BPD Sister goes crazy in Public Restaurant

[Guest guest]

My mother (BPD) and my sister (BPD) went out to a theater show and then dinner

at a local public restaurant. My brother and his girlfriend were out

inner-tubing on the lake all day. They came home in wet bathing suits when my

brother realized he didn't have his key to the house. So, he and his girlfriend

in bathsuits went down to restaurant and called mom on the cell phone. They did

want to come into the restaurant because it was a fancy place and they were in

their swimsuits. So, while mom is talking on the phone, my BPD sister grabs the

key out of her hand...(it is an open air restaurant) goes down to the car and

start SCREAMING at the top of her lungs... " I gonna scratch your pretty face

up! " " Your whore girlfriend needs to quit having sex in mom's house. " " I am

gonna kick you out on the street. " " I can hear you having sex in mom's house

through the walls. "

" You are nothing but lazy...and need to get a job. " Let's talk about mortifying

drama situation. I am just glad that I don't live at home. Some people may

remember months ago I wrote about my father who died ... And my sister had crazy

scene where she attacked me. I hate to say but this situation by her attack

another family member actually affirms me ... is that not crazy?

[Guest guest]

Wow, I'm so sorry that your brother and his girlfriend were subjected to such

humiliating abuse in public. Good Grief. Yes, it is crazy.

However, I agree: it sounds bizarre to admit it, but when the person with bpd

(pwbpd) in our life acts out in such a spectacularly crazy fashion in public

like that, and towards someone else (another family member, a friend, or a

stranger) it can be *very* validating for us KOs.

Its very rare for my nada to do that (she is very high-functioning) but when she

has had a melt-down in public it became so clear that there's something

fundamentally wrong with her brain and/or her character. And it became clearer

to me, watching as she directed her meltdown/paranoia/tantrum at someone else

that this fundamental and profound dysfunction was not caused by me and really

has nothing to do with me at all. Its not my fault.

Thing is, the pwbpd discover that their " amazing super power " of scary, intense

rage and hysterics can be used to dominate and control the crap out of us foo

members. We're afraid of being on the receiving end of that rage (and as a

child, I was afraid of being on the receiving end of a terrifying beating) so we

become trained to never stand up to them or give them consequences for such

spectacularly bad behavior.

We let them get away with it, so they keep doing it. We let them bully us.

Maybe if you and all your foo members were on the same page about this (so to

speak) and collectively gave your sister a boundary and follow through with

strict consequences if she acts out like that again, it might motivate her to

stop doing it. But it would take all of you agreeing to act together, I'm

betting, and none of you continuing to enable her nasty behaviors.

It might work. It might not work. Might be worth a try, though.

What have you got to lose?

-Annie

>

> My mother (BPD) and my sister (BPD) went out to a theater show and then dinner

at a local public restaurant. My brother and his girlfriend were out

inner-tubing on the lake all day. They came home in wet bathing suits when my

brother realized he didn't have his key to the house. So, he and his girlfriend

in bathsuits went down to restaurant and called mom on the cell phone. They did

want to come into the restaurant because it was a fancy place and they were in

their swimsuits. So, while mom is talking on the phone, my BPD sister grabs the

key out of her hand...(it is an open air restaurant) goes down to the car and

start SCREAMING at the top of her lungs... " I gonna scratch your pretty face

up! " " Your whore girlfriend needs to quit having sex in mom's house. " " I am

gonna kick you out on the street. " " I can hear you having sex in mom's house

through the walls. "

> " You are nothing but lazy...and need to get a job. " Let's talk about

mortifying drama situation. I am just glad that I don't live at home. Some

people may remember months ago I wrote about my father who died ... And my

sister had crazy scene where she attacked me. I hate to say but this situation

by her attack another family member actually affirms me ... is that not crazy?

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, I'm so sorry that your brother and his girlfriend were subjected to such

humiliating abuse in public. Good Grief. Yes, it is crazy.

However, I agree: it sounds bizarre to admit it, but when the person with bpd

(pwbpd) in our life acts out in such a spectacularly crazy fashion in public

like that, and towards someone else (another family member, a friend, or a

stranger) it can be *very* validating for us KOs.

Its very rare for my nada to do that (she is very high-functioning) but when she

has had a melt-down in public it became so clear that there's something

fundamentally wrong with her brain and/or her character. And it became clearer

to me, watching as she directed her meltdown/paranoia/tantrum at someone else

that this fundamental and profound dysfunction was not caused by me and really

has nothing to do with me at all. Its not my fault.

Thing is, the pwbpd discover that their " amazing super power " of scary, intense

rage and hysterics can be used to dominate and control the crap out of us foo

members. We're afraid of being on the receiving end of that rage (and as a

child, I was afraid of being on the receiving end of a terrifying beating) so we

become trained to never stand up to them or give them consequences for such

spectacularly bad behavior.

We let them get away with it, so they keep doing it. We let them bully us.

Maybe if you and all your foo members were on the same page about this (so to

speak) and collectively gave your sister a boundary and follow through with

strict consequences if she acts out like that again, it might motivate her to

stop doing it. But it would take all of you agreeing to act together, I'm

betting, and none of you continuing to enable her nasty behaviors.

It might work. It might not work. Might be worth a try, though.

What have you got to lose?

-Annie

>

> My mother (BPD) and my sister (BPD) went out to a theater show and then dinner

at a local public restaurant. My brother and his girlfriend were out

inner-tubing on the lake all day. They came home in wet bathing suits when my

brother realized he didn't have his key to the house. So, he and his girlfriend

in bathsuits went down to restaurant and called mom on the cell phone. They did

want to come into the restaurant because it was a fancy place and they were in

their swimsuits. So, while mom is talking on the phone, my BPD sister grabs the

key out of her hand...(it is an open air restaurant) goes down to the car and

start SCREAMING at the top of her lungs... " I gonna scratch your pretty face

up! " " Your whore girlfriend needs to quit having sex in mom's house. " " I am

gonna kick you out on the street. " " I can hear you having sex in mom's house

through the walls. "

> " You are nothing but lazy...and need to get a job. " Let's talk about

mortifying drama situation. I am just glad that I don't live at home. Some

people may remember months ago I wrote about my father who died ... And my

sister had crazy scene where she attacked me. I hate to say but this situation

by her attack another family member actually affirms me ... is that not crazy?

>

[Guest guest]

" I hate to say but this situation by her attack another family member actually

affirms me ... is that not crazy? "

Why, yes, I'd say it - and she - are crazy.

>

[Guest guest]

this is one of those cases where the part about bpd meaning being on the

borderline between neurotic and psychotic seems to me to be giving women a pass

by labeling them bpd. this to me sounds like psychotic behavior. 'scratch up

your pretty face' is communicating a threat and could be considered assault in

some states, like the one I live in, where a perceived threat of physical harm

qualifies.

your sis needs to watch herself before she ends up in jail.

>

> My mother (BPD) and my sister (BPD) went out to a theater show and then dinner

at a local public restaurant. My brother and his girlfriend were out

inner-tubing on the lake all day. They came home in wet bathing suits when my

brother realized he didn't have his key to the house. So, he and his girlfriend

in bathsuits went down to restaurant and called mom on the cell phone. They did

want to come into the restaurant because it was a fancy place and they were in

their swimsuits. So, while mom is talking on the phone, my BPD sister grabs the

key out of her hand...(it is an open air restaurant) goes down to the car and

start SCREAMING at the top of her lungs... " I gonna scratch your pretty face

up! " " Your whore girlfriend needs to quit having sex in mom's house. " " I am

gonna kick you out on the street. " " I can hear you having sex in mom's house

through the walls. "

> " You are nothing but lazy...and need to get a job. " Let's talk about

mortifying drama situation. I am just glad that I don't live at home. Some

people may remember months ago I wrote about my father who died ... And my

sister had crazy scene where she attacked me. I hate to say but this situation

by her attack another family member actually affirms me ... is that not crazy?

>

[Guest guest]

You're right: verbally threatening to harm another person, saying that you're

going to physically attack them, is considered " assault. " Actually carrying out

the threat is " assault and battery. "

(That's why its so ironic to me that children can be verbally threatened and

physically attacked with impunity by their parents; its like children don't have

the same human rights as adults.)

However, extreme and inappropriate anger (and chronic anger) *is* one of the

diagnostic traits of bpd. In my own nada's case, I can buy that her enraged

acting out is due to borderline pd and narcissistic pd. More so when I was a

child and teen than now, she would become easily enraged (hair-trigger temper),

would make threats of violence and would often follow through with physically

battering Sister and me. (But the verbal threats and physical battery would

only happen in private, behind the closed doors of our home. She never battered

us or threatened us in public.)

I'm no expert, but from what I've read it seems to me that narcissistic pd

people (like bpd people) can become enraged easily when their ego is wounded.

If npds are thwarted in getting what they want when they want it, or if their

sense of entitlement is ignored, they can react with rage like bpds, and can

also display revenge behaviors. Npds want to " get you back " either directly or

indirectly with passive-aggressive behaviors.

And (again, this is just my opinion) my interpretation of what I've read about

psychopathic pd (aka sociopathic pd, or antisocial pd) is that antisocial pds

tend to be more cold, calculating, and emotionless. A

psychopath/sociopath/antisocial pd person will kill casually, like crushing an

annoying bug under their shoe. They have no conscience, no empathy, no remorse

and are not motivated or deterred by the possibility of punishment. Its almost

like they aren't even human beings at all, but are some sort of human-shaped,

air-breathing shark. Just cruising around, looking to feed and reproduce.

Other human beings are just their prey, nothing else.

On the other hand, I have read an article or two that speculates that the same

set of traits and behaviors are diagnosed as antisocial pd in males and

borderline pd in females, due to gender bias. But other articles say that

gender bias in diagnosing personality disorder is not valid.

So, I'm confused about that issue.

-Annie

>

> this is one of those cases where the part about bpd meaning being on the

borderline between neurotic and psychotic seems to me to be giving women a pass

by labeling them bpd. this to me sounds like psychotic behavior. 'scratch up

your pretty face' is communicating a threat and could be considered assault in

some states, like the one I live in, where a perceived threat of physical harm

qualifies.

>

> your sis needs to watch herself before she ends up in jail.

[Guest guest]

You're right: verbally threatening to harm another person, saying that you're

going to physically attack them, is considered " assault. " Actually carrying out

the threat is " assault and battery. "

(That's why its so ironic to me that children can be verbally threatened and

physically attacked with impunity by their parents; its like children don't have

the same human rights as adults.)

However, extreme and inappropriate anger (and chronic anger) *is* one of the

diagnostic traits of bpd. In my own nada's case, I can buy that her enraged

acting out is due to borderline pd and narcissistic pd. More so when I was a

child and teen than now, she would become easily enraged (hair-trigger temper),

would make threats of violence and would often follow through with physically

battering Sister and me. (But the verbal threats and physical battery would

only happen in private, behind the closed doors of our home. She never battered

us or threatened us in public.)

I'm no expert, but from what I've read it seems to me that narcissistic pd

people (like bpd people) can become enraged easily when their ego is wounded.

If npds are thwarted in getting what they want when they want it, or if their

sense of entitlement is ignored, they can react with rage like bpds, and can

also display revenge behaviors. Npds want to " get you back " either directly or

indirectly with passive-aggressive behaviors.

And (again, this is just my opinion) my interpretation of what I've read about

psychopathic pd (aka sociopathic pd, or antisocial pd) is that antisocial pds

tend to be more cold, calculating, and emotionless. A

psychopath/sociopath/antisocial pd person will kill casually, like crushing an

annoying bug under their shoe. They have no conscience, no empathy, no remorse

and are not motivated or deterred by the possibility of punishment. Its almost

like they aren't even human beings at all, but are some sort of human-shaped,

air-breathing shark. Just cruising around, looking to feed and reproduce.

Other human beings are just their prey, nothing else.

On the other hand, I have read an article or two that speculates that the same

set of traits and behaviors are diagnosed as antisocial pd in males and

borderline pd in females, due to gender bias. But other articles say that

gender bias in diagnosing personality disorder is not valid.

So, I'm confused about that issue.

-Annie

>

> this is one of those cases where the part about bpd meaning being on the

borderline between neurotic and psychotic seems to me to be giving women a pass

by labeling them bpd. this to me sounds like psychotic behavior. 'scratch up

your pretty face' is communicating a threat and could be considered assault in

some states, like the one I live in, where a perceived threat of physical harm

qualifies.

>

> your sis needs to watch herself before she ends up in jail.

[Guest guest]

You're right: verbally threatening to harm another person, saying that you're

going to physically attack them, is considered " assault. " Actually carrying out

the threat is " assault and battery. "

(That's why its so ironic to me that children can be verbally threatened and

physically attacked with impunity by their parents; its like children don't have

the same human rights as adults.)

However, extreme and inappropriate anger (and chronic anger) *is* one of the

diagnostic traits of bpd. In my own nada's case, I can buy that her enraged

acting out is due to borderline pd and narcissistic pd. More so when I was a

child and teen than now, she would become easily enraged (hair-trigger temper),

would make threats of violence and would often follow through with physically

battering Sister and me. (But the verbal threats and physical battery would

only happen in private, behind the closed doors of our home. She never battered

us or threatened us in public.)

I'm no expert, but from what I've read it seems to me that narcissistic pd

people (like bpd people) can become enraged easily when their ego is wounded.

If npds are thwarted in getting what they want when they want it, or if their

sense of entitlement is ignored, they can react with rage like bpds, and can

also display revenge behaviors. Npds want to " get you back " either directly or

indirectly with passive-aggressive behaviors.

And (again, this is just my opinion) my interpretation of what I've read about

psychopathic pd (aka sociopathic pd, or antisocial pd) is that antisocial pds

tend to be more cold, calculating, and emotionless. A

psychopath/sociopath/antisocial pd person will kill casually, like crushing an

annoying bug under their shoe. They have no conscience, no empathy, no remorse

and are not motivated or deterred by the possibility of punishment. Its almost

like they aren't even human beings at all, but are some sort of human-shaped,

air-breathing shark. Just cruising around, looking to feed and reproduce.

Other human beings are just their prey, nothing else.

On the other hand, I have read an article or two that speculates that the same

set of traits and behaviors are diagnosed as antisocial pd in males and

borderline pd in females, due to gender bias. But other articles say that

gender bias in diagnosing personality disorder is not valid.

So, I'm confused about that issue.

-Annie

>

> this is one of those cases where the part about bpd meaning being on the

borderline between neurotic and psychotic seems to me to be giving women a pass

by labeling them bpd. this to me sounds like psychotic behavior. 'scratch up

your pretty face' is communicating a threat and could be considered assault in

some states, like the one I live in, where a perceived threat of physical harm

qualifies.

>

> your sis needs to watch herself before she ends up in jail.

[Guest guest]

It's amazing what a little distance does, huh? I find that incredibly

validating! Turns out they really ARE crazy!!

I like what Annie said as well. When the rage is coming straight at us, we just

survive any way we can and not think about how messed up they really are. But,

when we see the same abuse from an " outsider's " perspective, it's an entirely

different thing.

Has anyone ever had the experience of reading/hearing a story about child abuse

and then being shocked: " Those poor children! I can't imagine how awful that

would be! " Two beats later, I then realize: " Oh, wait. I went through much

worse than that. "

It is an entirely different thing when we see what we went though while watching

another person endure the same.

For this KO, who's parents were so stealth, it's wonderful when they show

themselves for who they really are. It makes everything so much less confusing.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> My mother (BPD) and my sister (BPD) went out to a theater show and then dinner

at a local public restaurant. My brother and his girlfriend were out

inner-tubing on the lake all day. They came home in wet bathing suits when my

brother realized he didn't have his key to the house. So, he and his girlfriend

in bathsuits went down to restaurant and called mom on the cell phone. They did

want to come into the restaurant because it was a fancy place and they were in

their swimsuits. So, while mom is talking on the phone, my BPD sister grabs the

key out of her hand...(it is an open air restaurant) goes down to the car and

start SCREAMING at the top of her lungs... " I gonna scratch your pretty face

up! " " Your whore girlfriend needs to quit having sex in mom's house. " " I am

gonna kick you out on the street. " " I can hear you having sex in mom's house

through the walls. "

> " You are nothing but lazy...and need to get a job. " Let's talk about

mortifying drama situation. I am just glad that I don't live at home. Some

people may remember months ago I wrote about my father who died ... And my

sister had crazy scene where she attacked me. I hate to say but this situation

by her attack another family member actually affirms me ... is that not crazy?

>

[Guest guest]

I understand what you are saying about bpd/npd though and the anger/rage thing.

I think psychotic is more a loss of contact with reality, so I may have used

terminology that doesn't exactly fit, but psychopathic is different, that is

what is considered the same as anti-social personality disorder, which

ironically has been shown to be what males with bpd symptoms are more frequently

diagnosed with....there was study done where females and males presenting with

the same behaviors/symptoms were evaluated (case studies, I guess) and the males

were called aspd where the females were more frequently called bpd, but the only

changes were gender. I think psychotic means, from the definition I just looked

up, a loss of contact with reality, hallucinations, delusions, etc, etc, whereas

I was just thinking of people who are violent and a danger to others and need to

be locked up. It's confusing really. I guess she could just be a raging bpd

witch but if I was your sister in law and I knew I was going to be in family

with this woman for a long time I would press charges and get a restraining

order, that is insane behavior that needs some kind of intervention.

> >

> > this is one of those cases where the part about bpd meaning being on the

borderline between neurotic and psychotic seems to me to be giving women a pass

by labeling them bpd. this to me sounds like psychotic behavior. 'scratch up

your pretty face' is communicating a threat and could be considered assault in

some states, like the one I live in, where a perceived threat of physical harm

qualifies.

> >

> > your sis needs to watch herself before she ends up in jail.

>