Re: Mother on hospice with bpd

[Guest guest]

I don't have advice, but when I read your post I could sure relate. My mom

has been terminally ill for more than 4 years now. As much as this entire

stage - no cure, but not dying either - has been difficult, I really dread

when she really is dying and put on hospice (if that is the way things go).

I know there will be tremendous pressure and guilt from her and others for

me to do more than I will likely be willing to do. In the times when I

thought she actually might die, I also kept coming up against a tension

within myself that I did not want to do anything for her or be with her,

while also just being a mess emotionally - something about when I think she

actually may be dying puts me over the edge emotionally.

Peace be with you,

MY

>

>

> Hello. I have never done anything like this, so bear with me. My mother

> has had BPD all of her life and has destroyed any feelings I have for her,

> and now she is dying, and wants my support and I am at a loss of how to

> emotionally handle this. Does anyone have any advice, I am desperate. If I

> hear from her one more time " this is all about me " I'm gonna lose it.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the board. I have an idea of how you're feeling. I don't have any

warm fuzzy feelings for my mom. She's irritates the snot out of me. But when my

Dad was slowly dying from heart failure and then cancer, I was there for him.

That meant listening to her bad mouth my Dad every time. But I tried to tune her

out.

Now she's alone, almost 82 and still as manipulative as ever. Speaking for

myself, I go over twice a week and run errands for her and help around the house

not because of some deep love I have for her. But for me, I sleep better at

night knowing I'm doing the right thing, not allowing myself to be as vengeful

as she is. I try to see her as just another person (a neighbor perhaps) that's

having a hard time and I'm lending a hand. Nothing more. Years ago we had two

elderly neighbors who needed help now and then. We were glad to be there for

them. They were so sweet. In this case, the person (mom) is not sweet but still

needs help.

It's up to you. If you can tune out her words and weird behavior, go ahead and

stop by now and then. If she still has the power to hurt you, then don't go

there. You need to protect yourself. That's not being selfish; it's being safe.

You said she's on hospice care so her needs are being met. I'm not sure what

else she's expecting from you. But it probably isn't anything normal or good.

>

> Hello.  I have never done anything like this, so bear with me.  My mother has

had BPD all of her life and has destroyed any feelings I have for her, and now

she is dying, and wants my support and I am at a loss of how to emotionally

handle this.  Does anyone have any advice, I am desperate.  If I hear from her

one more time " this is all about me " I'm gonna lose it.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the board. I have an idea of how you're feeling. I don't have any

warm fuzzy feelings for my mom. She's irritates the snot out of me. But when my

Dad was slowly dying from heart failure and then cancer, I was there for him.

That meant listening to her bad mouth my Dad every time. But I tried to tune her

out.

Now she's alone, almost 82 and still as manipulative as ever. Speaking for

myself, I go over twice a week and run errands for her and help around the house

not because of some deep love I have for her. But for me, I sleep better at

night knowing I'm doing the right thing, not allowing myself to be as vengeful

as she is. I try to see her as just another person (a neighbor perhaps) that's

having a hard time and I'm lending a hand. Nothing more. Years ago we had two

elderly neighbors who needed help now and then. We were glad to be there for

them. They were so sweet. In this case, the person (mom) is not sweet but still

needs help.

It's up to you. If you can tune out her words and weird behavior, go ahead and

stop by now and then. If she still has the power to hurt you, then don't go

there. You need to protect yourself. That's not being selfish; it's being safe.

You said she's on hospice care so her needs are being met. I'm not sure what

else she's expecting from you. But it probably isn't anything normal or good.

>

> Hello.  I have never done anything like this, so bear with me.  My mother has

had BPD all of her life and has destroyed any feelings I have for her, and now

she is dying, and wants my support and I am at a loss of how to emotionally

handle this.  Does anyone have any advice, I am desperate.  If I hear from her

one more time " this is all about me " I'm gonna lose it.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the board. I have an idea of how you're feeling. I don't have any

warm fuzzy feelings for my mom. She's irritates the snot out of me. But when my

Dad was slowly dying from heart failure and then cancer, I was there for him.

That meant listening to her bad mouth my Dad every time. But I tried to tune her

out.

Now she's alone, almost 82 and still as manipulative as ever. Speaking for

myself, I go over twice a week and run errands for her and help around the house

not because of some deep love I have for her. But for me, I sleep better at

night knowing I'm doing the right thing, not allowing myself to be as vengeful

as she is. I try to see her as just another person (a neighbor perhaps) that's

having a hard time and I'm lending a hand. Nothing more. Years ago we had two

elderly neighbors who needed help now and then. We were glad to be there for

them. They were so sweet. In this case, the person (mom) is not sweet but still

needs help.

It's up to you. If you can tune out her words and weird behavior, go ahead and

stop by now and then. If she still has the power to hurt you, then don't go

there. You need to protect yourself. That's not being selfish; it's being safe.

You said she's on hospice care so her needs are being met. I'm not sure what

else she's expecting from you. But it probably isn't anything normal or good.

>

> Hello.  I have never done anything like this, so bear with me.  My mother has

had BPD all of her life and has destroyed any feelings I have for her, and now

she is dying, and wants my support and I am at a loss of how to emotionally

handle this.  Does anyone have any advice, I am desperate.  If I hear from her

one more time " this is all about me " I'm gonna lose it.

>

>

>

>

>