forgiving my self for a binge today

August 12, 2010

thanks for this post Meg. I read it just when I needed to because I haven't had

a very good day. I've been on a binge today. It would really help me to

understand WHY I did this when I was doing so well. It smells of self sabotage.

All I can think is that I have to attend a family function this weekend & I'm

dreading going but I have made the commitment so I'm going to honor that & go.

Now that I'm writing about it I'm pretty sure that I was using food to " numb "

myself & to distract myself from thinking about it (dreading it).

I'm going to take your post to heart & forgive myself for reverting to old

habits even when they no longer serve me. I can stop this right now & I think

that i will journal about my reactions to having to attend something even though

I am not wanting to do it. It's only one day & I can get through it if I just

change my mind about it. I don't want to go? what if I change that to I DO want

to go. Yup, I'm just going to go & be my normal happy self & if there are people

who don't want me to be there, then that is their problem. I am not going to use

food to deal with this anymore. I'm done with that. I let you all know Saturday

evening how it turned out for me.

mj

>

> Hey Josie,

>

> I was actually thinking about this yesterday myself, so I thought I'd just put

in my two cents.

>

> First of all, from my experience with IE so far, it is important to remember

that IE expects you to have ups and downs. I've been working on all of this

since October, and I can honestly say that I have had big binges as well as

times when I've felt disinterested in overeating. I've also had periods where I

hardly thought about the IE process and just needed a break from it. I really

have spent much of the time concentrating more on not dieting/not feeling

guilty/not restricting than being an intuitive eater. Lately I've been moving

more into concentrating on the intuitive eating aspect of the process (ie eating

when hungry, stopping when full) but it took me a while to be comfortable being

where I am right now.

>

> I think that the best attitude that you can take towards binging or towards

feeling out of control or distracted from the process is to forgive yourself for

it. Learning to do this has been very powerful for me and is allowing me to

focus on some issues I have besides my weight. When I'm busy beating myself up,

I don't have time to think about what's really wrong. As well, I think one of

the things that I like the most about IE is that even if you binge you are still

" on " it, still participating in the process. With dieting, the second you binge

the tendency is to feel like you've failed and almost might as well give up. So

since you're not on a diet try to relax. And it's okay to feel out of control or

unfocused. It doesn't mean you will fail at IE.

>

> Finally, I don't think that being disciplined necessarily means being rigid or

never giving yourself a break. I think that it means taking a positive view

towards a task, and then figuring out how much you can push yourself and when

you need to relax about getting it done. For example, I have a pretty good

attitude towards exercise and do it regularly. However, I used to have a very

hard time getting myself to exercise. It wasn't until I started focusing on the

positive - how good it made me feel - that I was able to do it more

consistently. And at the beginning I made a distinct effort not to push myself

too hard. I think there is a tendency to view discipline as the ability to force

yourself to do things you don't like, but I think it's actually more learning to

set reasonable goals and work towards them to the best of your ability without

giving up.

>

> Hope that is helpful. Sorry for the novel-length response. I seem to be into

those lately.

>

> Meg

>

August 13, 2010

Hi, MJ,

Reading your post makes me get in touch deeply with how much I eat to avoid thinking about doing things I've committed to but still don't want to do--like my job. There are things about my job (actually people that I can't avoid there) that make me squirm with revulsion. But on the other hand, the job gives me certain things (like 3 days out of 5 working from home, and a totally flex schedule even when I'm in the office, and ungrudging time totally working from home when my husband travels and I need to be here to take care of my dogs) that I am fairly sure I couldn't get in another job, especially since I work in such a specialized niche and it would be hard to find work elsewhere.

So my strategy when I'm reaching for the "take-me-away, food" numbing is to go back over all those wonderful things this job affords me. If I just run over the list mentally, I find it makes me feel so good that I often don't feel the need to eat away the bad parts.

I'm wondering if there's ANYTHING about being with your family that makes you want to go to this function? It sounds like maybe you've got certain people you're dreading seeing, but there must be something that is drawing you there, just as there's something about my job that makes me not want to quit.

Personally, I think you ROCK for facing these feelings and getting to the other side of a binge with your dignity intact. Please keep us posted on how this all goes; I'm betting you'll have some insights from going through this that will help you face the next hurdle like this in the future, maybe even without a binge next time!

And remember: all you have to do to override the binge is to wait until you're hungry to eat the next time. Your body is still there, willing to guide you about what it really needs.

Laurie

forgiving my self for a binge today

thanks for this post Meg. I read it just when I needed to because I haven't had a very good day. I've been on a binge today. It would really help me to understand WHY I did this when I was doing so well. It smells of self sabotage. All I can think is that I have to attend a family function this weekend & I'm dreading going but I have made the commitment so I'm going to honor that & go. Now that I'm writing about it I'm pretty sure that I was using food to "numb" myself & to distract myself from thinking about it (dreading it).

I'm going to take your post to heart & forgive myself for reverting to old habits even when they no longer serve me. I can stop this right now & I think that i will journal about my reactions to having to attend something even though I am not wanting to do it. It's only one day & I can get through it if I just change my mind about it. I don't want to go? what if I change that to I DO want to go. Yup, I'm just going to go & be my normal happy self & if there are people who don't want me to be there, then that is their problem. I am not going to use food to deal with this anymore. I'm done with that. I let you all know Saturday evening how it turned out for me.

mj

>

> Hey Josie,

>

> I was actually thinking about this yesterday myself, so I thought I'd just put in my two cents.

>

> First of all, from my experience with IE so far, it is important to remember that IE expects you to have ups and downs. I've been working on all of this since October, and I can honestly say that I have had big binges as well as times when I've felt disinterested in overeating. I've also had periods where I hardly thought about the IE process and just needed a break from it. I really have spent much of the time concentrating more on not dieting/not feeling guilty/not restricting than being an intuitive eater. Lately I've been moving more into concentrating on the intuitive eating aspect of the process (ie eating when hungry, stopping when full) but it took me a while to be comfortable being where I am right now.

>

> I think that the best attitude that you can take towards binging or towards feeling out of control or distracted from the process is to forgive yourself for it. Learning to do this has been very powerful for me and is allowing me to focus on some issues I have besides my weight. When I'm busy beating myself up, I don't have time to think about what's really wrong. As well, I think one of the things that I like the most about IE is that even if you binge you are still "on" it, still participating in the process. With dieting, the second you binge the tendency is to feel like you've failed and almost might as well give up. So since you're not on a diet try to relax. And it's okay to feel out of control or unfocused. It doesn't mean you will fail at IE.

>

> Finally, I don't think that being disciplined necessarily means being rigid or never giving yourself a break. I think that it means taking a positive view towards a task, and then figuring out how much you can push yourself and when you need to relax about getting it done. For example, I have a pretty good attitude towards exercise and do it regularly. However, I used to have a very hard time getting myself to exercise. It wasn't until I started focusing on the positive - how good it made me feel - that I was able to do it more consistently. And at the beginning I made a distinct effort not to push myself too hard. I think there is a tendency to view discipline as the ability to force yourself to do things you don't like, but I think it's actually more learning to set reasonable goals and work towards them to the best of your ability without giving up.

>

> Hope that is helpful. Sorry for the novel-length response. I seem to be into those lately.

>