Re: Nada lives alone

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Fiona. I agree: when my little Sister and I were growing up, our nada

was definitely about half Witch bpd and half Queen bpd when she was in her

" nasty nada " phase (or " Mr. Hyde " phase.) Then she'd magically transform into

the Good Mother (Or kindly Dr. Jekyll) for a little while, but then something

would set her off again and she'd turn scary, hostile, angry, resentful, mean

and dangerous yet again.

As Sister and I grew up her rage, resentment, frustration and hostility began to

express itself more as emotional/verbal abuse and less as physical abuse (we

were growing big enough to defend ourselves or hit back).

But the intent of the verbal/emotional/mental abuse remained the same.

The purpose, I think, was to make us afraid of her, to make us obey her without

question, to let us know that she was doing us a favor to feed us and clothe us

and give us an education, and we'd better be damned grateful because we were

disappointing, unsatisfying investments that she nevertheless chose to take care

of out of a sense of duty.

Now, in old age, nada has switched tactics and tries to use pathetic, needy

behaviors (more typical of the Waif bpd) to manipulate and control Sister and

me, but my feelings of compassion for nada have all but burned away over the

years of having to endure frequent verbal abuse.

Its really amazingly sad that if abandonment is the thing that the person with

bpd fears the most, that the person with bpd should be so obdurate and

single-mindedly focused on being caustic, mean and hostile to those on whom she

must turn to in old age to care for her.

All I can say is that the executive (rational, thinking part) of my nada's brain

must not have been working for a long time, if she couldn't figure out that if

you kick a dog hard enough and often enough, eventually the dog won't come to

you when you call it even if you feed the poor damned thing every day. The pain

of the mistreatment will eventually outweigh the benefits, and the dog's

survival instinct will kick in and it will try to escape if it can.

-Annie

>

> <<<<<Annie>>>>> I'm so sorry you grew up at the hands of someone with

" Sadistic Asshole Disorder " .

>

> The little girl " exercise " works, more or less, for me because my mother is

more of a hermit/waif. She was meaner when I was little, you know, critical,

harsh, making me feel like I was in competition with her for my father's

affection. Now, she's not really mean. She does have a strong, overwhelming,

suffocating, self-centered, avoidant, critical personality but she does back off

if I get in her face. And beeelieve me, her remarks, etc., definitely don't roll

off me at all. I wish they would. But being here on this board has helped me

distance myself a bit more from them.

>

> Your mother sounds more like the Witch in the BPD mother book. Yeah, the

little girl thing isn't going to work for you.

>

> And I don't know if it'll work for you, either, . Your mother might have

more Witch in her, too. (you both know I'm not calling your mothers a witch, I

hope! I'm just using the classifications from the BPD mother book) For her to

ask you how much you AND your husband make...and go apeshit if you don't want to

tell her...that is too much to bear.

>