Guest guest Posted August 28, 2010 Report Share Posted August 28, 2010 Hi , Welcome! i agree the more support the better! Tell us more about you! I'm Girlscout (an alias as if you couldn't tell ha ha). I'm NC (no contact) with my BPD nada (not a mother) for the last 7 years. I found out about BPD only 2 years ago and have been on this group off and on since. Lately its been on due to an ugly stalking incident with a total stranger who fell under nada's FOG (Fear Obligation and Guilt) and wanted to let me know how " I make her sick " and what a " lothesome individual " I am. Welcome! glad to have you here. Let us know how we can help and support you. For starters, I recommend considering Low or No contact, esp with the rage situation. XOXO Girlscout On Fri, Aug 27, 2010 at 12:00 PM, Boening wrote: > > > I am a 34-year-old daughter of a BPD " mother. " I also have a master's > degree in > counseling psychology. After having lived 1,000 miles away from Ginger I > had to > relocate back within 50 miles of her due to financial reasons. It has been > a > baptism by fire being back in such close proximity to her again and her > rages > have been quite frequent over the past 9 months since my return. As a > matter of > fact, my siblings and I have been on the receiving end of one her rages for > the > past three weeks. > > I have been doing some research on-line, seeking out support groups. I have > > already joined a private group through my FB account that has been quite > helpful, but right now, I feel like the more support - the better. > > Thanks, > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow > strong in > contrary > winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” ~ Marshall > P. Boening, MA - 141 Locke Street, Apt. A - Tallahassee, FL > 32303 - (cell) > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 28, 2010 Report Share Posted August 28, 2010 Hi , Welcome! i agree the more support the better! Tell us more about you! I'm Girlscout (an alias as if you couldn't tell ha ha). I'm NC (no contact) with my BPD nada (not a mother) for the last 7 years. I found out about BPD only 2 years ago and have been on this group off and on since. Lately its been on due to an ugly stalking incident with a total stranger who fell under nada's FOG (Fear Obligation and Guilt) and wanted to let me know how " I make her sick " and what a " lothesome individual " I am. Welcome! glad to have you here. Let us know how we can help and support you. For starters, I recommend considering Low or No contact, esp with the rage situation. XOXO Girlscout On Fri, Aug 27, 2010 at 12:00 PM, Boening wrote: > > > I am a 34-year-old daughter of a BPD " mother. " I also have a master's > degree in > counseling psychology. After having lived 1,000 miles away from Ginger I > had to > relocate back within 50 miles of her due to financial reasons. It has been > a > baptism by fire being back in such close proximity to her again and her > rages > have been quite frequent over the past 9 months since my return. As a > matter of > fact, my siblings and I have been on the receiving end of one her rages for > the > past three weeks. > > I have been doing some research on-line, seeking out support groups. I have > > already joined a private group through my FB account that has been quite > helpful, but right now, I feel like the more support - the better. > > Thanks, > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow > strong in > contrary > winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” ~ Marshall > P. Boening, MA - 141 Locke Street, Apt. A - Tallahassee, FL > 32303 - (cell) > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 28, 2010 Report Share Posted August 28, 2010 I Hope you find as much help and support as I have here, Katharine. That must be quite depressing, being 'in range' again. The best years of my life were when I lived in another state from my parents, I moved there knowing only one person and made a life for myself. I'd go back in a heart beat if I could afford it. > > I am a 34-year-old daughter of a BPD " mother. " I also have a master's degree in > counseling psychology. After having lived 1,000 miles away from Ginger I had to > relocate back within 50 miles of her due to financial reasons. It has been a > baptism by fire being back in such close proximity to her again and her rages > have been quite frequent over the past 9 months since my return. As a matter of > fact, my siblings and I have been on the receiving end of one her rages for the > past three weeks. > > I have been doing some research on-line, seeking out support groups. I have > already joined a private group through my FB account that has been quite > helpful, but right now, I feel like the more support - the better. > > Thanks, > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in > contrary > winds and diamonds are made under pressure.†~ Marshall > P. Boening, MA - 141 Locke Street, Apt. A - Tallahassee, FL > 32303 - (cell) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 28, 2010 Report Share Posted August 28, 2010 I Hope you find as much help and support as I have here, Katharine. That must be quite depressing, being 'in range' again. The best years of my life were when I lived in another state from my parents, I moved there knowing only one person and made a life for myself. I'd go back in a heart beat if I could afford it. > > I am a 34-year-old daughter of a BPD " mother. " I also have a master's degree in > counseling psychology. After having lived 1,000 miles away from Ginger I had to > relocate back within 50 miles of her due to financial reasons. It has been a > baptism by fire being back in such close proximity to her again and her rages > have been quite frequent over the past 9 months since my return. As a matter of > fact, my siblings and I have been on the receiving end of one her rages for the > past three weeks. > > I have been doing some research on-line, seeking out support groups. I have > already joined a private group through my FB account that has been quite > helpful, but right now, I feel like the more support - the better. > > Thanks, > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in > contrary > winds and diamonds are made under pressure.†~ Marshall > P. Boening, MA - 141 Locke Street, Apt. A - Tallahassee, FL > 32303 - (cell) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 28, 2010 Report Share Posted August 28, 2010 I Hope you find as much help and support as I have here, Katharine. That must be quite depressing, being 'in range' again. The best years of my life were when I lived in another state from my parents, I moved there knowing only one person and made a life for myself. I'd go back in a heart beat if I could afford it. > > I am a 34-year-old daughter of a BPD " mother. " I also have a master's degree in > counseling psychology. After having lived 1,000 miles away from Ginger I had to > relocate back within 50 miles of her due to financial reasons. It has been a > baptism by fire being back in such close proximity to her again and her rages > have been quite frequent over the past 9 months since my return. As a matter of > fact, my siblings and I have been on the receiving end of one her rages for the > past three weeks. > > I have been doing some research on-line, seeking out support groups. I have > already joined a private group through my FB account that has been quite > helpful, but right now, I feel like the more support - the better. > > Thanks, > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in > contrary > winds and diamonds are made under pressure.†~ Marshall > P. Boening, MA - 141 Locke Street, Apt. A - Tallahassee, FL > 32303 - (cell) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 29, 2010 Report Share Posted August 29, 2010 Hi , Welcome to the Group. I agree with Girlscout: when its a situation where you're being verbally attacked, you are NOT obligated to just quietly endure that kind of abuse. One way to handle that is that when your bpd mother (we here sometimes refer to our bpd mothers as " nada " = short for " not a mom " ) begins to verbally abuse you or rage at you, its OK for you to calmly and politely say something like, " I'm hanging up now / leaving now and we can discuss this later when you're feeling calmer. " Period. No discussion, no further explanation. You're just being an assertive adult and stating what you will do. If you are consistent about cutting off contact when nada first begins hurling abuse at you, eventually she might learn that she doesn't get to do that anymore and if she wants contact with you she needs to have more self control of her rage. Setting boundaries (or rules, such as the implied " Its not OK to rage at me " ) and maintaining boundaries by giving consequences for boundary violation takes a lot of time and effort and patience. It can be emotionally and physically exhausting and draining. Some of us are up for that, and others of us aren't. Each person has to decide for himself or herself what she can and can't tolerate. Its a big step to accept that we get to decide these things, now, and that we're not obligated to just take parental mistreatment any longer. If you haven't discovered these books already, " Understanding the Borderline Mother " and " Surviving A Borderline Parent " are both really good for getting a handle on the parent-child relationship dynamic when the parent is personality-disordered. -Annie > > > > > > > I am a 34-year-old daughter of a BPD " mother. " I also have a master's > > degree in > > counseling psychology. After having lived 1,000 miles away from Ginger I > > had to > > relocate back within 50 miles of her due to financial reasons. It has been > > a > > baptism by fire being back in such close proximity to her again and her > > rages > > have been quite frequent over the past 9 months since my return. As a > > matter of > > fact, my siblings and I have been on the receiving end of one her rages for > > the > > past three weeks. > > > > I have been doing some research on-line, seeking out support groups. I have > > > > already joined a private group through my FB account that has been quite > > helpful, but right now, I feel like the more support - the better. > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > �When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow > > strong in > > contrary > > winds and diamonds are made under pressure.� ~ Marshall > > P. Boening, MA - 141 Locke Street, Apt. A - Tallahassee, FL > > 32303 - (cell) > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 29, 2010 Report Share Posted August 29, 2010 Hi , Welcome to the Group. I agree with Girlscout: when its a situation where you're being verbally attacked, you are NOT obligated to just quietly endure that kind of abuse. One way to handle that is that when your bpd mother (we here sometimes refer to our bpd mothers as " nada " = short for " not a mom " ) begins to verbally abuse you or rage at you, its OK for you to calmly and politely say something like, " I'm hanging up now / leaving now and we can discuss this later when you're feeling calmer. " Period. No discussion, no further explanation. You're just being an assertive adult and stating what you will do. If you are consistent about cutting off contact when nada first begins hurling abuse at you, eventually she might learn that she doesn't get to do that anymore and if she wants contact with you she needs to have more self control of her rage. Setting boundaries (or rules, such as the implied " Its not OK to rage at me " ) and maintaining boundaries by giving consequences for boundary violation takes a lot of time and effort and patience. It can be emotionally and physically exhausting and draining. Some of us are up for that, and others of us aren't. Each person has to decide for himself or herself what she can and can't tolerate. Its a big step to accept that we get to decide these things, now, and that we're not obligated to just take parental mistreatment any longer. If you haven't discovered these books already, " Understanding the Borderline Mother " and " Surviving A Borderline Parent " are both really good for getting a handle on the parent-child relationship dynamic when the parent is personality-disordered. -Annie > > > > > > > I am a 34-year-old daughter of a BPD " mother. " I also have a master's > > degree in > > counseling psychology. After having lived 1,000 miles away from Ginger I > > had to > > relocate back within 50 miles of her due to financial reasons. It has been > > a > > baptism by fire being back in such close proximity to her again and her > > rages > > have been quite frequent over the past 9 months since my return. As a > > matter of > > fact, my siblings and I have been on the receiving end of one her rages for > > the > > past three weeks. > > > > I have been doing some research on-line, seeking out support groups. I have > > > > already joined a private group through my FB account that has been quite > > helpful, but right now, I feel like the more support - the better. > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > �When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow > > strong in > > contrary > > winds and diamonds are made under pressure.� ~ Marshall > > P. Boening, MA - 141 Locke Street, Apt. A - Tallahassee, FL > > 32303 - (cell) > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 29, 2010 Report Share Posted August 29, 2010 Welcome!! You found the right place. It's good to have you. Blessings, Karla > > I am a 34-year-old daughter of a BPD " mother. " I also have a master's degree in > counseling psychology. After having lived 1,000 miles away from Ginger I had to > relocate back within 50 miles of her due to financial reasons. It has been a > baptism by fire being back in such close proximity to her again and her rages > have been quite frequent over the past 9 months since my return. As a matter of > fact, my siblings and I have been on the receiving end of one her rages for the > past three weeks. > > I have been doing some research on-line, seeking out support groups. I have > already joined a private group through my FB account that has been quite > helpful, but right now, I feel like the more support - the better. > > Thanks, > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in > contrary > winds and diamonds are made under pressure.†~ Marshall > P. Boening, MA - 141 Locke Street, Apt. A - Tallahassee, FL > 32303 - (cell) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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