Friendships are so difficult for me.

[Guest guest]

Do any of you really struggle with friendships? I have only really ever had one

close friend (besides my husband). The thing is, I dont stick in friendships

once they begin asking personal questions about me... I am an introvert anyway

but when potential friends start asking about my family of origin I cant say

anything... My mom has BP and my dad was a pedophile (he left when I was 12)...

I have had a lot of trauma in my life, and firstly, I dont feel as if you can

properly describe a childhood like mine to someone who grew up in a home with

stable parents. They dont understand, they dont " get it " .... If I open up I feel

like a " freak " ... and I feel misunderstood or minimized.

The problem is that this leaves me with my one close friend of 8 years who talks

about herself constantly and I never have to say a word or say anything about my

family. She knows the basics but never asks about me personally... she never

asks how my therapy is going...etc... this is a very " safe " friendship for me

but I am left feeling lonely, and often get irritated because I get tired of

hearing about the " horrible stress " of her PTO position...etc... I try to be

empathetic and understanding but those types of stresses, in my opinion, just

dont compare with the stresses that adult children of BP's deal with every

single day. (The rejection, the guilt, the abuse that occers daily for me from

my mom)

Another question.... I am fairly new to this and I see that many of you talk

about the benefit you have received from having this group and I wondered if it

was really scary and felt " wrong " to you when you first started letting it all

out for others to read? Other than my therapist and my husband I keep it all in

and it feels so incredibly scary and vulnerable to write something like this...

I feel like I will be punished... Does anyone relate and understand?

Thanks for letting me vent... jen