Re: too bad we cannot divorce them

[Guest guest]

Why because they made this big mess do we have to clean it up? Why do we have to

carry the burden? I have thought over and over that I want to divorce my

parents. I have asked my DH if I can go to court and make it happen, but he says

no every time because we have gone through too many lengthy court processes

already with them. To me a relationship with them is nothing more than a limb

with advanced gangrene, I want to amputate baby! I'm better off alone! LB

>

> Sometimes I think with a little envy about my father who divorced my nada 30

years ago and moved to another city. Yes, they had a stormy and long divorce,

but nobody expects him to keep in contact with her. He is free.

>

> We, children, of BPD, cannot 'divorce' our nadas, though. Somehow, we are

stuck with them for life. Yes, we can go no-contact, but especially with aging

nadas, even legally, we have some kind of obligation with them. If something

happens to nada, doctors, friends, neighbors call ... her children, of course.

Ex spouses, on the other hand, are off the hook.

>

> Not fair.

>

[Guest guest]

Why because they made this big mess do we have to clean it up? Why do we have to

carry the burden? I have thought over and over that I want to divorce my

parents. I have asked my DH if I can go to court and make it happen, but he says

no every time because we have gone through too many lengthy court processes

already with them. To me a relationship with them is nothing more than a limb

with advanced gangrene, I want to amputate baby! I'm better off alone! LB

>

> Sometimes I think with a little envy about my father who divorced my nada 30

years ago and moved to another city. Yes, they had a stormy and long divorce,

but nobody expects him to keep in contact with her. He is free.

>

> We, children, of BPD, cannot 'divorce' our nadas, though. Somehow, we are

stuck with them for life. Yes, we can go no-contact, but especially with aging

nadas, even legally, we have some kind of obligation with them. If something

happens to nada, doctors, friends, neighbors call ... her children, of course.

Ex spouses, on the other hand, are off the hook.

>

> Not fair.

>

[Guest guest]

Why because they made this big mess do we have to clean it up? Why do we have to

carry the burden? I have thought over and over that I want to divorce my

parents. I have asked my DH if I can go to court and make it happen, but he says

no every time because we have gone through too many lengthy court processes

already with them. To me a relationship with them is nothing more than a limb

with advanced gangrene, I want to amputate baby! I'm better off alone! LB

>

> Sometimes I think with a little envy about my father who divorced my nada 30

years ago and moved to another city. Yes, they had a stormy and long divorce,

but nobody expects him to keep in contact with her. He is free.

>

> We, children, of BPD, cannot 'divorce' our nadas, though. Somehow, we are

stuck with them for life. Yes, we can go no-contact, but especially with aging

nadas, even legally, we have some kind of obligation with them. If something

happens to nada, doctors, friends, neighbors call ... her children, of course.

Ex spouses, on the other hand, are off the hook.

>

> Not fair.

>

[Guest guest]

So, I say the doctors and neighbors can call, but you don't have to pick up

the phone. A divorce happens first in your heart. The legal parts don't

matter. Besides, I'm not aware of any legal obligation we have to take care

of an insane, abusive person. Someone feel me in. I guess I'm going to

prison, because I'm not going to do it!

On Thu, Aug 26, 2010 at 6:23 AM, faerydancing96 wrote:

>

>

> Why because they made this big mess do we have to clean it up? Why do we

> have to carry the burden? I have thought over and over that I want to

> divorce my parents. I have asked my DH if I can go to court and make it

> happen, but he says no every time because we have gone through too many

> lengthy court processes already with them. To me a relationship with them is

> nothing more than a limb with advanced gangrene, I want to amputate baby!

> I'm better off alone! LB

>

>

>

> >

> > Sometimes I think with a little envy about my father who divorced my nada

> 30 years ago and moved to another city. Yes, they had a stormy and long

> divorce, but nobody expects him to keep in contact with her. He is free.

> >

> > We, children, of BPD, cannot 'divorce' our nadas, though. Somehow, we are

> stuck with them for life. Yes, we can go no-contact, but especially with

> aging nadas, even legally, we have some kind of obligation with them. If

> something happens to nada, doctors, friends, neighbors call ... her

> children, of course. Ex spouses, on the other hand, are off the hook.

> >

> > Not fair.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So, I say the doctors and neighbors can call, but you don't have to pick up

the phone. A divorce happens first in your heart. The legal parts don't

matter. Besides, I'm not aware of any legal obligation we have to take care

of an insane, abusive person. Someone feel me in. I guess I'm going to

prison, because I'm not going to do it!

On Thu, Aug 26, 2010 at 6:23 AM, faerydancing96 wrote:

>

>

> Why because they made this big mess do we have to clean it up? Why do we

> have to carry the burden? I have thought over and over that I want to

> divorce my parents. I have asked my DH if I can go to court and make it

> happen, but he says no every time because we have gone through too many

> lengthy court processes already with them. To me a relationship with them is

> nothing more than a limb with advanced gangrene, I want to amputate baby!

> I'm better off alone! LB

>

>

>

> >

> > Sometimes I think with a little envy about my father who divorced my nada

> 30 years ago and moved to another city. Yes, they had a stormy and long

> divorce, but nobody expects him to keep in contact with her. He is free.

> >

> > We, children, of BPD, cannot 'divorce' our nadas, though. Somehow, we are

> stuck with them for life. Yes, we can go no-contact, but especially with

> aging nadas, even legally, we have some kind of obligation with them. If

> something happens to nada, doctors, friends, neighbors call ... her

> children, of course. Ex spouses, on the other hand, are off the hook.

> >

> > Not fair.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah, I've asked about that " legal obligation " too, and as far as I know,

there's no legal obligation (where I live) unless you AGREE to one - like

co-signing on contracts or loans. I am very careful to sign NOTHING that would

obligate me to pay off Nada's bills, because I know without a doubt that she

would dump her bills in my lap without a second thought. Even if I have to take

her to the hospital, or go pick her up, I sign NOTHING unless it's clear that

I'm not taking on responsibility for her medical bills. And when the doctors or

psych hospitals call because I'm the next of kin, I make it clear to them that

my mom and I cannot have a close relationship due to her mental illness, and

that she has already run through thousands of dollars of my savings, so I cannot

contribute any more to her.

So while there doesn't seem to be a legal procedure to disengage from these

crazy parents (we're too old to file for emancipation!), I think that as long as

we stick to our guns we should be in the clear - the only tool the " outside

world " can wield is guilt - and we're already experts at dealing with that!

Has anybody found any actual laws that obligate children to take on the debts of

their parents? Please advise what state or country has the law, so we can do a

little digging and find out what the " defenses " are to such nutty legislation.

[Guest guest]

I totally agree. My step-Dad passed away after living 41 years with my nada. I'm

not sure how he tolerated her nastiness day after day. I feel drained, exhausted

and sick after a 5 hour visit with her. But you're right - people expect you to

be there for the aging parent, no matter what. She has a neighbor that's always

stirring the pot of resentment in my nada, telling her that if we don't do this

or that, that's elder abuse. I'd like to kick her butt.

>

> Sometimes I think with a little envy about my father who divorced my nada 30

years ago and moved to another city. Yes, they had a stormy and long divorce,

but nobody expects him to keep in contact with her. He is free.

>

> We, children, of BPD, cannot 'divorce' our nadas, though. Somehow, we are

stuck with them for life. Yes, we can go no-contact, but especially with aging

nadas, even legally, we have some kind of obligation with them. If something

happens to nada, doctors, friends, neighbors call ... her children, of course.

Ex spouses, on the other hand, are off the hook.

>

> Not fair.

>

[Guest guest]

I totally agree. My step-Dad passed away after living 41 years with my nada. I'm

not sure how he tolerated her nastiness day after day. I feel drained, exhausted

and sick after a 5 hour visit with her. But you're right - people expect you to

be there for the aging parent, no matter what. She has a neighbor that's always

stirring the pot of resentment in my nada, telling her that if we don't do this

or that, that's elder abuse. I'd like to kick her butt.

>

> Sometimes I think with a little envy about my father who divorced my nada 30

years ago and moved to another city. Yes, they had a stormy and long divorce,

but nobody expects him to keep in contact with her. He is free.

>

> We, children, of BPD, cannot 'divorce' our nadas, though. Somehow, we are

stuck with them for life. Yes, we can go no-contact, but especially with aging

nadas, even legally, we have some kind of obligation with them. If something

happens to nada, doctors, friends, neighbors call ... her children, of course.

Ex spouses, on the other hand, are off the hook.

>

> Not fair.

>

[Guest guest]

I totally agree. My step-Dad passed away after living 41 years with my nada. I'm

not sure how he tolerated her nastiness day after day. I feel drained, exhausted

and sick after a 5 hour visit with her. But you're right - people expect you to

be there for the aging parent, no matter what. She has a neighbor that's always

stirring the pot of resentment in my nada, telling her that if we don't do this

or that, that's elder abuse. I'd like to kick her butt.

>

> Sometimes I think with a little envy about my father who divorced my nada 30

years ago and moved to another city. Yes, they had a stormy and long divorce,

but nobody expects him to keep in contact with her. He is free.

>

> We, children, of BPD, cannot 'divorce' our nadas, though. Somehow, we are

stuck with them for life. Yes, we can go no-contact, but especially with aging

nadas, even legally, we have some kind of obligation with them. If something

happens to nada, doctors, friends, neighbors call ... her children, of course.

Ex spouses, on the other hand, are off the hook.

>

> Not fair.

>