Re: Re: Nada wants stay in my place more time

[Guest guest]

I would just suggest that you be careful - in letting her know how she

affects you you can unintentionally give her ammunition against you or

perceived power over you. I am very careful to not reveal any thing that

really matters to me including her affect on me to my nada. You could

communicate the something similar without giving her ammunition against you

or opening yourself up to her. " It won't work for me/us mom to have you stay

longer than 3 weeks. " (or whatever amount of time you want to stick to) When

she asks why or rages or guilts just keep repeating yourself " It won't work

for us. That is the length of time we can offer to you. " You don't owe her

an explaination and if she gets nasty or abusive you can always hang up the

phone. If she continues to be really nasty you don't have to have her stay

for even one day if you don't want to.

Just my two cents, though and I know that in my own experience it is a lot

easier to say than do.

MY

>

>

> Sometimes I think about play the same game she plays against herself. What

> about if I say I'm getting sick because I get very nervous when I talk/ stay

> with her? It's a true thing. My heart beats faster when she calls, I don't

> sleep well for years ( I wake up several times during night to go to the

> toilet and drink water),

> most of the days I wake up with pain in my teeth and when she's around I'm

> just stressed ALL the time. I'm Sure she will fell bad an d start to say " so

> I should kill myself i give you so much trouble " (suicide is her reply for

> everything!).

> But,if she doesn't look for a doctor to help her and if I show her that HER

> behave is affecting MY heath = do you think she would look for medical

> care?( I sent her twice to the doctors, she took the medicines for a while

> ,ended up blaming the doctor once and another time said she was not ill

> anymore)

>

>

>

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> >Oy, even 3 weeks is too long!!

> >My mother lives 7 blocks away and she does not come over, she is welcome

> over, she comes over only when she is invited.

> >

> >Like your mother, she is an attention seeker. She'll come over and won't

> sit still, putting my dishes away in the wrong place, fidgeting. I just had

> my bathroom re-done and she's been guilting me about how she can't believe

> she hasn't seen her own daughter's new bathroom. I let it fly over my head.

> >

> >, you sound like you're handling it well, calling her neighbor, not

> getting sucked into it. God, I wish I'd had this group when I married almost

> 20 years ago. My parents guilted me, coerced me and beat me down so much, my

> poor husband got left in the dirt too often.

> >

> >I wish I lived an ocean away!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >> >

> >> > I'm back here after almost 10 months. Last time you gave me advices of

> what to do with nada duringmy wedding lunch party.

> >> > She arrived at the party place looking strange after an overdose of

> tranquilizers ( I guess), wearing a long sleeve suit in a melting summer

> where everyone was in summer dress. Thanks God nothing worst happened during

> the party. I met her after 18 months that time. We live in opposite part of

> the globe so it's hard

> >> > to travel for visitings. In my mind some mother who doesn't see the

> daughter for 18months and in a ocasion of her marriage, would naturally

> behave kindly at least inthe first few days but,when she got the chance to

> be only with me, she started the FOG game and accusations. We spent 10

> stressful days together and even my in-laws had enough with her.

> >> > Nada said she was depressed cause I was going to travel so long and

> she was afraid something bad would happen to me . As soon as I returned to

> the place I live=she was fine again.

> >> > Now she needs to come to where I live because otherwise she will loose

> her permanent residence visa( she used to live where Im now).

> >> > My husband can't stand her anymore and said he would tolerate max. 3

> weeks with her in our house. Mom asked me how long she could be in my house.

> I asked her how long she would like too.

> >> > She replied: " the house is yours so you decide how long I can be

> there " .

> >> > Me: " ok, what about 3 weeks? "

> >> > She broken up in tears, screaming and crying " how a daughter would

> say only 3 weeks for her 74yo. Mother travelling from the other side of the

> world? I though you would say 2,3 months, mom take a rest and stay at home " .

> >> > After that we had moments of calm alternated with more crying and

> screamings and she even played that she felt sick and felt inthe floor as a

> good actress could do. Right away I called her neighbour who lives next door

> and has her home key ( nada lives alone and only think to live with me).this

> neighbour is my hotline salvation everytime mom has a crisis. I talked to

> the neighbour for 1:36sec after my mom drops the phone with breath

> difficulties saying she was feeling sick. This neighbour run to her house

> just to find her watering the plants inthe garage ( what she was doing when

> I call mom). " Feel sick " and felt inthe floor and wake up and water the

> plants within 5 min...

> >> > She's getting worst,she stopped her medicines a month or so ago.

> >> > She begs me now to take care of her and allow to stay more time at my

> place. My husband says no and I can imagine how stressful will be her stay

> here.

> >> > She had another crisis over the phone than I cut the phone and did not

> call her back. She might be feeling I don't mind about her anymore as she

> usual feels.

> >> > I know I look like a child too but what should I do now?

> >> > Stick on 3 weeks at home: she will blame for not leave her stay more.

> If I let her stay,my husband and I will be more stressed.

> >> >

> >>

> >

> >

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