Re: Re: Am I obligated to warn others of BPD mom's inevitable meltdowns?

[Guest guest]

Yeah, as much as I feel for that couple, its not up to you to protect them.

Responsability for others is one of the things we KOs have to over come. And

def do not break your NC over it!!!

On Thu, Aug 12, 2010 at 1:55 AM, josephinebl67 wrote:

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> that is a very good point, there is also the legal issue that factors in of

> a defamation of character suit if she is the sue-happy type...it may be

> better to err on the side of caution sometimes.

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> > >

> > > Hi--I'm new to this community, so I'll skip the acronyms, but I had a

> question.

> > >

> > > My mom has BPD, and it's led to her becoming pretty low-functioning

> over the years--unable to hold a job, in and out of a series of rent-free

> living situations on friends' properties (sometimes in their homes) that

> always end with a major meltdown when she re-casts them in her head as

> enemies to have an external target to blame for her own depression, starts

> an argument about a " sin " that was never committed and, sometimes, goes

> really far and gets violent. The same behavior has meant that she's been

> continuously unemployed for almost 2 years, and is now considering welfare.

> I'm actually kind of happy that this is happening--at least now that she's

> getting facetime with a social worker, there's a chance that she'll get some

> kind of treatment for her disorder and her alcoholism, or at the very least

> have to learn to make herself accountable for the situation her erratic

> behaviors have gotten her into.

> > >

> > > However, the idea of getting food stamps and subsidized housing is so

> stressful for my mom that her knee jerk reaction the day after she visited

> the social worker was to....go out and buy a $500,000 business. It's a bed

> and breakfast in the remote norther michigan town I went to high school in,

> run by a sweet 80-year-old couple that I worked for occasionally as a

> teenager who's been trying to move the property for some time. They want it

> to remain a bed and breakfast even though they've received offers from

> people wanting to turn it into a group home, so they offered my mom a deal I

> almost can't believe--they'll stay to help her run it, are asking only a

> $500 deposit until she secures financing, which she says she can do by

> borrowing against her 401(k).

> > >

> > > I've had a lot of therapy over the years to deal with her illness, and

> I know that I can't rescue my mom from how this situation will most likely

> end. But I'm not sure if I'm obligated to warn the couple selling her this

> property--and helping her to run it--that they're likely inviting something

> incredibly disruptive into their lives and into a family business that is

> their legacy. At the very least, my mom has been cycling through a pattern

> of launching headlong into a living or job situation (in this case, both)

> and convincing herself that all the people surrounding it are saviors who

> are immediately going to make her life better; then, in some form or

> another, her mood shifts, she remembers that she still is capable of

> negative emotions, and she re-casts everyone as tormentors who suckered her

> into the situation under false pretenses and violently pushes them away.

> Sometimes, this is really extreme--e.g., when she lived with my uncle as a

> caretaker for his horses, which ended in her calling the police and claiming

> that he waas abusing her and not allowing her to go to the bathroom or

> access food--and sometimes they're not--e.g., most recently, when she moved

> onto a friend's property in colorado and decided suddenly that the employer

> at her temp job was evil and unethical because he yelled at an employee,

> jumped ship and moved to michigan without a large police-scale

> confrontation. I don't want this couple to get caught up in this cycle,

> especially if they plan their lives around what would seem like a reasonable

> assumption that the adult woman they're selling their property to is going

> to responsibly assume the duties of the business and allow them to retire in

> peace.

> > >

> > > Am I obligated to contact them? I haven't contacted those involved in

> her past few living situations and have regretted it, but I know that at the

> end of the day, I'm her child and all I can do is protect myself. If I have

> an opportunity to protect these people, though, should I, even if it would

> make my own relationship with my mother really complicated?

> > >

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