Re: bpd SIL moved out today...

[Guest guest]

Joe - Listen, I'm not trying to hassle you about this - you've already taken on

a whole load of responsibility for a job that isn't even yours! I very much

appreciate your concern for those kids, and your willingness to take on the work

of looking after them, when you could be doing something else.

But about your brother - that schedule he's keeping, where he works all day,

then walks in the door and does childcare until eating dinner at 10 pm? That's

called " being a parent of toddlers. " It is exhausting, there's no doubt about

that - and it's also something that almost every parent (especially moms) has

done, when the kids are that age. In some respects, it gets better as they get

older. In some ways, it never changes until the kids leave (so I'm told - I'm

still waiting for that glorious day).

So your brother doesn't get that much sympathy from me. People with kids work

incredibly hard to raise them. That's just what happens when you procreate.

There are some things he could do to make life easier (dumping the psycho wife,

for starters) - like scheduling, being proactive, making use of the help he does

have instead of fighting with your parents and you. The term " superMom " is

applied for a reason. Moms who manage this are super organized, and work

through exhaustion every day to make sure their kids are raised properly. Dads

are catching up fast, but the statistics show that moms still take on the bulk

of the work in most families. Your brother is stuck with both shares of the

load, and it's tough, but he can grow in the job. He may or may not get it,

eventually. But that's all beside the point.

Those are HIS kids, and his wife is neglecting them at best, abusing them at

worst. He has a special needs child - and that is a whole 'nother assignment.

Getting a special needs child through school is a full-time job, believe me.

He's got to start planning for that NOW.

Maybe he should talk to a divorce lawyer, just to get some insight on preparing

for a custody battle. It would be worth the price of a consultation, I think.

Do you think your parents hate SIL enough to foot the bill for him to have a

session with an attorney? If he has a game plan for this, maybe he could make

his best case for getting custody. Also - I don't think SIL will keep the kids

for long. She's already come back to the roost so she can sit in comfort while

you and your parents do the work. She's too crazy and lazy to want to put up

with two tiny kids for very long. It's more like she's holding them hostage to

get all of you to dance to her tune.

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