Re: As long as you don't make me mad

[Guest guest]

This reminds me of one of my mother's favorite sayings: " You did that just to

make me mad! " In other words, her rages were my fault.

>

> This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for a

visit.

> She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

>

> She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

>

> They are devilish, aren't they?

>

[Guest guest]

Oh yes.

My mother would say things like, " You make me hate you. " Or she might say,

" It's sad that I hate my own daughter. " She told me numerous times that she

" knew they had to have given her the wrong baby at the hospital " or " I didn't

sign up for this " when she was mad at me for soemthing I did wrong.

Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

This reminds me of one of my mother's favorite sayings: " You did that just to

make me mad! " In other words, her rages were my fault.

>

> This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for a

visit.

> She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

>

> She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

>

> They are devilish, aren't they?

>

[Guest guest]

Oh yes.

My mother would say things like, " You make me hate you. " Or she might say,

" It's sad that I hate my own daughter. " She told me numerous times that she

" knew they had to have given her the wrong baby at the hospital " or " I didn't

sign up for this " when she was mad at me for soemthing I did wrong.

Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

This reminds me of one of my mother's favorite sayings: " You did that just to

make me mad! " In other words, her rages were my fault.

>

> This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for a

visit.

> She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

>

> She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

>

> They are devilish, aren't they?

>

[Guest guest]

Oh yes.

My mother would say things like, " You make me hate you. " Or she might say,

" It's sad that I hate my own daughter. " She told me numerous times that she

" knew they had to have given her the wrong baby at the hospital " or " I didn't

sign up for this " when she was mad at me for soemthing I did wrong.

Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

This reminds me of one of my mother's favorite sayings: " You did that just to

make me mad! " In other words, her rages were my fault.

>

> This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for a

visit.

> She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

>

> She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

>

> They are devilish, aren't they?

>

[Guest guest]

when I think about how my mother was all about herself and doing what made HER

happy and didn't inconvenience HER and didn't in any way affect her, it makes me

really angry. Especially now that I have kids. I mean, I don't hate the things

I do with my kids, but I could think of a few other things I could be doing

rather than sitting and sweating on the soccer field on saturdays and sundays

(and three practices a week). My mother would NEVER have gone out of her way to

do anything like that for me or my sister.

Amazingly though, anything we did do (like I was in band and my sister was a

cheerleader in high school), we did totally without parental support...all on

our own, finding my own way to and from band practice, etc....and yet SHE took

credit for it. Told people how my sister made cheerleading because the judges

" knew who her mother was. "

Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

Growing up with nada is a good learning experience for me with my own children

because she is much like a small child in the way she acts and thinks. Sometimes

my kids (mostly my youngest who is more dramatic) would tell me " I don't like

you " when they were smaller and I will tell him " that's okay you don't always

have to like me, but I love you all the time. " I don't know if that is weird but

I didn't know what to say so I tried to learn as I went along. I might tell them

" I don't like how you act, but I always still love you. " I tried to explain that

just cuz you felt mad at that moment and did not like somebody at that moment

did not mean that you could not still feel love for them.

It kind of felt like I was righting the wrongs or something. It almost gave me a

second chance from all the snappy mean nada comments. I don't know I am sure I

say jerky things sometimes to the people I love, but I don't try. I try to think

how can I defuse this. LB

> >

> > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for a

visit.

> > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

> >

> > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

> >

> > They are devilish, aren't they?

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

when I think about how my mother was all about herself and doing what made HER

happy and didn't inconvenience HER and didn't in any way affect her, it makes me

really angry. Especially now that I have kids. I mean, I don't hate the things

I do with my kids, but I could think of a few other things I could be doing

rather than sitting and sweating on the soccer field on saturdays and sundays

(and three practices a week). My mother would NEVER have gone out of her way to

do anything like that for me or my sister.

Amazingly though, anything we did do (like I was in band and my sister was a

cheerleader in high school), we did totally without parental support...all on

our own, finding my own way to and from band practice, etc....and yet SHE took

credit for it. Told people how my sister made cheerleading because the judges

" knew who her mother was. "

Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

Growing up with nada is a good learning experience for me with my own children

because she is much like a small child in the way she acts and thinks. Sometimes

my kids (mostly my youngest who is more dramatic) would tell me " I don't like

you " when they were smaller and I will tell him " that's okay you don't always

have to like me, but I love you all the time. " I don't know if that is weird but

I didn't know what to say so I tried to learn as I went along. I might tell them

" I don't like how you act, but I always still love you. " I tried to explain that

just cuz you felt mad at that moment and did not like somebody at that moment

did not mean that you could not still feel love for them.

It kind of felt like I was righting the wrongs or something. It almost gave me a

second chance from all the snappy mean nada comments. I don't know I am sure I

say jerky things sometimes to the people I love, but I don't try. I try to think

how can I defuse this. LB

> >

> > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for a

visit.

> > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

> >

> > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

> >

> > They are devilish, aren't they?

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh , I know how that goes. They take credit for everything. Even to this

day, I have not spoken to my nada in over 8 years and yet she claims I am now

strong and tough because that is how she raised me! I got my strength from her!

HAHAHA ROTFLMAO! LB

> > >

> > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for

a visit.

> > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

> > >

> > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

> > >

> > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Oh , I know how that goes. They take credit for everything. Even to this

day, I have not spoken to my nada in over 8 years and yet she claims I am now

strong and tough because that is how she raised me! I got my strength from her!

HAHAHA ROTFLMAO! LB

> > >

> > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for

a visit.

> > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

> > >

> > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

> > >

> > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

My mother is like a small child too, She even admits it!! Many times she

has heard people say that she is being a baby,,I tell her to grow up

sometimes when I'm angry too and says she needs to be taken care of like a

small child. Thats what she expects from me.

I wonder if she really wanted kids. Now days it's easier to choose to not

have children but 42 years ago maybe it wasn't so easy. I don't think nada

wanted kids. When I was born...she worked really hard to hash plan to get

rid of me..because by the time I was 18 months she talked my dad to moving

to Germany so they can get a job and make more money. She left me with my

grand parents. (2 of the most wonderful people in the world) when I was

five she came back pregnant and about to deliver my brother, From the min

he was born I took care of him, One day he got run over by a car while I

was watching him...I got in so much trouble...Can you image a 6 year old

watching a one year old out on street alone...How could I be responsible for

that. Luckily he was fine..just scrapped under the car carriage...he was so

tiny,,he just got rolled under the car.

When she realized I loved my grandparents more then her..she had us move to

the US, Many times she tried to convince me that my grandparents hated me

and I was a burden.,,That they said they wish I would die she told me they

don't want you comming over there house everyday..they are old and tired.

I didn't belive her I knew by there actions they loved me..as I got older I

understood what a ache in the heart it was for them to loose me...Really she

just needed me to care for my brother and her while my dad worked. I've

always been her baby sitter.

Stefanie

Stefanie

On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 8:23 AM, faerydancing96 wrote:

>

>

> Growing up with nada is a good learning experience for me with my own

> children because she is much like a small child in the way she acts and

> thinks. Sometimes my kids (mostly my youngest who is more dramatic) would

> tell me " I don't like you " when they were smaller and I will tell him

> " that's okay you don't always have to like me, but I love you all the time. "

> I don't know if that is weird but I didn't know what to say so I tried to

> learn as I went along. I might tell them " I don't like how you act, but I

> always still love you. " I tried to explain that just cuz you felt mad at

> that moment and did not like somebody at that moment did not mean that you

> could not still feel love for them.

>

> It kind of felt like I was righting the wrongs or something. It almost gave

> me a second chance from all the snappy mean nada comments. I don't know I am

> sure I say jerky things sometimes to the people I love, but I don't try. I

> try to think how can I defuse this. LB

>

>

> > >

> > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

> for a visit.

> > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

> the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

> cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

> infuriates me right away.

> > >

> > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

> the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me,

> no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my

> family if SHE starts acting up.

> > >

> > > They are devilish, aren't they?

>

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

OMG what a shitty parent!! Child services should have removed you! I'm

sorry.

As far as this question " I wonder if she really wanted kids. " I've been

confused by that my entire life. I think I've got it figured out though. I

was a planned baby, wanted, scheduled, everything. She would call me " the

baby girl I've always wanted " ad nauseaum until I finally told her in my 20s

it wasn't true and not to lie to me and she agreed with me - but she

basically said she still thought she wanted a baby girl, just not me.What a

disappointment, imagine, when I came out after she delivered instead of a

little doll, dressed all in pink.

So anyway, I think being a mother is a role they try out. Like trying out

for a school play or cheerleader practice, only to decide, no, I want to be

in chess club. Like putting on an apron, only to take it off and throw it in

the corner of your closet when you realize you hate to cook. It's just an

experiment in the BPD identity. They try things on, then they take them off.

You guys all know what I'm talking about. Having kids is just like the phase

of doing the tips of your nails in the square shape instead of round,

wearing leggings every day, then on to overalls, then on to having a bow on

your head, then putting pink streaks in your hair. I know who I am, they

say, I'm the woman with pink streaks in her hair. Or I know who I am, I'm

the mother of the baby girl I always wanted. Even though I treat her like

she's a dirt clod, or burr stuck to my leg or . . . sometimes a little doll

that will sit in the corner while I do something else.

So that's my take on whether we are actually wanted.

On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 7:00 PM, Stefanie Low wrote:

> My mother is like a small child too, She even admits it!! Many times she

> has heard people say that she is being a baby,,I tell her to grow up

> sometimes when I'm angry too and says she needs to be taken care of like a

> small child. Thats what she expects from me.

>

> I wonder if she really wanted kids. Now days it's easier to choose to not

> have children but 42 years ago maybe it wasn't so easy. I don't think

> nada

> wanted kids. When I was born...she worked really hard to hash plan to get

> rid of me..because by the time I was 18 months she talked my dad to moving

> to Germany so they can get a job and make more money. She left me with my

> grand parents. (2 of the most wonderful people in the world) when I was

> five she came back pregnant and about to deliver my brother, From the min

> he was born I took care of him, One day he got run over by a car while I

> was watching him...I got in so much trouble...Can you image a 6 year old

> watching a one year old out on street alone...How could I be responsible

> for

> that. Luckily he was fine..just scrapped under the car carriage...he was

> so

> tiny,,he just got rolled under the car.

>

> When she realized I loved my grandparents more then her..she had us move to

> the US, Many times she tried to convince me that my grandparents hated me

> and I was a burden.,,That they said they wish I would die she told me they

> don't want you comming over there house everyday..they are old and tired.

> I didn't belive her I knew by there actions they loved me..as I got older I

> understood what a ache in the heart it was for them to loose me...Really

> she

> just needed me to care for my brother and her while my dad worked. I've

> always been her baby sitter.

>

> Stefanie

>

> Stefanie

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 8:23 AM, faerydancing96 <lizzyboo81@...

> >wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > Growing up with nada is a good learning experience for me with my own

> > children because she is much like a small child in the way she acts and

> > thinks. Sometimes my kids (mostly my youngest who is more dramatic) would

> > tell me " I don't like you " when they were smaller and I will tell him

> > " that's okay you don't always have to like me, but I love you all the

> time. "

> > I don't know if that is weird but I didn't know what to say so I tried to

> > learn as I went along. I might tell them " I don't like how you act, but I

> > always still love you. " I tried to explain that just cuz you felt mad at

> > that moment and did not like somebody at that moment did not mean that

> you

> > could not still feel love for them.

> >

> > It kind of felt like I was righting the wrongs or something. It almost

> gave

> > me a second chance from all the snappy mean nada comments. I don't know I

> am

> > sure I say jerky things sometimes to the people I love, but I don't try.

> I

> > try to think how can I defuse this. LB

> >

> >

> > > >

> > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she

> comes

> > for a visit.

> > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and

> to

> > the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

> > cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

> > infuriates me right away.

> > > >

> > > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

> > the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on

> me,

> > no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or

> my

> > family if SHE starts acting up.

> > > >

> > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Girlscout, you are so right! It;s so sad... but so true.

On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 10:31 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

>

>

> OMG what a shitty parent!! Child services should have removed you! I'm

> sorry.

>

> As far as this question " I wonder if she really wanted kids. " I've been

> confused by that my entire life. I think I've got it figured out though. I

> was a planned baby, wanted, scheduled, everything. She would call me " the

> baby girl I've always wanted " ad nauseaum until I finally told her in my

> 20s

> it wasn't true and not to lie to me and she agreed with me - but she

> basically said she still thought she wanted a baby girl, just not me.What a

> disappointment, imagine, when I came out after she delivered instead of a

> little doll, dressed all in pink.

>

> So anyway, I think being a mother is a role they try out. Like trying out

> for a school play or cheerleader practice, only to decide, no, I want to be

> in chess club. Like putting on an apron, only to take it off and throw it

> in

> the corner of your closet when you realize you hate to cook. It's just an

> experiment in the BPD identity. They try things on, then they take them

> off.

> You guys all know what I'm talking about. Having kids is just like the

> phase

> of doing the tips of your nails in the square shape instead of round,

> wearing leggings every day, then on to overalls, then on to having a bow on

> your head, then putting pink streaks in your hair. I know who I am, they

> say, I'm the woman with pink streaks in her hair. Or I know who I am, I'm

> the mother of the baby girl I always wanted. Even though I treat her like

> she's a dirt clod, or burr stuck to my leg or . . . sometimes a little doll

> that will sit in the corner while I do something else.

>

> So that's my take on whether we are actually wanted.

>

> On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 7:00 PM, Stefanie Low

<stefaniejlow@...<stefaniejlow%40gmail.com>>wrote:

>

>

>

> > My mother is like a small child too, She even admits it!! Many times she

> > has heard people say that she is being a baby,,I tell her to grow up

> > sometimes when I'm angry too and says she needs to be taken care of like

> a

> > small child. Thats what she expects from me.

> >

> > I wonder if she really wanted kids. Now days it's easier to choose to not

> > have children but 42 years ago maybe it wasn't so easy. I don't think

> > nada

> > wanted kids. When I was born...she worked really hard to hash plan to get

> > rid of me..because by the time I was 18 months she talked my dad to

> moving

> > to Germany so they can get a job and make more money. She left me with my

> > grand parents. (2 of the most wonderful people in the world) when I was

> > five she came back pregnant and about to deliver my brother, From the min

> > he was born I took care of him, One day he got run over by a car while I

> > was watching him...I got in so much trouble...Can you image a 6 year old

> > watching a one year old out on street alone...How could I be responsible

> > for

> > that. Luckily he was fine..just scrapped under the car carriage...he was

> > so

> > tiny,,he just got rolled under the car.

> >

> > When she realized I loved my grandparents more then her..she had us move

> to

> > the US, Many times she tried to convince me that my grandparents hated me

> > and I was a burden.,,That they said they wish I would die she told me

> they

> > don't want you comming over there house everyday..they are old and tired.

> > I didn't belive her I knew by there actions they loved me..as I got older

> I

> > understood what a ache in the heart it was for them to loose me...Really

> > she

> > just needed me to care for my brother and her while my dad worked. I've

> > always been her baby sitter.

> >

> > Stefanie

> >

> > Stefanie

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 8:23 AM, faerydancing96

<lizzyboo81@...<lizzyboo81%40yahoo.com>

> > >wrote:

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Growing up with nada is a good learning experience for me with my own

> > > children because she is much like a small child in the way she acts and

> > > thinks. Sometimes my kids (mostly my youngest who is more dramatic)

> would

> > > tell me " I don't like you " when they were smaller and I will tell him

> > > " that's okay you don't always have to like me, but I love you all the

> > time. "

> > > I don't know if that is weird but I didn't know what to say so I tried

> to

> > > learn as I went along. I might tell them " I don't like how you act, but

> I

> > > always still love you. " I tried to explain that just cuz you felt mad

> at

> > > that moment and did not like somebody at that moment did not mean that

> > you

> > > could not still feel love for them.

> > >

> > > It kind of felt like I was righting the wrongs or something. It almost

> > gave

> > > me a second chance from all the snappy mean nada comments. I don't know

> I

> > am

> > > sure I say jerky things sometimes to the people I love, but I don't

> try.

> > I

> > > try to think how can I defuse this. LB

> > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she

> > comes

> > > for a visit.

> > > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and

> > to

> > > the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

> > > cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

> > > infuriates me right away.

> > > > >

> > > > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always

> around

> > > the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on

> > me,

> > > no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me

> or

> > my

> > > family if SHE starts acting up.

> > > > >

> > > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Girlscout, you are so right! It;s so sad... but so true.

On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 10:31 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

>

>

> OMG what a shitty parent!! Child services should have removed you! I'm

> sorry.

>

> As far as this question " I wonder if she really wanted kids. " I've been

> confused by that my entire life. I think I've got it figured out though. I

> was a planned baby, wanted, scheduled, everything. She would call me " the

> baby girl I've always wanted " ad nauseaum until I finally told her in my

> 20s

> it wasn't true and not to lie to me and she agreed with me - but she

> basically said she still thought she wanted a baby girl, just not me.What a

> disappointment, imagine, when I came out after she delivered instead of a

> little doll, dressed all in pink.

>

> So anyway, I think being a mother is a role they try out. Like trying out

> for a school play or cheerleader practice, only to decide, no, I want to be

> in chess club. Like putting on an apron, only to take it off and throw it

> in

> the corner of your closet when you realize you hate to cook. It's just an

> experiment in the BPD identity. They try things on, then they take them

> off.

> You guys all know what I'm talking about. Having kids is just like the

> phase

> of doing the tips of your nails in the square shape instead of round,

> wearing leggings every day, then on to overalls, then on to having a bow on

> your head, then putting pink streaks in your hair. I know who I am, they

> say, I'm the woman with pink streaks in her hair. Or I know who I am, I'm

> the mother of the baby girl I always wanted. Even though I treat her like

> she's a dirt clod, or burr stuck to my leg or . . . sometimes a little doll

> that will sit in the corner while I do something else.

>

> So that's my take on whether we are actually wanted.

>

> On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 7:00 PM, Stefanie Low

<stefaniejlow@...<stefaniejlow%40gmail.com>>wrote:

>

>

>

> > My mother is like a small child too, She even admits it!! Many times she

> > has heard people say that she is being a baby,,I tell her to grow up

> > sometimes when I'm angry too and says she needs to be taken care of like

> a

> > small child. Thats what she expects from me.

> >

> > I wonder if she really wanted kids. Now days it's easier to choose to not

> > have children but 42 years ago maybe it wasn't so easy. I don't think

> > nada

> > wanted kids. When I was born...she worked really hard to hash plan to get

> > rid of me..because by the time I was 18 months she talked my dad to

> moving

> > to Germany so they can get a job and make more money. She left me with my

> > grand parents. (2 of the most wonderful people in the world) when I was

> > five she came back pregnant and about to deliver my brother, From the min

> > he was born I took care of him, One day he got run over by a car while I

> > was watching him...I got in so much trouble...Can you image a 6 year old

> > watching a one year old out on street alone...How could I be responsible

> > for

> > that. Luckily he was fine..just scrapped under the car carriage...he was

> > so

> > tiny,,he just got rolled under the car.

> >

> > When she realized I loved my grandparents more then her..she had us move

> to

> > the US, Many times she tried to convince me that my grandparents hated me

> > and I was a burden.,,That they said they wish I would die she told me

> they

> > don't want you comming over there house everyday..they are old and tired.

> > I didn't belive her I knew by there actions they loved me..as I got older

> I

> > understood what a ache in the heart it was for them to loose me...Really

> > she

> > just needed me to care for my brother and her while my dad worked. I've

> > always been her baby sitter.

> >

> > Stefanie

> >

> > Stefanie

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 8:23 AM, faerydancing96

<lizzyboo81@...<lizzyboo81%40yahoo.com>

> > >wrote:

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Growing up with nada is a good learning experience for me with my own

> > > children because she is much like a small child in the way she acts and

> > > thinks. Sometimes my kids (mostly my youngest who is more dramatic)

> would

> > > tell me " I don't like you " when they were smaller and I will tell him

> > > " that's okay you don't always have to like me, but I love you all the

> > time. "

> > > I don't know if that is weird but I didn't know what to say so I tried

> to

> > > learn as I went along. I might tell them " I don't like how you act, but

> I

> > > always still love you. " I tried to explain that just cuz you felt mad

> at

> > > that moment and did not like somebody at that moment did not mean that

> > you

> > > could not still feel love for them.

> > >

> > > It kind of felt like I was righting the wrongs or something. It almost

> > gave

> > > me a second chance from all the snappy mean nada comments. I don't know

> I

> > am

> > > sure I say jerky things sometimes to the people I love, but I don't

> try.

> > I

> > > try to think how can I defuse this. LB

> > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she

> > comes

> > > for a visit.

> > > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and

> > to

> > > the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

> > > cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

> > > infuriates me right away.

> > > > >

> > > > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always

> around

> > > the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on

> > me,

> > > no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me

> or

> > my

> > > family if SHE starts acting up.

> > > > >

> > > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Stefanie, That crash had to have been so traumatic for you to deal with as a

small child. I know the overwhelming responsibility on a child is never easy. I

also had to watch my sister since the day I was born. I was about 7 when she was

born so I was a bit older than you. The worst 2 things that ever happened to me

though was once I dropped her on her head while trying to scoop her out of the

crib (could explain her problems now haha), I franticly called nada at work

freaking out. And about 2 years later I lost her, or more like she ran away, I

didn't get in trouble when I dropped her, but I did when she ran away, and I was

absolutely terrified. But neither of these can come close to comparing to the

pain you must have felt when you saw your brother get ran over. How terrifying.

I am glad he is okay, and you too.

Children should never have to watch children. It's not right.

But Stefanie I wanted to tell you that you give me hope. I think about my little

sister and how my nada always told us so many lies about what my grandparents

and aunts and uncles said, when in reality they said none of it. Nada made it

all up just like yours did. I walked out and found the truth for myself, but it

felt like a miracle. Sometimes I lose hope that my sister will ever find her

way. But when I heard your story I felt hopeful again, maybe she will also

search for the truth. It will be harder for her than it ever was for me because

we had each other she has nobody. And she had the lies longer and more intense

than I ever did. But I have hope she will someday see the light. Thank you for

sharing. LB

> > > >

> > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

> > for a visit.

> > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

> > the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

> > cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

> > infuriates me right away.

> > > >

> > > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

> > the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me,

> > no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my

> > family if SHE starts acting up.

> > > >

> > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Stefanie, That crash had to have been so traumatic for you to deal with as a

small child. I know the overwhelming responsibility on a child is never easy. I

also had to watch my sister since the day I was born. I was about 7 when she was

born so I was a bit older than you. The worst 2 things that ever happened to me

though was once I dropped her on her head while trying to scoop her out of the

crib (could explain her problems now haha), I franticly called nada at work

freaking out. And about 2 years later I lost her, or more like she ran away, I

didn't get in trouble when I dropped her, but I did when she ran away, and I was

absolutely terrified. But neither of these can come close to comparing to the

pain you must have felt when you saw your brother get ran over. How terrifying.

I am glad he is okay, and you too.

Children should never have to watch children. It's not right.

But Stefanie I wanted to tell you that you give me hope. I think about my little

sister and how my nada always told us so many lies about what my grandparents

and aunts and uncles said, when in reality they said none of it. Nada made it

all up just like yours did. I walked out and found the truth for myself, but it

felt like a miracle. Sometimes I lose hope that my sister will ever find her

way. But when I heard your story I felt hopeful again, maybe she will also

search for the truth. It will be harder for her than it ever was for me because

we had each other she has nobody. And she had the lies longer and more intense

than I ever did. But I have hope she will someday see the light. Thank you for

sharing. LB

> > > >

> > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

> > for a visit.

> > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

> > the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

> > cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

> > infuriates me right away.

> > > >

> > > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

> > the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me,

> > no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my

> > family if SHE starts acting up.

> > > >

> > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

It's amazing how good they are at isolation! I started looking at the way our

family works - nada doesn't talk to anyone from ANY side of the family except my

sister who calls her religiously. And she sends emails that try to explain how

awful these family members are and how I should stay away from them because

they're thieves and murderers.

WHY so dramatic!?

> > >

> > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

> for a visit.

> > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

> the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

> cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

> infuriates me right away.

> > >

> > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

> the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me,

> no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my

> family if SHE starts acting up.

> > >

> > > They are devilish, aren't they?

>

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Wow, your nada has turned " projection " into a kind of art-form. She projects

(displaces her own negative feelings and thoughts onto other people), she makes

you responsible for her happiness or lack thereof, and she engages in

black-and-white thinking (the purpose of your existence is to hurt her because

you are BAD). How very bpd of her.

I think I would gradually reduce contact with someone who treated me like that

until it was down to a bare minimum. I am in virtual no contact with my nada

now because she can't seem to stop saying mean, inappropriate, ugly things to

me. She can behave herself for a little while, but she eventually just has to

(apparently) let loose with something rude or insulting (sometimes directly,

sometimes passive-aggressive or covertly) and I simply decided I didn't want to

expose myself to that any longer.

But each person has the right to decide for herself or himself what is and is

not tolerable.

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

for a visit.

> > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

> > > >

> > > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

> > > >

> > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Wow, your nada has turned " projection " into a kind of art-form. She projects

(displaces her own negative feelings and thoughts onto other people), she makes

you responsible for her happiness or lack thereof, and she engages in

black-and-white thinking (the purpose of your existence is to hurt her because

you are BAD). How very bpd of her.

I think I would gradually reduce contact with someone who treated me like that

until it was down to a bare minimum. I am in virtual no contact with my nada

now because she can't seem to stop saying mean, inappropriate, ugly things to

me. She can behave herself for a little while, but she eventually just has to

(apparently) let loose with something rude or insulting (sometimes directly,

sometimes passive-aggressive or covertly) and I simply decided I didn't want to

expose myself to that any longer.

But each person has the right to decide for herself or himself what is and is

not tolerable.

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

for a visit.

> > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

> > > >

> > > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

> > > >

> > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I have dinner with her once a week. As long as the time I spend with her isn't

too long she can behave herself. I also have her " trained " in a sense that she

knows as soon as she is mean to me I leave or hang up the phone. This happens

occasionally and then I don't see her or answer her calls that week. When she's

ready to be an adult again, I see her.

Casey

> > > > >

> > > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

for a visit.

> > > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

> > > > >

> > > > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

> > > > >

> > > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

I have dinner with her once a week. As long as the time I spend with her isn't

too long she can behave herself. I also have her " trained " in a sense that she

knows as soon as she is mean to me I leave or hang up the phone. This happens

occasionally and then I don't see her or answer her calls that week. When she's

ready to be an adult again, I see her.

Casey

> > > > >

> > > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

for a visit.

> > > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

> > > > >

> > > > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

> > > > >

> > > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

My nada used to insist that I got " bad " grades in high school (anything less

than a 4.0 was " bad " grades) just to hurt her. " I lay awake at night crying

over how much you do to hurt me!! " was one of her favorites. She once even told

a therapist, with me present, that my " rebellion with school work " was proof

that I was " Satan Spawn " No kidding, her exact term.

It's all or nothing, though...anything she didn't like was " proof " that I was

" abusive " . Anything I did that she liked or that she could brag about was proof

of what a good mother she was and, indeed, the credit should all go to her.

I was given a significant award recently...it was SUCH a peaceful, joyful thing

to not have her involved AT ALL. I don't think she even knows about it unless

she saw something about it in the papers!

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Wednesday, August 25, 2010, 12:44 AM

> Sometimes I tell my mother " Call me

> back when you're done with your temper tantrum. " And she'll

> leave me voicemails or emails that say " I would have had a

> tantrum if you didn't... *whatever I did/said she didn't

> like " . No responsibility for her own actions, no realization

> that no matter what I did or said 57 year olds should be

> throwing tantrums!!

>

> She also told me a lot of things like that as a kid, like

> " Why do you like to hurt me? " Sometimes making it sound like

> my purpose in life - hell my EXISTANCE - is just to hurt

> her.

>

> A couple weeks ago she determined that EVERYTHING i do is

> because i hate her and so I'm trying to " rebel " (i'm way

> past that - i'm almost 30) and do everything opposite. Her

> examples are that I'm fat and don't ever exercise (I don't

> even know why she determined I don't exercise, I was just

> telling her a few days before this that I tried to go on my

> exercise bike 3 times a week), that I picked my partner

> based on what she wouldn't like (yes I don't actually feel

> love, I just pretend to love someone to piss her off), and

> that I am a computer nerd because I knew it would piss her

> off to be so much like my dad. It's like I have no self at

> all, everything I do or don't do or like is all about her!

>

> More quotes from childhood - " I had to have another kid

> because you didn't love me enough " " Don't make your brother

> hit you! " (my brother was also never considered responsible

> for his actions, except if he hit HER) " Why did you make me

> say/do that? " " You must like it when I'm depressed/mat or

> you wouldn't make me be that way! "

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada

> uses every time she comes for a visit.

> > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that

> everythig goes well.. " and to the typical response " Why

> shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

> " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " ,

> which infuriates me right away.

> > > >

> > > > She knows very well that the rage and the

> arguments are always around the corner, but with a

> 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

> matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to

> blame me or my family if SHE starts acting up.

> > > >

> > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @....

> DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> find)

[Guest guest]

My nada used to insist that I got " bad " grades in high school (anything less

than a 4.0 was " bad " grades) just to hurt her. " I lay awake at night crying

over how much you do to hurt me!! " was one of her favorites. She once even told

a therapist, with me present, that my " rebellion with school work " was proof

that I was " Satan Spawn " No kidding, her exact term.

It's all or nothing, though...anything she didn't like was " proof " that I was

" abusive " . Anything I did that she liked or that she could brag about was proof

of what a good mother she was and, indeed, the credit should all go to her.

I was given a significant award recently...it was SUCH a peaceful, joyful thing

to not have her involved AT ALL. I don't think she even knows about it unless

she saw something about it in the papers!

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Wednesday, August 25, 2010, 12:44 AM

> Sometimes I tell my mother " Call me

> back when you're done with your temper tantrum. " And she'll

> leave me voicemails or emails that say " I would have had a

> tantrum if you didn't... *whatever I did/said she didn't

> like " . No responsibility for her own actions, no realization

> that no matter what I did or said 57 year olds should be

> throwing tantrums!!

>

> She also told me a lot of things like that as a kid, like

> " Why do you like to hurt me? " Sometimes making it sound like

> my purpose in life - hell my EXISTANCE - is just to hurt

> her.

>

> A couple weeks ago she determined that EVERYTHING i do is

> because i hate her and so I'm trying to " rebel " (i'm way

> past that - i'm almost 30) and do everything opposite. Her

> examples are that I'm fat and don't ever exercise (I don't

> even know why she determined I don't exercise, I was just

> telling her a few days before this that I tried to go on my

> exercise bike 3 times a week), that I picked my partner

> based on what she wouldn't like (yes I don't actually feel

> love, I just pretend to love someone to piss her off), and

> that I am a computer nerd because I knew it would piss her

> off to be so much like my dad. It's like I have no self at

> all, everything I do or don't do or like is all about her!

>

> More quotes from childhood - " I had to have another kid

> because you didn't love me enough " " Don't make your brother

> hit you! " (my brother was also never considered responsible

> for his actions, except if he hit HER) " Why did you make me

> say/do that? " " You must like it when I'm depressed/mat or

> you wouldn't make me be that way! "

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada

> uses every time she comes for a visit.

> > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that

> everythig goes well.. " and to the typical response " Why

> shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

> " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " ,

> which infuriates me right away.

> > > >

> > > > She knows very well that the rage and the

> arguments are always around the corner, but with a

> 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

> matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to

> blame me or my family if SHE starts acting up.

> > > >

> > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @....

> DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> find)

[Guest guest]

My nada used to insist that I got " bad " grades in high school (anything less

than a 4.0 was " bad " grades) just to hurt her. " I lay awake at night crying

over how much you do to hurt me!! " was one of her favorites. She once even told

a therapist, with me present, that my " rebellion with school work " was proof

that I was " Satan Spawn " No kidding, her exact term.

It's all or nothing, though...anything she didn't like was " proof " that I was

" abusive " . Anything I did that she liked or that she could brag about was proof

of what a good mother she was and, indeed, the credit should all go to her.

I was given a significant award recently...it was SUCH a peaceful, joyful thing

to not have her involved AT ALL. I don't think she even knows about it unless

she saw something about it in the papers!

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Wednesday, August 25, 2010, 12:44 AM

> Sometimes I tell my mother " Call me

> back when you're done with your temper tantrum. " And she'll

> leave me voicemails or emails that say " I would have had a

> tantrum if you didn't... *whatever I did/said she didn't

> like " . No responsibility for her own actions, no realization

> that no matter what I did or said 57 year olds should be

> throwing tantrums!!

>

> She also told me a lot of things like that as a kid, like

> " Why do you like to hurt me? " Sometimes making it sound like

> my purpose in life - hell my EXISTANCE - is just to hurt

> her.

>

> A couple weeks ago she determined that EVERYTHING i do is

> because i hate her and so I'm trying to " rebel " (i'm way

> past that - i'm almost 30) and do everything opposite. Her

> examples are that I'm fat and don't ever exercise (I don't

> even know why she determined I don't exercise, I was just

> telling her a few days before this that I tried to go on my

> exercise bike 3 times a week), that I picked my partner

> based on what she wouldn't like (yes I don't actually feel

> love, I just pretend to love someone to piss her off), and

> that I am a computer nerd because I knew it would piss her

> off to be so much like my dad. It's like I have no self at

> all, everything I do or don't do or like is all about her!

>

> More quotes from childhood - " I had to have another kid

> because you didn't love me enough " " Don't make your brother

> hit you! " (my brother was also never considered responsible

> for his actions, except if he hit HER) " Why did you make me

> say/do that? " " You must like it when I'm depressed/mat or

> you wouldn't make me be that way! "

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada

> uses every time she comes for a visit.

> > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that

> everythig goes well.. " and to the typical response " Why

> shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

> " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " ,

> which infuriates me right away.

> > > >

> > > > She knows very well that the rage and the

> arguments are always around the corner, but with a

> 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

> matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to

> blame me or my family if SHE starts acting up.

> > > >

> > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @....

> DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> find)

[Guest guest]

They are so dramatic, aren't they? My mother once said I was " worse than a kid

on drugs " because I had snuck off (at 19, mind you) to go see the fireworks at

the beach with my friends FROM CHURCH. She took my car away for 6 months. A

car I paid for.

I told my therapist today that if I knew then what I do now, I'd have done

exactly what I wanted to do and not let her get away with her crap.

Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Wednesday, August 25, 2010, 12:44 AM

> Sometimes I tell my mother " Call me

> back when you're done with your temper tantrum. " And she'll

> leave me voicemails or emails that say " I would have had a

> tantrum if you didn't... *whatever I did/said she didn't

> like " . No responsibility for her own actions, no realization

> that no matter what I did or said 57 year olds should be

> throwing tantrums!!

>

> She also told me a lot of things like that as a kid, like

> " Why do you like to hurt me? " Sometimes making it sound like

> my purpose in life - hell my EXISTANCE - is just to hurt

> her.

>

> A couple weeks ago she determined that EVERYTHING i do is

> because i hate her and so I'm trying to " rebel " (i'm way

> past that - i'm almost 30) and do everything opposite. Her

> examples are that I'm fat and don't ever exercise (I don't

> even know why she determined I don't exercise, I was just

> telling her a few days before this that I tried to go on my

> exercise bike 3 times a week), that I picked my partner

> based on what she wouldn't like (yes I don't actually feel

> love, I just pretend to love someone to piss her off), and

> that I am a computer nerd because I knew it would piss her

> off to be so much like my dad. It's like I have no self at

> all, everything I do or don't do or like is all about her!

>

> More quotes from childhood - " I had to have another kid

> because you didn't love me enough " " Don't make your brother

> hit you! " (my brother was also never considered responsible

> for his actions, except if he hit HER) " Why did you make me

> say/do that? " " You must like it when I'm depressed/mat or

> you wouldn't make me be that way! "

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada

> uses every time she comes for a visit.

> > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that

> everythig goes well.. " and to the typical response " Why

> shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

> " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " ,

> which infuriates me right away.

> > > >

> > > > She knows very well that the rage and the

> arguments are always around the corner, but with a

> 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

> matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to

> blame me or my family if SHE starts acting up.

> > > >

> > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @....

> DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> find)

[Guest guest]

They are so dramatic, aren't they? My mother once said I was " worse than a kid

on drugs " because I had snuck off (at 19, mind you) to go see the fireworks at

the beach with my friends FROM CHURCH. She took my car away for 6 months. A

car I paid for.

I told my therapist today that if I knew then what I do now, I'd have done

exactly what I wanted to do and not let her get away with her crap.

Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Wednesday, August 25, 2010, 12:44 AM

> Sometimes I tell my mother " Call me

> back when you're done with your temper tantrum. " And she'll

> leave me voicemails or emails that say " I would have had a

> tantrum if you didn't... *whatever I did/said she didn't

> like " . No responsibility for her own actions, no realization

> that no matter what I did or said 57 year olds should be

> throwing tantrums!!

>

> She also told me a lot of things like that as a kid, like

> " Why do you like to hurt me? " Sometimes making it sound like

> my purpose in life - hell my EXISTANCE - is just to hurt

> her.

>

> A couple weeks ago she determined that EVERYTHING i do is

> because i hate her and so I'm trying to " rebel " (i'm way

> past that - i'm almost 30) and do everything opposite. Her

> examples are that I'm fat and don't ever exercise (I don't

> even know why she determined I don't exercise, I was just

> telling her a few days before this that I tried to go on my

> exercise bike 3 times a week), that I picked my partner

> based on what she wouldn't like (yes I don't actually feel

> love, I just pretend to love someone to piss her off), and

> that I am a computer nerd because I knew it would piss her

> off to be so much like my dad. It's like I have no self at

> all, everything I do or don't do or like is all about her!

>

> More quotes from childhood - " I had to have another kid

> because you didn't love me enough " " Don't make your brother

> hit you! " (my brother was also never considered responsible

> for his actions, except if he hit HER) " Why did you make me

> say/do that? " " You must like it when I'm depressed/mat or

> you wouldn't make me be that way! "

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada

> uses every time she comes for a visit.

> > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that

> everythig goes well.. " and to the typical response " Why

> shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

> " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " ,

> which infuriates me right away.

> > > >

> > > > She knows very well that the rage and the

> arguments are always around the corner, but with a

> 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

> matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to

> blame me or my family if SHE starts acting up.

> > > >

> > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @....

> DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> find)

[Guest guest]

They are so dramatic, aren't they? My mother once said I was " worse than a kid

on drugs " because I had snuck off (at 19, mind you) to go see the fireworks at

the beach with my friends FROM CHURCH. She took my car away for 6 months. A

car I paid for.

I told my therapist today that if I knew then what I do now, I'd have done

exactly what I wanted to do and not let her get away with her crap.

Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Wednesday, August 25, 2010, 12:44 AM

> Sometimes I tell my mother " Call me

> back when you're done with your temper tantrum. " And she'll

> leave me voicemails or emails that say " I would have had a

> tantrum if you didn't... *whatever I did/said she didn't

> like " . No responsibility for her own actions, no realization

> that no matter what I did or said 57 year olds should be

> throwing tantrums!!

>

> She also told me a lot of things like that as a kid, like

> " Why do you like to hurt me? " Sometimes making it sound like

> my purpose in life - hell my EXISTANCE - is just to hurt

> her.

>

> A couple weeks ago she determined that EVERYTHING i do is

> because i hate her and so I'm trying to " rebel " (i'm way

> past that - i'm almost 30) and do everything opposite. Her

> examples are that I'm fat and don't ever exercise (I don't

> even know why she determined I don't exercise, I was just

> telling her a few days before this that I tried to go on my

> exercise bike 3 times a week), that I picked my partner

> based on what she wouldn't like (yes I don't actually feel

> love, I just pretend to love someone to piss her off), and

> that I am a computer nerd because I knew it would piss her

> off to be so much like my dad. It's like I have no self at

> all, everything I do or don't do or like is all about her!

>

> More quotes from childhood - " I had to have another kid

> because you didn't love me enough " " Don't make your brother

> hit you! " (my brother was also never considered responsible

> for his actions, except if he hit HER) " Why did you make me

> say/do that? " " You must like it when I'm depressed/mat or

> you wouldn't make me be that way! "

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada

> uses every time she comes for a visit.

> > > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that

> everythig goes well.. " and to the typical response " Why

> shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

> " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " ,

> which infuriates me right away.

> > > >

> > > > She knows very well that the rage and the

> arguments are always around the corner, but with a

> 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

> matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to

> blame me or my family if SHE starts acting up.

> > > >

> > > > They are devilish, aren't they?

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @....

> DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> find)