Guest guest Posted August 25, 2010 Report Share Posted August 25, 2010 Hi, I'm new to this forum so I just thought I would say a bit about my story. By accident, I came across a website about BPD and was pretty amazed about how it seemed to hit the nail on the head with regards to the way my mum was when I was a kid. I am 31 years old now and had quite a turbulent childhood. My mum felt let down in various ways by my father (he apparently had an affair with the nanny) and literally spent my entire childhood creating huge dramas about my dad and trying to get me and my siblings to gang up against him. Instead of divorcing him or working through their issues in private, she always used us kids as battle weapons against my dad and seemed to relish having us witness their many screaming battles. She also liked to use us as therapists, telling us about all of her problems and why she hated my dad so much - never thinking about the stress it might put on us. She was always very quick to snap (flitting between loving and hating) and would often slap us or beat us with sticks for trivial reasons like playing a wrong note on the recorder. It was almost as it she didn't realize how young me and my siblings were and when I was 10 years old she would scream at me for reading normal children's books, asking why the hell I wasn't reading something more intellectual like Shakespeare. If we ever came to her with problems (like struggling to make friends at a new school) she would come up with random power games like telling me that it was all my fault because I didn't practice the violin enough. She was also quite scathing - gathering me and one of my sisters together and saying about the third, " isn't she ugly " etc. She often seemed to have a complete double personality and outsiders usually thought she was genuinely lovely (which she sometimes was) when behind closed doors it was a very different story. It often felt like I couldn't do anything right - and she's still like that today. If I plan a birthday meal for her she will refuse to sit in the 'birthday seat' and then moan about how she hates her presents. I recently flew from across the world to look after her when she was ill. I visited her in hospital twice a day, bringing her meals etc, and then I still overheard her 'bitterly' complaining about how much she hates me to a neighbor. She's always been very good at getting people to feel sorry for her and seems to thrive on the attention. Now that me and my siblings are older she acts as if nothing bad ever happened. She used to beat us often as kids but when we were watching a comedian on TV making a joke about parents who beat their children she laughed and said how she thought it was funny how some cultures thought it was okay to do that - as if she's had a complete memory wipe. To this day she feels that everything is everyone else's fault and can't seem to take any responsibility for her behavior or the way it affected us. When I was a kid, I remember her spending a great deal of time in bed - even one Christmas day when she refused to get out of bed until about 4pm. She left home when I was 13 to study at university and my dad took his new freedom as an opportunity to spend more time in London. My sisters are older than me and had already moved out, so I was mostly left alone in the house. To this day my parents think this was perfectly ok. I've also been reading about the sexual traits that people with BPD have. She did used to flaunt her sexuality quite a bit - like turning up to meetings with my teachers with her top unbuttoned so that they could see her bra etc... and other stuff like that too (as well as two affairs) but I don't know if that is less a symptom or more just her being bored or lonely...? The reason why I have been analyzing my childhood lately is that I have been trying to get to the root of stumbling blocks in my own life - like how I tend to put up with bad situations for longer than I should (abusive relationships or bullying at work). I've wondered if maybe I put up with unhealthy situations because I was somehow desensitized as a kid. I've also noticed how strongly me and my sisters react to my mum's behavior now. Whenever she launches into a tirade about how much she hates someone (which she does a great deal) we really noticeably recoil as if it's toxic and also pretty traumatic to hear that sort of stuff. She doesn't seem to care about the effect her behavior has on other people and how it can drag people down. Anyway, sorry about the long post! When I read about BPD I thought it summed up my mum pretty well... although I could be wrong. Any thoughts appreciated! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2010 Report Share Posted August 26, 2010 Welcome to the group! It's sad you need to go through this but I think we all here arrived at this forum looking for a light to guide us in this crazy bpd world. Many of what you said sounds familiar for me too. " She's always been very good at getting people to feel sorry for her and seems to thrive on the attention " my mum is master on it!!! Everyone who know her superficialy, loves her! People who knows a little gets her moods once in a while and me, only daughter, get all the shit ! Hope you find help here. >Hi, I'm new to this forum so I just thought I would say a bit about my story. By accident, I came across a website about BPD and was pretty amazed about how it seemed to hit the nail on the head with regards to the way my mum was when I was a kid. > >I am 31 years old now and had quite a turbulent childhood. My mum felt let down in various ways by my father (he apparently had an affair with the nanny) and literally spent my entire childhood creating huge dramas about my dad and trying to get me and my siblings to gang up against him. Instead of divorcing him or working through their issues in private, she always used us kids as battle weapons against my dad and seemed to relish having us witness their many screaming battles. She also liked to use us as therapists, telling us about all of her problems and why she hated my dad so much - never thinking about the stress it might put on us. > >She was always very quick to snap (flitting between loving and hating) and would often slap us or beat us with sticks for trivial reasons like playing a wrong note on the recorder. It was almost as it she didn't realize how young me and my siblings were and when I was 10 years old she would scream at me for reading normal children's books, asking why the hell I wasn't reading something more intellectual like Shakespeare. > >If we ever came to her with problems (like struggling to make friends at a new school) she would come up with random power games like telling me that it was all my fault because I didn't practice the violin enough. She was also quite scathing - gathering me and one of my sisters together and saying about the third, " isn't she ugly " etc. > >She often seemed to have a complete double personality and outsiders usually thought she was genuinely lovely (which she sometimes was) when behind closed doors it was a very different story. It often felt like I couldn't do anything right - and she's still like that today. If I plan a birthday meal for her she will refuse to sit in the 'birthday seat' and then moan about how she hates her presents. I recently flew from across the world to look after her when she was ill. I visited her in hospital twice a day, bringing her meals etc, and then I still overheard her 'bitterly' complaining about how much she hates me to a neighbor. She's always been very good at getting people to feel sorry for her and seems to thrive on the attention. > >Now that me and my siblings are older she acts as if nothing bad ever happened. She used to beat us often as kids but when we were watching a comedian on TV making a joke about parents who beat their children she laughed and said how she thought it was funny how some cultures thought it was okay to do that - as if she's had a complete memory wipe. > >To this day she feels that everything is everyone else's fault and can't seem to take any responsibility for her behavior or the way it affected us. When I was a kid, I remember her spending a great deal of time in bed - even one Christmas day when she refused to get out of bed until about 4pm. > >She left home when I was 13 to study at university and my dad took his new freedom as an opportunity to spend more time in London. My sisters are older than me and had already moved out, so I was mostly left alone in the house. To this day my parents think this was perfectly ok. > >I've also been reading about the sexual traits that people with BPD have. She did used to flaunt her sexuality quite a bit - like turning up to meetings with my teachers with her top unbuttoned so that they could see her bra etc... and other stuff like that too (as well as two affairs) but I don't know if that is less a symptom or more just her being bored or lonely...? > >The reason why I have been analyzing my childhood lately is that I have been trying to get to the root of stumbling blocks in my own life - like how I tend to put up with bad situations for longer than I should (abusive relationships or bullying at work). I've wondered if maybe I put up with unhealthy situations because I was somehow desensitized as a kid. I've also noticed how strongly me and my sisters react to my mum's behavior now. Whenever she launches into a tirade about how much she hates someone (which she does a great deal) we really noticeably recoil as if it's toxic and also pretty traumatic to hear that sort of stuff. She doesn't seem to care about the effect her behavior has on other people and how it can drag people down. > >Anyway, sorry about the long post! When I read about BPD I thought it summed up my mum pretty well... although I could be wrong. > >Any thoughts appreciated! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2010 Report Share Posted August 26, 2010 Welcome to the group! It's sad you need to go through this but I think we all here arrived at this forum looking for a light to guide us in this crazy bpd world. Many of what you said sounds familiar for me too. " She's always been very good at getting people to feel sorry for her and seems to thrive on the attention " my mum is master on it!!! Everyone who know her superficialy, loves her! People who knows a little gets her moods once in a while and me, only daughter, get all the shit ! Hope you find help here. >Hi, I'm new to this forum so I just thought I would say a bit about my story. By accident, I came across a website about BPD and was pretty amazed about how it seemed to hit the nail on the head with regards to the way my mum was when I was a kid. > >I am 31 years old now and had quite a turbulent childhood. My mum felt let down in various ways by my father (he apparently had an affair with the nanny) and literally spent my entire childhood creating huge dramas about my dad and trying to get me and my siblings to gang up against him. Instead of divorcing him or working through their issues in private, she always used us kids as battle weapons against my dad and seemed to relish having us witness their many screaming battles. She also liked to use us as therapists, telling us about all of her problems and why she hated my dad so much - never thinking about the stress it might put on us. > >She was always very quick to snap (flitting between loving and hating) and would often slap us or beat us with sticks for trivial reasons like playing a wrong note on the recorder. It was almost as it she didn't realize how young me and my siblings were and when I was 10 years old she would scream at me for reading normal children's books, asking why the hell I wasn't reading something more intellectual like Shakespeare. > >If we ever came to her with problems (like struggling to make friends at a new school) she would come up with random power games like telling me that it was all my fault because I didn't practice the violin enough. She was also quite scathing - gathering me and one of my sisters together and saying about the third, " isn't she ugly " etc. > >She often seemed to have a complete double personality and outsiders usually thought she was genuinely lovely (which she sometimes was) when behind closed doors it was a very different story. It often felt like I couldn't do anything right - and she's still like that today. If I plan a birthday meal for her she will refuse to sit in the 'birthday seat' and then moan about how she hates her presents. I recently flew from across the world to look after her when she was ill. I visited her in hospital twice a day, bringing her meals etc, and then I still overheard her 'bitterly' complaining about how much she hates me to a neighbor. She's always been very good at getting people to feel sorry for her and seems to thrive on the attention. > >Now that me and my siblings are older she acts as if nothing bad ever happened. She used to beat us often as kids but when we were watching a comedian on TV making a joke about parents who beat their children she laughed and said how she thought it was funny how some cultures thought it was okay to do that - as if she's had a complete memory wipe. > >To this day she feels that everything is everyone else's fault and can't seem to take any responsibility for her behavior or the way it affected us. When I was a kid, I remember her spending a great deal of time in bed - even one Christmas day when she refused to get out of bed until about 4pm. > >She left home when I was 13 to study at university and my dad took his new freedom as an opportunity to spend more time in London. My sisters are older than me and had already moved out, so I was mostly left alone in the house. To this day my parents think this was perfectly ok. > >I've also been reading about the sexual traits that people with BPD have. She did used to flaunt her sexuality quite a bit - like turning up to meetings with my teachers with her top unbuttoned so that they could see her bra etc... and other stuff like that too (as well as two affairs) but I don't know if that is less a symptom or more just her being bored or lonely...? > >The reason why I have been analyzing my childhood lately is that I have been trying to get to the root of stumbling blocks in my own life - like how I tend to put up with bad situations for longer than I should (abusive relationships or bullying at work). I've wondered if maybe I put up with unhealthy situations because I was somehow desensitized as a kid. I've also noticed how strongly me and my sisters react to my mum's behavior now. Whenever she launches into a tirade about how much she hates someone (which she does a great deal) we really noticeably recoil as if it's toxic and also pretty traumatic to hear that sort of stuff. She doesn't seem to care about the effect her behavior has on other people and how it can drag people down. > >Anyway, sorry about the long post! When I read about BPD I thought it summed up my mum pretty well... although I could be wrong. > >Any thoughts appreciated! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2010 Report Share Posted August 26, 2010 Welcome to the group! It's sad you need to go through this but I think we all here arrived at this forum looking for a light to guide us in this crazy bpd world. Many of what you said sounds familiar for me too. " She's always been very good at getting people to feel sorry for her and seems to thrive on the attention " my mum is master on it!!! Everyone who know her superficialy, loves her! People who knows a little gets her moods once in a while and me, only daughter, get all the shit ! Hope you find help here. >Hi, I'm new to this forum so I just thought I would say a bit about my story. By accident, I came across a website about BPD and was pretty amazed about how it seemed to hit the nail on the head with regards to the way my mum was when I was a kid. > >I am 31 years old now and had quite a turbulent childhood. My mum felt let down in various ways by my father (he apparently had an affair with the nanny) and literally spent my entire childhood creating huge dramas about my dad and trying to get me and my siblings to gang up against him. Instead of divorcing him or working through their issues in private, she always used us kids as battle weapons against my dad and seemed to relish having us witness their many screaming battles. She also liked to use us as therapists, telling us about all of her problems and why she hated my dad so much - never thinking about the stress it might put on us. > >She was always very quick to snap (flitting between loving and hating) and would often slap us or beat us with sticks for trivial reasons like playing a wrong note on the recorder. It was almost as it she didn't realize how young me and my siblings were and when I was 10 years old she would scream at me for reading normal children's books, asking why the hell I wasn't reading something more intellectual like Shakespeare. > >If we ever came to her with problems (like struggling to make friends at a new school) she would come up with random power games like telling me that it was all my fault because I didn't practice the violin enough. She was also quite scathing - gathering me and one of my sisters together and saying about the third, " isn't she ugly " etc. > >She often seemed to have a complete double personality and outsiders usually thought she was genuinely lovely (which she sometimes was) when behind closed doors it was a very different story. It often felt like I couldn't do anything right - and she's still like that today. If I plan a birthday meal for her she will refuse to sit in the 'birthday seat' and then moan about how she hates her presents. I recently flew from across the world to look after her when she was ill. I visited her in hospital twice a day, bringing her meals etc, and then I still overheard her 'bitterly' complaining about how much she hates me to a neighbor. She's always been very good at getting people to feel sorry for her and seems to thrive on the attention. > >Now that me and my siblings are older she acts as if nothing bad ever happened. She used to beat us often as kids but when we were watching a comedian on TV making a joke about parents who beat their children she laughed and said how she thought it was funny how some cultures thought it was okay to do that - as if she's had a complete memory wipe. > >To this day she feels that everything is everyone else's fault and can't seem to take any responsibility for her behavior or the way it affected us. When I was a kid, I remember her spending a great deal of time in bed - even one Christmas day when she refused to get out of bed until about 4pm. > >She left home when I was 13 to study at university and my dad took his new freedom as an opportunity to spend more time in London. My sisters are older than me and had already moved out, so I was mostly left alone in the house. To this day my parents think this was perfectly ok. > >I've also been reading about the sexual traits that people with BPD have. She did used to flaunt her sexuality quite a bit - like turning up to meetings with my teachers with her top unbuttoned so that they could see her bra etc... and other stuff like that too (as well as two affairs) but I don't know if that is less a symptom or more just her being bored or lonely...? > >The reason why I have been analyzing my childhood lately is that I have been trying to get to the root of stumbling blocks in my own life - like how I tend to put up with bad situations for longer than I should (abusive relationships or bullying at work). I've wondered if maybe I put up with unhealthy situations because I was somehow desensitized as a kid. I've also noticed how strongly me and my sisters react to my mum's behavior now. Whenever she launches into a tirade about how much she hates someone (which she does a great deal) we really noticeably recoil as if it's toxic and also pretty traumatic to hear that sort of stuff. She doesn't seem to care about the effect her behavior has on other people and how it can drag people down. > >Anyway, sorry about the long post! When I read about BPD I thought it summed up my mum pretty well... although I could be wrong. > >Any thoughts appreciated! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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