Re: Deep sadness......grieving my lost childhood

August 12, 2010

Clair.

Good for you:) This definitely seems to me a healing moment. Feel it!..no

one is going to deni you that sadness. It appropriate and it needs to be

felt.

Our childhoods are lost...painful....confusing. To the point that we shut

down our feelings. I am envious in a way that you are feeling them. I

still can't. In regards to my childhood all I feel is fear and anxiety..and

once in a while anger. ...It's as if I can see that inner child but she is

locked behind bullet proof glass. Every time i try It's too scary and I

stop.

Good for you for this wonderful breakthrough

Stefanie

On Thu, Aug 12, 2010 at 11:38 AM, Newton wrote:

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am very sad right now. Lately I have been connecting to my inner child,

> the

> little girl in me.

>

> Im getting to know her and love and nuture her, I had some kind of

> awakening the

> other day, I was driving in my car to work, and I felt my inner child with

> me, I

> pictured her sitting on the passenger seat of the car, and I was telling

> her how

> beautiful and amazing she is, and that even though she was severly abused

> as a

> child, and her real parents, as in my real parents didnt look after he,

> (me), I

> told her that I will take care of her now, and thats she doesnt need to be

> scared anymore.

>

> Thats is the great part of connecting with my inner child, the sad part is

> that

> I see my beautiful son, who is my life, I see him growing up and living a

> healthy happy childhood, and I have triggers, of how could anyone put a

> child or

> even and adult through so much abuse. I have so many unanswered questions,

> why

> was I never allowed to be a child, why was I never allowed to be happy, I

> never

> ever deserved what I was put through as a child, all I wanted was to be

> loved

> and looked after by my parents, I never asked for any of the abuse I

> endured.

>

> Just a moment ago a real deep sadness came over me, a sadness that I have

> never

> felt before, I sat with the sadness although it did overwhelm me a little.

>

> Is this me finally starting to heal??? Is what I am going through a sign

> that I

> am well on the road to recovery and on the road to valuing myself and

> loving

> myself?

>

> Thoughts welcome at this very sad time for me

>

> Thanks

> x

>

August 12, 2010

Clair.

Good for you:) This definitely seems to me a healing moment. Feel it!..no

one is going to deni you that sadness. It appropriate and it needs to be

felt.

Our childhoods are lost...painful....confusing. To the point that we shut

down our feelings. I am envious in a way that you are feeling them. I

still can't. In regards to my childhood all I feel is fear and anxiety..and

once in a while anger. ...It's as if I can see that inner child but she is

locked behind bullet proof glass. Every time i try It's too scary and I

stop.

Good for you for this wonderful breakthrough

Stefanie

On Thu, Aug 12, 2010 at 11:38 AM, Newton wrote:

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am very sad right now. Lately I have been connecting to my inner child,

> the

> little girl in me.

>

> Im getting to know her and love and nuture her, I had some kind of

> awakening the

> other day, I was driving in my car to work, and I felt my inner child with

> me, I

> pictured her sitting on the passenger seat of the car, and I was telling

> her how

> beautiful and amazing she is, and that even though she was severly abused

> as a

> child, and her real parents, as in my real parents didnt look after he,

> (me), I

> told her that I will take care of her now, and thats she doesnt need to be

> scared anymore.

>

> Thats is the great part of connecting with my inner child, the sad part is

> that

> I see my beautiful son, who is my life, I see him growing up and living a

> healthy happy childhood, and I have triggers, of how could anyone put a

> child or

> even and adult through so much abuse. I have so many unanswered questions,

> why

> was I never allowed to be a child, why was I never allowed to be happy, I

> never

> ever deserved what I was put through as a child, all I wanted was to be

> loved

> and looked after by my parents, I never asked for any of the abuse I

> endured.

>

> Just a moment ago a real deep sadness came over me, a sadness that I have

> never

> felt before, I sat with the sadness although it did overwhelm me a little.

>

> Is this me finally starting to heal??? Is what I am going through a sign

> that I

> am well on the road to recovery and on the road to valuing myself and

> loving

> myself?

>

> Thoughts welcome at this very sad time for me

>

> Thanks

> x

>

August 12, 2010

Clair.

Good for you:) This definitely seems to me a healing moment. Feel it!..no

one is going to deni you that sadness. It appropriate and it needs to be

felt.

Our childhoods are lost...painful....confusing. To the point that we shut

down our feelings. I am envious in a way that you are feeling them. I

still can't. In regards to my childhood all I feel is fear and anxiety..and

once in a while anger. ...It's as if I can see that inner child but she is

locked behind bullet proof glass. Every time i try It's too scary and I

stop.

Good for you for this wonderful breakthrough

Stefanie

On Thu, Aug 12, 2010 at 11:38 AM, Newton wrote:

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am very sad right now. Lately I have been connecting to my inner child,

> the

> little girl in me.

>

> Im getting to know her and love and nuture her, I had some kind of

> awakening the

> other day, I was driving in my car to work, and I felt my inner child with

> me, I

> pictured her sitting on the passenger seat of the car, and I was telling

> her how

> beautiful and amazing she is, and that even though she was severly abused

> as a

> child, and her real parents, as in my real parents didnt look after he,

> (me), I

> told her that I will take care of her now, and thats she doesnt need to be

> scared anymore.

>

> Thats is the great part of connecting with my inner child, the sad part is

> that

> I see my beautiful son, who is my life, I see him growing up and living a

> healthy happy childhood, and I have triggers, of how could anyone put a

> child or

> even and adult through so much abuse. I have so many unanswered questions,

> why

> was I never allowed to be a child, why was I never allowed to be happy, I

> never

> ever deserved what I was put through as a child, all I wanted was to be

> loved

> and looked after by my parents, I never asked for any of the abuse I

> endured.

>

> Just a moment ago a real deep sadness came over me, a sadness that I have

> never

> felt before, I sat with the sadness although it did overwhelm me a little.

>

> Is this me finally starting to heal??? Is what I am going through a sign

> that I

> am well on the road to recovery and on the road to valuing myself and

> loving

> myself?

>

> Thoughts welcome at this very sad time for me

>

> Thanks

> x

>

August 12, 2010

Hi Steph

Thanks so much for your reply. It is scary but It is a must, you will get

there, I felt like that for a while, like my inner child was locked behind bars,

but lately she seems to be coming out more and more.

The more she comes out, the more at peace with myself I feel, but I also feel

the great sadness and deep hurt too, I suppose once we learn how to feel again,

we cannot pick and chose our feelings, we get the whole package and learn to

deal with them, and not be scared of them.

I wish you well in your healing journey, and you can message me anytime

x

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thu, August 12, 2010 5:52:55 PM

Subject: Re: Deep sadness......grieving my lost childhood

Clair.

Good for you:) This definitely seems to me a healing moment. Feel it!..no

one is going to deni you that sadness. It appropriate and it needs to be

felt.

Our childhoods are lost...painful....confusing. To the point that we shut

down our feelings. I am envious in a way that you are feeling them. I

still can't. In regards to my childhood all I feel is fear and anxiety..and

once in a while anger. ...It's as if I can see that inner child but she is

locked behind bullet proof glass. Every time i try It's too scary and I

stop.

Good for you for this wonderful breakthrough

Stefanie

On Thu, Aug 12, 2010 at 11:38 AM, Newton wrote:

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am very sad right now. Lately I have been connecting to my inner child,

> the

> little girl in me.

>

> Im getting to know her and love and nuture her, I had some kind of

> awakening the

> other day, I was driving in my car to work, and I felt my inner child with

> me, I

> pictured her sitting on the passenger seat of the car, and I was telling

> her how

> beautiful and amazing she is, and that even though she was severly abused

> as a

> child, and her real parents, as in my real parents didnt look after he,

> (me), I

> told her that I will take care of her now, and thats she doesnt need to be

> scared anymore.

>

> Thats is the great part of connecting with my inner child, the sad part is

> that

> I see my beautiful son, who is my life, I see him growing up and living a

> healthy happy childhood, and I have triggers, of how could anyone put a

> child or

> even and adult through so much abuse. I have so many unanswered questions,

> why

> was I never allowed to be a child, why was I never allowed to be happy, I

> never

> ever deserved what I was put through as a child, all I wanted was to be

> loved

> and looked after by my parents, I never asked for any of the abuse I

> endured.

>

> Just a moment ago a real deep sadness came over me, a sadness that I have

> never

> felt before, I sat with the sadness although it did overwhelm me a little.

>

> Is this me finally starting to heal??? Is what I am going through a sign

> that I

> am well on the road to recovery and on the road to valuing myself and

> loving

> myself?

>

> Thoughts welcome at this very sad time for me

>

> Thanks

> x

>

August 12, 2010

Hi Steph

Thanks so much for your reply. It is scary but It is a must, you will get

there, I felt like that for a while, like my inner child was locked behind bars,

but lately she seems to be coming out more and more.

The more she comes out, the more at peace with myself I feel, but I also feel

the great sadness and deep hurt too, I suppose once we learn how to feel again,

we cannot pick and chose our feelings, we get the whole package and learn to

deal with them, and not be scared of them.

I wish you well in your healing journey, and you can message me anytime

x

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thu, August 12, 2010 5:52:55 PM

Subject: Re: Deep sadness......grieving my lost childhood

Clair.

Good for you:) This definitely seems to me a healing moment. Feel it!..no

one is going to deni you that sadness. It appropriate and it needs to be

felt.

Our childhoods are lost...painful....confusing. To the point that we shut

down our feelings. I am envious in a way that you are feeling them. I

still can't. In regards to my childhood all I feel is fear and anxiety..and

once in a while anger. ...It's as if I can see that inner child but she is

locked behind bullet proof glass. Every time i try It's too scary and I

stop.

Good for you for this wonderful breakthrough

Stefanie

On Thu, Aug 12, 2010 at 11:38 AM, Newton wrote:

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am very sad right now. Lately I have been connecting to my inner child,

> the

> little girl in me.

>

> Im getting to know her and love and nuture her, I had some kind of

> awakening the

> other day, I was driving in my car to work, and I felt my inner child with

> me, I

> pictured her sitting on the passenger seat of the car, and I was telling

> her how

> beautiful and amazing she is, and that even though she was severly abused

> as a

> child, and her real parents, as in my real parents didnt look after he,

> (me), I

> told her that I will take care of her now, and thats she doesnt need to be

> scared anymore.

>

> Thats is the great part of connecting with my inner child, the sad part is

> that

> I see my beautiful son, who is my life, I see him growing up and living a

> healthy happy childhood, and I have triggers, of how could anyone put a

> child or

> even and adult through so much abuse. I have so many unanswered questions,

> why

> was I never allowed to be a child, why was I never allowed to be happy, I

> never

> ever deserved what I was put through as a child, all I wanted was to be

> loved

> and looked after by my parents, I never asked for any of the abuse I

> endured.

>

> Just a moment ago a real deep sadness came over me, a sadness that I have

> never

> felt before, I sat with the sadness although it did overwhelm me a little.

>

> Is this me finally starting to heal??? Is what I am going through a sign

> that I

> am well on the road to recovery and on the road to valuing myself and

> loving

> myself?

>

> Thoughts welcome at this very sad time for me

>

> Thanks

> x

>

August 12, 2010

Hi Steph

Thanks so much for your reply. It is scary but It is a must, you will get

there, I felt like that for a while, like my inner child was locked behind bars,

but lately she seems to be coming out more and more.

The more she comes out, the more at peace with myself I feel, but I also feel

the great sadness and deep hurt too, I suppose once we learn how to feel again,

we cannot pick and chose our feelings, we get the whole package and learn to

deal with them, and not be scared of them.

I wish you well in your healing journey, and you can message me anytime

x

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thu, August 12, 2010 5:52:55 PM

Subject: Re: Deep sadness......grieving my lost childhood

Clair.

Good for you:) This definitely seems to me a healing moment. Feel it!..no

one is going to deni you that sadness. It appropriate and it needs to be

felt.

Our childhoods are lost...painful....confusing. To the point that we shut

down our feelings. I am envious in a way that you are feeling them. I

still can't. In regards to my childhood all I feel is fear and anxiety..and

once in a while anger. ...It's as if I can see that inner child but she is

locked behind bullet proof glass. Every time i try It's too scary and I

stop.

Good for you for this wonderful breakthrough

Stefanie

On Thu, Aug 12, 2010 at 11:38 AM, Newton wrote:

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am very sad right now. Lately I have been connecting to my inner child,

> the

> little girl in me.

>

> Im getting to know her and love and nuture her, I had some kind of

> awakening the

> other day, I was driving in my car to work, and I felt my inner child with

> me, I

> pictured her sitting on the passenger seat of the car, and I was telling

> her how

> beautiful and amazing she is, and that even though she was severly abused

> as a

> child, and her real parents, as in my real parents didnt look after he,

> (me), I

> told her that I will take care of her now, and thats she doesnt need to be

> scared anymore.

>

> Thats is the great part of connecting with my inner child, the sad part is

> that

> I see my beautiful son, who is my life, I see him growing up and living a

> healthy happy childhood, and I have triggers, of how could anyone put a

> child or

> even and adult through so much abuse. I have so many unanswered questions,

> why

> was I never allowed to be a child, why was I never allowed to be happy, I

> never

> ever deserved what I was put through as a child, all I wanted was to be

> loved

> and looked after by my parents, I never asked for any of the abuse I

> endured.

>

> Just a moment ago a real deep sadness came over me, a sadness that I have

> never

> felt before, I sat with the sadness although it did overwhelm me a little.

>

> Is this me finally starting to heal??? Is what I am going through a sign

> that I

> am well on the road to recovery and on the road to valuing myself and

> loving

> myself?

>

> Thoughts welcome at this very sad time for me

>

> Thanks

> x

>

August 12, 2010

yes , this is a step in the healing direction :-) You are now

realizing what you will never have, and what you should have had...and you

have to grieve that before you can move on...just be careful not to get

stuck here. Many people do get stuck her and never move on to the next

levels of healing. I have 2 siblings who never moved out of this stage.

They then went into a depression and they blame everything wrong in their

life on nada...they still act like 10 year olds and it's sad...

there is no " time limit " to remaining at this level, but from my siblings

experience, it's NOT healthy to be there for 50 years :-)

Jackie

Hi All,

I am very sad right now. Lately I have been connecting to my inner child,

the

little girl in me.

Im getting to know her and love and nuture her, I had some kind of awakening

the

other day, I was driving in my car to work, and I felt my inner child with

me, I

pictured her sitting on the passenger seat of the car, and I was telling her

how

beautiful and amazing she is, and that even though she was severly abused as

a

child, and her real parents, as in my real parents didnt look after he,

(me), I

told her that I will take care of her now, and thats she doesnt need to be

scared anymore.

Thats is the great part of connecting with my inner child, the sad part is

that

I see my beautiful son, who is my life, I see him growing up and living a

healthy happy childhood, and I have triggers, of how could anyone put a

child or

even and adult through so much abuse. I have so many unanswered questions,

why

was I never allowed to be a child, why was I never allowed to be happy, I

never

ever deserved what I was put through as a child, all I wanted was to be

loved

and looked after by my parents, I never asked for any of the abuse I

endured.

Just a moment ago a real deep sadness came over me, a sadness that I have

never

felt before, I sat with the sadness although it did overwhelm me a little.

Is this me finally starting to heal??? Is what I am going through a sign

that I

am well on the road to recovery and on the road to valuing myself and loving

myself?

Thoughts welcome at this very sad time for me

Thanks

x

August 12, 2010