Re: Friendships are so difficult for me.

[Guest guest]

Jen, good questions. I can't speak for the others here, but yes I do struggle

greatly with friendships. The only friendships I have really been able to

maintain (aside from dh and even his mom is pretty bp) are friendships with

other KO's. I was able to mostly meet them because our nada's were friends

growing up. I am comfortable because I can say as much or as little as I want

and I don't feel judged and they understand. But with people who live relatively

" normal " lives, I don't do well. Even people who have been attacked by my nada

understand to a degree, and I do okay in short term, but they just don't fully

understand well enough to develop anything meaningful.

As far as your second question, well…I may not be normal and I can only speak

for myself. Yes this group has helped me A TON. That said I still very often

find myself holding back in fear. But I am sure I am a freak. I always feel

paranoid that my mom will find out somehow even thought she would never admit

she is BPD. But I guess I have always been like that. For example there have

been so many times I have wanted to keep a journal or diary, I felt it would

help me, but after 1 page I end up erasing it and shredding it in fear my mom

would some how find it even years after I moved out and went NC I never really

felt safe from her. I guess I never feel 100% safe. But for me being here is

worth the risk because I feel so much help. LB

>

> Do any of you really struggle with friendships? I have only really ever had

one close friend (besides my husband). The thing is, I dont stick in friendships

once they begin asking personal questions about me... I am an introvert anyway

but when potential friends start asking about my family of origin I cant say

anything... My mom has BP and my dad was a pedophile (he left when I was 12)...

I have had a lot of trauma in my life, and firstly, I dont feel as if you can

properly describe a childhood like mine to someone who grew up in a home with

stable parents. They dont understand, they dont " get it " .... If I open up I feel

like a " freak " ... and I feel misunderstood or minimized.

>

> The problem is that this leaves me with my one close friend of 8 years who

talks about herself constantly and I never have to say a word or say anything

about my family. She knows the basics but never asks about me personally... she

never asks how my therapy is going...etc... this is a very " safe " friendship for

me but I am left feeling lonely, and often get irritated because I get tired of

hearing about the " horrible stress " of her PTO position...etc... I try to be

empathetic and understanding but those types of stresses, in my opinion, just

dont compare with the stresses that adult children of BP's deal with every

single day. (The rejection, the guilt, the abuse that occers daily for me from

my mom)

>

> Another question.... I am fairly new to this and I see that many of you talk

about the benefit you have received from having this group and I wondered if it

was really scary and felt " wrong " to you when you first started letting it all

out for others to read? Other than my therapist and my husband I keep it all in

and it feels so incredibly scary and vulnerable to write something like this...

I feel like I will be punished... Does anyone relate and understand?

> Thanks for letting me vent... jen

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jen,

I definitely struggle with friendships. I tend to either get too close or hold

back too much. My hubby is my go to guy which is great but I always fear I am

relying on him far too much.

I think I usually end up in friendships like you describe with your long time

friend but recently I have found myself in one where I feel like I am the one

always talking. It is actually frustrating because she won't share anything

unless I ask and then I am afraid I am making her feel like she has to share

something with me that she doesn't really want to share just because I asked. I

am a little shy but I am also pretty chatty with anyone that I know. I think I

am a pretty good and active listener. So, I guess I am wishing my friend would

at least meet me half way. I don't know if this helps but it has helped me to

make sure in other friendships that I am putting forth as much effort as the

other person. If you find she isn't meeting you half way though, maybe you can

find someone else who will.

As for sharing here - it has been extremely helpful, especially for those things

that come up that I just know no one else is going to fully understand it. You

can share as much or little as you want. I was, and still am at times, afraid

that somehow nada would find me on this board and get into my head with the

information (even farther than she already is). Welcome and so sorry you are

here!

patinage

[Guest guest]

Hi Jen,

I definitely struggle with friendships. I tend to either get too close or hold

back too much. My hubby is my go to guy which is great but I always fear I am

relying on him far too much.

I think I usually end up in friendships like you describe with your long time

friend but recently I have found myself in one where I feel like I am the one

always talking. It is actually frustrating because she won't share anything

unless I ask and then I am afraid I am making her feel like she has to share

something with me that she doesn't really want to share just because I asked. I

am a little shy but I am also pretty chatty with anyone that I know. I think I

am a pretty good and active listener. So, I guess I am wishing my friend would

at least meet me half way. I don't know if this helps but it has helped me to

make sure in other friendships that I am putting forth as much effort as the

other person. If you find she isn't meeting you half way though, maybe you can

find someone else who will.

As for sharing here - it has been extremely helpful, especially for those things

that come up that I just know no one else is going to fully understand it. You

can share as much or little as you want. I was, and still am at times, afraid

that somehow nada would find me on this board and get into my head with the

information (even farther than she already is). Welcome and so sorry you are

here!

patinage

[Guest guest]

Hi Jen,

I definitely struggle with friendships. I tend to either get too close or hold

back too much. My hubby is my go to guy which is great but I always fear I am

relying on him far too much.

I think I usually end up in friendships like you describe with your long time

friend but recently I have found myself in one where I feel like I am the one

always talking. It is actually frustrating because she won't share anything

unless I ask and then I am afraid I am making her feel like she has to share

something with me that she doesn't really want to share just because I asked. I

am a little shy but I am also pretty chatty with anyone that I know. I think I

am a pretty good and active listener. So, I guess I am wishing my friend would

at least meet me half way. I don't know if this helps but it has helped me to

make sure in other friendships that I am putting forth as much effort as the

other person. If you find she isn't meeting you half way though, maybe you can

find someone else who will.

As for sharing here - it has been extremely helpful, especially for those things

that come up that I just know no one else is going to fully understand it. You

can share as much or little as you want. I was, and still am at times, afraid

that somehow nada would find me on this board and get into my head with the

information (even farther than she already is). Welcome and so sorry you are

here!

patinage

[Guest guest]

Jen, I am very similar. Back before I became aware of what was going on in my

FOO and had some life setbacks which tested my friendships I had a lot of

friends. But they were the type of friend you describe where I was mainly there

for them and they didn't ask too many questions about me - which suited me fine

as I felt such shame about both my parents and home. Little did I realize

though that the reason those friends asked so little wasn't consideration for

me, but out of their own basic narcissism. So when the shit hit the fan when I

was in my mid-twenties I discovered that I effectively had no friends. It was a

devastating discovery.

I'm still working on how to have friendships in a different way, but it is

strange and foreign territory. I really like Letty's advice to you and the

bits of dialog she shared - I may use that! And give yourself credit for

awareness and working on things. How can we change the patterns if we don't

know they are there?

>

> Do any of you really struggle with friendships? I have only really ever had

one close friend (besides my husband). The thing is, I dont stick in friendships

once they begin asking personal questions about me... I am an introvert anyway

but when potential friends start asking about my family of origin I cant say

anything... My mom has BP and my dad was a pedophile (he left when I was 12)...

I have had a lot of trauma in my life, and firstly, I dont feel as if you can

properly describe a childhood like mine to someone who grew up in a home with

stable parents. They dont understand, they dont " get it " .... If I open up I feel

like a " freak " ... and I feel misunderstood or minimized.

>

> The problem is that this leaves me with my one close friend of 8 years who

talks about herself constantly and I never have to say a word or say anything

about my family. She knows the basics but never asks about me personally... she

never asks how my therapy is going...etc... this is a very " safe " friendship for

me but I am left feeling lonely, and often get irritated because I get tired of

hearing about the " horrible stress " of her PTO position...etc... I try to be

empathetic and understanding but those types of stresses, in my opinion, just

dont compare with the stresses that adult children of BP's deal with every

single day. (The rejection, the guilt, the abuse that occers daily for me from

my mom)

>

> Another question.... I am fairly new to this and I see that many of you talk

about the benefit you have received from having this group and I wondered if it

was really scary and felt " wrong " to you when you first started letting it all

out for others to read? Other than my therapist and my husband I keep it all in

and it feels so incredibly scary and vulnerable to write something like this...

I feel like I will be punished... Does anyone relate and understand?

> Thanks for letting me vent... jen

>

[Guest guest]

Jen, I am very similar. Back before I became aware of what was going on in my

FOO and had some life setbacks which tested my friendships I had a lot of

friends. But they were the type of friend you describe where I was mainly there

for them and they didn't ask too many questions about me - which suited me fine

as I felt such shame about both my parents and home. Little did I realize

though that the reason those friends asked so little wasn't consideration for

me, but out of their own basic narcissism. So when the shit hit the fan when I

was in my mid-twenties I discovered that I effectively had no friends. It was a

devastating discovery.

I'm still working on how to have friendships in a different way, but it is

strange and foreign territory. I really like Letty's advice to you and the

bits of dialog she shared - I may use that! And give yourself credit for

awareness and working on things. How can we change the patterns if we don't

know they are there?

>

> Do any of you really struggle with friendships? I have only really ever had

one close friend (besides my husband). The thing is, I dont stick in friendships

once they begin asking personal questions about me... I am an introvert anyway

but when potential friends start asking about my family of origin I cant say

anything... My mom has BP and my dad was a pedophile (he left when I was 12)...

I have had a lot of trauma in my life, and firstly, I dont feel as if you can

properly describe a childhood like mine to someone who grew up in a home with

stable parents. They dont understand, they dont " get it " .... If I open up I feel

like a " freak " ... and I feel misunderstood or minimized.

>

> The problem is that this leaves me with my one close friend of 8 years who

talks about herself constantly and I never have to say a word or say anything

about my family. She knows the basics but never asks about me personally... she

never asks how my therapy is going...etc... this is a very " safe " friendship for

me but I am left feeling lonely, and often get irritated because I get tired of

hearing about the " horrible stress " of her PTO position...etc... I try to be

empathetic and understanding but those types of stresses, in my opinion, just

dont compare with the stresses that adult children of BP's deal with every

single day. (The rejection, the guilt, the abuse that occers daily for me from

my mom)

>

> Another question.... I am fairly new to this and I see that many of you talk

about the benefit you have received from having this group and I wondered if it

was really scary and felt " wrong " to you when you first started letting it all

out for others to read? Other than my therapist and my husband I keep it all in

and it feels so incredibly scary and vulnerable to write something like this...

I feel like I will be punished... Does anyone relate and understand?

> Thanks for letting me vent... jen

>

[Guest guest]

Jen,

I've been thinking about friendships a lot since I just moved to a new city and

started at a new school. I was friends with everyone on a superficial level in

college, and only became very close with the girls I lived with (who are now

helping me through NC). Even though these girls have normal, great families,

they are very understanding people, especially since they have seen nada's

craziness for ten years now.

I've only been at grad school for a week, but I have two female friends and 10

guy friends and I don't intend on making any more girl friends. I think these

two girls are very solid and I have tentatively talked about nada with them (I

met them months ago), and they have been very understanding. Both of them have

actually worked in psychiatric wards so they can truly understand that BPD is

mental illness, and not just family dysfunction. The guys are just fun drinking

buddies who don't ask any questions and are easy to get along with.

I heard such an interesting quote today that helped me reconcile these two

totally different experiences: " If you trust everyone, that's the same as

trusting no one. "

I interpret that as, in both cases (trusting everyone and trusting no one), you

don't have to go through the selection process. Even if you have only one or two

friends, you have had to select them. The trust issue is actually with yourself-

I need to trust myself to find the proper people to trust.

I'm working on it and I'm definitely going very slowly with new friends. In the

meantime, my college friends are still supportive and are really helping me with

the transition.

[Guest guest]

Jen,

I've been thinking about friendships a lot since I just moved to a new city and

started at a new school. I was friends with everyone on a superficial level in

college, and only became very close with the girls I lived with (who are now

helping me through NC). Even though these girls have normal, great families,

they are very understanding people, especially since they have seen nada's

craziness for ten years now.

I've only been at grad school for a week, but I have two female friends and 10

guy friends and I don't intend on making any more girl friends. I think these

two girls are very solid and I have tentatively talked about nada with them (I

met them months ago), and they have been very understanding. Both of them have

actually worked in psychiatric wards so they can truly understand that BPD is

mental illness, and not just family dysfunction. The guys are just fun drinking

buddies who don't ask any questions and are easy to get along with.

I heard such an interesting quote today that helped me reconcile these two

totally different experiences: " If you trust everyone, that's the same as

trusting no one. "

I interpret that as, in both cases (trusting everyone and trusting no one), you

don't have to go through the selection process. Even if you have only one or two

friends, you have had to select them. The trust issue is actually with yourself-

I need to trust myself to find the proper people to trust.

I'm working on it and I'm definitely going very slowly with new friends. In the

meantime, my college friends are still supportive and are really helping me with

the transition.

[Guest guest]

yes i agree friendships can be difficult and i think a very important part of

our recoveries.. i also have found more luck talking with people who have

'problem' foo's like those in acoa and other 12-step groups.. they do 'get it'

much easier than others.. and like the people on this board they can empathize

and understand.. revealing things about myself were very scary at first too, as

the message from my foo was 'stranger danger' (how ironic when it was family

that harmed me, not my friends who once were 'strangers' and outside the foo

(thank goodness).. practice and a bit of caution at first will help as you go

along i think.good luck, good friendships can be incredibly rewarding.ann

Subject: Friendships are so difficult for me.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Wednesday, August 25, 2010, 8:44 AM

 

Do any of you really struggle with friendships? I have only really ever

had one close friend (besides my husband). The thing is, I dont stick in

friendships once they begin asking personal questions about me... I am an

introvert anyway but when potential friends start asking about my family of

origin I cant say anything... My mom has BP and my dad was a pedophile (he left

when I was 12)... I have had a lot of trauma in my life, and firstly, I dont

feel as if you can properly describe a childhood like mine to someone who grew

up in a home with stable parents. They dont understand, they dont " get it " ....

If I open up I feel like a " freak " ... and I feel misunderstood or minimized.

The problem is that this leaves me with my one close friend of 8 years who talks

about herself constantly and I never have to say a word or say anything about my

family. She knows the basics but never asks about me personally... she never

asks how my therapy is going...etc... this is a very " safe " friendship for me

but I am left feeling lonely, and often get irritated because I get tired of

hearing about the " horrible stress " of her PTO position...etc... I try to be

empathetic and understanding but those types of stresses, in my opinion, just

dont compare with the stresses that adult children of BP's deal with every

single day. (The rejection, the guilt, the abuse that occers daily for me from

my mom)

Another question.... I am fairly new to this and I see that many of you talk

about the benefit you have received from having this group and I wondered if it

was really scary and felt " wrong " to you when you first started letting it all

out for others to read? Other than my therapist and my husband I keep it all in

and it feels so incredibly scary and vulnerable to write something like this...

I feel like I will be punished... Does anyone relate and understand?

Thanks for letting me vent... jen

[Guest guest]

,

When it comes to being alone, I feel like I'm in the same boat you're in. I

some times wish there was some sort of real person community for people like

us. Even when I do hang with people, they just fundamentally can't get us

because they have such different experiences, and that just makes me feel

more alone.

>

>

> sounds like 'all work' and 'no play' .. i am sad for you linda. i recommend

> a good massage but then when would you find the time?ann

>

>

>

> From: Roganda <UPSTARTLL8@... <UPSTARTLL8%40msn.com>>

> Subject: Re: Friendships are so difficult for me.

> To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

> Date: Thursday, August 26, 2010, 6:50 PM

>

>

>

> I also have problems making friends, but for me the issue is different. I

> just wasn't well socialized as a child. I acted " weird " which made me the

> scapegoat for other kids. Actually, the whole school and the whole

> neighborhood is more like it. If you have ever spent your ENTIRE day at

> school being ignored or made fun of by everybody else in the classroom and

> then spent the entire busroad home being yelled at, laughed at, made fun of,

> poked at, picked at, and gum thrown in your hair (with the bus driver doing

> nothing), you have some idea where I was at.

>

> This didn't stop until my dad died in a plane crash when I was 12 and it

> made the news and the papers. By then, I just didn't know how to enjoy other

> people anymore. I don't know how to talk to people or how to have fun with

> people. I don't know what people talk about or how to make friends. If

> there's some shared job to be done or some strong shared interest, I can do

> OK because I have some faint clue WHAT TO DO, but otherwise, forget it. I'm

> uncomfortable around people and I just don't have a clue what other people

> enjoy about it anymore. I vaguely remember being an outgoing child when I

> was, like, 4, but that was almost 40 years ago.

>

> I'm sure it doesn't help that my life now is nothing but struggling to work

> at my job, work at the gym, work at a healthy diet, work at keeping up the

> housecleaning, and work at keeping two elderly handicapped mentally ill

> relatives going in two separate homes with bills paid, doctor visits taken

> care of, meds purchased, supplies, etc. I'm sure most people can make small

> talk about TV, movies, books they've read, etc. I can't because I do not

> have time. All I do is work.

>

> come to think of it, even if I did have friends, I wouldn't have time for

> them, so what the hell?

>

>

>

> --.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

When it comes to being alone, I feel like I'm in the same boat you're in. I

some times wish there was some sort of real person community for people like

us. Even when I do hang with people, they just fundamentally can't get us

because they have such different experiences, and that just makes me feel

more alone.

>

>

> sounds like 'all work' and 'no play' .. i am sad for you linda. i recommend

> a good massage but then when would you find the time?ann

>

>

>

> From: Roganda <UPSTARTLL8@... <UPSTARTLL8%40msn.com>>

> Subject: Re: Friendships are so difficult for me.

> To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

> Date: Thursday, August 26, 2010, 6:50 PM

>

>

>

> I also have problems making friends, but for me the issue is different. I

> just wasn't well socialized as a child. I acted " weird " which made me the

> scapegoat for other kids. Actually, the whole school and the whole

> neighborhood is more like it. If you have ever spent your ENTIRE day at

> school being ignored or made fun of by everybody else in the classroom and

> then spent the entire busroad home being yelled at, laughed at, made fun of,

> poked at, picked at, and gum thrown in your hair (with the bus driver doing

> nothing), you have some idea where I was at.

>

> This didn't stop until my dad died in a plane crash when I was 12 and it

> made the news and the papers. By then, I just didn't know how to enjoy other

> people anymore. I don't know how to talk to people or how to have fun with

> people. I don't know what people talk about or how to make friends. If

> there's some shared job to be done or some strong shared interest, I can do

> OK because I have some faint clue WHAT TO DO, but otherwise, forget it. I'm

> uncomfortable around people and I just don't have a clue what other people

> enjoy about it anymore. I vaguely remember being an outgoing child when I

> was, like, 4, but that was almost 40 years ago.

>

> I'm sure it doesn't help that my life now is nothing but struggling to work

> at my job, work at the gym, work at a healthy diet, work at keeping up the

> housecleaning, and work at keeping two elderly handicapped mentally ill

> relatives going in two separate homes with bills paid, doctor visits taken

> care of, meds purchased, supplies, etc. I'm sure most people can make small

> talk about TV, movies, books they've read, etc. I can't because I do not

> have time. All I do is work.

>

> come to think of it, even if I did have friends, I wouldn't have time for

> them, so what the hell?

>

>

>

> --.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

A little OT to the OP, but...

Fiona, I COMPLETELY get and experience every ounce of your post - it's we had

the same mother....

Wow, this is so weird to me and a little bit exciting!

-Kali

> >

> > Do any of you really struggle with friendships? I have only really ever had

one close friend (besides my husband). The thing is, I dont stick in friendships

once they begin asking personal questions about me... I am an introvert anyway

but when potential friends start asking about my family of origin I cant say

anything... My mom has BP and my dad was a pedophile (he left when I was 12)...

I have had a lot of trauma in my life, and firstly, I dont feel as if you can

properly describe a childhood like mine to someone who grew up in a home with

stable parents. They dont understand, they dont " get it " .... If I open up I feel

like a " freak " ... and I feel misunderstood or minimized.

> >

> > The problem is that this leaves me with my one close friend of 8 years who

talks about herself constantly and I never have to say a word or say anything

about my family. She knows the basics but never asks about me personally... she

never asks how my therapy is going...etc... this is a very " safe " friendship for

me but I am left feeling lonely, and often get irritated because I get tired of

hearing about the " horrible stress " of her PTO position...etc... I try to be

empathetic and understanding but those types of stresses, in my opinion, just

dont compare with the stresses that adult children of BP's deal with every

single day. (The rejection, the guilt, the abuse that occers daily for me from

my mom)

> >

> > Another question.... I am fairly new to this and I see that many of you talk

about the benefit you have received from having this group and I wondered if it

was really scary and felt " wrong " to you when you first started letting it all

out for others to read? Other than my therapist and my husband I keep it all in

and it feels so incredibly scary and vulnerable to write something like this...

I feel like I will be punished... Does anyone relate and understand?

> > Thanks for letting me vent... jen

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" Their reaction is: it couldn't possibly have been THAT bad therefore you are

either exaggerating or lying. I am hurt and infuriated by this reaction. "

THIS. I still don't get it - what the hell is wrong with people? Why is this

level of insensitivity and lack of empathy the norm in our society? It is

something that infuriates me too and encourages my own tendency to not even want

to try. Do people really have to have had the same experiences to understand or

at least respect the experience of another?

>

> Dear , , and others:

>

> I have the same issues. I was taught very poor social skills at home. I was

a strange child that didn't fit in to any of the social groups at school and in

the neighborhood. I am still very shy and I have great difficulty making

friends.

>

> I won't talk about my childhood anymore with anyone other than my therapists

and this group, because normal people just don't believe me. Their reaction is:

it couldn't possibly have been THAT bad therefore you are either exaggerating or

lying. I am hurt and infuriated by this reaction.

>

> My point, I guess, is that you are not alone in having these feelings.

>

[Guest guest]

" Their reaction is: it couldn't possibly have been THAT bad therefore you are

either exaggerating or lying. I am hurt and infuriated by this reaction. "

THIS. I still don't get it - what the hell is wrong with people? Why is this

level of insensitivity and lack of empathy the norm in our society? It is

something that infuriates me too and encourages my own tendency to not even want

to try. Do people really have to have had the same experiences to understand or

at least respect the experience of another?

>

> Dear , , and others:

>

> I have the same issues. I was taught very poor social skills at home. I was

a strange child that didn't fit in to any of the social groups at school and in

the neighborhood. I am still very shy and I have great difficulty making

friends.

>

> I won't talk about my childhood anymore with anyone other than my therapists

and this group, because normal people just don't believe me. Their reaction is:

it couldn't possibly have been THAT bad therefore you are either exaggerating or

lying. I am hurt and infuriated by this reaction.

>

> My point, I guess, is that you are not alone in having these feelings.

>

[Guest guest]

> " Their reaction is: it couldn't possibly have been THAT bad therefore you are

either exaggerating or lying. I am hurt and infuriated by this reaction. "

YES!! I hate this reaction... 50/50 chance.

-Kali

> >

> > Dear , , and others:

> >

> > I have the same issues. I was taught very poor social skills at home. I

was a strange child that didn't fit in to any of the social groups at school and

in the neighborhood. I am still very shy and I have great difficulty making

friends.

> >

> > I won't talk about my childhood anymore with anyone other than my therapists

and this group, because normal people just don't believe me. Their reaction is:

it couldn't possibly have been THAT bad therefore you are either exaggerating or

lying. I am hurt and infuriated by this reaction.

> >

> > My point, I guess, is that you are not alone in having these feelings.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

> " Their reaction is: it couldn't possibly have been THAT bad therefore you are

either exaggerating or lying. I am hurt and infuriated by this reaction. "

YES!! I hate this reaction... 50/50 chance.

-Kali

> >

> > Dear , , and others:

> >

> > I have the same issues. I was taught very poor social skills at home. I

was a strange child that didn't fit in to any of the social groups at school and

in the neighborhood. I am still very shy and I have great difficulty making

friends.

> >

> > I won't talk about my childhood anymore with anyone other than my therapists

and this group, because normal people just don't believe me. Their reaction is:

it couldn't possibly have been THAT bad therefore you are either exaggerating or

lying. I am hurt and infuriated by this reaction.

> >

> > My point, I guess, is that you are not alone in having these feelings.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I think perhaps its that ordinary, everyday, casual interactions with others we

come into contact with at work or at school or while running errands or working

out at the gym or at a party are not usually about sharing deep, gut-wrenching

personal tragedy.

If a group of casual friends or acquaintances are discussing, for example, how

aggravating their teenagers are behaving lately, it would cause a sudden

uncomfortable silence if one of the individuals were to comment, " My child tried

to kill herself again last night; she has borderline personality disorder. " It

puts the listeners at a loss; all they can really do is offer condolences, and

then they'll probably change the subject or suddenly have something they need to

be doing somewhere else.

The real tragedies of life (terminal illnesses, mental illness, addictions,

being raped, being the victim of incest or parental abuse, spousal abuse,

infidelity or sexual dysfunction, being in financial distress, etc) are usually

discussed only with close, personal friends or with a support group of fellow

sufferers or a therapist.

Maybe it is a flaw in our society or culture, but I've noticed it to be true;

only light or superficial or humorous aggravations are shared in casual

conversations. Anything more is uncomfortable to others.

Sharing something deeply personal and tragic or shaming is an act of intimacy,

and we usually save intimacy for private moments with certain trusted

individuals, I suppose. (Or, we share it safely and privately under a shield of

anonymity at a Group like this.)

-Annie

> > >

> > > Dear , , and others:

> > >

> > > I have the same issues. I was taught very poor social skills at home. I

was a strange child that didn't fit in to any of the social groups at school and

in the neighborhood. I am still very shy and I have great difficulty making

friends.

> > >

> > > I won't talk about my childhood anymore with anyone other than my

therapists and this group, because normal people just don't believe me. Their

reaction is: it couldn't possibly have been THAT bad therefore you are either

exaggerating or lying. I am hurt and infuriated by this reaction.

> > >

> > > My point, I guess, is that you are not alone in having these feelings.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

congrats!  this is great, you made some time for yourselves..

Subject: Re: Friendships are so difficult for me.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, September 5, 2010, 8:19 PM

 

Friends, thanks for your thoughts and replies on this thread. I haven't

been home to see it because WE JUST GOT A WHOLE WEEK OFF AND SPENT IT AT THE

BEACH!!!

It was great!! I was sad to come home.

--.

[Guest guest]

congrats!  this is great, you made some time for yourselves..

Subject: Re: Friendships are so difficult for me.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, September 5, 2010, 8:19 PM

 

Friends, thanks for your thoughts and replies on this thread. I haven't

been home to see it because WE JUST GOT A WHOLE WEEK OFF AND SPENT IT AT THE

BEACH!!!

It was great!! I was sad to come home.

--.