Re: bpd SIL moved out today...

[Guest guest]

yes, I know, that is why I didn't swear out a warrant on her for threatening me

yesterday. But it is noted. And I'm going to keep on reporting it.

I knew if I swore out a warrant she would take the kids and go back to her

hometown. I am trying to convince my dad to report her threatening him a few

months back. For the kids sake we have to take whatever steps we can. Were it

just she and I wouldn't have done so. But because of them, I felt like these

things have to be established, that there is a pattern of threats and violence.

It's just the beginning.

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > There was a terrible confrontation with her today. I am unbelievably

> > > sad

> > > > > for her kids and what they are going to grow up in. Her kids are one

> > > and two

> > > > > and already split good and bad. I am devastated for the two year old,

> > > whom I

> > > > > am very close to and watch every day.

> > > > >

> > > > > I keep feeling that my mother, whom they actually lived with (I live

in

> > > a

> > > > > different house on the land) may have been right about just bending

> > > over and

> > > > > taking anything she dishes out no matter what in order to keep the

kids

> > > > > here. She got up and said " i'm leaving' for like the millionth time,

> > > and

> > > > > once I realized she was really going I spoke my mind to her about alot

> > > of

> > > > > things. And now I have this horrible guilt about how I should have

> > > begged

> > > > > her to stay for the sake of the kids (in fairness I did ask her before

> > > I

> > > > > started if there was anything at all I could say to make her stay...of

> > > > > course she said no because she's been threatening to leave but it was

> > > just a

> > > > > matter of time.

> > > > >

> > > > > But i just have this horrible codependency in me right now about how I

> > > > > should have been completely humble and begged her to stay. and it

> > > terrifies

> > > > > me what her kids are going to go through. I guess I would like to say

> > > if

> > > > > anyone can remember me and those kids in their prayers it would be

> > > > > appreciated. because there is really nothing anyone can do. it's done.

> > > I am

> > > > > so sad, not knowing if I did or said the wrong or right thing or if it

> > > even

> > > > > matters at all. it was just a bad day all around but now those

precious

> > > kids

> > > > > are gone and they are not coming back. it's such agony.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

yes, I know, that is why I didn't swear out a warrant on her for threatening me

yesterday. But it is noted. And I'm going to keep on reporting it.

I knew if I swore out a warrant she would take the kids and go back to her

hometown. I am trying to convince my dad to report her threatening him a few

months back. For the kids sake we have to take whatever steps we can. Were it

just she and I wouldn't have done so. But because of them, I felt like these

things have to be established, that there is a pattern of threats and violence.

It's just the beginning.

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > There was a terrible confrontation with her today. I am unbelievably

> > > sad

> > > > > for her kids and what they are going to grow up in. Her kids are one

> > > and two

> > > > > and already split good and bad. I am devastated for the two year old,

> > > whom I

> > > > > am very close to and watch every day.

> > > > >

> > > > > I keep feeling that my mother, whom they actually lived with (I live

in

> > > a

> > > > > different house on the land) may have been right about just bending

> > > over and

> > > > > taking anything she dishes out no matter what in order to keep the

kids

> > > > > here. She got up and said " i'm leaving' for like the millionth time,

> > > and

> > > > > once I realized she was really going I spoke my mind to her about alot

> > > of

> > > > > things. And now I have this horrible guilt about how I should have

> > > begged

> > > > > her to stay for the sake of the kids (in fairness I did ask her before

> > > I

> > > > > started if there was anything at all I could say to make her stay...of

> > > > > course she said no because she's been threatening to leave but it was

> > > just a

> > > > > matter of time.

> > > > >

> > > > > But i just have this horrible codependency in me right now about how I

> > > > > should have been completely humble and begged her to stay. and it

> > > terrifies

> > > > > me what her kids are going to go through. I guess I would like to say

> > > if

> > > > > anyone can remember me and those kids in their prayers it would be

> > > > > appreciated. because there is really nothing anyone can do. it's done.

> > > I am

> > > > > so sad, not knowing if I did or said the wrong or right thing or if it

> > > even

> > > > > matters at all. it was just a bad day all around but now those

precious

> > > kids

> > > > > are gone and they are not coming back. it's such agony.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

yes, I know, that is why I didn't swear out a warrant on her for threatening me

yesterday. But it is noted. And I'm going to keep on reporting it.

I knew if I swore out a warrant she would take the kids and go back to her

hometown. I am trying to convince my dad to report her threatening him a few

months back. For the kids sake we have to take whatever steps we can. Were it

just she and I wouldn't have done so. But because of them, I felt like these

things have to be established, that there is a pattern of threats and violence.

It's just the beginning.

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > There was a terrible confrontation with her today. I am unbelievably

> > > sad

> > > > > for her kids and what they are going to grow up in. Her kids are one

> > > and two

> > > > > and already split good and bad. I am devastated for the two year old,

> > > whom I

> > > > > am very close to and watch every day.

> > > > >

> > > > > I keep feeling that my mother, whom they actually lived with (I live

in

> > > a

> > > > > different house on the land) may have been right about just bending

> > > over and

> > > > > taking anything she dishes out no matter what in order to keep the

kids

> > > > > here. She got up and said " i'm leaving' for like the millionth time,

> > > and

> > > > > once I realized she was really going I spoke my mind to her about alot

> > > of

> > > > > things. And now I have this horrible guilt about how I should have

> > > begged

> > > > > her to stay for the sake of the kids (in fairness I did ask her before

> > > I

> > > > > started if there was anything at all I could say to make her stay...of

> > > > > course she said no because she's been threatening to leave but it was

> > > just a

> > > > > matter of time.

> > > > >

> > > > > But i just have this horrible codependency in me right now about how I

> > > > > should have been completely humble and begged her to stay. and it

> > > terrifies

> > > > > me what her kids are going to go through. I guess I would like to say

> > > if

> > > > > anyone can remember me and those kids in their prayers it would be

> > > > > appreciated. because there is really nothing anyone can do. it's done.

> > > I am

> > > > > so sad, not knowing if I did or said the wrong or right thing or if it

> > > even

> > > > > matters at all. it was just a bad day all around but now those

precious

> > > kids

> > > > > are gone and they are not coming back. it's such agony.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Joe - Listen, I'm not trying to hassle you about this - you've already taken on

a whole load of responsibility for a job that isn't even yours! I very much

appreciate your concern for those kids, and your willingness to take on the work

of looking after them, when you could be doing something else.

But about your brother - that schedule he's keeping, where he works all day,

then walks in the door and does childcare until eating dinner at 10 pm? That's

called " being a parent of toddlers. " It is exhausting, there's no doubt about

that - and it's also something that almost every parent (especially moms) has

done, when the kids are that age. In some respects, it gets better as they get

older. In some ways, it never changes until the kids leave (so I'm told - I'm

still waiting for that glorious day).

So your brother doesn't get that much sympathy from me. People with kids work

incredibly hard to raise them. That's just what happens when you procreate.

There are some things he could do to make life easier (dumping the psycho wife,

for starters) - like scheduling, being proactive, making use of the help he does

have instead of fighting with your parents and you. The term " superMom " is

applied for a reason. Moms who manage this are super organized, and work

through exhaustion every day to make sure their kids are raised properly. Dads

are catching up fast, but the statistics show that moms still take on the bulk

of the work in most families. Your brother is stuck with both shares of the

load, and it's tough, but he can grow in the job. He may or may not get it,

eventually. But that's all beside the point.

Those are HIS kids, and his wife is neglecting them at best, abusing them at

worst. He has a special needs child - and that is a whole 'nother assignment.

Getting a special needs child through school is a full-time job, believe me.

He's got to start planning for that NOW.

Maybe he should talk to a divorce lawyer, just to get some insight on preparing

for a custody battle. It would be worth the price of a consultation, I think.

Do you think your parents hate SIL enough to foot the bill for him to have a

session with an attorney? If he has a game plan for this, maybe he could make

his best case for getting custody. Also - I don't think SIL will keep the kids

for long. She's already come back to the roost so she can sit in comfort while

you and your parents do the work. She's too crazy and lazy to want to put up

with two tiny kids for very long. It's more like she's holding them hostage to

get all of you to dance to her tune.

-

[Guest guest]

I think that's a great idea RE the dad of these two kids; encourage him to

consult with a lawyer. I also suggest buying one or more of those " nanny cams "

and place them around the home, so that you guys can record a couple of weeks'

worth of bpd sil's daily behavior of just sitting at the computer and neglecting

her children, and make sure the footage has date and time stamps. She may even

be caught being physically abusive to the children on tape. Start documenting,

all of you, so that you can build a good, solid case for the dad getting full

physical custody, with momster only getting supervised visitation, if that.

-Annie

>

> Joe - Listen, I'm not trying to hassle you about this - you've already taken

on a whole load of responsibility for a job that isn't even yours! I very much

appreciate your concern for those kids, and your willingness to take on the work

of looking after them, when you could be doing something else.

>

> But about your brother - that schedule he's keeping, where he works all day,

then walks in the door and does childcare until eating dinner at 10 pm? That's

called " being a parent of toddlers. " It is exhausting, there's no doubt about

that - and it's also something that almost every parent (especially moms) has

done, when the kids are that age. In some respects, it gets better as they get

older. In some ways, it never changes until the kids leave (so I'm told - I'm

still waiting for that glorious day).

>

> So your brother doesn't get that much sympathy from me. People with kids work

incredibly hard to raise them. That's just what happens when you procreate.

There are some things he could do to make life easier (dumping the psycho wife,

for starters) - like scheduling, being proactive, making use of the help he does

have instead of fighting with your parents and you. The term " superMom " is

applied for a reason. Moms who manage this are super organized, and work

through exhaustion every day to make sure their kids are raised properly. Dads

are catching up fast, but the statistics show that moms still take on the bulk

of the work in most families. Your brother is stuck with both shares of the

load, and it's tough, but he can grow in the job. He may or may not get it,

eventually. But that's all beside the point.

>

> Those are HIS kids, and his wife is neglecting them at best, abusing them at

worst. He has a special needs child - and that is a whole 'nother assignment.

Getting a special needs child through school is a full-time job, believe me.

He's got to start planning for that NOW.

>

> Maybe he should talk to a divorce lawyer, just to get some insight on

preparing for a custody battle. It would be worth the price of a consultation,

I think. Do you think your parents hate SIL enough to foot the bill for him to

have a session with an attorney? If he has a game plan for this, maybe he could

make his best case for getting custody. Also - I don't think SIL will keep the

kids for long. She's already come back to the roost so she can sit in comfort

while you and your parents do the work. She's too crazy and lazy to want to put

up with two tiny kids for very long. It's more like she's holding them hostage

to get all of you to dance to her tune.

>

>

>

> -

>

[Guest guest]

no, I know, I'm sorry if I sound defensive, I am just infuriated for him. and

he's in denial about her. he doesn't really understand about bpd or that she has

it, he is super religious so his reaction for everything is to pray. I agree

about being the parent of toddlers but the woman sits on the computer all day

long...besides feeding the kids their lunch and changing a diaper or two she

literally does NOTHING else. Then as soon as he walks in the door she doesn't

even do that.

You would have to have witnessed the custody battle of my other brother to know

why my family has so little hope of getting custody. It's absolutely hopeless, I

have begged my parents to install video because that is the ONLY way I believe

he will ever get custody of those kids. She will ruin his life and then leave

him...probably he will catch her with another man. And take his kids, lying all

the way like my other sister in law did, because those kids are worth so much in

terms of child support, alimony, and government aid (she mostly sponges off of

family so she really doesn't know about all that stuff but my other sister in

law got every benefit she could, telling whatever lies she needed to tell.) by

the time she leaves my brother she will have him pegged as an abusive and

neglectful father and act like she is rescuing the kids from HIM.

>

> Joe - Listen, I'm not trying to hassle you about this - you've already taken

on a whole load of responsibility for a job that isn't even yours! I very much

appreciate your concern for those kids, and your willingness to take on the work

of looking after them, when you could be doing something else.

>

> But about your brother - that schedule he's keeping, where he works all day,

then walks in the door and does childcare until eating dinner at 10 pm? That's

called " being a parent of toddlers. " It is exhausting, there's no doubt about

that - and it's also something that almost every parent (especially moms) has

done, when the kids are that age. In some respects, it gets better as they get

older. In some ways, it never changes until the kids leave (so I'm told - I'm

still waiting for that glorious day).

>

> So your brother doesn't get that much sympathy from me. People with kids work

incredibly hard to raise them. That's just what happens when you procreate.

There are some things he could do to make life easier (dumping the psycho wife,

for starters) - like scheduling, being proactive, making use of the help he does

have instead of fighting with your parents and you. The term " superMom " is

applied for a reason. Moms who manage this are super organized, and work

through exhaustion every day to make sure their kids are raised properly. Dads

are catching up fast, but the statistics show that moms still take on the bulk

of the work in most families. Your brother is stuck with both shares of the

load, and it's tough, but he can grow in the job. He may or may not get it,

eventually. But that's all beside the point.

>

> Those are HIS kids, and his wife is neglecting them at best, abusing them at

worst. He has a special needs child - and that is a whole 'nother assignment.

Getting a special needs child through school is a full-time job, believe me.

He's got to start planning for that NOW.

>

> Maybe he should talk to a divorce lawyer, just to get some insight on

preparing for a custody battle. It would be worth the price of a consultation,

I think. Do you think your parents hate SIL enough to foot the bill for him to

have a session with an attorney? If he has a game plan for this, maybe he could

make his best case for getting custody. Also - I don't think SIL will keep the

kids for long. She's already come back to the roost so she can sit in comfort

while you and your parents do the work. She's too crazy and lazy to want to put

up with two tiny kids for very long. It's more like she's holding them hostage

to get all of you to dance to her tune.

>

>

>

> -

>

[Guest guest]

agreed. that is the only way, I suggested it to my parents about six months ago.

I had leaned on my mom to force her to buy a nanny cam but they won't, my mother

is a waifish type bpd herself and too weak to confront the witch herself.

I wish I could afford it, myself, I just need to do it. I guess i will start

pricing them. between me and my dad we could do this. my dad had vetoed the idea

initially because it's his house and he thinks it's wrong to film someone

without their permission but maybe he might have changed his mind about it by

now.

> >

> > Joe - Listen, I'm not trying to hassle you about this - you've already taken

on a whole load of responsibility for a job that isn't even yours! I very much

appreciate your concern for those kids, and your willingness to take on the work

of looking after them, when you could be doing something else.

> >

> > But about your brother - that schedule he's keeping, where he works all day,

then walks in the door and does childcare until eating dinner at 10 pm? That's

called " being a parent of toddlers. " It is exhausting, there's no doubt about

that - and it's also something that almost every parent (especially moms) has

done, when the kids are that age. In some respects, it gets better as they get

older. In some ways, it never changes until the kids leave (so I'm told - I'm

still waiting for that glorious day).

> >

> > So your brother doesn't get that much sympathy from me. People with kids

work incredibly hard to raise them. That's just what happens when you

procreate. There are some things he could do to make life easier (dumping the

psycho wife, for starters) - like scheduling, being proactive, making use of the

help he does have instead of fighting with your parents and you. The term

" superMom " is applied for a reason. Moms who manage this are super organized,

and work through exhaustion every day to make sure their kids are raised

properly. Dads are catching up fast, but the statistics show that moms still

take on the bulk of the work in most families. Your brother is stuck with both

shares of the load, and it's tough, but he can grow in the job. He may or may

not get it, eventually. But that's all beside the point.

> >

> > Those are HIS kids, and his wife is neglecting them at best, abusing them at

worst. He has a special needs child - and that is a whole 'nother assignment.

Getting a special needs child through school is a full-time job, believe me.

He's got to start planning for that NOW.

> >

> > Maybe he should talk to a divorce lawyer, just to get some insight on

preparing for a custody battle. It would be worth the price of a consultation,

I think. Do you think your parents hate SIL enough to foot the bill for him to

have a session with an attorney? If he has a game plan for this, maybe he could

make his best case for getting custody. Also - I don't think SIL will keep the

kids for long. She's already come back to the roost so she can sit in comfort

while you and your parents do the work. She's too crazy and lazy to want to put

up with two tiny kids for very long. It's more like she's holding them hostage

to get all of you to dance to her tune.

> >

> >

> >

> > -

> >

>

[Guest guest]

agreed. that is the only way, I suggested it to my parents about six months ago.

I had leaned on my mom to force her to buy a nanny cam but they won't, my mother

is a waifish type bpd herself and too weak to confront the witch herself.

I wish I could afford it, myself, I just need to do it. I guess i will start

pricing them. between me and my dad we could do this. my dad had vetoed the idea

initially because it's his house and he thinks it's wrong to film someone

without their permission but maybe he might have changed his mind about it by

now.

> >

> > Joe - Listen, I'm not trying to hassle you about this - you've already taken

on a whole load of responsibility for a job that isn't even yours! I very much

appreciate your concern for those kids, and your willingness to take on the work

of looking after them, when you could be doing something else.

> >

> > But about your brother - that schedule he's keeping, where he works all day,

then walks in the door and does childcare until eating dinner at 10 pm? That's

called " being a parent of toddlers. " It is exhausting, there's no doubt about

that - and it's also something that almost every parent (especially moms) has

done, when the kids are that age. In some respects, it gets better as they get

older. In some ways, it never changes until the kids leave (so I'm told - I'm

still waiting for that glorious day).

> >

> > So your brother doesn't get that much sympathy from me. People with kids

work incredibly hard to raise them. That's just what happens when you

procreate. There are some things he could do to make life easier (dumping the

psycho wife, for starters) - like scheduling, being proactive, making use of the

help he does have instead of fighting with your parents and you. The term

" superMom " is applied for a reason. Moms who manage this are super organized,

and work through exhaustion every day to make sure their kids are raised

properly. Dads are catching up fast, but the statistics show that moms still

take on the bulk of the work in most families. Your brother is stuck with both

shares of the load, and it's tough, but he can grow in the job. He may or may

not get it, eventually. But that's all beside the point.

> >

> > Those are HIS kids, and his wife is neglecting them at best, abusing them at

worst. He has a special needs child - and that is a whole 'nother assignment.

Getting a special needs child through school is a full-time job, believe me.

He's got to start planning for that NOW.

> >

> > Maybe he should talk to a divorce lawyer, just to get some insight on

preparing for a custody battle. It would be worth the price of a consultation,

I think. Do you think your parents hate SIL enough to foot the bill for him to

have a session with an attorney? If he has a game plan for this, maybe he could

make his best case for getting custody. Also - I don't think SIL will keep the

kids for long. She's already come back to the roost so she can sit in comfort

while you and your parents do the work. She's too crazy and lazy to want to put

up with two tiny kids for very long. It's more like she's holding them hostage

to get all of you to dance to her tune.

> >

> >

> >

> > -

> >

>

[Guest guest]

agreed. that is the only way, I suggested it to my parents about six months ago.

I had leaned on my mom to force her to buy a nanny cam but they won't, my mother

is a waifish type bpd herself and too weak to confront the witch herself.

I wish I could afford it, myself, I just need to do it. I guess i will start

pricing them. between me and my dad we could do this. my dad had vetoed the idea

initially because it's his house and he thinks it's wrong to film someone

without their permission but maybe he might have changed his mind about it by

now.

> >

> > Joe - Listen, I'm not trying to hassle you about this - you've already taken

on a whole load of responsibility for a job that isn't even yours! I very much

appreciate your concern for those kids, and your willingness to take on the work

of looking after them, when you could be doing something else.

> >

> > But about your brother - that schedule he's keeping, where he works all day,

then walks in the door and does childcare until eating dinner at 10 pm? That's

called " being a parent of toddlers. " It is exhausting, there's no doubt about

that - and it's also something that almost every parent (especially moms) has

done, when the kids are that age. In some respects, it gets better as they get

older. In some ways, it never changes until the kids leave (so I'm told - I'm

still waiting for that glorious day).

> >

> > So your brother doesn't get that much sympathy from me. People with kids

work incredibly hard to raise them. That's just what happens when you

procreate. There are some things he could do to make life easier (dumping the

psycho wife, for starters) - like scheduling, being proactive, making use of the

help he does have instead of fighting with your parents and you. The term

" superMom " is applied for a reason. Moms who manage this are super organized,

and work through exhaustion every day to make sure their kids are raised

properly. Dads are catching up fast, but the statistics show that moms still

take on the bulk of the work in most families. Your brother is stuck with both

shares of the load, and it's tough, but he can grow in the job. He may or may

not get it, eventually. But that's all beside the point.

> >

> > Those are HIS kids, and his wife is neglecting them at best, abusing them at

worst. He has a special needs child - and that is a whole 'nother assignment.

Getting a special needs child through school is a full-time job, believe me.

He's got to start planning for that NOW.

> >

> > Maybe he should talk to a divorce lawyer, just to get some insight on

preparing for a custody battle. It would be worth the price of a consultation,

I think. Do you think your parents hate SIL enough to foot the bill for him to

have a session with an attorney? If he has a game plan for this, maybe he could

make his best case for getting custody. Also - I don't think SIL will keep the

kids for long. She's already come back to the roost so she can sit in comfort

while you and your parents do the work. She's too crazy and lazy to want to put

up with two tiny kids for very long. It's more like she's holding them hostage

to get all of you to dance to her tune.

> >

> >

> >

> > -

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Speaking as a nanny...so nanny cam is a topic that comes up very frequently in

my professional communities...this is from an article on the legalities of it.

Basically, you can have a visible camera on and running in public areas of your

home for visuals only with no problem. With a hidden camera (spy cam, nanny

cam, whatever you want to call it) it is usually legal to have as long as it is

not in a place where the other party has " reasonable expectation to

privacy " ....so, NOT in the bathroom, etc. Public areas of the house are okay.

Recording the sound is a whole other ballgame and the laws vary from

jurisdiction to jurisdiction. In some places, it is illegal to record sound

unless all parties are aware and consent. A parent can consent on behalf of a

minor child. In other areas, as long as one party being recorded has consented

then it is okay. You would have to look it up for where you live.

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: bpd SIL moved out today...

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Monday, August 30, 2010, 2:20 AM

>

> agreed. that is the only way, I suggested it to my parents

> about six months ago.

>

> I had leaned on my mom to force her to buy a nanny cam but

> they won't, my mother is a waifish type bpd herself and too

> weak to confront the witch herself.

>

> I wish I could afford it, myself, I just need to do it. I

> guess i will start pricing them. between me and my dad we

> could do this. my dad had vetoed the idea initially because

> it's his house and he thinks it's wrong to film someone

> without their permission but maybe he might have changed his

> mind about it by now.

>

> > >

> > > Joe - Listen, I'm not trying to hassle you about

> this - you've already taken on a whole load of

> responsibility for a job that isn't even yours!  I very

> much appreciate your concern for those kids, and your

> willingness to take on the work of looking after them, when

> you could be doing something else.

> > >

> > > But about your brother - that schedule he's

> keeping, where he works all day, then walks in the door and

> does childcare until eating dinner at 10 pm?  That's

> called " being a parent of toddlers. "   It is exhausting,

> there's no doubt about that - and it's also something that

> almost every parent (especially moms) has done, when the

> kids are that age.  In some respects, it gets better as

> they get older. In some ways, it never changes until the

> kids leave (so I'm told - I'm still waiting for that

> glorious day). 

> > >

> > > So your brother doesn't get that much sympathy

> from me.  People with kids work incredibly hard to

> raise them.  That's just what happens when you

> procreate.  There are some things he could do to make

> life easier (dumping the psycho wife, for starters) - like

> scheduling, being proactive, making use of the help he does

> have instead of fighting with your parents and you. 

> The term " superMom " is applied for a reason.  Moms who

> manage this are super organized, and work through exhaustion

> every day to make sure their kids are raised properly. 

> Dads are catching up fast, but the statistics show that moms

> still take on the bulk of the work in most families. 

> Your brother is stuck with both shares of the load, and it's

> tough, but he can grow in the job.  He may or may not

> get it, eventually.  But that's all beside the point.

> > >

> > > Those are HIS kids, and his wife is neglecting

> them at best, abusing them at worst.  He has a special

> needs child - and that is a whole 'nother assignment. 

> Getting a special needs child through school is a full-time

> job, believe me.  He's got to start planning for that

> NOW. 

> > >

> > > Maybe he should talk to a divorce lawyer, just to

> get some insight on preparing for a custody battle.  It

> would be worth the price of a consultation, I think. 

> Do you think your parents hate SIL enough to foot the bill

> for him to have a session with an attorney?  If he has

> a game plan for this, maybe he could make his best case for

> getting custody.  Also - I don't think SIL will keep

> the kids for long.  She's already come back to the

> roost so she can sit in comfort while you and your parents

> do the work.  She's too crazy and lazy to want to put

> up with two tiny kids for very long.  It's more like

> she's holding them hostage to get all of you to dance to her

> tune.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > -

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @....

> DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> find)

[Guest guest]

Speaking as a nanny...so nanny cam is a topic that comes up very frequently in

my professional communities...this is from an article on the legalities of it.

Basically, you can have a visible camera on and running in public areas of your

home for visuals only with no problem. With a hidden camera (spy cam, nanny

cam, whatever you want to call it) it is usually legal to have as long as it is

not in a place where the other party has " reasonable expectation to

privacy " ....so, NOT in the bathroom, etc. Public areas of the house are okay.

Recording the sound is a whole other ballgame and the laws vary from

jurisdiction to jurisdiction. In some places, it is illegal to record sound

unless all parties are aware and consent. A parent can consent on behalf of a

minor child. In other areas, as long as one party being recorded has consented

then it is okay. You would have to look it up for where you live.

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: bpd SIL moved out today...

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Monday, August 30, 2010, 2:20 AM

>

> agreed. that is the only way, I suggested it to my parents

> about six months ago.

>

> I had leaned on my mom to force her to buy a nanny cam but

> they won't, my mother is a waifish type bpd herself and too

> weak to confront the witch herself.

>

> I wish I could afford it, myself, I just need to do it. I

> guess i will start pricing them. between me and my dad we

> could do this. my dad had vetoed the idea initially because

> it's his house and he thinks it's wrong to film someone

> without their permission but maybe he might have changed his

> mind about it by now.

>

> > >

> > > Joe - Listen, I'm not trying to hassle you about

> this - you've already taken on a whole load of

> responsibility for a job that isn't even yours!  I very

> much appreciate your concern for those kids, and your

> willingness to take on the work of looking after them, when

> you could be doing something else.

> > >

> > > But about your brother - that schedule he's

> keeping, where he works all day, then walks in the door and

> does childcare until eating dinner at 10 pm?  That's

> called " being a parent of toddlers. "   It is exhausting,

> there's no doubt about that - and it's also something that

> almost every parent (especially moms) has done, when the

> kids are that age.  In some respects, it gets better as

> they get older. In some ways, it never changes until the

> kids leave (so I'm told - I'm still waiting for that

> glorious day). 

> > >

> > > So your brother doesn't get that much sympathy

> from me.  People with kids work incredibly hard to

> raise them.  That's just what happens when you

> procreate.  There are some things he could do to make

> life easier (dumping the psycho wife, for starters) - like

> scheduling, being proactive, making use of the help he does

> have instead of fighting with your parents and you. 

> The term " superMom " is applied for a reason.  Moms who

> manage this are super organized, and work through exhaustion

> every day to make sure their kids are raised properly. 

> Dads are catching up fast, but the statistics show that moms

> still take on the bulk of the work in most families. 

> Your brother is stuck with both shares of the load, and it's

> tough, but he can grow in the job.  He may or may not

> get it, eventually.  But that's all beside the point.

> > >

> > > Those are HIS kids, and his wife is neglecting

> them at best, abusing them at worst.  He has a special

> needs child - and that is a whole 'nother assignment. 

> Getting a special needs child through school is a full-time

> job, believe me.  He's got to start planning for that

> NOW. 

> > >

> > > Maybe he should talk to a divorce lawyer, just to

> get some insight on preparing for a custody battle.  It

> would be worth the price of a consultation, I think. 

> Do you think your parents hate SIL enough to foot the bill

> for him to have a session with an attorney?  If he has

> a game plan for this, maybe he could make his best case for

> getting custody.  Also - I don't think SIL will keep

> the kids for long.  She's already come back to the

> roost so she can sit in comfort while you and your parents

> do the work.  She's too crazy and lazy to want to put

> up with two tiny kids for very long.  It's more like

> she's holding them hostage to get all of you to dance to her

> tune.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > -

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @....

> DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> find)

[Guest guest]

Speaking as a nanny...so nanny cam is a topic that comes up very frequently in

my professional communities...this is from an article on the legalities of it.

Basically, you can have a visible camera on and running in public areas of your

home for visuals only with no problem. With a hidden camera (spy cam, nanny

cam, whatever you want to call it) it is usually legal to have as long as it is

not in a place where the other party has " reasonable expectation to

privacy " ....so, NOT in the bathroom, etc. Public areas of the house are okay.

Recording the sound is a whole other ballgame and the laws vary from

jurisdiction to jurisdiction. In some places, it is illegal to record sound

unless all parties are aware and consent. A parent can consent on behalf of a

minor child. In other areas, as long as one party being recorded has consented

then it is okay. You would have to look it up for where you live.

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: bpd SIL moved out today...

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Monday, August 30, 2010, 2:20 AM

>

> agreed. that is the only way, I suggested it to my parents

> about six months ago.

>

> I had leaned on my mom to force her to buy a nanny cam but

> they won't, my mother is a waifish type bpd herself and too

> weak to confront the witch herself.

>

> I wish I could afford it, myself, I just need to do it. I

> guess i will start pricing them. between me and my dad we

> could do this. my dad had vetoed the idea initially because

> it's his house and he thinks it's wrong to film someone

> without their permission but maybe he might have changed his

> mind about it by now.

>

> > >

> > > Joe - Listen, I'm not trying to hassle you about

> this - you've already taken on a whole load of

> responsibility for a job that isn't even yours!  I very

> much appreciate your concern for those kids, and your

> willingness to take on the work of looking after them, when

> you could be doing something else.

> > >

> > > But about your brother - that schedule he's

> keeping, where he works all day, then walks in the door and

> does childcare until eating dinner at 10 pm?  That's

> called " being a parent of toddlers. "   It is exhausting,

> there's no doubt about that - and it's also something that

> almost every parent (especially moms) has done, when the

> kids are that age.  In some respects, it gets better as

> they get older. In some ways, it never changes until the

> kids leave (so I'm told - I'm still waiting for that

> glorious day). 

> > >

> > > So your brother doesn't get that much sympathy

> from me.  People with kids work incredibly hard to

> raise them.  That's just what happens when you

> procreate.  There are some things he could do to make

> life easier (dumping the psycho wife, for starters) - like

> scheduling, being proactive, making use of the help he does

> have instead of fighting with your parents and you. 

> The term " superMom " is applied for a reason.  Moms who

> manage this are super organized, and work through exhaustion

> every day to make sure their kids are raised properly. 

> Dads are catching up fast, but the statistics show that moms

> still take on the bulk of the work in most families. 

> Your brother is stuck with both shares of the load, and it's

> tough, but he can grow in the job.  He may or may not

> get it, eventually.  But that's all beside the point.

> > >

> > > Those are HIS kids, and his wife is neglecting

> them at best, abusing them at worst.  He has a special

> needs child - and that is a whole 'nother assignment. 

> Getting a special needs child through school is a full-time

> job, believe me.  He's got to start planning for that

> NOW. 

> > >

> > > Maybe he should talk to a divorce lawyer, just to

> get some insight on preparing for a custody battle.  It

> would be worth the price of a consultation, I think. 

> Do you think your parents hate SIL enough to foot the bill

> for him to have a session with an attorney?  If he has

> a game plan for this, maybe he could make his best case for

> getting custody.  Also - I don't think SIL will keep

> the kids for long.  She's already come back to the

> roost so she can sit in comfort while you and your parents

> do the work.  She's too crazy and lazy to want to put

> up with two tiny kids for very long.  It's more like

> she's holding them hostage to get all of you to dance to her

> tune.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > -

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @....

> DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> find)

[Guest guest]

i am sooo sorry, and yes, i will pray for you and for them.ann

Subject: bpd SIL moved out today...

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, August 27, 2010, 3:20 AM

 

There was a terrible confrontation with her today. I am unbelievably sad

for her kids and what they are going to grow up in. Her kids are one and two and

already split good and bad. I am devastated for the two year old, whom I am very

close to and watch every day.

I keep feeling that my mother, whom they actually lived with (I live in a

different house on the land) may have been right about just bending over and

taking anything she dishes out no matter what in order to keep the kids here.

She got up and said " i'm leaving' for like the millionth time, and once I

realized she was really going I spoke my mind to her about alot of things. And

now I have this horrible guilt about how I should have begged her to stay for

the sake of the kids (in fairness I did ask her before I started if there was

anything at all I could say to make her stay...of course she said no because

she's been threatening to leave but it was just a matter of time.

But i just have this horrible codependency in me right now about how I should

have been completely humble and begged her to stay. and it terrifies me what her

kids are going to go through. I guess I would like to say if anyone can remember

me and those kids in their prayers it would be appreciated. because there is

really nothing anyone can do. it's done. I am so sad, not knowing if I did or

said the wrong or right thing or if it even matters at all. it was just a bad

day all around but now those precious kids are gone and they are not coming

back. it's such agony.

[Guest guest]

i am sooo sorry, and yes, i will pray for you and for them.ann

Subject: bpd SIL moved out today...

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, August 27, 2010, 3:20 AM

 

There was a terrible confrontation with her today. I am unbelievably sad

for her kids and what they are going to grow up in. Her kids are one and two and

already split good and bad. I am devastated for the two year old, whom I am very

close to and watch every day.

I keep feeling that my mother, whom they actually lived with (I live in a

different house on the land) may have been right about just bending over and

taking anything she dishes out no matter what in order to keep the kids here.

She got up and said " i'm leaving' for like the millionth time, and once I

realized she was really going I spoke my mind to her about alot of things. And

now I have this horrible guilt about how I should have begged her to stay for

the sake of the kids (in fairness I did ask her before I started if there was

anything at all I could say to make her stay...of course she said no because

she's been threatening to leave but it was just a matter of time.

But i just have this horrible codependency in me right now about how I should

have been completely humble and begged her to stay. and it terrifies me what her

kids are going to go through. I guess I would like to say if anyone can remember

me and those kids in their prayers it would be appreciated. because there is

really nothing anyone can do. it's done. I am so sad, not knowing if I did or

said the wrong or right thing or if it even matters at all. it was just a bad

day all around but now those precious kids are gone and they are not coming

back. it's such agony.

[Guest guest]

i am sooo sorry, and yes, i will pray for you and for them.ann

Subject: bpd SIL moved out today...

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, August 27, 2010, 3:20 AM

 

There was a terrible confrontation with her today. I am unbelievably sad

for her kids and what they are going to grow up in. Her kids are one and two and

already split good and bad. I am devastated for the two year old, whom I am very

close to and watch every day.

I keep feeling that my mother, whom they actually lived with (I live in a

different house on the land) may have been right about just bending over and

taking anything she dishes out no matter what in order to keep the kids here.

She got up and said " i'm leaving' for like the millionth time, and once I

realized she was really going I spoke my mind to her about alot of things. And

now I have this horrible guilt about how I should have begged her to stay for

the sake of the kids (in fairness I did ask her before I started if there was

anything at all I could say to make her stay...of course she said no because

she's been threatening to leave but it was just a matter of time.

But i just have this horrible codependency in me right now about how I should

have been completely humble and begged her to stay. and it terrifies me what her

kids are going to go through. I guess I would like to say if anyone can remember

me and those kids in their prayers it would be appreciated. because there is

really nothing anyone can do. it's done. I am so sad, not knowing if I did or

said the wrong or right thing or if it even matters at all. it was just a bad

day all around but now those precious kids are gone and they are not coming

back. it's such agony.