Re: Just how delusional do BPD mom's get?

[Guest guest]

Although one of the criteria for diagnosing bpd is " Transient, stress-related

paranoid ideation (thoughts) delusions or severe dissociative symptoms " the key

point is " stress-related. " Its not typical for the person with bpd to display

delusional thinking when she's not particularly stressed.

I think the child's mother may just be deeply in denial and rather narcissistic

as well as bpd; but I suppose its possible that if the mother sincerely believes

what she told her child (this new man I just met is your biological father, so

call him " dad " ) she might have either (a) sub-normal intelligence or ( one of

the delusional disorders like schizophrenia.

I'm no psychologist, this is just my amateur, personal opinion.

-Annie

> >

> > Hello All-

> >

> > Okay, so our wonderful foster daughter () told me the other day her BPD

mom () insisted that every boyfriend she ever had for more than a few days

be called " dad " .

> >

> > Not just as a formality, but because truly believed that every one of

these guys was the 's biological father.

> >

> > WTF?

> >

> > When pointed out this was physically impossible, her mom flew into

rages.

> >

> > Has anyone experienced this level of delusion in their BPD mom, or is there

something else going on here?

> >

> > Letty

> >

>

[Guest guest]

MIne says and does some pretty strange things too. I guess they could be called

" delusional. " Her claims to have had cancer 5 times but never had any chemo or

radiation. That seems biologically impossible. How about her claim to have

worked for the FBI just one night spying on the Mafia?

Or more recently, after my Dad died we worked very hard to handle all the

paperwork, finances, insurance, etc. that comes after a death. Got all the money

in order and in accounts that bring in a decent income for her each month. She

sat around during those 6 months or so smoking and bitching about my Dad. Now

she says she's amazed at how good she is with money, she has so much money now

because she knows how to save. Yoohoo - what about the months of phone calls and

emails and paperwork we dealt with just so she could have money in her accounts?

Guess she forgot about all that.

>

> Hello All-

>

> Okay, so our wonderful foster daughter () told me the other day her BPD

mom () insisted that every boyfriend she ever had for more than a few days

be called " dad " .

>

> Not just as a formality, but because truly believed that every one of

these guys was the 's biological father.

>

> WTF?

>

> When pointed out this was physically impossible, her mom flew into

rages.

>

> Has anyone experienced this level of delusion in their BPD mom, or is there

something else going on here?

>

> Letty

>

[Guest guest]

Katrina,

When I was a child, my nada implied that her boyfriend at the time was my

father, that they had met many years before my birth. I didn't know what to

think, I was too young I guess. And I already had parents: my nada's mother and

father raised me. I only found out she was my " real " mother, and not my sister,

when I was six.

Then, when I was a bit older, she married a Frenchman. She quickly started

hinting that he was my biological father, that they had met in Africa, where she

lived for a few years, one year before my birth. I was not too happy about that

as I didn't like the guy (he was a psychopath) and I didn't want to have French

blood running in my veins! (I'm from Canada, not France).

When I was 15, she then told me that her first love was probably my father. He

was her cousin... I could not see any resemblance with him and decided then that

she was full of it. Anyway, I didn't need a biological father as I already had a

dad: my grandfather, who I adored.

So... was she just trying to convince me when she was saying those things or was

she so delusional that she believed her lies? One has to wonder.

> At 01:24 PM 08/26/2010 lettydale wrote:

> >Hello All-

> >

> >Okay, so our wonderful foster daughter () told me the

> >other day her BPD mom () insisted that every boyfriend she

> >ever had for more than a few days be called " dad " .

> >

> >Not just as a formality, but because truly believed that

> >every one of these guys was the 's biological father.

> >

> >WTF?

> >

> >When pointed out this was physically impossible, her mom

> >flew into rages.

> >

> >Has anyone experienced this level of delusion in their BPD mom,

> >or is there something else going on here?

> >

> >Letty

>

> --

> Katrina

[Guest guest]

,

That's a hard question to even guess at. I wonder whether she

really knew who your father was. Maybe she hinted at these

things in an attempt to get you to believe them without having

to come out and tell you anything directly, thus being able to

deny having said any such thing later. Nadas like being having

deniability, even if it is only in their own mind. Or maybe she

was making up stories for herself so that she didn't have to

admit to herself that she didn't know or to avoid thinking about

the truth if she did know. My nada seems good at filling in the

blanks with stories that she eventually comes to believe. It is

like she thinks the stories become true if she only repeats them

enough. Yours may have been trying to make herself, you and her

boyfriend/husband into one little happy family by pretending

that her current man was your father. Whatever her reasons, it

sounds like it was hurtful to you.

At 02:17 AM 08/28/2010 julieauxier wrote:

>Katrina,

>

>When I was a child, my nada implied that her boyfriend at the

>time was my father, that they had met many years before my

>birth. I didn't know what to think, I was too young I guess.

>And I already had parents: my nada's mother and father raised

>me. I only found out she was my " real " mother, and not my

>sister, when I was six.

>

>Then, when I was a bit older, she married a Frenchman. She

>quickly started hinting that he was my biological father, that

>they had met in Africa, where she lived for a few years, one

>year before my birth. I was not too happy about that as I

>didn't like the guy (he was a psychopath) and I didn't want to

>have French blood running in my veins! (I'm from Canada, not

>France).

>

>When I was 15, she then told me that her first love was

>probably my father. He was her cousin... I could not see any

>resemblance with him and decided then that she was full of it.

>Anyway, I didn't need a biological father as I already had a

>dad: my grandfather, who I adored.

>

>So... was she just trying to convince me when she was saying

>those things or was she so delusional that she believed her

>lies? One has to wonder.

>

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Hi Letty,

That is a wonderful possibility, I hope that happens for your " " : that at

age 14 she can petition to have you and your husband made her legal guardians!

If she isn't already, suggest to " " that she start keeping a private,

secure blog or diary so she can record her feelings and experiences RE how her

life is developing both at her biomom's home and at your home. (Needless to say,

I am not suggesting that she carry a physical diary around with her. That would

be disastrous if her bpd biomom should discover it. If bpd biomom can read.) I

have a feeling that such a record will become quite invaluable should " "

choose to initiate the petition.

-Annie

>

> Thanks to all who responded.

>

> A. - so interesting to me that you went through the exact same thing as

our " " did. Though I'm very sorry for your sake that you did. Yours sounds

even worse in a way - the claims spread far enough apart as to seem almost

plausible. At least in " 's " case, her mom's churning through boyfriends

made the claims fishy even to a small child.

>

> Annie and -

>

> Thanks for the advice. In our state " " can petition to have us become her

legal guardians once she turns 14 next year. If all goes well, we could get a

state-sponsored permanent guardianship and she would still be eligible for

health care and benefits.

>

> However, as her foster parents we are not supposed to influence her in any way

in that decision. Technically, we are supposed to be completely neutral about

the situation, and open to the possibility of her willingly returning to her

mom.

>

> Her therapist warns us that these situations can be " sticky " and kids can

sometimes surprise you by returning to the parents who abuse them, since that

bond is so hard to break.

>

> My husband feels she's already given up on her mom and is looking elsewhere

for love and to build a future.

>

> I worry that her over-developed sense of moral responsibility and her extreme

compassion for others might make her feel she has to take care of her mom at the

sacrifice to her own feelings.

>

> Then again, she's happily settling into and furnishing her bedroom, and

regularly talks of things we'll all do together in the next year, ten years,

fifty years from now.

>

> Letty

[Guest guest]

Hi Letty,

That is a wonderful possibility, I hope that happens for your " " : that at

age 14 she can petition to have you and your husband made her legal guardians!

If she isn't already, suggest to " " that she start keeping a private,

secure blog or diary so she can record her feelings and experiences RE how her

life is developing both at her biomom's home and at your home. (Needless to say,

I am not suggesting that she carry a physical diary around with her. That would

be disastrous if her bpd biomom should discover it. If bpd biomom can read.) I

have a feeling that such a record will become quite invaluable should " "

choose to initiate the petition.

-Annie

>

> Thanks to all who responded.

>

> A. - so interesting to me that you went through the exact same thing as

our " " did. Though I'm very sorry for your sake that you did. Yours sounds

even worse in a way - the claims spread far enough apart as to seem almost

plausible. At least in " 's " case, her mom's churning through boyfriends

made the claims fishy even to a small child.

>

> Annie and -

>

> Thanks for the advice. In our state " " can petition to have us become her

legal guardians once she turns 14 next year. If all goes well, we could get a

state-sponsored permanent guardianship and she would still be eligible for

health care and benefits.

>

> However, as her foster parents we are not supposed to influence her in any way

in that decision. Technically, we are supposed to be completely neutral about

the situation, and open to the possibility of her willingly returning to her

mom.

>

> Her therapist warns us that these situations can be " sticky " and kids can

sometimes surprise you by returning to the parents who abuse them, since that

bond is so hard to break.

>

> My husband feels she's already given up on her mom and is looking elsewhere

for love and to build a future.

>

> I worry that her over-developed sense of moral responsibility and her extreme

compassion for others might make her feel she has to take care of her mom at the

sacrifice to her own feelings.

>

> Then again, she's happily settling into and furnishing her bedroom, and

regularly talks of things we'll all do together in the next year, ten years,

fifty years from now.

>

> Letty

[Guest guest]

Hi Letty,

That is a wonderful possibility, I hope that happens for your " " : that at

age 14 she can petition to have you and your husband made her legal guardians!

If she isn't already, suggest to " " that she start keeping a private,

secure blog or diary so she can record her feelings and experiences RE how her

life is developing both at her biomom's home and at your home. (Needless to say,

I am not suggesting that she carry a physical diary around with her. That would

be disastrous if her bpd biomom should discover it. If bpd biomom can read.) I

have a feeling that such a record will become quite invaluable should " "

choose to initiate the petition.

-Annie

>

> Thanks to all who responded.

>

> A. - so interesting to me that you went through the exact same thing as

our " " did. Though I'm very sorry for your sake that you did. Yours sounds

even worse in a way - the claims spread far enough apart as to seem almost

plausible. At least in " 's " case, her mom's churning through boyfriends

made the claims fishy even to a small child.

>

> Annie and -

>

> Thanks for the advice. In our state " " can petition to have us become her

legal guardians once she turns 14 next year. If all goes well, we could get a

state-sponsored permanent guardianship and she would still be eligible for

health care and benefits.

>

> However, as her foster parents we are not supposed to influence her in any way

in that decision. Technically, we are supposed to be completely neutral about

the situation, and open to the possibility of her willingly returning to her

mom.

>

> Her therapist warns us that these situations can be " sticky " and kids can

sometimes surprise you by returning to the parents who abuse them, since that

bond is so hard to break.

>

> My husband feels she's already given up on her mom and is looking elsewhere

for love and to build a future.

>

> I worry that her over-developed sense of moral responsibility and her extreme

compassion for others might make her feel she has to take care of her mom at the

sacrifice to her own feelings.

>

> Then again, she's happily settling into and furnishing her bedroom, and

regularly talks of things we'll all do together in the next year, ten years,

fifty years from now.

>

> Letty