Re: growing up

[Guest guest]

I usually respond to sentiments like this as, " Well, yes, most of the time;

ideally, that is what happens. That is what we all hope will happen. " But this

reminds me of another saying, that goes something like, " That which doesn't kill

us makes us stronger " and while that sounds plausible and hopeful on first

reading, I've always thought, " Well, gee, you know, sometimes that which doesn't

kill us can still leave us maimed for life. I don't think of just barely

surviving total emotional annihilation as " stronger " , I guess. " Kind of a

downer, I realize, but I guess I'm not feeling very cheerful today.

-Annie

> >

> > Can anyone identify the moment they " grew up? "

> >

> > I'm reading the Road Less Traveled. Scot Peck talks about how he grew up and

> > left behind his parent's expectations for what he would be. In his case, he

> > was 15 and left boarding school against his parent's wishes.

> >

> > I think as KOs we are molded to enable our Nada's sickness and given

> > specific roles within the family. To shrug off these roles and walk away

> > from it because we want to lead our own lives is to grow up.

> >

> > In my case, I know the exact moment I grew up. I was 28 (old, I know) and I

> > decided to divorce my ass of a husband. This was something of a sin

> > according to the FOO and I knew my relationship would never be the same with

> > them. But I did it anyway. My FOO said the expected HORRRIBLE things, and I

> > have not really seen them since. I've seen them a few times, but I never did

> > pick my role and job in the family back up again.

> >

> > Anyone else have this growing up experience? I prepped for it for months,

> > knowing I would be alone. But I didn't realize what a blessing the aloneness

> > would bring. I was scared. But I have LOVED it!

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

yes i remember, and i was even older, about 31.. landed in the psychologist's

office with severe clinical depression due to trying to live life according to

foo.. he asked me, 'ann, what do you want?' and i said, 'ann? who is that?' and,

'what do i want, i have not the faintest idea'.. and i realized i basically

didn't exist (yet).. then a bit later, when busy blaming foo for all my problems

getting the message that my own feelings and happiness (or lack of it) was

basically my responsibility and it was up to me to make a life for myself.  and

if i had no real family in my foo i could make a real family from my circle of

friends.  it was all a long, long time ago and a long process of growth, one

day at a time.. that i 'grew up'.  i still have lots of fleas and grieve my

lack of a healthy childhood but i do exist now, have my feelings and even,

sometimes know what i want.

ann

Subject: growing up

To: " wtoadultchildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 >

Date: Friday, August 20, 2010, 3:07 PM

 

Can anyone identify the moment they " grew up? "

I'm reading the Road Less Traveled. Scot Peck talks about how he grew up and

left behind his parent's expectations for what he would be. In his case, he

was 15 and left boarding school against his parent's wishes.

I think as KOs we are molded to enable our Nada's sickness and given

specific roles within the family. To shrug off these roles and walk away

from it because we want to lead our own lives is to grow up.

In my case, I know the exact moment I grew up. I was 28 (old, I know) and I

decided to divorce my ass of a husband. This was something of a sin

according to the FOO and I knew my relationship would never be the same with

them. But I did it anyway. My FOO said the expected HORRRIBLE things, and I

have not really seen them since. I've seen them a few times, but I never did

pick my role and job in the family back up again.

Anyone else have this growing up experience? I prepped for it for months,

knowing I would be alone. But I didn't realize what a blessing the aloneness

would bring. I was scared. But I have LOVED it!

[Guest guest]

yes i remember, and i was even older, about 31.. landed in the psychologist's

office with severe clinical depression due to trying to live life according to

foo.. he asked me, 'ann, what do you want?' and i said, 'ann? who is that?' and,

'what do i want, i have not the faintest idea'.. and i realized i basically

didn't exist (yet).. then a bit later, when busy blaming foo for all my problems

getting the message that my own feelings and happiness (or lack of it) was

basically my responsibility and it was up to me to make a life for myself.  and

if i had no real family in my foo i could make a real family from my circle of

friends.  it was all a long, long time ago and a long process of growth, one

day at a time.. that i 'grew up'.  i still have lots of fleas and grieve my

lack of a healthy childhood but i do exist now, have my feelings and even,

sometimes know what i want.

ann

Subject: growing up

To: " wtoadultchildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 >

Date: Friday, August 20, 2010, 3:07 PM

 

Can anyone identify the moment they " grew up? "

I'm reading the Road Less Traveled. Scot Peck talks about how he grew up and

left behind his parent's expectations for what he would be. In his case, he

was 15 and left boarding school against his parent's wishes.

I think as KOs we are molded to enable our Nada's sickness and given

specific roles within the family. To shrug off these roles and walk away

from it because we want to lead our own lives is to grow up.

In my case, I know the exact moment I grew up. I was 28 (old, I know) and I

decided to divorce my ass of a husband. This was something of a sin

according to the FOO and I knew my relationship would never be the same with

them. But I did it anyway. My FOO said the expected HORRRIBLE things, and I

have not really seen them since. I've seen them a few times, but I never did

pick my role and job in the family back up again.

Anyone else have this growing up experience? I prepped for it for months,

knowing I would be alone. But I didn't realize what a blessing the aloneness

would bring. I was scared. But I have LOVED it!

[Guest guest]

In a sense I feel like I was always an adult, but that I still haven't grown up.

I've always sort of had an " old spirit " , I think living with my nada forced me

to be an adult in many ways. But at the same time, I still feel like I'm

" faking " my way through actual adulthood.

Casey

>

> Can anyone identify the moment they " grew up? "

>

> I'm reading the Road Less Traveled. Scot Peck talks about how he grew up and

> left behind his parent's expectations for what he would be. In his case, he

> was 15 and left boarding school against his parent's wishes.

>

> I think as KOs we are molded to enable our Nada's sickness and given

> specific roles within the family. To shrug off these roles and walk away

> from it because we want to lead our own lives is to grow up.

>

> In my case, I know the exact moment I grew up. I was 28 (old, I know) and I

> decided to divorce my ass of a husband. This was something of a sin

> according to the FOO and I knew my relationship would never be the same with

> them. But I did it anyway. My FOO said the expected HORRRIBLE things, and I

> have not really seen them since. I've seen them a few times, but I never did

> pick my role and job in the family back up again.

>

> Anyone else have this growing up experience? I prepped for it for months,

> knowing I would be alone. But I didn't realize what a blessing the aloneness

> would bring. I was scared. But I have LOVED it!

>

>

>