Re: livid and looking for some self-talk suggestions

[Guest guest]

I dissociate, which is not healthy. I am trying to figure out how NOT to do

that. A lot of the time I need to be alone, or I need to vent. This is a good

place to do that. It's hard to handle the anger.

>

> I just posted in the list of bpd behaviors thread and what I posted about I

have not processed because it never became clear to me before now. I am sitting

here kind of in shock between tears and fury. I am just imagining all the times

my mother has used her favorite tactic to manipulate me and I am thinking what I

know about children needing to be mirrored and validated and I only got that

when I did what she wanted. I was so incredibly shame-based because I had sexual

abuse trauma from several predators (one of which she knew about because it was

her father) and she used that, my horrible feeling of shame and wanting to be

free of that feeling, to manipulate me. I don't know this woman at all. I can

feel the heat in my face and for a few minutes I felt just like when i was a

little girl and I used to vomit uncontrollably.

>

> I really don't even know how to comfort myself right now, except distraction

and I would like to sit with this for a little while if I can stand it. How do

people deal with these moments of intense anger when the revelations hit. What

do you say to yourself to calm down, for instance when you become aware of how

you should have been parented vs. how you were parented?

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