greetings! A little about what brings me here

[Guest guest]

My name is Joy. I am a woman in my 30s. I had bulimia in my 20s and was a

compulsive exerciser, though I genuinely loved running. I have always been

active and love to be active. More recently, within the past year, I decided to

take up running and yoga for mood. I have been on antidepressants in the past

and they gave me side effects and did not work. So I though it would be a good

idea to start to exercise. At first I did it in a healthy manner and not for

weight, but as soon as my weight dropped, I started counting calories, food

monitoring, etc...and became obsessed with food. My restriction, counting, and

monitoring, and obsessing caused some disturbing food binges. My conflict is

that when I run at a slightly heavier weight my joints hurt. When I am a little

lighter, it feels great. I love running. It is like a dear friend. I would like

to stay at my current weight, because my joints feel better and my body feels

better without counting and monitoring. In fact I think I might even be lighter

if I learned to eat intuitively. I often over eat and the binging has caused

weight gain. I ordered the book on intuitive eating and am waiting for it, so

have been trying to do some on my own. So far I stopped journaling about

calories and such and eating what ever I want, but I have gained weight. The

binging has stopped, but I am over eating. Is this okay in the beginning? I have

yet to be able to turn away a piece of cake or stop eating it unless I am very

very uncomfortable. What should I be doing? I'm afraid if I restrict, I am not

doing it right. Sorry for the long post. What are your thoughts?