Ho w to Deal with an Arrogant Doctor

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My way is to just not go back...but not everyone has other options...here are some suggestions.How to Deal with an Arrogant Doctor

His Ego May Get in the Way of Good Care

By Trisha Torrey, About.com

Updated: December 4, 2008

See More About:choosing the right doctorchanging doctorspatient doctor communications

Have you had a run-in with an arrogant doctor? Many of us have encountered an arrogant or egotistical doctor.

He or she comes across as mightier-than-thou, seems brusque, superior

or conceited, as if we are supposed to feel lucky simply to be in this

person's presence, or fearful enough that we had better not cross him.

When we aren't feeling well, which of course is the reason we

are visiting this individual to begin with, then facing such a big

personality may leave us feeling intimidated, angry, frustrated, or a

host of other negative emotions, none of which is helpful for improving

our health.

Confidence and self-assurance are good traits for a doctor. We

want to know that our doctors are confident about their work and are

positive about their abilities to help us. But wise patients understand

that there is no room for arrogance, narcissism or condescension from

egotistical medical professionals. Their lack of respect for our needs,

and their difficult personalities, will inhibit the partnership we need

to develop, and we won't get the care we need from them. Here are some ideas for understanding, then dealing with difficult doctors:

A Large Ego Is a Cover Up

Psychologists will tell you that when someone who acts arrogant or

superior, does so because he lacks self-confidence. Instead of truly

feeling superior, he instead, truly feels inferior. So he'll use

intimidation, or act conceited to cover up that lack of self-esteem. In

the school yard, this doctor was a bully. In a medical setting, that

bully's intimidation takes the form of arrogance.

This doctor has spent a lifetime with his personality and you

won't be able to change it. Therefore, your choices are to either learn

to work around it, or to find another doctor.

How do you know which approach to take? You'll want to assess

the importance of this particular doctor to your health. Will this be a

short-term relationship or a long-term one? Does this doctor have

special knowledge or abilities that others do not? Or are there other

doctors who are available to help you so you don't have to put up with

this one?

Become familiar with the steps for finding a new doctor

before you simply fire Dr. Arrogant. While I would love to tell you

just to find another doctor, that is much easier said than done in

primary care, and some specialties.

How to Develop a Working Relationship with an Arrogant or Egotistical Doctor

If you decide to stay with this doctor, or believe you'll be able to

establish a relationship, here are some steps to take to diminish the

effects of the difficult aspects of his personality:

First, understand that not only would this individual deny

he is egotistical, he would also deny that he is a bully or has an

inferiority complex. In truth, he has developed that personality

because it serves his purposes; people are so intimidated that they

don't try to get to know him any better. He doesn't want to be

pleasant, friendly or kind because then people would discover just how

inferior he is.

Knowing he doesn't want to be friendly, don't try to make him

your friend. Your goal will simply be to take those intimidating edges

out of the relationship so you can get the help you need.

Recognize that his difficult personality is not a true

reflection of his abilities as a doctor. He may, or may not, be a good

practitioner, able to meet your medical needs. He may come across as

the best surgeon / cardiologist / or any other "gist" there is, and

maybe he is. But maybe he is not. You'll need to work to discover

whether he can truly help you, or whether his arrogance is covering up

weaknesses in his abilities.

Ironically, it may be that this doctor's inferiority complex

actually works in your favor. If you have a difficult illness or

puzzling symptoms, and he can help you or solve your diagnosis mystery,

that "proves" his superiority. His success as your doctor helps him get

beyond his feelings of inferiority.

Remember, though, that communication between the two of you is

critical, so be sure that his ego doesn't inhibit your ability to

communicate about the important aspects of your illness or condition.

This doctor will think that everything he tells you is right,

or the best answer. When it comes to those aspects of being a wise

patient that involve asking smart questions, or sharing information you

have learned about your diagnosis or treatment options, know that Dr.

Arrogant will resist the discussion, may ignore you or get angry. If

that happens, try to smooth out the conversation by stating that you

understand what he has explained to you, that you know that both of you

have the same goal - to improve your health status - and that he can

create a win-win for both of you by explaining this additional

information. Don't be intimidated out of the conversation! But know

that you'll have to approach this difficult person differently to step

around his ego.

If you run into a problem with your treatment (for example,

the drug he prescribed doesn't work well), then make sure you state the

problem as objectively as you can. An intimidator may try to make it

sound as if the fault lies with you, the patient. Telling him you are

having a problem will sound to him as if you are accusing him of making

a mistake, so you'll have to smooth those edges, too.

The most important aspect of the relationship with this doctor is

that you will have to work hard to be sure you can ask the questions

you need to ask, get the answers you need to have, and get the

attention and service you deserve. Should you find this doctor's

personality gets in the way of the improvement of your health, you may

want to report him to your local medical society or to your state health professional licensing board.

Recent studies have shown a correlation between arrogance,

obnoxiousness and medical errors. Once you're feeling better or

stronger, you may choose to take a role in removing these types of egos

from the profession of medicine.