. A normal person would not show up at a house she was told she is not welcomed at. If guest do and say aw let her stay ..be firm and say ... " it's difficult to explain " but I need to put my food down with her and follow thru with what I say to her otherwise she will walk all over me. Most people even if they don't understand BPD with understand that part. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you too..I hope your babies' Birthday is wonderful and full of fun and wonderful things..Picture her pretty little face opening gifts:) Stefanie On Sat, Aug 21, 2010 at 6:28 PM, Simpson wrote: > > > Hello, > > I am panicking and probably need talked some sense into. Tomorrow is my DDs > birthday as well as her party. I have an increasing feeling of > dread/anxiety that nada will show up sometime tomorrow. Her behavior always > gets more out of control around birthdays/holidays. She is also already out > of control due to the boundaries and NC. I am well prepared to ask her to > leave and call the police. I fear still that she will do something > outrageous. I am also afraid that if she pulls the crying or being calm at > first stuff that I am going to have an argument with others at the party > telling me to let her stay. Nada truly feels that she has a right to " her > grandbabies " as she calls them and therefore has rights to > birthdays/holidays. Hubby thinks that since she mailed the card that is a > good indication she will not show and he may be right but I am still > terrified. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 21, 2010 Report Share Posted August 21, 2010 Kim, I know how you feel. I have those feelings too at times..I hate it. If she comes you send her away immediately. Do it while she is at the door ..close the door behind you so your guest don't see. Be firm..Be a wall! She can not get past you no matter what. be prepared to call the cops if you have to..And remember YOU didn't cause a scene..she did. A normal person would not show up at a house she was told she is not welcomed at. If guest do and say aw let her stay ..be firm and say ... " it's difficult to explain " but I need to put my food down with her and follow thru with what I say to her otherwise she will walk all over me. Most people even if they don't understand BPD with understand that part. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you too..I hope your babies' Birthday is wonderful and full of fun and wonderful things..Picture her pretty little face opening gifts:) Stefanie On Sat, Aug 21, 2010 at 6:28 PM, Simpson wrote: > > > Hello, > > I am panicking and probably need talked some sense into. Tomorrow is my DDs > birthday as well as her party. I have an increasing feeling of > dread/anxiety that nada will show up sometime tomorrow. Her behavior always > gets more out of control around birthdays/holidays. She is also already out > of control due to the boundaries and NC. I am well prepared to ask her to > leave and call the police. I fear still that she will do something > outrageous. I am also afraid that if she pulls the crying or being calm at > first stuff that I am going to have an argument with others at the party > telling me to let her stay. Nada truly feels that she has a right to " her > grandbabies " as she calls them and therefore has rights to > birthdays/holidays. Hubby thinks that since she mailed the card that is a > good indication she will not show and he may be right but I am still > terrified. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2010 Report Share Posted August 22, 2010 - by now, the party's either in full swing or it's already over, so this is not useful for THIS year - but for next year, you can recruit your husband or some other dads, explain the situation to them, and ask them to act as " Nada bouncers " if she shows up. Even easier - don't have the party anyplace where she can find it. Public park playgrounds and picnic shelters are great places for birthday parties, as are bowling alleys, ChuckECheese, and mid-day kiddie movie matinees. You just have to limit the guest list to those who don't know Nada, or those you can trust not to tell her where the party is. Also - especially in the early years (birth to say, age 5) - kids are just as happy to go ride a pony or a carousel with Mom and Dad as they are to have a big, crowded party. Once your daughter enters school you may be able to have parties in her class, or pass out the invitations at school so Nada doesn't automatically find out what you're doing. Alternatively, you can make the party abhorrent to Nada. One of the happiest birthday parties I ever saw was a campout in Nova Scotia - the birthday girl (about 9 or 10 years old, I'd guess) wanted to go camping, so her parents borrowed a huge family-size tent, invited about 8 of her friends, made a mountain of pancakes for supper (her favorite food - I think they stuck a candle in one of the pancakes for her), and then they all stayed up and watched a lunar eclipse before crawling into their sleeping bags. We were camped in the next site, and I was impressed by how much fun the kids had at this low-key party. Another great one was a Pirate Party for a bunch of (mostly boy) kindergartners at a public playground - they all dressed up as pirates and wore themselves out screaming " Arrgh " and having swordfights with foam swimming noodles for two hours, then ate peanut butter sandwiches and cake. I can't see most of our high-maintenance Nadas hanging around for that, either. So maybe the theme for next year's party is " where would Nada not be caught dead? " I hope this one went well! - > > > > > > > Hello, > > > > I am panicking and probably need talked some sense into. Tomorrow is my DDs > > birthday as well as her party. I have an increasing feeling of > > dread/anxiety that nada will show up sometime tomorrow. Her behavior always > > gets more out of control around birthdays/holidays. She is also already out > > of control due to the boundaries and NC. I am well prepared to ask her to > > leave and call the police. I fear still that she will do something > > outrageous. I am also afraid that if she pulls the crying or being calm at > > first stuff that I am going to have an argument with others at the party > > telling me to let her stay. Nada truly feels that she has a right to " her > > grandbabies " as she calls them and therefore has rights to > > birthdays/holidays. Hubby thinks that since she mailed the card that is a > > good indication she will not show and he may be right but I am still > > terrified. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2010 Report Share Posted August 22, 2010 Yep, party just ended and went mostly well. Nada did not show. Two family members who are not super close to nada did ask. Right or wrong I ended up telling my side. I am tired of hearing about how she cries to people about how bad we treat her. One aunt heard some but still said she wishes this would end. I said it's out of my hands. The other aunt was more agreeable to my side of the story but was still quiet about it. It hurts though that the family that is supposed to care for me and the kids so much is not outraged that nada would be so abusive. They tried to make a few lame excuses for nada while still agreeing that I should not just hand over the kids to that behavior. All in all, family is not a supportive as I would like but are mostly staying out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2010 Report Share Posted August 24, 2010 I'm glad she did not show, and I am happy for you that most of the family is staying out if it, even if they don't see your side 100%. I know it stinks because we know nadas are not right or normal, but until nada projects the madness directly onto the target, it is hard for them to believe us and I can understand. Deep down I never wanted to believe it was really that bad either until my mom threw me on the floor after I gave birth. I guess we all have a breaking point. Mine set in after I had my own children to protect. Before that I was always thinking well she is just going through a lot, or she is just an angry person, or its somebody else's fault not hers. It took a lot for me to wake up and smell the coffee. So I guess this is why I find it hard to judge family who keep their nose out of it. I am glad they were kind to you and your daughter. > > Yep, party just ended and went mostly well. Nada did not show. Two family > members who are not super close to nada did ask. Right or wrong I ended up > telling my side. I am tired of hearing about how she cries to people about > how bad we treat her. One aunt heard some but still said she wishes this > would end. I said it's out of my hands. The other aunt was more agreeable > to my side of the story but was still quiet about it. It hurts though that > the family that is supposed to care for me and the kids so much is not > outraged that nada would be so abusive. They tried to make a few lame > excuses for nada while still agreeing that I should not just hand over the > kids to that behavior. All in all, family is not a supportive as I would > like but are mostly staying out of it. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2010 Report Share Posted August 24, 2010 I'm glad she did not show, and I am happy for you that most of the family is staying out if it, even if they don't see your side 100%. I know it stinks because we know nadas are not right or normal, but until nada projects the madness directly onto the target, it is hard for them to believe us and I can understand. Deep down I never wanted to believe it was really that bad either until my mom threw me on the floor after I gave birth. I guess we all have a breaking point. Mine set in after I had my own children to protect. Before that I was always thinking well she is just going through a lot, or she is just an angry person, or its somebody else's fault not hers. It took a lot for me to wake up and smell the coffee. So I guess this is why I find it hard to judge family who keep their nose out of it. I am glad they were kind to you and your daughter. > > Yep, party just ended and went mostly well. Nada did not show. Two family > members who are not super close to nada did ask. Right or wrong I ended up > telling my side. I am tired of hearing about how she cries to people about > how bad we treat her. One aunt heard some but still said she wishes this > would end. I said it's out of my hands. The other aunt was more agreeable > to my side of the story but was still quiet about it. It hurts though that > the family that is supposed to care for me and the kids so much is not > outraged that nada would be so abusive. They tried to make a few lame > excuses for nada while still agreeing that I should not just hand over the > kids to that behavior. All in all, family is not a supportive as I would > like but are mostly staying out of it. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2010 Report Share Posted August 24, 2010 I'm glad she did not show, and I am happy for you that most of the family is staying out if it, even if they don't see your side 100%. I know it stinks because we know nadas are not right or normal, but until nada projects the madness directly onto the target, it is hard for them to believe us and I can understand. Deep down I never wanted to believe it was really that bad either until my mom threw me on the floor after I gave birth. I guess we all have a breaking point. Mine set in after I had my own children to protect. Before that I was always thinking well she is just going through a lot, or she is just an angry person, or its somebody else's fault not hers. It took a lot for me to wake up and smell the coffee. So I guess this is why I find it hard to judge family who keep their nose out of it. I am glad they were kind to you and your daughter. > > Yep, party just ended and went mostly well. Nada did not show. Two family > members who are not super close to nada did ask. Right or wrong I ended up > telling my side. I am tired of hearing about how she cries to people about > how bad we treat her. One aunt heard some but still said she wishes this > would end. I said it's out of my hands. The other aunt was more agreeable > to my side of the story but was still quiet about it. It hurts though that > the family that is supposed to care for me and the kids so much is not > outraged that nada would be so abusive. They tried to make a few lame > excuses for nada while still agreeing that I should not just hand over the > kids to that behavior. All in all, family is not a supportive as I would > like but are mostly staying out of it. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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