FRIENDSHIPS

August 13, 2000

Anne

Aisha and I have gone through this together also and we are both in agreement

and a lot happier emotionally. Aisha gave me the support I needed to carry

this through. She's a tower of strength along these lines. Love her.

Grandma Hen

August 14, 2000

Anne

Aisha and I have gone through this together also and we are both in

agreement

and a lot happier emotionally. Aisha gave me the support I needed

to carry

this through. She's a tower of strength along these lines.

Love her.

Grandma Hen

It

is not that I don't love all of you, because I do, more than anyone will

ever know. I actually am a member of 19 groups at eGroups, and I

am a list owner for another group. But the one group I talk to 99%

of the time is this one.

I know

that my emotions are REALLY SCREWED UP because of my having POWER PMS!

Which is just not making life a good time here right now! And the

TV show I am watching is just making everything so much worse. I

must like to torture myself....

Watching

Maternity Ward on TLC! Have to go to bed now, or something!

June 17, 2002

I'm looking for social interaction for (ie friendship) but that is

not the main focus of my bid for inclusive education. He needs social

skills modeled for him by same age peers and not by kids with special needs

whose behavior may not be what I want modeled. He also needs speech models.

He needs to have to attempt to speak more plainly so that a kid in regular

ed. can understand him. He also needs access to the regular curriculum

which sped has never offered, especially in science and social studies. He

also needs to be treated like a 16 year old and not a baby. He also needs

to have people in town recognize him and see him as a person. Things have

changed tremendously all across the nation since inclusive education became

more prevalent. may not be invited to teen parties but he has fun

at school dances. He is recognized on the street and asked to be part of

the gang at local events in town. He is recognized at church and supported

in his learning in school and CCD. I see people with DS out and about all

over the country. There are very few " special jobs " out there. I don't

think most of the young parents would want THOSE jobs for their children in

the future anyway. The sheltered workshop in Hawaii paid 58 cents an hour.

Our kids need to function in the real world and IMHO special schools don't

offer that.

Elaine

friendships

> Hi, this is partly related to the inclusion discussion going on here. I

feel quite strongly that a local school has to be for most children the best

option for them, assuming the childs needs will be met. I had to make the

discsion to move tim from his local school, a school he would in time have

been able to walk to himself, a school in the village in which we live and

where he is known by just about every child and adult (or so it seems!!).

He has been in full time school now for 4 years ( we start when kids are 4-5

here) and he has made a lot of friends and I was reluctant to have him start

over in a different village even if only a couple of miles down the road.

But at the end of the day altho he has a lot of friends in school, at social

clubs, at gym club etc he doesn't haven't friends that invite him home and

even the party invites are getting fewer as kids get older and have smaller

more exclusive parties. It bothered me a lot and still does, but then I

read a research arti

> cle this week (british) that investigated the idea of friendship for teens

with ds in both special and mainstream schools. They interviewed the teens,

parents and school staff. The overall picture that emerged was like I have

with tim. The teens were very clear on what friendship means, on who were

their friends etc. But for the most part their relationships with both

mainstream and special school peers was a school and social club based.

very few went to other peoples houses to spend time together or had others

back. this bothered a lot of the parents, but strangely didn't bother the

teens (on the whole) in the least. And again interestingly, the children

who had the most friends were the kids in the special schools, actually, not

most friends, but friends they felt better able to talk to about stuff, I

can't rememebr how they phrased it. One of the conclusions was that for

friendships to flourish took a lot of parental involvement and that while it

is obviously good to have t

> he friends in the mainstream that friends on a similar intellectual level

were equally if not more important and that in the mainstream, most kids

with ds miss out on that opportunity. It was sobering reading and although

I can see that tim is perfectly happy with his own idea of who his friends

are and what friends do together, I still feel he is missing out a bit. But

then I have a fourteen year old boy (NDA apart from medical problems and

limited social skills!!) who never goes any where either!

>

> just a thought!

>

> sue wong

>

June 17, 2002

In a message dated 6/17/2002 1:20:29 PM Central Standard Time,

Tubafour@... writes:

> I'm looking for social interaction for (ie friendship) but that is

> not the main focus of my bid for inclusive education. He needs social

> skills modeled for him by same age peers and not by kids with special needs

> whose behavior may not be what I want modeled. He also needs speech models.

> He needs to have to attempt to speak more plainly so that a kid in regular

> ed. can understand him. He also needs access to the regular curriculum

> which sped has never offered, especially in science and social studies. He

> also needs to be treated like a 16 year old and not a baby. He also needs

> to have people in town recognize him and see him as a person. Things have

> changed tremendously all across the nation since inclusive education became

> more prevalent. may not be invited to teen parties but he has fun

> at school dances. He is recognized on the street and asked to be part of

> the gang at local events in town. He is recognized at church and supported

> in his learning in school and CCD. I see people with DS out and about all

> over the country. There are very few " special jobs " out there. I don't

> think most of the young parents would want THOSE jobs for their children in

> the future anyway. The sheltered workshop in Hawaii paid 58 cents an hour.

> Our kids need to function in the real world and IMHO special schools don't

> offer that.

> Elaine

HI Elaine

Change the " he's " to " she's " and you have described Sara I also agree that

in no other venue in my life would I let someone break the law, especially

involving my children...........why would I let the school system do

it??????? I can also say where my battles have been with administrators,

teachers mainly would love to agree with me but don't for fear.........I

speak for them too at meetings when they cant (they are the ones working with

my daughter). And parents remember this is NOT a popularity contest, dealing

with the schools. I have seen the most adversarial parents, kids get awesome

services and a great education. Im more not the adversarial type lol Id

rather manipulate the He** out of them .........it works for me It is very

hard to feel like you are being confrontational but parents get a tough skin

now and look at this like a business, the business of getting your child

educated.

Kathy mom to Sara 10.........took me 5 days to ask my neighbors how much I

was getting paid for sitting for their children lol I am weak in other areas

lol

June 18, 2002

Sue, What an interesting study. My children live where

they would have to be driven to play dates or ride a

bus. 10,ds...does not get invited anywhere even

though we have had one little boy several time a year

for a couple of years now. is full inclusion for

the regular school year, and special ed for his summer

program. Each summer I take to play challenger

league baseball and some of the kids in his summer

class play also. My son has been very rude to these

children and we have had to teach him to be kind and

nice to kids not as able as him in the summer program.

He has gotten politer and does not say rude things but

still does not bond with the kids in the two

situations that he is included with a spec. ed

population. I believe that feels different than

the children with disabilities and fear the day He

finally finds out that others think of him in this

way. The children in his district school are very nice

to but it is definatly in a way that not equal.

They make allowances for his differences but tend to

want to take care of him. They do have a nice time

together in school but he has only gone to one

birthday party in 2 years and gets no invites to

friends houses. He plays with his brother and cousins

and friends kids. Pam

--- Sue Wong <sbntwong@...> wrote:

> Hi, this is partly related to the inclusion

> discussion going on here. I feel quite strongly

> that a local school has to be for most children the

> best option for them, assuming the childs needs will

> be met. I had to make the discsion to move tim from

> his local school, a school he would in time have

> been able to walk to himself, a school in the

> village in which we live and where he is known by

> just about every child and adult (or so it seems!!).

> He has been in full time school now for 4 years (

> we start when kids are 4-5 here) and he has made a

> lot of friends and I was reluctant to have him start

> over in a different village even if only a couple of

> miles down the road. But at the end of the day

> altho he has a lot of friends in school, at social

> clubs, at gym club etc he doesn't haven't friends

> that invite him home and even the party invites are

> getting fewer as kids get older and have smaller

> more exclusive parties. It bothered me a lot and

> still does, but then I read a research article this

> week (british) that investigated the idea of

> friendship for teens with ds in both special and

> mainstream schools. They interviewed the teens,

> parents and school staff. The overall picture that

> emerged was like I have with tim. The teens were

> very clear on what friendship means, on who were

> their friends etc. But for the most part their

> relationships with both mainstream and special

> school peers was a school and social club based.

> very few went to other peoples houses to spend time

> together or had others back. this bothered a lot of

> the parents, but strangely didn't bother the teens

> (on the whole) in the least. And again

> interestingly, the children who had the most friends

> were the kids in the special schools, actually, not

> most friends, but friends they felt better able to

> talk to about stuff, I can't rememebr how they

> phrased it. One of the conclusions was that for

> friendships to flourish took a lot of parental

> involvement and that while it is obviously good to

> have the friends in the mainstream that friends on a

> similar intellectual level were equally if not more

> important and that in the mainstream, most kids with

> ds miss out on that opportunity. It was sobering

> reading and although I can see that tim is perfectly

> happy with his own idea of who his friends are and

> what friends do together, I still feel he is missing

> out a bit. But then I have a fourteen year old boy

> (NDA apart from medical problems and limited social

> skills!!) who never goes any where either!

>

> just a thought!

>

> sue wong

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

__________________________________________________

June 18, 2002

You are right about the teacher Kathy,

When I questioned my older son's kindergasrten teachers about inlusion they told

me they only have life skills. I said " Not when Micah comes to school, he may

even be in your class " , there reply, " Go for it we would love to have him and see

it happen. " I think it is only a small percentage of teachers that are more set

in their ways that don't want to change. My nephew just started teaching in the

school district next to ours, where they have a special ED teacher alon with the

regulare ed Teacher to include the kids in class. It's a beginning. My school

just needs to catch up.

Loree

Re: friendships