Re: As long as you don't make me mad

[Guest guest]

This reminds me of one of my mother's favorite sayings: " You did that just to

make me mad! " In other words, her rages were my fault.

>

> This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for a

visit.

> She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

>

> She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

>

> They are devilish, aren't they?

>

[Guest guest]

Growing up with nada is a good learning experience for me with my own children

because she is much like a small child in the way she acts and thinks. Sometimes

my kids (mostly my youngest who is more dramatic) would tell me " I don't like

you " when they were smaller and I will tell him " that's okay you don't always

have to like me, but I love you all the time. " I don't know if that is weird but

I didn't know what to say so I tried to learn as I went along. I might tell them

" I don't like how you act, but I always still love you. " I tried to explain

that just cuz you felt mad at that moment and did not like somebody at that

moment did not mean that you could not still feel love for them.

It kind of felt like I was righting the wrongs or something. It almost gave me a

second chance from all the snappy mean nada comments. I don't know I am sure I

say jerky things sometimes to the people I love, but I don't try. I try to think

how can I defuse this. LB

> >

> > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for a

visit.

> > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

> >

> > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

> >

> > They are devilish, aren't they?

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My mother is like a small child too, She even admits it!! Many times she

has heard people say that she is being a baby,,I tell her to grow up

sometimes when I'm angry too and says she needs to be taken care of like a

small child. Thats what she expects from me.

I wonder if she really wanted kids. Now days it's easier to choose to not

have children but 42 years ago maybe it wasn't so easy. I don't think nada

wanted kids. When I was born...she worked really hard to hash plan to get

rid of me..because by the time I was 18 months she talked my dad to moving

to Germany so they can get a job and make more money. She left me with my

grand parents. (2 of the most wonderful people in the world) when I was

five she came back pregnant and about to deliver my brother, From the min

he was born I took care of him, One day he got run over by a car while I

was watching him...I got in so much trouble...Can you image a 6 year old

watching a one year old out on street alone...How could I be responsible for

that. Luckily he was fine..just scrapped under the car carriage...he was so

tiny,,he just got rolled under the car.

When she realized I loved my grandparents more then her..she had us move to

the US, Many times she tried to convince me that my grandparents hated me

and I was a burden.,,That they said they wish I would die she told me they

don't want you comming over there house everyday..they are old and tired.

I didn't belive her I knew by there actions they loved me..as I got older I

understood what a ache in the heart it was for them to loose me...Really she

just needed me to care for my brother and her while my dad worked. I've

always been her baby sitter.

Stefanie

Stefanie

On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 8:23 AM, faerydancing96 wrote:

>

>

> Growing up with nada is a good learning experience for me with my own

> children because she is much like a small child in the way she acts and

> thinks. Sometimes my kids (mostly my youngest who is more dramatic) would

> tell me " I don't like you " when they were smaller and I will tell him

> " that's okay you don't always have to like me, but I love you all the time. "

> I don't know if that is weird but I didn't know what to say so I tried to

> learn as I went along. I might tell them " I don't like how you act, but I

> always still love you. " I tried to explain that just cuz you felt mad at

> that moment and did not like somebody at that moment did not mean that you

> could not still feel love for them.

>

> It kind of felt like I was righting the wrongs or something. It almost gave

> me a second chance from all the snappy mean nada comments. I don't know I am

> sure I say jerky things sometimes to the people I love, but I don't try. I

> try to think how can I defuse this. LB

>

>

> > >

> > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

> for a visit.

> > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

> the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

> cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

> infuriates me right away.

> > >

> > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

> the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me,

> no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my

> family if SHE starts acting up.

> > >

> > > They are devilish, aren't they?

>

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

My mother is like a small child too, She even admits it!! Many times she

has heard people say that she is being a baby,,I tell her to grow up

sometimes when I'm angry too and says she needs to be taken care of like a

small child. Thats what she expects from me.

I wonder if she really wanted kids. Now days it's easier to choose to not

have children but 42 years ago maybe it wasn't so easy. I don't think nada

wanted kids. When I was born...she worked really hard to hash plan to get

rid of me..because by the time I was 18 months she talked my dad to moving

to Germany so they can get a job and make more money. She left me with my

grand parents. (2 of the most wonderful people in the world) when I was

five she came back pregnant and about to deliver my brother, From the min

he was born I took care of him, One day he got run over by a car while I

was watching him...I got in so much trouble...Can you image a 6 year old

watching a one year old out on street alone...How could I be responsible for

that. Luckily he was fine..just scrapped under the car carriage...he was so

tiny,,he just got rolled under the car.

When she realized I loved my grandparents more then her..she had us move to

the US, Many times she tried to convince me that my grandparents hated me

and I was a burden.,,That they said they wish I would die she told me they

don't want you comming over there house everyday..they are old and tired.

I didn't belive her I knew by there actions they loved me..as I got older I

understood what a ache in the heart it was for them to loose me...Really she

just needed me to care for my brother and her while my dad worked. I've

always been her baby sitter.

Stefanie

Stefanie

On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 8:23 AM, faerydancing96 wrote:

>

>

> Growing up with nada is a good learning experience for me with my own

> children because she is much like a small child in the way she acts and

> thinks. Sometimes my kids (mostly my youngest who is more dramatic) would

> tell me " I don't like you " when they were smaller and I will tell him

> " that's okay you don't always have to like me, but I love you all the time. "

> I don't know if that is weird but I didn't know what to say so I tried to

> learn as I went along. I might tell them " I don't like how you act, but I

> always still love you. " I tried to explain that just cuz you felt mad at

> that moment and did not like somebody at that moment did not mean that you

> could not still feel love for them.

>

> It kind of felt like I was righting the wrongs or something. It almost gave

> me a second chance from all the snappy mean nada comments. I don't know I am

> sure I say jerky things sometimes to the people I love, but I don't try. I

> try to think how can I defuse this. LB

>

>

> > >

> > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

> for a visit.

> > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

> the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

> cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

> infuriates me right away.

> > >

> > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

> the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me,

> no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my

> family if SHE starts acting up.

> > >

> > > They are devilish, aren't they?

>

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Stefanie, That is horrible that your mother told you lies about your

grandparents. My mother did a similar thing. I was born with a slight physical

disability and she claimed my father's side of the family didn't want to be

around me or get close to me because they thought I would die. My dad had no

parents, they had died when he was young, but I had aunts, uncles, and cousins I

never even met because of my mother.

Re: Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

My mother is like a small child too, She even admits it!! Many times she

as heard people say that she is being a baby,,I tell her to grow up

ometimes when I'm angry too and says she needs to be taken care of like a

mall child. Thats what she expects from me.

I wonder if she really wanted kids. Now days it's easier to choose to not

ave children but 42 years ago maybe it wasn't so easy. I don't think nada

anted kids. When I was born...she worked really hard to hash plan to get

id of me..because by the time I was 18 months she talked my dad to moving

o Germany so they can get a job and make more money. She left me with my

rand parents. (2 of the most wonderful people in the world) when I was

ive she came back pregnant and about to deliver my brother, From the min

e was born I took care of him, One day he got run over by a car while I

as watching him...I got in so much trouble...Can you image a 6 year old

atching a one year old out on street alone...How could I be responsible for

hat. Luckily he was fine..just scrapped under the car carriage...he was so

iny,,he just got rolled under the car.

When she realized I loved my grandparents more then her..she had us move to

he US, Many times she tried to convince me that my grandparents hated me

nd I was a burden.,,That they said they wish I would die she told me they

on't want you comming over there house everyday..they are old and tired.

didn't belive her I knew by there actions they loved me..as I got older I

nderstood what a ache in the heart it was for them to loose me...Really she

ust needed me to care for my brother and her while my dad worked. I've

lways been her baby sitter.

Stefanie

Stefanie

On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 8:23 AM, faerydancing96 wrote:

>

Growing up with nada is a good learning experience for me with my own

children because she is much like a small child in the way she acts and

thinks. Sometimes my kids (mostly my youngest who is more dramatic) would

tell me " I don't like you " when they were smaller and I will tell him

" that's okay you don't always have to like me, but I love you all the time. "

I don't know if that is weird but I didn't know what to say so I tried to

learn as I went along. I might tell them " I don't like how you act, but I

always still love you. " I tried to explain that just cuz you felt mad at

that moment and did not like somebody at that moment did not mean that you

could not still feel love for them.

It kind of felt like I was righting the wrongs or something. It almost gave

me a second chance from all the snappy mean nada comments. I don't know I am

sure I say jerky things sometimes to the people I love, but I don't try. I

try to think how can I defuse this. LB

> >

> > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

for a visit.

> > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

infuriates me right away.

> >

> > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me,

no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my

family if SHE starts acting up.

> >

> > They are devilish, aren't they?

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Stefanie, That is horrible that your mother told you lies about your

grandparents. My mother did a similar thing. I was born with a slight physical

disability and she claimed my father's side of the family didn't want to be

around me or get close to me because they thought I would die. My dad had no

parents, they had died when he was young, but I had aunts, uncles, and cousins I

never even met because of my mother.

Re: Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

My mother is like a small child too, She even admits it!! Many times she

as heard people say that she is being a baby,,I tell her to grow up

ometimes when I'm angry too and says she needs to be taken care of like a

mall child. Thats what she expects from me.

I wonder if she really wanted kids. Now days it's easier to choose to not

ave children but 42 years ago maybe it wasn't so easy. I don't think nada

anted kids. When I was born...she worked really hard to hash plan to get

id of me..because by the time I was 18 months she talked my dad to moving

o Germany so they can get a job and make more money. She left me with my

rand parents. (2 of the most wonderful people in the world) when I was

ive she came back pregnant and about to deliver my brother, From the min

e was born I took care of him, One day he got run over by a car while I

as watching him...I got in so much trouble...Can you image a 6 year old

atching a one year old out on street alone...How could I be responsible for

hat. Luckily he was fine..just scrapped under the car carriage...he was so

iny,,he just got rolled under the car.

When she realized I loved my grandparents more then her..she had us move to

he US, Many times she tried to convince me that my grandparents hated me

nd I was a burden.,,That they said they wish I would die she told me they

on't want you comming over there house everyday..they are old and tired.

didn't belive her I knew by there actions they loved me..as I got older I

nderstood what a ache in the heart it was for them to loose me...Really she

ust needed me to care for my brother and her while my dad worked. I've

lways been her baby sitter.

Stefanie

Stefanie

On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 8:23 AM, faerydancing96 wrote:

>

Growing up with nada is a good learning experience for me with my own

children because she is much like a small child in the way she acts and

thinks. Sometimes my kids (mostly my youngest who is more dramatic) would

tell me " I don't like you " when they were smaller and I will tell him

" that's okay you don't always have to like me, but I love you all the time. "

I don't know if that is weird but I didn't know what to say so I tried to

learn as I went along. I might tell them " I don't like how you act, but I

always still love you. " I tried to explain that just cuz you felt mad at

that moment and did not like somebody at that moment did not mean that you

could not still feel love for them.

It kind of felt like I was righting the wrongs or something. It almost gave

me a second chance from all the snappy mean nada comments. I don't know I am

sure I say jerky things sometimes to the people I love, but I don't try. I

try to think how can I defuse this. LB

> >

> > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

for a visit.

> > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

infuriates me right away.

> >

> > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me,

no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my

family if SHE starts acting up.

> >

> > They are devilish, aren't they?

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Stefanie, That is horrible that your mother told you lies about your

grandparents. My mother did a similar thing. I was born with a slight physical

disability and she claimed my father's side of the family didn't want to be

around me or get close to me because they thought I would die. My dad had no

parents, they had died when he was young, but I had aunts, uncles, and cousins I

never even met because of my mother.

Re: Re: " As long as you don't make me mad "

My mother is like a small child too, She even admits it!! Many times she

as heard people say that she is being a baby,,I tell her to grow up

ometimes when I'm angry too and says she needs to be taken care of like a

mall child. Thats what she expects from me.

I wonder if she really wanted kids. Now days it's easier to choose to not

ave children but 42 years ago maybe it wasn't so easy. I don't think nada

anted kids. When I was born...she worked really hard to hash plan to get

id of me..because by the time I was 18 months she talked my dad to moving

o Germany so they can get a job and make more money. She left me with my

rand parents. (2 of the most wonderful people in the world) when I was

ive she came back pregnant and about to deliver my brother, From the min

e was born I took care of him, One day he got run over by a car while I

as watching him...I got in so much trouble...Can you image a 6 year old

atching a one year old out on street alone...How could I be responsible for

hat. Luckily he was fine..just scrapped under the car carriage...he was so

iny,,he just got rolled under the car.

When she realized I loved my grandparents more then her..she had us move to

he US, Many times she tried to convince me that my grandparents hated me

nd I was a burden.,,That they said they wish I would die she told me they

on't want you comming over there house everyday..they are old and tired.

didn't belive her I knew by there actions they loved me..as I got older I

nderstood what a ache in the heart it was for them to loose me...Really she

ust needed me to care for my brother and her while my dad worked. I've

lways been her baby sitter.

Stefanie

Stefanie

On Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 8:23 AM, faerydancing96 wrote:

>

Growing up with nada is a good learning experience for me with my own

children because she is much like a small child in the way she acts and

thinks. Sometimes my kids (mostly my youngest who is more dramatic) would

tell me " I don't like you " when they were smaller and I will tell him

" that's okay you don't always have to like me, but I love you all the time. "

I don't know if that is weird but I didn't know what to say so I tried to

learn as I went along. I might tell them " I don't like how you act, but I

always still love you. " I tried to explain that just cuz you felt mad at

that moment and did not like somebody at that moment did not mean that you

could not still feel love for them.

It kind of felt like I was righting the wrongs or something. It almost gave

me a second chance from all the snappy mean nada comments. I don't know I am

sure I say jerky things sometimes to the people I love, but I don't try. I

try to think how can I defuse this. LB

> >

> > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

for a visit.

> > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

infuriates me right away.

> >

> > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me,

no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my

family if SHE starts acting up.

> >

> > They are devilish, aren't they?

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh man, I used to hear this phrase SO MUCH as a kid. Even now, it seeps into

family conversation/gatherings/etc.

> >

> > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for a

visit.

> > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

> >

> > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

> >

> > They are devilish, aren't they?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh man, I used to hear this phrase SO MUCH as a kid. Even now, it seeps into

family conversation/gatherings/etc.

> >

> > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for a

visit.

> > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

> >

> > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

> >

> > They are devilish, aren't they?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

UGH! " I didn't sign up for this. " " Why are you doing this to me? "

So much unnecessary guilt that we had NO idea how to stop...

> >

> > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes for a

visit.

> > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to the

typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a cryptic

" things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which infuriates me

right away.

> >

> > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around the

corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me, no

matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my family

if SHE starts acting up.

> >

> > They are devilish, aren't they?

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It's amazing how good they are at isolation! I started looking at the way our

family works - nada doesn't talk to anyone from ANY side of the family except my

sister who calls her religiously. And she sends emails that try to explain how

awful these family members are and how I should stay away from them because

they're thieves and murderers.

WHY so dramatic!?

> > >

> > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

> for a visit.

> > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

> the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

> cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

> infuriates me right away.

> > >

> > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

> the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me,

> no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my

> family if SHE starts acting up.

> > >

> > > They are devilish, aren't they?

>

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

It's amazing how good they are at isolation! I started looking at the way our

family works - nada doesn't talk to anyone from ANY side of the family except my

sister who calls her religiously. And she sends emails that try to explain how

awful these family members are and how I should stay away from them because

they're thieves and murderers.

WHY so dramatic!?

> > >

> > > This is the USUAL catchy phrase that my nada uses every time she comes

> for a visit.

> > > She starts with a " well, let's hope that everythig goes well.. " and to

> the typical response " Why shouldn't it go well? " she always ends with a

> cryptic " things will go well, as long as you don't make me mad " , which

> infuriates me right away.

> > >

> > > She knows very well that the rage and the arguments are always around

> the corner, but with a 'preemptive strike' she put the blame already on me,

> no matter what. Even before nothing happens, she is ready to blame me or my

> family if SHE starts acting up.

> > >

> > > They are devilish, aren't they?

>

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Ha! Oh yeah -

" We could have such a wonderful relationship if only YOU'D... "

The tension, distance and bad feeling between us is always and forever my fault

and my responsibility, because I cannot keep meeting her demands (which are

insatiable).

And this is always said in such a sad voice, shaking her head slowly, tears

brimming in her eyes. She really does not understand why we don't have a close,

loving relationship. She can't wrap her head around the idea that a

relationship is a two-way street and that I might not want to devote my entire

life to being at her beck and call. She's truly bewildered about that.

So again, I'm not mad - I'm just done.

[Guest guest]

Ha! Oh yeah -

" We could have such a wonderful relationship if only YOU'D... "

The tension, distance and bad feeling between us is always and forever my fault

and my responsibility, because I cannot keep meeting her demands (which are

insatiable).

And this is always said in such a sad voice, shaking her head slowly, tears

brimming in her eyes. She really does not understand why we don't have a close,

loving relationship. She can't wrap her head around the idea that a

relationship is a two-way street and that I might not want to devote my entire

life to being at her beck and call. She's truly bewildered about that.

So again, I'm not mad - I'm just done.

[Guest guest]

Ha! Oh yeah -

" We could have such a wonderful relationship if only YOU'D... "

The tension, distance and bad feeling between us is always and forever my fault

and my responsibility, because I cannot keep meeting her demands (which are

insatiable).

And this is always said in such a sad voice, shaking her head slowly, tears

brimming in her eyes. She really does not understand why we don't have a close,

loving relationship. She can't wrap her head around the idea that a

relationship is a two-way street and that I might not want to devote my entire

life to being at her beck and call. She's truly bewildered about that.

So again, I'm not mad - I'm just done.