Re: Re: That child

[Guest guest]

Annie,

I have thought of changing my name as well. My real name is and I do go

by (to some), but when I was a little girl, everyone called me Kathy. I

HATED IT. I have DID and there's not a single Kathy here. I don't relate to

that name and never liked it. And when I changed it later to (in high

school), my mother made fun of me and said I was " weird. " I was called weird

often. My father's mother (I never knew her, she died when my dad was 5) was

named Emma . I am seriously considering changing my name to Emma

, but still going by .

(which is what I want to be called, lol)

Re: " That " child

I agree that not calling one's child by his or her name but instead addressing

the child as " kid. " or " girl " or " boy " is demeaning and objectifying. As

children, we are expected to honor our parents by using the titles " Mother " or

" Father " when addressing them (some of us are even taught to say " M'am " or " Sir "

on top of that.) Those are not their names, those are titles signifying love and

respect, yet the respect we give as children is neither returned or expected,

particularly RE personality disordered parents. There really isn't an equivalent

honorific in our (American) culture, the closest thing I guess is simply

addressing one's child by his or her given name or addressing one's child with

an endearment, like Darling or Sweetheart, or a pet name/nickname.

A lot of it is in the tone, as well. My full name was only spoken in rage or to

mock me. Demeaning, insulting names were flung at me with contempt. I got to

where I hated my name, hated hearing it. Just my own name sounded demeaning to

me. My parents gave me an extremely popular name for my birth year, so I grew up

always being one of several other " Annies " in all my classes at school. I got to

where I didn't even respond to hearing my own name, because it wasn't likely to

be me who was being addressed. I've fantasized about changing my name legally,

but it would now cause too much confusion with my business contacts. Oh, well!

- " Annie " (not my real name, btw)

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> > > > Did your bpd parent ever refer to you as " that child " or " that girl "

> (or boy)?

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> > > > I was watching an excerpt on the news last night of Casey

> (the woman in florida who allegedly murdered her 2 year old daughter) and

> she kept saying over and over, " I loved THAT girl. "

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> > > > It makes me uncomfortable. Who refers to their own child as " that

> girl " or " that child? "

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