greetings! A little about what brings me here

March 28, 2011

My name is Joy. I am a woman in my 30s. I had bulimia in my 20s and was a

compulsive exerciser, though I genuinely loved running. I have always been

active and love to be active. More recently, within the past year, I decided to

take up running and yoga for mood. I have been on antidepressants in the past

and they gave me side effects and did not work. So I though it would be a good

idea to start to exercise. At first I did it in a healthy manner and not for

weight, but as soon as my weight dropped, I started counting calories, food

monitoring, etc...and became obsessed with food. My restriction, counting, and

monitoring, and obsessing caused some disturbing food binges. My conflict is

that when I run at a slightly heavier weight my joints hurt. When I am a little

lighter, it feels great. I love running. It is like a dear friend. I would like

to stay at my current weight, because my joints feel better and my body feels

better without counting and monitoring. In fact I think I might even be lighter

if I learned to eat intuitively. I often over eat and the binging has caused

weight gain. I ordered the book on intuitive eating and am waiting for it, so

have been trying to do some on my own. So far I stopped journaling about

calories and such and eating what ever I want, but I have gained weight. The

binging has stopped, but I am over eating. Is this okay in the beginning? I have

yet to be able to turn away a piece of cake or stop eating it unless I am very

very uncomfortable. What should I be doing? I'm afraid if I restrict, I am not

doing it right. Sorry for the long post. What are your thoughts?

March 29, 2011

Hi, Joy! It is absolutely normal to overeat in the beginning. It takes time for

your mind and body to believe that you will truly allow yourself to eat anything

you want whenever you are hungry. I know it is scary to think about gaining

weight, and I was on here panicking about it a few weeks ago myself, but I

really believe in the beginning it helps to ignore the potential of weight gain

and continue to focus on giving yourself permission to eat. Keep telling

yourself that you can eat whatever you want and keep working towards eating when

hungry and stopping when full. The fact that you are noticing yourself binge

less is a good sign that your body is starting to trust that you won't be

depriving it anymore.

It seems we have a bit in common. I am also in my 30's and have a long history

of very restrictive eating. I have tried antidepressants and hated the way they

made me feel. I started exercising to lose weight (as I know most people do),

but I quickly fell in love with its mood boosting effects. I think of exercising

as a prescription that I need to " take " daily to stay sane. I share your

concern of feeling good physically and not wanting your joints to hurt while you

are running.

I would say keep in mind that the beginning of this is a transition time, and

the way you eat now is not the way you will eat in the long run as an intuitive

eater. Try to remind yourself that a little initial weight gain is described as

both normal and usually temporary in the Intuitive Eating book. What has helped

me is to lock away my scale, focus on loving the body I have now, and practice

forgiveness whenever I don't honor my fullness. I love the suggestion to treat

every episode of binging or overeating as a lesson that has something to teach

you. The more I pay attention to the feelings beneath and learn from them, the

less compelled I feel to eat more than I need the next time.

Best,

Liz

>

> My name is Joy. I am a woman in my 30s. I had bulimia in my 20s and was a

compulsive exerciser, though I genuinely loved running. I have always been

active and love to be active...

>

March 29, 2011