Re: FW: My story and some questions

[Guest guest]

So I found my first listing...Thanks Randi for posting this for me, I didn't

exactly know where to begin...I've been reading some of the other posts, being

new to all this, it's becoming more obvious that our Mother is a BPD...Too bad

it took so long for any one to even mention this to one of us...I'm guessing she

is what is called a HF borderline...She is one that does very often seem normal

and rational and then she can go wacko at any point...Which means out of the

blue insult you for no reason or be critical about something that doesn't even

have anything do with the subject your talking about...Last night my sister went

to pick some things up at her house and she immediately insulted her

hair...Said, " Do you like your hair? " It looks awful. " She'd just gone and had

it cut and highlighted, I told my baby sis it looked pretty, ignore Mother...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi Randi,

>

> I am the oldest of 5 other siblings...4 brothers 1 sister...I was the oldest

> daughter, the boys in between, and my sis was the last born....Our Mother is

> wacko...We've always been told by her that we all have problems, because our

> father was an alcoholic...Being the oldest, of course I saw more and

> experienced more....As far as the the characters in Al-anon, I was the

> savior...

>

> Of course we have a lot of dysfunction...Funny thing is I have always said

> it was our Mother who caused the major part our problems, not our alcoholic

> father.... Some of the boys became alcoholics themselves....I am probably,

> sad to say, the most normal with the least problems of all the

> children...I'm still the one they all rely on and come to when its really

> rough...I quite honestly am a very happy and confident person, the only

> upset in any of our lives is always our Mother....She can manipulate better

> than anyone I know...Only thing good about it, she taught me how to pick

> someone else out doing it....I have a real hard time with people trying to

> manipulate me...I will let them know right off, I know what they are doing,

> or I just have nothing to do with them again...

>

>

>

> Recently my sister has fallen into some heart ache of her own, but she is

> handling it and seeing a Psych Doctor...She, nor I have ever used drugs or

> alcohol and we were actually very good teenagers..We the females of our

> siblings have actually both lived more successful and I guess you could say

> closer to normal lives than our brothers...With my sister talking to a Psych

> Doctor, she was presented with the BPD...Her Doctor said, our Mother sounded

> like she was, or either has BPD like symptoms...We have both done our

> reading since, and there is no doubt in my mind this is why our Mother is

> wacko! I guess that's not very nice, if she is mentally ill, but I don't

> know how many times we have all said, Mother this has got to stop...! Her

> insane behavior....She has truly messed my baby sister up....

>

>

>

> I guess I am writing you because I just wanted another opinion from a person

> that is well rounded in this subject....Our Mother is very critical to the

> point that it can be insulting...This has always been directed towards my

> sister and I, not so much our brothers..It's as though she is jealous of her

> girls and competes with us....As the female children, she never told you,

> you looked pretty...Nothing we have done in life is good enough...As adults

> she has tryed to ruin every relationship, we have ever had, unless it was a

> man she felt was excepting of her under conditions of any sort, as long as

> they were unconditional ... Her whole life after (our father died at 49) has

> been focused around her children, controlling us...My feelings have always

> been because I was the oldest, and the one she made the adult, she has never

> been able to let me go...I was even her parent...I have always been the one

> that has told her, " this is it, once again you are not apart of my life any

> more " ....The other siblings have never been able to do that with her...One

> brother who lives away, I have always felt like he wanted her to just love

> and accept him and not be critical all the time...

>

>

>

> She is also always the victim, in every situation it's always someone else's

> fault...Even if she ends up having a uncontrollable out burst that has

> scared the Gran children or anyone else around...It's still going to be

> someone else's fault...And believe you me, we have never once got an apology

> of any kind....I've written her letters, as they tell you in Al-anon, and

> have expressed the things she has done wrong to myself or my siblings...Not

> once has she ever acknowledge the letters, let alone apologized about

> anything. She is one of the most non supportive parents any child could

> have, if one of our children were to die, it would be more about her, than

> the pain we were feeling as a parent...

>

>

>

> She also plays us all against one another...Mainly my sister and I...She

> will brag and talk to one of us about the other and compare us.... funny

> thing is she would never say anything nice to you, to your face...She also

> has never let my sister and I do things without her...It always had to be

> all of us together, or her with one or the other of us, but we could never

> knowingly do it without her or we were going to pay... She's also done this

> to our children as far as her obvious partiality for one child over the

> other...She has held my sister's baby daughter, and made over her like she

> was a china doll, while her son stood there with this little face, wanting

> to say, " Grandma I'm here too. " and never acknowledge he was there till 30

> minutes later....

>

>

>

> I've always told my sister it's better not to let her help in any

> manner....Anything she does with you comes with strings....If you borrow

> money, your going to pay for it dearly...She does nothing kind, without an

> ulterior motive...She's one of those, she loves it, when she gets gifts,

> gifts that she thinks mean someone really loves or likes her...She loves to

> let you know that so and so, got her this really lovely gift, as though she

> wants you to be jealous, or think that maybe that person really loves

> her...It's like she wants you to know someone else did it, not you....

>

>

>

> When she doesn't get her way, or she doesn't want you to do something that

> maybe doesn' t include her...She's been known to pick a fight, have an

> outburst of some kind and then she will call and leave ugly messages on your

> answering machines....Calling you names, like " whore, " and " slut " . These

> things have gone on all our lives...If not one of us is getting her wrath,

> it's the other...And of course she trys always, to pull one or the other of

> us in....I could continue to go on and on, but it wouldn't end...LOL! ...

>

>

>

> My sister and I are just glad we finally found out what is her problem, and

> we aren't imagining something, she's the problem not us...I always felt that

> way, but I wasn't sure what it could be, and of course I'm not a

> therapist... I have just always been there for my brothers and

> sisters......I don't look for any help for her...She's 70 years old and she

> will never believe any of it...It will all be blamed on us or our

> father...We are going to give her some books and tell her my sisters Psych

> Doctor suggested it, but who knows what the outcome will be....Love to hear

> your opinion...

>

>

>

> Thanks for listening Jill

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So I found my first listing...Thanks Randi for posting this for me, I didn't

exactly know where to begin...I've been reading some of the other posts, being

new to all this, it's becoming more obvious that our Mother is a BPD...Too bad

it took so long for any one to even mention this to one of us...I'm guessing she

is what is called a HF borderline...She is one that does very often seem normal

and rational and then she can go wacko at any point...Which means out of the

blue insult you for no reason or be critical about something that doesn't even

have anything do with the subject your talking about...Last night my sister went

to pick some things up at her house and she immediately insulted her

hair...Said, " Do you like your hair? " It looks awful. " She'd just gone and had

it cut and highlighted, I told my baby sis it looked pretty, ignore Mother...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi Randi,

>

> I am the oldest of 5 other siblings...4 brothers 1 sister...I was the oldest

> daughter, the boys in between, and my sis was the last born....Our Mother is

> wacko...We've always been told by her that we all have problems, because our

> father was an alcoholic...Being the oldest, of course I saw more and

> experienced more....As far as the the characters in Al-anon, I was the

> savior...

>

> Of course we have a lot of dysfunction...Funny thing is I have always said

> it was our Mother who caused the major part our problems, not our alcoholic

> father.... Some of the boys became alcoholics themselves....I am probably,

> sad to say, the most normal with the least problems of all the

> children...I'm still the one they all rely on and come to when its really

> rough...I quite honestly am a very happy and confident person, the only

> upset in any of our lives is always our Mother....She can manipulate better

> than anyone I know...Only thing good about it, she taught me how to pick

> someone else out doing it....I have a real hard time with people trying to

> manipulate me...I will let them know right off, I know what they are doing,

> or I just have nothing to do with them again...

>

>

>

> Recently my sister has fallen into some heart ache of her own, but she is

> handling it and seeing a Psych Doctor...She, nor I have ever used drugs or

> alcohol and we were actually very good teenagers..We the females of our

> siblings have actually both lived more successful and I guess you could say

> closer to normal lives than our brothers...With my sister talking to a Psych

> Doctor, she was presented with the BPD...Her Doctor said, our Mother sounded

> like she was, or either has BPD like symptoms...We have both done our

> reading since, and there is no doubt in my mind this is why our Mother is

> wacko! I guess that's not very nice, if she is mentally ill, but I don't

> know how many times we have all said, Mother this has got to stop...! Her

> insane behavior....She has truly messed my baby sister up....

>

>

>

> I guess I am writing you because I just wanted another opinion from a person

> that is well rounded in this subject....Our Mother is very critical to the

> point that it can be insulting...This has always been directed towards my

> sister and I, not so much our brothers..It's as though she is jealous of her

> girls and competes with us....As the female children, she never told you,

> you looked pretty...Nothing we have done in life is good enough...As adults

> she has tryed to ruin every relationship, we have ever had, unless it was a

> man she felt was excepting of her under conditions of any sort, as long as

> they were unconditional ... Her whole life after (our father died at 49) has

> been focused around her children, controlling us...My feelings have always

> been because I was the oldest, and the one she made the adult, she has never

> been able to let me go...I was even her parent...I have always been the one

> that has told her, " this is it, once again you are not apart of my life any

> more " ....The other siblings have never been able to do that with her...One

> brother who lives away, I have always felt like he wanted her to just love

> and accept him and not be critical all the time...

>

>

>

> She is also always the victim, in every situation it's always someone else's

> fault...Even if she ends up having a uncontrollable out burst that has

> scared the Gran children or anyone else around...It's still going to be

> someone else's fault...And believe you me, we have never once got an apology

> of any kind....I've written her letters, as they tell you in Al-anon, and

> have expressed the things she has done wrong to myself or my siblings...Not

> once has she ever acknowledge the letters, let alone apologized about

> anything. She is one of the most non supportive parents any child could

> have, if one of our children were to die, it would be more about her, than

> the pain we were feeling as a parent...

>

>

>

> She also plays us all against one another...Mainly my sister and I...She

> will brag and talk to one of us about the other and compare us.... funny

> thing is she would never say anything nice to you, to your face...She also

> has never let my sister and I do things without her...It always had to be

> all of us together, or her with one or the other of us, but we could never

> knowingly do it without her or we were going to pay... She's also done this

> to our children as far as her obvious partiality for one child over the

> other...She has held my sister's baby daughter, and made over her like she

> was a china doll, while her son stood there with this little face, wanting

> to say, " Grandma I'm here too. " and never acknowledge he was there till 30

> minutes later....

>

>

>

> I've always told my sister it's better not to let her help in any

> manner....Anything she does with you comes with strings....If you borrow

> money, your going to pay for it dearly...She does nothing kind, without an

> ulterior motive...She's one of those, she loves it, when she gets gifts,

> gifts that she thinks mean someone really loves or likes her...She loves to

> let you know that so and so, got her this really lovely gift, as though she

> wants you to be jealous, or think that maybe that person really loves

> her...It's like she wants you to know someone else did it, not you....

>

>

>

> When she doesn't get her way, or she doesn't want you to do something that

> maybe doesn' t include her...She's been known to pick a fight, have an

> outburst of some kind and then she will call and leave ugly messages on your

> answering machines....Calling you names, like " whore, " and " slut " . These

> things have gone on all our lives...If not one of us is getting her wrath,

> it's the other...And of course she trys always, to pull one or the other of

> us in....I could continue to go on and on, but it wouldn't end...LOL! ...

>

>

>

> My sister and I are just glad we finally found out what is her problem, and

> we aren't imagining something, she's the problem not us...I always felt that

> way, but I wasn't sure what it could be, and of course I'm not a

> therapist... I have just always been there for my brothers and

> sisters......I don't look for any help for her...She's 70 years old and she

> will never believe any of it...It will all be blamed on us or our

> father...We are going to give her some books and tell her my sisters Psych

> Doctor suggested it, but who knows what the outcome will be....Love to hear

> your opinion...

>

>

>

> Thanks for listening Jill

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So I found my first listing...Thanks Randi for posting this for me, I didn't

exactly know where to begin...I've been reading some of the other posts, being

new to all this, it's becoming more obvious that our Mother is a BPD...Too bad

it took so long for any one to even mention this to one of us...I'm guessing she

is what is called a HF borderline...She is one that does very often seem normal

and rational and then she can go wacko at any point...Which means out of the

blue insult you for no reason or be critical about something that doesn't even

have anything do with the subject your talking about...Last night my sister went

to pick some things up at her house and she immediately insulted her

hair...Said, " Do you like your hair? " It looks awful. " She'd just gone and had

it cut and highlighted, I told my baby sis it looked pretty, ignore Mother...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi Randi,

>

> I am the oldest of 5 other siblings...4 brothers 1 sister...I was the oldest

> daughter, the boys in between, and my sis was the last born....Our Mother is

> wacko...We've always been told by her that we all have problems, because our

> father was an alcoholic...Being the oldest, of course I saw more and

> experienced more....As far as the the characters in Al-anon, I was the

> savior...

>

> Of course we have a lot of dysfunction...Funny thing is I have always said

> it was our Mother who caused the major part our problems, not our alcoholic

> father.... Some of the boys became alcoholics themselves....I am probably,

> sad to say, the most normal with the least problems of all the

> children...I'm still the one they all rely on and come to when its really

> rough...I quite honestly am a very happy and confident person, the only

> upset in any of our lives is always our Mother....She can manipulate better

> than anyone I know...Only thing good about it, she taught me how to pick

> someone else out doing it....I have a real hard time with people trying to

> manipulate me...I will let them know right off, I know what they are doing,

> or I just have nothing to do with them again...

>

>

>

> Recently my sister has fallen into some heart ache of her own, but she is

> handling it and seeing a Psych Doctor...She, nor I have ever used drugs or

> alcohol and we were actually very good teenagers..We the females of our

> siblings have actually both lived more successful and I guess you could say

> closer to normal lives than our brothers...With my sister talking to a Psych

> Doctor, she was presented with the BPD...Her Doctor said, our Mother sounded

> like she was, or either has BPD like symptoms...We have both done our

> reading since, and there is no doubt in my mind this is why our Mother is

> wacko! I guess that's not very nice, if she is mentally ill, but I don't

> know how many times we have all said, Mother this has got to stop...! Her

> insane behavior....She has truly messed my baby sister up....

>

>

>

> I guess I am writing you because I just wanted another opinion from a person

> that is well rounded in this subject....Our Mother is very critical to the

> point that it can be insulting...This has always been directed towards my

> sister and I, not so much our brothers..It's as though she is jealous of her

> girls and competes with us....As the female children, she never told you,

> you looked pretty...Nothing we have done in life is good enough...As adults

> she has tryed to ruin every relationship, we have ever had, unless it was a

> man she felt was excepting of her under conditions of any sort, as long as

> they were unconditional ... Her whole life after (our father died at 49) has

> been focused around her children, controlling us...My feelings have always

> been because I was the oldest, and the one she made the adult, she has never

> been able to let me go...I was even her parent...I have always been the one

> that has told her, " this is it, once again you are not apart of my life any

> more " ....The other siblings have never been able to do that with her...One

> brother who lives away, I have always felt like he wanted her to just love

> and accept him and not be critical all the time...

>

>

>

> She is also always the victim, in every situation it's always someone else's

> fault...Even if she ends up having a uncontrollable out burst that has

> scared the Gran children or anyone else around...It's still going to be

> someone else's fault...And believe you me, we have never once got an apology

> of any kind....I've written her letters, as they tell you in Al-anon, and

> have expressed the things she has done wrong to myself or my siblings...Not

> once has she ever acknowledge the letters, let alone apologized about

> anything. She is one of the most non supportive parents any child could

> have, if one of our children were to die, it would be more about her, than

> the pain we were feeling as a parent...

>

>

>

> She also plays us all against one another...Mainly my sister and I...She

> will brag and talk to one of us about the other and compare us.... funny

> thing is she would never say anything nice to you, to your face...She also

> has never let my sister and I do things without her...It always had to be

> all of us together, or her with one or the other of us, but we could never

> knowingly do it without her or we were going to pay... She's also done this

> to our children as far as her obvious partiality for one child over the

> other...She has held my sister's baby daughter, and made over her like she

> was a china doll, while her son stood there with this little face, wanting

> to say, " Grandma I'm here too. " and never acknowledge he was there till 30

> minutes later....

>

>

>

> I've always told my sister it's better not to let her help in any

> manner....Anything she does with you comes with strings....If you borrow

> money, your going to pay for it dearly...She does nothing kind, without an

> ulterior motive...She's one of those, she loves it, when she gets gifts,

> gifts that she thinks mean someone really loves or likes her...She loves to

> let you know that so and so, got her this really lovely gift, as though she

> wants you to be jealous, or think that maybe that person really loves

> her...It's like she wants you to know someone else did it, not you....

>

>

>

> When she doesn't get her way, or she doesn't want you to do something that

> maybe doesn' t include her...She's been known to pick a fight, have an

> outburst of some kind and then she will call and leave ugly messages on your

> answering machines....Calling you names, like " whore, " and " slut " . These

> things have gone on all our lives...If not one of us is getting her wrath,

> it's the other...And of course she trys always, to pull one or the other of

> us in....I could continue to go on and on, but it wouldn't end...LOL! ...

>

>

>

> My sister and I are just glad we finally found out what is her problem, and

> we aren't imagining something, she's the problem not us...I always felt that

> way, but I wasn't sure what it could be, and of course I'm not a

> therapist... I have just always been there for my brothers and

> sisters......I don't look for any help for her...She's 70 years old and she

> will never believe any of it...It will all be blamed on us or our

> father...We are going to give her some books and tell her my sisters Psych

> Doctor suggested it, but who knows what the outcome will be....Love to hear

> your opinion...

>

>

>

> Thanks for listening Jill

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Hon, welcome to life post BPD! We are super glad to have you here and

will help anyway we can. A long time ago, there was a thread about nadas

(Not a mother/BPD mother) and hair. It seemed many of us girls had been

attacked repeatedly based on our hair. Everything was wrong with it! Nada

would brush it cruely, burn us with the curling iron, or chop it off without

our permission. Holy Weirdness Batman!!! Yeah, my nada did it to me too -

all of it.

Another weirdness that I had nearly forgotten is how nada freaked when I got

old enough that I wanted to choose my own clothes. I mean FREAKED!!!!

Well, I'm glad to say i'm no contact, but different things work for

different people.

Welcome and hello! The other side of the veil!

On Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 6:23 AM, blue2356@... <

blue2356@...> wrote:

>

>

>

>

> So I found my first listing...Thanks Randi for posting this for me, I

> didn't exactly know where to begin...I've been reading some of the other

> posts, being new to all this, it's becoming more obvious that our Mother is

> a BPD...Too bad it took so long for any one to even mention this to one of

> us...I'm guessing she is what is called a HF borderline...She is one that

> does very often seem normal and rational and then she can go wacko at any

> point...Which means out of the blue insult you for no reason or be critical

> about something that doesn't even have anything do with the subject your

> talking about...Last night my sister went to pick some things up at her

> house and she immediately insulted her hair...Said, " Do you like your hair? "

> It looks awful. " She'd just gone and had it cut and highlighted, I told my

> baby sis it looked pretty, ignore Mother...

>

>

>

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi Randi,

> >

> > I am the oldest of 5 other siblings...4 brothers 1 sister...I was the

> oldest

> > daughter, the boys in between, and my sis was the last born....Our Mother

> is

> > wacko...We've always been told by her that we all have problems, because

> our

> > father was an alcoholic...Being the oldest, of course I saw more and

> > experienced more....As far as the the characters in Al-anon, I was the

> > savior...

> >

> > Of course we have a lot of dysfunction...Funny thing is I have always

> said

> > it was our Mother who caused the major part our problems, not our

> alcoholic

> > father.... Some of the boys became alcoholics themselves....I am

> probably,

> > sad to say, the most normal with the least problems of all the

> > children...I'm still the one they all rely on and come to when its really

> > rough...I quite honestly am a very happy and confident person, the only

> > upset in any of our lives is always our Mother....She can manipulate

> better

> > than anyone I know...Only thing good about it, she taught me how to pick

> > someone else out doing it....I have a real hard time with people trying

> to

> > manipulate me...I will let them know right off, I know what they are

> doing,

> > or I just have nothing to do with them again...

> >

> >

> >

> > Recently my sister has fallen into some heart ache of her own, but she is

> > handling it and seeing a Psych Doctor...She, nor I have ever used drugs

> or

> > alcohol and we were actually very good teenagers..We the females of our

> > siblings have actually both lived more successful and I guess you could

> say

> > closer to normal lives than our brothers...With my sister talking to a

> Psych

> > Doctor, she was presented with the BPD...Her Doctor said, our Mother

> sounded

> > like she was, or either has BPD like symptoms...We have both done our

> > reading since, and there is no doubt in my mind this is why our Mother is

> > wacko! I guess that's not very nice, if she is mentally ill, but I don't

> > know how many times we have all said, Mother this has got to stop...! Her

> > insane behavior....She has truly messed my baby sister up....

> >

> >

> >

> > I guess I am writing you because I just wanted another opinion from a

> person

> > that is well rounded in this subject....Our Mother is very critical to

> the

> > point that it can be insulting...This has always been directed towards my

> > sister and I, not so much our brothers..It's as though she is jealous of

> her

> > girls and competes with us....As the female children, she never told you,

> > you looked pretty...Nothing we have done in life is good enough...As

> adults

> > she has tryed to ruin every relationship, we have ever had, unless it was

> a

> > man she felt was excepting of her under conditions of any sort, as long

> as

> > they were unconditional ... Her whole life after (our father died at 49)

> has

> > been focused around her children, controlling us...My feelings have

> always

> > been because I was the oldest, and the one she made the adult, she has

> never

> > been able to let me go...I was even her parent...I have always been the

> one

> > that has told her, " this is it, once again you are not apart of my life

> any

> > more " ....The other siblings have never been able to do that with

> her...One

> > brother who lives away, I have always felt like he wanted her to just

> love

> > and accept him and not be critical all the time...

> >

> >

> >

> > She is also always the victim, in every situation it's always someone

> else's

> > fault...Even if she ends up having a uncontrollable out burst that has

> > scared the Gran children or anyone else around...It's still going to be

> > someone else's fault...And believe you me, we have never once got an

> apology

> > of any kind....I've written her letters, as they tell you in Al-anon, and

> > have expressed the things she has done wrong to myself or my

> siblings...Not

> > once has she ever acknowledge the letters, let alone apologized about

> > anything. She is one of the most non supportive parents any child could

> > have, if one of our children were to die, it would be more about her,

> than

> > the pain we were feeling as a parent...

> >

> >

> >

> > She also plays us all against one another...Mainly my sister and I...She

> > will brag and talk to one of us about the other and compare us.... funny

> > thing is she would never say anything nice to you, to your face...She

> also

> > has never let my sister and I do things without her...It always had to be

> > all of us together, or her with one or the other of us, but we could

> never

> > knowingly do it without her or we were going to pay... She's also done

> this

> > to our children as far as her obvious partiality for one child over the

> > other...She has held my sister's baby daughter, and made over her like

> she

> > was a china doll, while her son stood there with this little face,

> wanting

> > to say, " Grandma I'm here too. " and never acknowledge he was there till 30

> > minutes later....

> >

> >

> >

> > I've always told my sister it's better not to let her help in any

> > manner....Anything she does with you comes with strings....If you borrow

> > money, your going to pay for it dearly...She does nothing kind, without

> an

> > ulterior motive...She's one of those, she loves it, when she gets gifts,

> > gifts that she thinks mean someone really loves or likes her...She loves

> to

> > let you know that so and so, got her this really lovely gift, as though

> she

> > wants you to be jealous, or think that maybe that person really loves

> > her...It's like she wants you to know someone else did it, not you....

> >

> >

> >

> > When she doesn't get her way, or she doesn't want you to do something

> that

> > maybe doesn' t include her...She's been known to pick a fight, have an

> > outburst of some kind and then she will call and leave ugly messages on

> your

> > answering machines....Calling you names, like " whore, " and " slut " . These

> > things have gone on all our lives...If not one of us is getting her

> wrath,

> > it's the other...And of course she trys always, to pull one or the other

> of

> > us in....I could continue to go on and on, but it wouldn't end...LOL! ...

> >

> >

> >

> > My sister and I are just glad we finally found out what is her problem,

> and

> > we aren't imagining something, she's the problem not us...I always felt

> that

> > way, but I wasn't sure what it could be, and of course I'm not a

> > therapist... I have just always been there for my brothers and

> > sisters......I don't look for any help for her...She's 70 years old and

> she

> > will never believe any of it...It will all be blamed on us or our

> > father...We are going to give her some books and tell her my sisters

> Psych

> > Doctor suggested it, but who knows what the outcome will be....Love to

> hear

> > your opinion...

> >

> >

> >

> > Thanks for listening Jill

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Hon, welcome to life post BPD! We are super glad to have you here and

will help anyway we can. A long time ago, there was a thread about nadas

(Not a mother/BPD mother) and hair. It seemed many of us girls had been

attacked repeatedly based on our hair. Everything was wrong with it! Nada

would brush it cruely, burn us with the curling iron, or chop it off without

our permission. Holy Weirdness Batman!!! Yeah, my nada did it to me too -

all of it.

Another weirdness that I had nearly forgotten is how nada freaked when I got

old enough that I wanted to choose my own clothes. I mean FREAKED!!!!

Well, I'm glad to say i'm no contact, but different things work for

different people.

Welcome and hello! The other side of the veil!

On Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 6:23 AM, blue2356@... <

blue2356@...> wrote:

>

>

>

>

> So I found my first listing...Thanks Randi for posting this for me, I

> didn't exactly know where to begin...I've been reading some of the other

> posts, being new to all this, it's becoming more obvious that our Mother is

> a BPD...Too bad it took so long for any one to even mention this to one of

> us...I'm guessing she is what is called a HF borderline...She is one that

> does very often seem normal and rational and then she can go wacko at any

> point...Which means out of the blue insult you for no reason or be critical

> about something that doesn't even have anything do with the subject your

> talking about...Last night my sister went to pick some things up at her

> house and she immediately insulted her hair...Said, " Do you like your hair? "

> It looks awful. " She'd just gone and had it cut and highlighted, I told my

> baby sis it looked pretty, ignore Mother...

>

>

>

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi Randi,

> >

> > I am the oldest of 5 other siblings...4 brothers 1 sister...I was the

> oldest

> > daughter, the boys in between, and my sis was the last born....Our Mother

> is

> > wacko...We've always been told by her that we all have problems, because

> our

> > father was an alcoholic...Being the oldest, of course I saw more and

> > experienced more....As far as the the characters in Al-anon, I was the

> > savior...

> >

> > Of course we have a lot of dysfunction...Funny thing is I have always

> said

> > it was our Mother who caused the major part our problems, not our

> alcoholic

> > father.... Some of the boys became alcoholics themselves....I am

> probably,

> > sad to say, the most normal with the least problems of all the

> > children...I'm still the one they all rely on and come to when its really

> > rough...I quite honestly am a very happy and confident person, the only

> > upset in any of our lives is always our Mother....She can manipulate

> better

> > than anyone I know...Only thing good about it, she taught me how to pick

> > someone else out doing it....I have a real hard time with people trying

> to

> > manipulate me...I will let them know right off, I know what they are

> doing,

> > or I just have nothing to do with them again...

> >

> >

> >

> > Recently my sister has fallen into some heart ache of her own, but she is

> > handling it and seeing a Psych Doctor...She, nor I have ever used drugs

> or

> > alcohol and we were actually very good teenagers..We the females of our

> > siblings have actually both lived more successful and I guess you could

> say

> > closer to normal lives than our brothers...With my sister talking to a

> Psych

> > Doctor, she was presented with the BPD...Her Doctor said, our Mother

> sounded

> > like she was, or either has BPD like symptoms...We have both done our

> > reading since, and there is no doubt in my mind this is why our Mother is

> > wacko! I guess that's not very nice, if she is mentally ill, but I don't

> > know how many times we have all said, Mother this has got to stop...! Her

> > insane behavior....She has truly messed my baby sister up....

> >

> >

> >

> > I guess I am writing you because I just wanted another opinion from a

> person

> > that is well rounded in this subject....Our Mother is very critical to

> the

> > point that it can be insulting...This has always been directed towards my

> > sister and I, not so much our brothers..It's as though she is jealous of

> her

> > girls and competes with us....As the female children, she never told you,

> > you looked pretty...Nothing we have done in life is good enough...As

> adults

> > she has tryed to ruin every relationship, we have ever had, unless it was

> a

> > man she felt was excepting of her under conditions of any sort, as long

> as

> > they were unconditional ... Her whole life after (our father died at 49)

> has

> > been focused around her children, controlling us...My feelings have

> always

> > been because I was the oldest, and the one she made the adult, she has

> never

> > been able to let me go...I was even her parent...I have always been the

> one

> > that has told her, " this is it, once again you are not apart of my life

> any

> > more " ....The other siblings have never been able to do that with

> her...One

> > brother who lives away, I have always felt like he wanted her to just

> love

> > and accept him and not be critical all the time...

> >

> >

> >

> > She is also always the victim, in every situation it's always someone

> else's

> > fault...Even if she ends up having a uncontrollable out burst that has

> > scared the Gran children or anyone else around...It's still going to be

> > someone else's fault...And believe you me, we have never once got an

> apology

> > of any kind....I've written her letters, as they tell you in Al-anon, and

> > have expressed the things she has done wrong to myself or my

> siblings...Not

> > once has she ever acknowledge the letters, let alone apologized about

> > anything. She is one of the most non supportive parents any child could

> > have, if one of our children were to die, it would be more about her,

> than

> > the pain we were feeling as a parent...

> >

> >

> >

> > She also plays us all against one another...Mainly my sister and I...She

> > will brag and talk to one of us about the other and compare us.... funny

> > thing is she would never say anything nice to you, to your face...She

> also

> > has never let my sister and I do things without her...It always had to be

> > all of us together, or her with one or the other of us, but we could

> never

> > knowingly do it without her or we were going to pay... She's also done

> this

> > to our children as far as her obvious partiality for one child over the

> > other...She has held my sister's baby daughter, and made over her like

> she

> > was a china doll, while her son stood there with this little face,

> wanting

> > to say, " Grandma I'm here too. " and never acknowledge he was there till 30

> > minutes later....

> >

> >

> >

> > I've always told my sister it's better not to let her help in any

> > manner....Anything she does with you comes with strings....If you borrow

> > money, your going to pay for it dearly...She does nothing kind, without

> an

> > ulterior motive...She's one of those, she loves it, when she gets gifts,

> > gifts that she thinks mean someone really loves or likes her...She loves

> to

> > let you know that so and so, got her this really lovely gift, as though

> she

> > wants you to be jealous, or think that maybe that person really loves

> > her...It's like she wants you to know someone else did it, not you....

> >

> >

> >

> > When she doesn't get her way, or she doesn't want you to do something

> that

> > maybe doesn' t include her...She's been known to pick a fight, have an

> > outburst of some kind and then she will call and leave ugly messages on

> your

> > answering machines....Calling you names, like " whore, " and " slut " . These

> > things have gone on all our lives...If not one of us is getting her

> wrath,

> > it's the other...And of course she trys always, to pull one or the other

> of

> > us in....I could continue to go on and on, but it wouldn't end...LOL! ...

> >

> >

> >

> > My sister and I are just glad we finally found out what is her problem,

> and

> > we aren't imagining something, she's the problem not us...I always felt

> that

> > way, but I wasn't sure what it could be, and of course I'm not a

> > therapist... I have just always been there for my brothers and

> > sisters......I don't look for any help for her...She's 70 years old and

> she

> > will never believe any of it...It will all be blamed on us or our

> > father...We are going to give her some books and tell her my sisters

> Psych

> > Doctor suggested it, but who knows what the outcome will be....Love to

> hear

> > your opinion...

> >

> >

> >

> > Thanks for listening Jill

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Jill-- & welcome!

I'm new here too. So many stories you've written could have been my own. I have

been torn inside out over the years trying to figure out just what was wrong

with my mom. For a while I thought she was bipolar-but that just didn't fit. She

has abused alcohol, but at her core she isn't just an alcoholic--that didn't

explain the rest. The periods of normalcy, for instance. They could go on for

months. Then watch out--you were on the s**t list and no matter what you

said/did/hid you were living in a war zone.

After coming across the BPD central site this week, I finally found Mom. She's

NPD as well--we've been calling her " Hyacinth " behind her back for years after

the British show " Keeping Up Appearances. " The older she gets, the more the

Queen appears.

So many of us have the same stories, the same pain. If we do speak to outsiders,

they usually don't believe us or think we are the crazy ones. Since Mom acts

'normal' outside the family home, we find no support from other adults. I am

amazed and grateful to find others, after thinking for years my family was

unique.

I have had numerous stress related health problems from growing up and trying

negotiate the mine field of her acting out.

There is such a measure of comfort in finally having her pegged. My greatest

fear was to wake up one day and realize I was just like her, or that I really

was nuts, after all. There is a huge weight off my shoulders.

Re: the HAIR-lol! My mother insisted on cutting all of our hair. She'd keep

shoving and smashing our leftover hair against our scalp. You prayed she wasn't

PO'd at you when it was your turn to get into the chair, or that she wasn't

feeling agitated. It was all you could do to grit your teeth with tears forming

while fantisizing about going balistic after the first few pats and shoves.

Sometimes, if she knew she was getting to you, she'd extend the patting and

shoving, yelling " Hold still, dammit, this will never be right and take longer

if you just DON'T HOLD STILL! "

[Guest guest]

Hi Jill-- & welcome!

I'm new here too. So many stories you've written could have been my own. I have

been torn inside out over the years trying to figure out just what was wrong

with my mom. For a while I thought she was bipolar-but that just didn't fit. She

has abused alcohol, but at her core she isn't just an alcoholic--that didn't

explain the rest. The periods of normalcy, for instance. They could go on for

months. Then watch out--you were on the s**t list and no matter what you

said/did/hid you were living in a war zone.

After coming across the BPD central site this week, I finally found Mom. She's

NPD as well--we've been calling her " Hyacinth " behind her back for years after

the British show " Keeping Up Appearances. " The older she gets, the more the

Queen appears.

So many of us have the same stories, the same pain. If we do speak to outsiders,

they usually don't believe us or think we are the crazy ones. Since Mom acts

'normal' outside the family home, we find no support from other adults. I am

amazed and grateful to find others, after thinking for years my family was

unique.

I have had numerous stress related health problems from growing up and trying

negotiate the mine field of her acting out.

There is such a measure of comfort in finally having her pegged. My greatest

fear was to wake up one day and realize I was just like her, or that I really

was nuts, after all. There is a huge weight off my shoulders.

Re: the HAIR-lol! My mother insisted on cutting all of our hair. She'd keep

shoving and smashing our leftover hair against our scalp. You prayed she wasn't

PO'd at you when it was your turn to get into the chair, or that she wasn't

feeling agitated. It was all you could do to grit your teeth with tears forming

while fantisizing about going balistic after the first few pats and shoves.

Sometimes, if she knew she was getting to you, she'd extend the patting and

shoving, yelling " Hold still, dammit, this will never be right and take longer

if you just DON'T HOLD STILL! "

[Guest guest]

Hi Jill-- & welcome!

I'm new here too. So many stories you've written could have been my own. I have

been torn inside out over the years trying to figure out just what was wrong

with my mom. For a while I thought she was bipolar-but that just didn't fit. She

has abused alcohol, but at her core she isn't just an alcoholic--that didn't

explain the rest. The periods of normalcy, for instance. They could go on for

months. Then watch out--you were on the s**t list and no matter what you

said/did/hid you were living in a war zone.

After coming across the BPD central site this week, I finally found Mom. She's

NPD as well--we've been calling her " Hyacinth " behind her back for years after

the British show " Keeping Up Appearances. " The older she gets, the more the

Queen appears.

So many of us have the same stories, the same pain. If we do speak to outsiders,

they usually don't believe us or think we are the crazy ones. Since Mom acts

'normal' outside the family home, we find no support from other adults. I am

amazed and grateful to find others, after thinking for years my family was

unique.

I have had numerous stress related health problems from growing up and trying

negotiate the mine field of her acting out.

There is such a measure of comfort in finally having her pegged. My greatest

fear was to wake up one day and realize I was just like her, or that I really

was nuts, after all. There is a huge weight off my shoulders.

Re: the HAIR-lol! My mother insisted on cutting all of our hair. She'd keep

shoving and smashing our leftover hair against our scalp. You prayed she wasn't

PO'd at you when it was your turn to get into the chair, or that she wasn't

feeling agitated. It was all you could do to grit your teeth with tears forming

while fantisizing about going balistic after the first few pats and shoves.

Sometimes, if she knew she was getting to you, she'd extend the patting and

shoving, yelling " Hold still, dammit, this will never be right and take longer

if you just DON'T HOLD STILL! "

[Guest guest]

Hi! and thanks for the support...I'm so glad to be here..it's wonderful to feel

like you have friends with things in common..LOL! I'm hoping to get my younger

sister on here soon..She has just recently moved and she's got to get her

computer going...Thanks to her counceling we just in the past 2 weeks have

finally discovered what's wrong with our Mom..My sis needs this even more than

I. Her move is going to be so good for her...She's had a much harder, time

breaking away from her, and now she's living in a different city about 80 miles

away...Our Mom has had more of a hold on her, because she was younger when our

parents split, so she only had Mother raising her...I on the other hand have

told her (Mother)to go to H*LL many times and put her out of my life when she

gets to be too much, which is where I am at today...Funny how all those years

when I use to do that, I know everyone thought I was the awful rebellious,

disrespectful older daughter and no one ever knows what a horrible, mean

controlling Mother you have, that just continuously tryed to run and ruin your

life in all matters...Of course I could go on, but thanks and I'm sure glad to

be here...

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Hi Randi,

> > >

> > > I am the oldest of 5 other siblings...4 brothers 1 sister...I was the

> > oldest

> > > daughter, the boys in between, and my sis was the last born....Our Mother

> > is

> > > wacko...We've always been told by her that we all have problems, because

> > our

> > > father was an alcoholic...Being the oldest, of course I saw more and

> > > experienced more....As far as the the characters in Al-anon, I was the

> > > savior...

> > >

> > > Of course we have a lot of dysfunction...Funny thing is I have always

> > said

> > > it was our Mother who caused the major part our problems, not our

> > alcoholic

> > > father.... Some of the boys became alcoholics themselves....I am

> > probably,

> > > sad to say, the most normal with the least problems of all the

> > > children...I'm still the one they all rely on and come to when its really

> > > rough...I quite honestly am a very happy and confident person, the only

> > > upset in any of our lives is always our Mother....She can manipulate

> > better

> > > than anyone I know...Only thing good about it, she taught me how to pick

> > > someone else out doing it....I have a real hard time with people trying

> > to

> > > manipulate me...I will let them know right off, I know what they are

> > doing,

> > > or I just have nothing to do with them again...

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Recently my sister has fallen into some heart ache of her own, but she is

> > > handling it and seeing a Psych Doctor...She, nor I have ever used drugs

> > or

> > > alcohol and we were actually very good teenagers..We the females of our

> > > siblings have actually both lived more successful and I guess you could

> > say

> > > closer to normal lives than our brothers...With my sister talking to a

> > Psych

> > > Doctor, she was presented with the BPD...Her Doctor said, our Mother

> > sounded

> > > like she was, or either has BPD like symptoms...We have both done our

> > > reading since, and there is no doubt in my mind this is why our Mother is

> > > wacko! I guess that's not very nice, if she is mentally ill, but I don't

> > > know how many times we have all said, Mother this has got to stop...! Her

> > > insane behavior....She has truly messed my baby sister up....

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I guess I am writing you because I just wanted another opinion from a

> > person

> > > that is well rounded in this subject....Our Mother is very critical to

> > the

> > > point that it can be insulting...This has always been directed towards my

> > > sister and I, not so much our brothers..It's as though she is jealous of

> > her

> > > girls and competes with us....As the female children, she never told you,

> > > you looked pretty...Nothing we have done in life is good enough...As

> > adults

> > > she has tryed to ruin every relationship, we have ever had, unless it was

> > a

> > > man she felt was excepting of her under conditions of any sort, as long

> > as

> > > they were unconditional ... Her whole life after (our father died at 49)

> > has

> > > been focused around her children, controlling us...My feelings have

> > always

> > > been because I was the oldest, and the one she made the adult, she has

> > never

> > > been able to let me go...I was even her parent...I have always been the

> > one

> > > that has told her, " this is it, once again you are not apart of my life

> > any

> > > more " ....The other siblings have never been able to do that with

> > her...One

> > > brother who lives away, I have always felt like he wanted her to just

> > love

> > > and accept him and not be critical all the time...

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > She is also always the victim, in every situation it's always someone

> > else's

> > > fault...Even if she ends up having a uncontrollable out burst that has

> > > scared the Gran children or anyone else around...It's still going to be

> > > someone else's fault...And believe you me, we have never once got an

> > apology

> > > of any kind....I've written her letters, as they tell you in Al-anon, and

> > > have expressed the things she has done wrong to myself or my

> > siblings...Not

> > > once has she ever acknowledge the letters, let alone apologized about

> > > anything. She is one of the most non supportive parents any child could

> > > have, if one of our children were to die, it would be more about her,

> > than

> > > the pain we were feeling as a parent...

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > She also plays us all against one another...Mainly my sister and I...She

> > > will brag and talk to one of us about the other and compare us.... funny

> > > thing is she would never say anything nice to you, to your face...She

> > also

> > > has never let my sister and I do things without her...It always had to be

> > > all of us together, or her with one or the other of us, but we could

> > never

> > > knowingly do it without her or we were going to pay... She's also done

> > this

> > > to our children as far as her obvious partiality for one child over the

> > > other...She has held my sister's baby daughter, and made over her like

> > she

> > > was a china doll, while her son stood there with this little face,

> > wanting

> > > to say, " Grandma I'm here too. " and never acknowledge he was there till 30

> > > minutes later....

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I've always told my sister it's better not to let her help in any

> > > manner....Anything she does with you comes with strings....If you borrow

> > > money, your going to pay for it dearly...She does nothing kind, without

> > an

> > > ulterior motive...She's one of those, she loves it, when she gets gifts,

> > > gifts that she thinks mean someone really loves or likes her...She loves

> > to

> > > let you know that so and so, got her this really lovely gift, as though

> > she

> > > wants you to be jealous, or think that maybe that person really loves

> > > her...It's like she wants you to know someone else did it, not you....

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > When she doesn't get her way, or she doesn't want you to do something

> > that

> > > maybe doesn' t include her...She's been known to pick a fight, have an

> > > outburst of some kind and then she will call and leave ugly messages on

> > your

> > > answering machines....Calling you names, like " whore, " and " slut " . These

> > > things have gone on all our lives...If not one of us is getting her

> > wrath,

> > > it's the other...And of course she trys always, to pull one or the other

> > of

> > > us in....I could continue to go on and on, but it wouldn't end...LOL! ...

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > My sister and I are just glad we finally found out what is her problem,

> > and

> > > we aren't imagining something, she's the problem not us...I always felt

> > that

> > > way, but I wasn't sure what it could be, and of course I'm not a

> > > therapist... I have just always been there for my brothers and

> > > sisters......I don't look for any help for her...She's 70 years old and

> > she

> > > will never believe any of it...It will all be blamed on us or our

> > > father...We are going to give her some books and tell her my sisters

> > Psych

> > > Doctor suggested it, but who knows what the outcome will be....Love to

> > hear

> > > your opinion...

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Thanks for listening Jill

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Hello! and welcome to you too!

Yes isn't it great to meet so many people with so much in common..Sad we all had

to meet this way..I do know what you mean about figuring out what's been wrong

all these years...We have always been told by her it was our Father's alcoholism

that caused so many of our problems.. Of course that didn't help, but isn't that

just like the BPD parent to put all the blame on someone else...Funny thing

about Dad, he could always say I love you, put his arms around you and give you

a big hug, and tell you how sorry he was...She never, ever did that, and still

can't say I'm sorry for anything...

My bangs were always cut crooked! LOL! Our Mom is very obese, has bad knees and

basically can't get around without one of us taking her places...That's usually

me, although I'm NC with her right now...When I was a teenager and maturing, she

always told me my butt was fat, or if she came in when I was showering, my

breasts were sad pitiful little things because I was so flat chested...Now I'm

still the skinny one, but I often have thought if I had really taken everything

she said to me to heart, I'd probably been anorexic...I'm sure all over our

world there's some crazy BPD mother that's caused a daughter or 2 to be

anorexic...My younger sis I think took her insults more to heart and it's caused

her a lot more self esteem issures, plus our dad was gone when she was around

10...He was always my greatest self esteem booster...He may have been a drunk

but he had a heart and would always tell me I looked pretty, where she

didn't...I always thought she was jealous of our father daughter

relationship..Of course a normal Mother would have been glad, we were

close...Anyway thanks for the support...

>

> Hi Jill-- & welcome!

>

> I'm new here too. So many stories you've written could have been my own. I

have been torn inside out over the years trying to figure out just what was

wrong with my mom. For a while I thought she was bipolar-but that just didn't

fit. She has abused alcohol, but at her core she isn't just an alcoholic--that

didn't explain the rest. The periods of normalcy, for instance. They could go on

for months. Then watch out--you were on the s**t list and no matter what you

said/did/hid you were living in a war zone.

>

> After coming across the BPD central site this week, I finally found Mom. She's

NPD as well--we've been calling her " Hyacinth " behind her back for years after

the British show " Keeping Up Appearances. " The older she gets, the more the

Queen appears.

>

> So many of us have the same stories, the same pain. If we do speak to

outsiders, they usually don't believe us or think we are the crazy ones. Since

Mom acts 'normal' outside the family home, we find no support from other adults.

I am amazed and grateful to find others, after thinking for years my family was

unique.

>

> I have had numerous stress related health problems from growing up and trying

negotiate the mine field of her acting out.

>

> There is such a measure of comfort in finally having her pegged. My greatest

fear was to wake up one day and realize I was just like her, or that I really

was nuts, after all. There is a huge weight off my shoulders.

>

> Re: the HAIR-lol! My mother insisted on cutting all of our hair. She'd keep

shoving and smashing our leftover hair against our scalp. You prayed she wasn't

PO'd at you when it was your turn to get into the chair, or that she wasn't

feeling agitated. It was all you could do to grit your teeth with tears forming

while fantisizing about going balistic after the first few pats and shoves.

Sometimes, if she knew she was getting to you, she'd extend the patting and

shoving, yelling " Hold still, dammit, this will never be right and take longer

if you just DON'T HOLD STILL! "

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Vero and thanks for the welcome

Isn't it sad we had to wait till they were 70 to know what nut cases they

are...I've off and on for years cut my ties with her when she got to be too

much...I'm once again at that point...She pulled another stunt where she

involved other people and I just told her, I was done..Then my sister started

seeing a Psycho Dr. and we found out about BPD...I always hated the outbursts

when we had Christmas, Easter, and so on..Then when you have kids that's when

things have to change...My oldest child, a daughter always knew her Gran was

nuts, but my son is a boy with Autism...He hasn't ever really been affected by

her because he can't really understand it all...But I still remember all the

times she's tryed so hard to get me to put him away somewhere...I finally told

her one day, " If that day should ever come along and that should happen, I won't

be taking care of another human being. " I will be taking care of me and only

me. " Further more he is my child and the only one I owe a damn thing too. " I'm

the oldest and of course I was made the adult so I'm the one that's always done

things for her, and my son has interfered with that as far as she's

concerned...She's hurt me numerous times over my son, but it really makes you

realize how evil and selfish they can be...I do know what you mean about

protecting your husband and children from their wrath....My kids always came

first, especially when it comes to her....Evil witch! Have a great day!

>

> >

> > So I found my first listing...Thanks Randi for posting this for me, I didn't

exactly know where to begin...I've been reading some of the other posts, being

new to all this, it's becoming more obvious that our Mother is a BPD...Too bad

it took so long for any one to even mention this to one of us...I'm guessing she

is what is called a HF borderline...She is one that does very often seem normal

and rational and then she can go wacko at any point...Which means out of the

blue insult you for no reason or be critical about something that doesn't even

have anything do with the subject your talking about...Last night my sister went

to pick some things up at her house and she immediately insulted her

hair...Said, " Do you like your hair? " It looks awful. " She'd just gone and had

it cut and highlighted, I told my baby sis it looked pretty, ignore Mother...

> >

>